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14 Worst Presents to Give a Kid
Sure, a kid might l-o-v-e LOVE a puppy, but the child's parents... not so much. Or maybe the gift is practical, but who wants practical when he's five years old? And there are some gifts that just, well, suck. Sure, it's the thought that counts, but maybe you should think twice before giving one these doozies.
14. Socks

When you think bad present, you think socks. Now, I love getting socks for a gift, but I'm 3-- erm, 25 years old (yeah, 25). A 6-year-old? Nah, not so much. Give the tube socks directly to mom, and give your nephew something cool, like a cardboard box.
13. Mousetrap

In theory, the game Mousetrap is fun, but in reality, the darn thing doesn't work. Or it works once, and then something gets bent or lost or swallowed, and it becomes a space-taker-upper. It's the most frustrating game in the world. Stupid commercial, showing all those kids having fun. Who can actually get that little man to flip? Who, I ask you?!
12. Nail polish

One spill and the carpet's ruined. Well, at least you know what to get mom for her birthday. A carpet cleaner gift certificate. Huzzah.
11. Perfume

There's no such thing as moderation when it comes to kids. This allergy-inducer is a bad, bad idea.
10. Lessons

Unless you clear it with the 'rents, and the kid requests the lessons, it's best not to foist a new hobby on a child. Plus, more lessons = more driving for mom and dad.
9. Underwear

If the child isn't your kid, underwear is a bit too personal for a present. I mean, would you buy underwear for your Uncle Al? No? Then don't buy it for his son.
8. Math book

Unless your nephew really, really likes math, skip the school books. Otherwise, he might just buy you TPS reports for your birthday.
7. Drums

Do you hate the child's parents? If you do, then by all means, give the wee one drums for Christmas.
6. Toy that sings the same song over and over

Do you really hate the child's parents? Like hate hate? Then get a repetitive singing toy. Bonus: Doubles as a brainwashing device; hypnotize the kid's father into mowing your yard.
5. Chemistry set

You should not give a child a chemistry set without asking his folks first because 1). the kid might not give a rat's behind about chemistry, 2). the kid could, you know, eat the stuff in the chemistry set, and 3). you don't want to be blamed when the kid blows the house up.
4. A big bag of candy

Why don't you just buy your niece some crack?
3. Toy gun

When something's this controversial, it's better to stay out of it all together. Take our word for it.
2. Puppies

Instead of giving your friend's child a puppy, how about you just hand her a sack of poop? Because that's what you're essentially doing when you buy someone a dog. Great gift.
1. Tarantulas and snakes (tie)

You should never give a pet as a gift... but at least puppies are cute. If someone brought a giant spider or a scaly reptile into my home, that person would be banned from ever entering again. Seriously, a poisonous spider. That's not a pet; that's something that should end up on the bottom of your shoe!
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2 Comments
Just a fact-check: most people don't eat spiders. I think you meant a "venomous spider".
Fri, 2009-10-16 13:18
Here's our rule: Anything that is loud or moves is a NO NO!!!
Unless you have revenge in your heart! (We would never!)
THE GUYS
www.theguysperspective.typepad.com
Fri, 2009-10-16 03:38