The 9 Most Bizarre Birth Control Methods

As long as people have been having sex, they've employed various methods to prevent pregnancy.  From ancient Egyptian condoms to the Implanon, humans have been extraordinarily creative when it comes to birth control.  And in the case of the following methods, maybe a little too creative.

1. Crocodile Dung

What Is It?

Ancient Egyptians created a paste out of the dung and honey (and sometimes other ingredients) and melted it into the vagina.  Makes complaining about wearing a condom seem cute, doesn't it?

Does It Work?

Time Magazine says the dung actually aided conception because it created an alkaline environment optimal for sperm survival.  Whoops.  And it must have also caused vagina-searing UTIs.

2. Squat and Sneeze

What Is It?

It's pretty much what it sounds like. In 1 A.D., the Greek physician Soranus of Ephesus recommended that women simply squat and sneeze after coitus to prevent conception.

Does It Work?

If it worked, we could all spend a lot less money on the pill.  In other words, no.  No, it does not.  And don't try jumping up and down after sex because that doesn't work either; just ask my daughter (kidding!).

3. Heated Mercury

What Is It?

In ancient China, women were told to drink hot mercury to prevent pregnancy or cause an abortion.  Mercury, in case you didn't know, can cause paralysis, tremors, mental disturbances, and (oh yeah) death.

Does It Work?

Sure it works... after all, when you're dead from mercury poisoning, you don't have to worry about being pregnant anymore.

4. Leather Condoms

What Is It?

Though it sounds like some creepy S&M accoutrement of today, thin leather condoms were used by Japanese men in the 1800s to prevent pregnancy.  They also used tortoise-shell and animal horn as prophylatic materials, so we're sure leather was a welcome change for the ladies.

Does It Work?

Anything that prevents the entrance of sperm into the cervix is going to work to some extent.  That said, there's a reason latex is now used in the manufacturing of condoms.

5. Wood Block Pessary

What Is It?

Like the Today Sponge, a barrier was inserted into the vagina to block sperm from entering the cervix.  Unlike the Today Sponge, it was made out of wood.  Used by women in ancient times?  Would you believe they were manufactured in the 1920s?  We hope they were a dismal failure.

Does It Work?

Again, it blocked sperm, but it probably also gave women some nasty splinters.  And it couldn't have been very sanitary either.  Or comfortable.

6. Chewable Birth Control Pills

What Is It?

Femcon FE is a spearmint-flavored, chewable birth control pill that makes taking your contraceptive "fun."

Does It Work?

It's 99% effective when used correctly, but do women really need a pill that's "fun" to take?  Are women five years old?  And for Pete's sake, don't leave it lying around; your husband might mistake it for a breath mint.

7. Beaver Testicle Tea

What Is It?

Dried beaver testicles are combined with alcohol to produce a mixture that supposedly keeps one from getting pregnant.  Where else but in Canada, eh?  Yep, scarily, some Canuck women apparently still practice this method today.

Does It Work?

Do you want to put this one to the test?  We didn't think so.

8. Coca-Cola Douche

What Is It?

The rumour that Coke is a good spermicide started in the 1950s (see what happens when the Pill isn't readily available?).  The Coca-Cola is supposed to be shaken up and used as a douche to kill sperm.

Does It Work?

Douching is not effective as a contraception method period; the sperm are just too fast and strong to be stopped by a shower of liquid.  And putting something sugary into your vagina is just asking for a yeast infection.  Yuck.

9. Hare Anuses

What Is It?

During the Middle Ages, amulets were commonly "prescribed" to women as contraception.  One such amulet consisted of a wreath made of hare anuses.  You read that right, hare anuses.

Does It Work?

If you wear a wreath of hare anuses, you probably won't get asked out on many dates.  So in that sense, it's an extremely effective contraceptive. 

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