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Mom Daily: Telling Your Daughter She's Going to Die?

by Momversation on September 09, 2009 — Comments (3)

If your child was diagnosed with a terminal illness, would you tell her? On ParentDish, one mom decided to keep the sad diagnosis from her teen, but is that really fair? Although it's difficult to tell a child she is dying, isn't it her right to know what's going on with her own body? Or do you think this mother did the right thing:

"How can you tell a 13-year-old she's going to die?" she told the Daily Mail. "You can't. I didn't want her living with fear. I wanted her to have a normal life, however much of it she had left. So I put my tears in my pocket and pulled out my smile. And I kept that smile for the next four years."

In the meantime, Rachael got a boyfriend, pursued college plans and dreamed of one day joining the Royal Air Force.

Personally, we think this mother kept the diagnosis more for her own peace of mind than her daughter's. What do you think?

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Health Mom Daily Parenting

3 Comments

firefliesandhummingbirds

I think this is one of those things that NO ONE could really know how they'd handle until they were actually faced with it. It's easy to say this mother did an injustice to her daughter, when you're on the outside looking in. But did she, really? If the child lived another 4 years and was happy and enjoying life, I don't know that's a bad thing. Had she known the truth, her final years probably wouldn't have been so pleasant, and at least she got to live like a normal teenager for a little while.

Fri, 2009-09-11 13:38

BuenoBaby

I have three healthy daughters, pause here while I smack down an old growth tree and knock on wood until my knuckles bleed, and have blissfully gone about motherhood without having to ponder this question. Thank you, God.

And even though we have what I’d call a “spiritual household” I haven’t sat either my 11 or 3 year down and explained that their dad and I, and then someday waaaay after we’ve passed, they too will die. But the truth is if there’s one inevitable in their lives, it’s that they’ll die. I just don’t know when they die or how to tell them.

I remember when my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer 10 years ago just months before John Kennedy Jr. and his wife perished in their small plane over the sea. It was while I watched the endless coverage of the helicopters searching to rescue, then to recover the pieces of the plane, I realized the irony that as we’d been preparing for my mother’s death (because SHE WAS GOING TO DIE) John and his wife were packing for a wedding just before boarding their private jet. Then THEY died.

Oh, my heart just goes out to this mother and of course the entire family.

www.buenobaby.com

Wed, 2009-09-09 14:20

Sarah@Ohana Mama

I would like to think that I would absolutely tell my child. And I would follow that up with encouraing her to live her life and go for it and I would use that to do the same with my own life.

I understand where she is coming from and I haven't been in her shoes so I hate to judge. But I just couldn't imagine not telling my own child. There are other ways to deal with it.

I pray I will never have to be in this woman's shoes and am so sorry for her loss.

Wed, 2009-09-09 11:40