Yes, gentle readers, it’s a poop-post.

There is a point, somewhere between that last push in the delivery room and your baby’s six-month birthday, where poop and all things related becomes a relevant and pervasive topic in your mom community and in your life. When you were single or even married but before you had children, did you ever talk to your boyfriends, dates, or spouse about this particular poop issue? Did you talk about it with your girlfriends? Your mom? 

As do I. Why? I wonder about this. I take a look at my life, my two boy children, one of whom because of his disability, is almost 12 and not yet potty trained, our three pets for whom I am the primary caretaker, and it hits me: I am up to my elbows in poop.

Since the boys were babies, I’ve been picking up after the dog, cleaning the bird’s cage and the chinchilla’s house, it’s always there. My 13-year-old has an inexplicable need to relay his bathroom exploits in great detail. Josh, my special needs son, still has plenty of accidents and wears pull-ups.  The dog, who I am fairly certain is insane, has a pooping ritual that is beyond strange. The bird likes to build mountains by going in the same spot all the time.The chinchilla is like a machine, churning out a seemingly endless supply of the stuff.

I’m surrounded by it. I plan my life around it - going out at times when I am fairly confident Josh won’t be needing to go; I’ve arranged flights around what I think his poop schedule might be; I have this, that and a thousand other things to do but I have to make sure I take the dog out before I do anything else so he won’t poop in the car… again.

Zach coming out of the bathroom: “Mom, I just had this…” 
Me: “Stop it. I don’t need to hear it.”

Zach: “But mom, it was…” 
Me: “Seriously. STOP. I don’t need to know this!”

It’s an odd thing, when you think about it. You have a baby and suddenly you are obsessed with elimination. Regaling your friends and family with stories of explosive happenings. We monitor our kids’ bowel habits like they’re the Geological Survey -- always wondering when “the Big One” is going to hit.

New moms are all nodding their heads. Factoid for the freshmen: Baby poop is like the Dom Perignon of the poop world. Doesn’t matter how explosive, runny, or smelly you think it is, that stuff is like sweet nectar compared to what happens when baby starts eating solids. Yes, I’m comparing baby poop to things that are consumable. You’re welcome.

You, too will soon understand why changing a toddler’s dirty diaper on a plane is something you want to avoid at almost any cost. You will learn the hard way that one time you decide you won’t be out long enough to need changing supplies and besides, he/she just pooped so it’s totally fine...that it’s not. Children have a heightened sense about this, they just know when you really, really don’t want them to go, so, of course, they will.

Becoming a parent means poop is now an unavoidable part of your world. Accept this. Own this. Equip yourself accordingly! Please join funny, honest mom blogger Sarah Oriel on her own blog. Here at Momversation, we have many poop-horror stories, tell us one of yours!