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Christmas is coming up sooner than you think, and with Christmas comes Christmas shopping, or more to the point: toy shopping. But you might think twice before buying your kids one of these toys. That is, if they are even available any more. Here are 20 "Ouch!" presents:
Hurling heavy metal objects towards a group of people. Doesn't exactly scream "safe," now does it?
"Plastic bubbles from a tube!" Also, noxious fumes in your mouth. Make sure you don't inhale... Wow, that's super! I'm super... high. Look, elephants! My hand is so weird. Sleepy now.
Ah, irony! Turns out the "best friend" in these bracelets is high levels of mercury.
Pogo sticks are dangerous when used correctly, but everyone knows that given the opportunity, a kid will use toys in ways not intended (so, you know, it's extra dangerous). And the Pogo Ball? Like a pogo stick but with no handles. And, oh yeah, it was a ball.
Baby walkers don't help your baby learn to walk; they help your baby topple over, reach dangerous items, and fall down stairs.
There's a reason why Dennis was called a menace. If a toy has "shot" in the name, best to move on.
The Easy Bake Oven used to be relatively safe, but then they got cheap with it. Suddenly, Little Susie Homemaker was transformed into Little Susie Burn Victim.
Admittedly, Slip 'n Slides are one of the most fun toys ever created in the history of toys EVER. But beyond a nasty rash on your belly, you can go careening off into people, animals, rocks, houses... you get the picture. The darn thing can really muddy up your yard too. Too bad it's so awesome.
No breaks + icy conditions + trees. Do I have to spell it out for you?
Have you ever tried to skateboard? Just standing on those things is dangerous. Google "skateboarding accidents," and you'll never let your kid ride one. My mom sure didn't.
If you don't know a kid who flew off of a trampoline, you haven't lived.
Here's a word for you: impalement. Here are two more words for you: vaginal and rectal. And finally, here's another word: recall.
This cannabilistic doll ate kids' hair and fingers like they were delicious Jello Pudding Pops. Whoever thought an automatic chewing machine made a good doll was a sick, sick puppy.
These testicular toys were made of hard plastic balls attached by a long string. The idea was to "clack" the two spheres together. But heads got clacked a bit more. And throats got strangled. And balls flew off and smacked people in the eye. Or they shattered. The 70s were just a different time, I guess.
Jarts, the name brand of lawn darts, has had every hack comedian make a joke about them. Let's just say that they were stupid and dangerous and move on, shall we?
A Thingmaker consisted of plastic goop poured into metal molds that were heated on a hot plate. Which purportedly got up to over 300 degrees F. Which is hotter than the boiling point. Genius. Eventually, the Thingmaker was brought back but without the hot plate. Duh.
How does a broken neck sound? Sounds like the Wego Kite Tube. I'm not sure what people were thinking when they bought these. As you can see from the video, they're not exactly the most easily controlled water toy. It was recalled in 2006 after a series of serious injuries.
Add water to these dots, and they stuck together to create cute little crafts. And they also created GHB. Great for date rapists, not so great for kids.
It was an atomic energy lab. Containing "safe" radioactive substances. And it was for kids. I'm all for educational toys, but not those that can give you extra arms.
If "gun" isn't preceded by "water," then you shouldn't buy it for your kids. It's not a plaything; it's a weapon.
One-third of all of all children's choking deaths occur from latex balloons. Best to forgo these colorful birthday decorations.
Rebecca Woolf
Mindy Roberts
Karen Walrond
Jessica Gottlieb
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Daphne Brogdon
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