Dirty Baby/Bad Mommy

I get it. Babies are dirty. This kid can pick up enough lint and dog hair between her toes in one day to fill an industrial dumpster. I am a good mom that realized early on about her neck. Or the stump rather, that sits underneath her melon head. (There is a neck in there, you just need an archeological masters degree to find it.) I have heard of mom’s forgetting to clean under the neck and oh boy, the things they find. Some find money, spare car keys, dog leashes, the missing pacifier you blamed the dog for eating, the old VCR remote and a box of Twinkies which still taste good by the way since their shelf life is 437 years. 

However.......I took a close look behind her EARS today. I have to say, a bit of throw-up entered my mouth and I had to swallow it back down. I swear we should carbon date the sludge and spackle that I scraped out. I bet there is still vernix in there from her birth, which was SIX months ago. I was always wondering what that smell was when I leaned in to kiss her cheek. Yep, it was ear manure. Eighty-four Q-tips later, she is spotless with some blazing red ears. Damn, I am one great mom.

Courtney Akel blogs at Meadowville, USA.