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A Letter to Michelle Duggar from Her Vagina

by christine on September 03, 2009 — Comments (25)

Dear Michelle,

Hi, it's Francine... your vagina. It seems sort of silly to introduce myself since we are so close. Or at least I thought we were, but then I had to go and read on the Internet that you are having yet another kid. That’s right, I read the Internet. I have to do something when you’re breastfeeding 42 kids.

OK, that was a little harsh. But I’m a tad upset. I mean, 19 kids? 19?! It seems like every time I finish pushing out one kid, another is lined up. Is your uterus a baseball dugout?

Let me get real with you here, Michelle. There’s simply no way you can give each of those kids the personal attention he needs. You’re too busy making and popping out kids to pay attention to the ones who aren’t currently latching. And using your older children as surrogate parents is a recipe for immature behavior down the road. You’re robbing them of their childhoods by making them mini mommies and daddies.

Of course, some people hold you up like a goddess simply because you can procreate. You know, Michelle, earthworms can procreate. You don’t see them getting their own TV show.

Quite frankly, I blame Octomom on you.

And what about me?! Do you know that people on the Web call me a clown car? A clown car, for pete’s sake! I’ve become a laughingstock because of your addiction to pregnancy!

Please, Michelle, I beg of you; stop having babies. I know it’s tempting to go to 20, but maybe you should just focus on the kids you already have. Mmmmkay?

By the way, while I have your attention, I think it’s time for a new hair style. You look like a member of Mr. Big.

Sincerely,

Francine (your vagina)

P.S. I give up.

Keywords

Celebrity Hot Topics Pregnancy

25 Comments

cintoo

Heartbreaking to know that one person finds it necessary to attack another this way. The Duggar children are very well cared for and do not lack attention from their parents. They are providing for their children on their own and therefore you have no right to attack their choices.

Thu, 2009-09-03 09:00

christine

Hey, I'm just the messenger. Blame Francine! She wrote the letter!

Thu, 2009-09-03 09:51

kbaughman221

I agree. Francine sounds a bit judgmental.

Thu, 2009-09-03 10:09

nicnicnic

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!! oh c'mon, this is absolutely HYSTERICAL.

i heart francine.

Thu, 2009-09-03 10:17

jbreh

Even though I think Francine (Michelle Duggar's vagina) is a little harsh at times, at least she's not a dick. That certainly would be a recipe for disaster! Think of her 19 kids more of 'receipts' for disaster.

Thu, 2009-09-03 10:50

AZ Writer

Judgmental maybe, but how many people haven't thought the same thing? Though Francine puts it more aptly than I could have.

Thu, 2009-09-03 10:58

talulattdh

This is exactly the type of thing that disappoints me about Momversation these days. I think I'll just stick with watching the episodes.

Thu, 2009-09-03 12:25

christine

What exactly bothers you about this? A strong opinion? Please elaborate.

Thu, 2009-09-03 12:42

talulattdh

Many mothers (and other people) on Momversation have mentioned on several occasions how much they dislike being judged by others. I tend to agree with that sentiment. I've just found that lately many of the blog posts have been quite divisive. This isn't the first, and my intentions are not to single out your opinions. I've just been seeing more and more of it lately, and I'd hate to see it become the "norm". But of course I can always choose to steer clear of it.

Sorry for being so curt before. I hope this clears that up.

Thu, 2009-09-03 12:56

christine

No problema, just wanted to see where you are coming from.

Thu, 2009-09-03 14:15

Karen Mumford

OMG So classic

Thu, 2009-09-03 14:38

AZ Writer

I thought it was a humorous (I laughed, anyway!) way of stating an opinion shared by many (but not all) people. I guess I saw it as an extreme case procreation-wise, and one in which the mother involved sort of purposely put herself in the public eye (Do or should we butt in when people divorce? Of course not. Has nearly everyone weighed in on Jon and Kate? Yep.), so I view it a little differently. I have no problem with a huge diversity in viewpoints and the expression of those viewpoints. I know for myself, the closer I am to people the more we rib and mock each other. Maybe that's why I feel that the ticket to being close as a virtual community of moms/women/what-have-yous is to, for the most part, relax. Can it go too far? Should we first and foremost be supportive? Sure. Is this going too far? I didn't think so. And yeah, it was funny.

Or maybe I was just brain fatigued from reading a dry research paper this morning, and the 8-year-old in me gravitated to the word vagina. It happens.

Thu, 2009-09-03 16:42

somegraphx

Totally freaking hilariously funny! Those who feel this isn't PC enough have lost their ability to laugh at themselves. We need a little humor to counteract the effects of dirty diapers, the lack of affordable health care, and siblings bickering about how many squares on the sofa belong to each of them. Keep it coming.

Thu, 2009-09-03 17:26

Kit

hahaha. I'm not taking this too seriously. It's all in good fun. Who wouldn't feel sorry for Francine anyways?

