Ten Things You'd Never Want to See Your Mom Wearing

Although moms come in all shapes and sizes (and fashion styles), there are just some things you never want to see your mom wearing.  Ever.  And we've listed them all here (brain bleach not included).

10.  Leather Mama Wear:  There's nothing wrong with tasteful leather:  a nice leather jacket, maybe a sassy leather skirt.  But head-to-toe, tight leather is a look only someone who calls herself "Mistress" can pull off.  And who wants to picture their mom as a dominatrix?

9.  Multiple Facial Piercings:  A single nose ring or eyebrow piercing isn't particularly offputting, but if your mom starts to look like the chick below... Piercing Pagoda, we have a problem!  After all, you don't want to risk your children contracting tetanus when getting a kiss from their grandmother.

8.  Low-rise Jeans:  Low-rise jeans lead to muffin tops and thong exposures.  That's not attractive for anyone, let alone the woman who gave birth to you.  Here's a hint moms: coin slots are for bubble gum machines only.

7.  Teddy:  A woman buys a teddy for only one reason: to look sexy for her man.  But when that woman's man happens to be your dad, stomach turning (and brain-searing imagery) ensues.  Sure, it's great if your parents still have the hots for each other, as long as they don't let you know the nitty-gritty details... like the color of your mom's negligee. 

6.  Hotpants:  These "hotpants" aren't pants by any stretch of the imagination; they're underwear.  (You can't fool us!)  Unless your mom's name happens to be Daisy Duke, there's no excuse for her wearing these... except for maybe American Apparel-induced insanity.

5.  See-Through Dress:  It's a formal dinner.  Your mom enters the restaurant, slips off her coat, and there she is.  Standing in the middle of the room, her tatas visible to all through her gauzy dress.  Somewhere, Annie Lennox's song "Why?" plays, and you begin to weep quietly.

4.  Lady Gaga's Kermit the Frog Coat:  If your mom shows up in this coat, check her into the mental ward, stat, because something has gone wrong.  Terribly wrong.  And you don't want your kids to think Grandma murdered Kermit, do you?

3.  Armpit Hair Shirt:  Your mom + Long, curly armpit hair = Throw up in the mouth.

2.  Thong Bikini:  Butt cheeks are generally not the most attractive part of a person, especially a person who has had three kids and a lifetime of office work, um, behind her (sorry for the pun).  We're not saying Mom has to cover everything up, but some things should be kept between her and her physician. 

1.  Hands-on-Boobs Bra:  This tacky bra makes you think of one thing:  someone grabbing your mom's boobs.  Need we elaborate on why this is the #1 thing you wouldn't want to see your mom wearing?  Nah, we didn't think so.

What do you never want to see your mom wearing?