Give Me a Break

Once and for all, people—it’s not “babysitting” if you’re the child’s father. It’s called parenting.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen a dad toting a tot at the park, having lunch with his little girl, or changing a diaper and witnessed some variation of the following: passersby smile at him indulgently and say, “Aw, how sweet! Giving Mommy a break, are we? You’re a good man.”

This irks me no end. Not only is it patronizing to that guy—who, by the way, could be an uncle, the “manny,”  or even the kid’s parole officer for all we know—but it implies that Mom is the default parent and anything Dad does is a bonus.

Meanwhile, Mom is likely off working, running errands, or watching the other kids. I recently read an interview with soccer star Mia Hamm, wife of baseball player Nomar Garciaparra and mother of 2-year-old twins. She said her alone time is going to the grocery store after her girls are in bed. How sad is that? First, because she considers shopping for milk and frozen peas a break, and second, because I can relate!

Now, I don’t know one father who refuses to change diapers or thinks that raising the kids is the mother’s job. Twenty-first century dads are far too evolved for that. But I do know plenty who congratulate themselves for feeding the kids dinner, taking their daughters to dance class, or watching the baby by themselves all day (read: 5 hours in a row).

Am I resentful or am I jealous? I can’t decide. On the one hand I think, “You guys do what I do for one day and you want a medal?!” On the other hand I think, “Good for them for giving themselves a well-deserved pat on the back.”

Just once I’d like someone to give me props for what I do every day. Can you imagine a stranger praising me at the pool for managing to apply sunscreen to three people, help my toddler go to the bathroom, and nurse the baby all by myself? Or saying, “How sweet of you to help out with the kids on a Saturday so Daddy can play golf.” As if!

I’m fine with being the default parent most of the time. When you’re a nursing stay-at-home mom like I am, it’s inevitable. All I want to know is, where’s my medal?

Abigail Green is a freelance writer, blogger, and writing instructor in Maryland. Her work has appeared in numerous publications including “A Cup of Comfort for New Mothers,”  American Baby, Bride’s, and Health magazine, as well as online at AOL.com and TheBump.com. She is a columnist for “The Writer Mama” and “Writers on the Rise”  e-zines, and teaches online writing courses. A mother of two boys, she blogs about parenting, publishing and more at http://diaryofanewmom.blogspot.com.