Thu, 2009-09-03 18:42

Crystal

I think this is a rude so called letter that is completely uncalled for! They do very well by their family & they are raising great kids! You don’t pay for them therefore you have NO right to criticize how many they decide to have!!! Get a life!

Fri, 2009-09-04 07:22

Yggdrasil

Wow, it's like women never leave high school. They continue to be judgmental even into motherhood, and despite claiming that they think it's wrong to judge other women about their decisions when it comes to breastfeeding and the like, continue to judge others and say incredibly hurtful things. I can't even imagine how upset comments like these must make Michelle Duggar when she's unfortunate enough to come across them. Saying that her children don't get enough attention, and that she's robbing the older ones of their childhoods by having them be responsible for their younger siblings? Reading crap like this makes me want to stop visiting this website.

Fri, 2009-09-04 18:06

Momberry29

LOL! This was way too funny. Yes that hairstyle is painful to watch. It's probably the reason why I don't tune in.

Lighten up PEOPLE. How boring would life be if everyone went around holding back their opinions so that they wouldn't be accused of judging others? Good grief!

Fri, 2009-09-04 18:24

Yggdrasil

Why is it that when an adult says something hurtful and judgmental it's just them having an opinion, but if a kid does the same it's them being a bully?

If dragging other people down is a necessity for having an interesting life, I'd rather mine be boring.

Sat, 2009-09-05 12:21

fairy_lenore

Maybe if they actually were providing for their children on their own - but they don't. They are subsidized by their TV show and all the media hype and attention that surrounds their family. For members of a religious organization that don't allow their children to watch television, they sure do profit from it. That kind of hypocrisy is what bothers me. I agree with Francine that there is no way this mother is giving each of her children the attention they deserve. I don't deny her right to have as many children as she wants, but I don't have to agree with it. It's human nature to be judgmental of others. We all do it and it's how we express our own values - and learn what our own values are as we observe others and how they do things and then make decisions for ourselves about how we handle our own families.

Mon, 2009-09-07 06:28

mrschubby69

Christine,
I am new here, but signed up since I read your post.
I'll say, after reviewing a few of your other posts, I don't find you very funny. Regarding your vagina letter….Would you post a similar letter about a semi-famous homosexual's rectum? Anything you'd like to say about "Little People, Big World"? You probably think they shouldn't have reproduced at all.
You remind me of a character from "Mean Girls". -Very immature and catty.
Unlike Octomom, Mrs. Duggar wasn't on welfare and choosing to have 8 fatherless children at once. The Duggars were doing fine raising their children before their show aired. They have children that are responsible, not to mention respectful -and I would feel so accomplished if my 4 children were as family-functional as theirs are.
God's plan was for "his children" to go forth and multiply, and being a faithful couple, they have done that. I feel you are attacking their commitment and obedience to God, and their faith. (BTW- I am currently a non-church-goer, although I have gone in the past.) What you are doing could be called religious harassment. Poor taste, definately…
If they were hurting or neglecting anyone, I'm sure they wouldn't be exposing their lives for all to see. As for the kids having chores and responsibilities,- they are preparing them for the real world, unlike what most parents are doing for their kids today- doing everything for them, giving everything to them, making excuses for them and letting them run wild.
Are you worried she's more of a woman than you are for being able to manage a family of that magnitude? You should be. Or maybe you are jealous that her husband still finds her to be so attractive after so many years and just as many children. Does your husband still look at you with that twinkle in his eye or does he eat dinner, "veg" in front of the tube and fall asleep in the recliner? Maybe he stays up late after you've gone to bed and "surfs" the net… yeah,…MILF-hunting.
You should write a blog more about your own life and experiences, maybe then you would find your "big joke" after all.

Wed, 2009-09-09 14:08

christine

Charming.

Fri, 2009-09-11 09:43

AKagaoan

That is tooooo funny!!!! And Francine I think you make a good point about the children not getting enough attention. And talk about name confusion! I'm sure they get mixed up all of the time. My dad has 9 kids and only 3 of us are girls...he mixes us up all the time, and I'm much older may I add. I remember when he told me they were having twins, the last of the 9, I cried my eyes out! I definitely felt the lack of attention, and I'm sure those kids do too. Now that I'm older I love my big family but it was tough growing up.

Thu, 2009-09-10 18:01

Karissa

All I'm going to say is that I doubt Michelle (or the 19, going on 20 children she has) would ever write something so hurtful about anyone else -- or their vagina. Have you seen how they conduct themselves? They're classy, civilized, respectful people. Granted, we're entitled to our opinions, and don't think I don't have my own issues with their situation. But most mature adults, especially ones with "strong opinions", like you replied to someone else's comment, convey those opinions with legitimate reasons to disagree. They don't make a mockery out of a woman raising her (however many--the number is irrelevent) children with her husband, not reliant on welfare or other government assistance. Or I'm sorry, they don't make a mockery out of said woman's birth canal. This says more about your character than it does her... or her vagina.

Tue, 2009-09-15 22:35