Every mom and dad imagines the day their daughter brings home her first date.  They picture a smart, sweet boy, one who is good looking but not conceited, a boy who will treat their daughter well.  What they don't picture is one of the next 7 guys.  At least, they don't picture them anywhere except their nightmares.

7.  The Dirty Hippie

We're all for peace and love, but we also are pro-shower... and anti-Birkenstocks.  (Sorry B'stocks lovers!)  The Dirty Hippie is so busy protesting his cause du jour that he practically ignores your daughter unless she's holding a giant handmade sign.  And the worst thing?  It's murder trying to get the patchouli smell out of your couch!

6.  The Terminally Unemployed

He's a factory worker for a week, an insurance salesman for a month, and he swears his band is going to take off any day now.  Money isn't the most important thing, but having a sense of purpose is.  And this guy has spent so much time "finding himself" that he has lost his.

5.  The Octogenarian

Age is nothing but a number, but 80 is a pretty darn high one!  Look, we're not trying to be judgmental, and May-December romances can work, but it's just plain gross if your daughter dates a man who is old enough to be your grandpa.  Sorry, Hef.

4.  The Player

He's the Italian chef who cracks jokes about all the babes who crave his "pepperoni,"  the guy whose black book is bigger than the Bible, the dude who can't stop staring at Mom's boobs.  He expects Dad to "play along," but instead, he might just get a punch in the kisser.

3.  The Gay Guy

We love gay men, but not as a boyfriend for our daughters!  The Gay Guy is super-attentive to your girl, but as for kissing her?  Not so much.  That might be good news for protective dads, but it won't be good news down the road when the Gay Guy divorces your daughter for a hot Swedish stud named Sven.

2.  The Drunk

He's a stumbling, drooling, barfing machine who guzzles wine during family dinners and loves Pabst more than your daughter.  Lure this guy out of your home with the promise of a kegger "two towns over."

1.  The Criminal

Yeah, bad boys can be exciting and sexy.  But there are "bad boys," and then there are BAD BOYS, men who have spent hard time in the hoosegow.  The last person you want your daughter to couple with is a man who can hotwire a car in under 6 seconds and knows how to create a shiv from a toothbrush.