Do some women have a higher aptitude for motherhood?   


Lately I’ve been thinking about how ill-prepared I was for motherhood, when I gave birth 18 months ago--and how much I still have to learn!  Things looked pretty solid on paper:  Babysitting experience in my teen years, check. Husband, check.  Graduate degree, check.  Stable work and home environment, check, check. 



About one hour into motherhood I realized that my aforementioned checklist was way off track.  The only item on that list that has proven valuable has been my husband.  (Lord knows I was definitely not cut out to be a single mom.  I just don’t have the right stuff for that.)  You know how some people are good at math, how some people are creative and how others are athletic?  I think that “motherhood”, or parenting, is also something that you have an intrinsic aptitude for—or not.  I’m one of the “or not’s”.  I’m not embarrassed to tell people that I am not a naturally good runner, so why should I be embarrassed to admit to my lack of innate mothering knowledge? 


I absolutely love my son, but being a mother doesn’t always come easy for me.  I inherently know how to analyze statistics and really enjoy writing, but knowing what to do with a screaming baby?  Nope.  I don’t have it.  For the first seven weeks of my beautiful son’s life he did nothing, (and when I say nothing, I mean NOTHING), other than scream bloody-murder, poop and eat.  Yes, I intentionally left “sleep” off that description, because, well…he didn’t.  I was an absolute wreck—and already back to work by the time he was six weeks old.  It was a nightmare.  I don’t even want to talk about it.  (I can almost laugh about it now, but the memories are still a little too fresh.) 


I truly believe that people who are not born with the genetics to be a gold medal Olympian, can still eventually become really good at a sport they work at—and can certainly still get an athletic scholarship for college.  See, this is where my hope comes in.  I know that just because motherhood hasn’t come naturally for me—and I would never qualify for any type of gold-mothering-medal, I can still be a good mom…make that a great mom!  I am definitely getting the hang of motherhood more and more each day, and I swear that by the time my son is 13 I’ll have the toddler phase under control. 


I took Supernanny’s Parental Aptitude Test: http://www.mystyle.com/mystyle/shows/supernanny/quiz/index.jspand found out I was fit to raise a “Lazy Dog.” Yes, it really said that.  Apparently I still have some work to do—and it seems that “Tongs” is not the right answer to the first question: “Which is the most important tool to have on hand for diaper changes?”. 


Did parenthood come naturally to you?  Has it been a harder transition than you imagined?  Why do you think moms feel guilty about admitting they are clueless—or was that just me?


Sarah Travaglio blogs at Capa Tosta.




Showing the Latest of 3 Comments

babyandsofia
2 yearss ago
This is a very interesting post, Sarah. And this is something that I was discussing with my mother-in-law when she was here. I think that some people are more naturally "parents," while others do have to work a little harder. My checklist of readiness is about the same as yours: graduate degree, husband, stable work and home life, etc., and I loved my life pre-baby. I loved being a student, wife, teacher, and professional. But now, my absolute most favorite job in the world is being a mother. (I think it really helped that I have a pretty easy baby, who doesn't really cry. We'll see what happens with Number Two.) I feel so much more fulfilled now that I'm a mother, and get ready for the cheese, like my identity is more complete. It's not always easy, and my closets are not as clean as I would prefer them to be, but I am so happy when I'm home with Paolo. That said, I think some babies challenge their parents at the very beginning, and that could make them [the parents] doubt their natural abilities. Sarah, you've excelled at so many things, and its seems that being a mother is definitely one of them!
 
misscapatosta
2 yearss ago
Brook, You are too sweet. I sure have tried hard at "mothering" but its not natural for me. I love little Gianni to death, but I think a lot of this stemmed from my initial doubts and feelings of despair when I had him in Italy, with no support (in English), the cultural differences I faced, returning to work so soon, and the extremely colicky nature of my first born. :-) Gaetano and I say that Gianni is "much cooler" now. We "like him a lot more". LOL! I sure hope he has a sense of humor when he is older and reads about the trauma he put us through as a baby!
 
THE GUYS
2 yearss ago
First of all, NO ONE is good at "Screaming Babies!" I mean really?? No sleep, anxiety, stress....are you kidding me? My wife and I struggled with it too, although we were thrilled to have a newborn...well at least the first one. By number three we were just ready to get to the toddler stage. So you actually may have all the genes you need to be a great parent after all!