When I found myself a single mom at 40 with two young daughters, (ages 6 and 9) after 12 years of marriage (to what turned out to be a gay guy), I have to confess that I found myself in a state of total dating anxiety. I hadn’t dated in 15 years and quite frankly I wasn’t sure I remembered how. I was insecure for sure and worried that men would no longer consider me attractive.  I had been a wall flower in high school and then went on to a college where the ratio of men to women was one to eight. And then there was the marriage to the gay guy, so you can see that not only were my dating skills rusty, they had sucked to begin with.

In spite of my dating trepidations, my post divorce thinking at the time was that if didn’t throw myself back into the dating ring right away I might never. So I wrote my on-line dating profile and posted it on Match.com. What followed were a string of dates so bizarre I swear I am not making this stuff up.

Why am I telling you all this? Because I survived and so can you. I now have a hottie, hunky, husband whom I adore. . We have a normal, happy life and my post divorce dating years are all behind me. I learned a lot and I would like to share some advice with you based on my experience.

DON’T introduce your dates to your kids. EVER. EVER. All they need to know is Mommy has a date and that’s it. Even if you think you are serious with a guy hold off until you know for sure, as in you are engaged and the date is set. Otherwise you are just setting your kids up for more disappointment and heartbreak. I know because I made this mistake. I dated a guy whom I was convinced I was going to marry. He pushed for all of us to do things together and my daughters got attached not only to him, but to his daughter as well. When the cad dumped me via email and disappeared from our lives forever my kids were devastated. Don’t make this mistake.

DO let your kids know you are dating. Explain to them that just as they like to spend time with their friends so do you. Be a good role model for them. Let them see you play the field and that you are the one making good choices for the kind of partner you want to share your life with. As my girls got older and a relationship didn’t work out I’d mention casually that the guy wasn’t right for me with the unspoken words underscoring that I could do better.

NEVER let your dates take priority over your time with your kids. When it was my weekend with the kids I never scheduled dates. Divorce is hard enough on kids. They don’t need the added insecurity of you over scheduling the time that should be spent with them.

ABOVE ALL, LEARN TO BE ALONE. It is the greatest lesson you can teach to your children. Be independent and self-sufficient. Not only will you attract men in droves, you will teach your children the importance of self-preservation and self-respect.

Carol Shwanda and her hottie, hunky husband Paul have been married for four years and have successfully blended five kids, four cats, three dogs, two fish and a bird. They live in Santa Cruz, CA. She writes a humorous, inspirational blog, Shwanda.com that chronicles their lives. Carol is also working on a book about blended family stories. Go to http://www.shwanda.com/survey/index.php?sid=67267&newtest=Y&lang=en to take her blended family survey.