I believe, our thougts and fears can influent and shape the reality. If I'm afraid of something, it means, that I expect it to happen. So for me solving this problem is 'Harry Potter': when Harry met dementors, he had to feel REAL happyness to make a right spell for raising a patronus. That's my way: I know there are so many scary and terrible things arround the world, but I try feel REALLY calm, and optimistic. And of course, visit my therapist and teach my kids not to talk with strangers - just in case :)

I'm paranoid to an extent, but it's related to things that I have no control over. I never baby-proofed my house (save for moving poisonous cleaning supplies to a height they couldn't reach. My little brother managed to drink bleach one day and it scarred me.) figuring that they just needed to be taught what not to touch, etc so that if we visited somewhere that wasn't babyproofed, they wouldn't need me to follow them around every second to ensure their safety. And I don't worry when they are on the monkey bars or are swinging as high as their little legs can pump them. I don't worry when they are riding their bikes. I am terrified about things like cancer. The thought is almost enough to spin me into a full fledged panic attack. I worry when my husband takes them on errands with him. I run through scenarios in my head when flying. It's always just me and my 3 kids and I worry how I will save all of them if we were to crash into the ocean or something. I never worry about this stuff when I fly alone. LOL. I wonder if this says more about my control issues than it does about my maternal instincts??

My own mother was a VERY paranoid parent. I wasn't even allowed to cross certain streets in our town until I had my drivers license and could do it in a car. We couldn't have suckers bigger than DumDums, we might choke. I didn't get the training wheels off my bike until I was 9. She freaked me out so much about sex, that I didn't kiss a boy until I was 15, and never told her I was kissing boys until I was like 22. She probably knew I was doing it, but you get the idea. She was a nutcase, and she made me a nutcase too. I never broke a bone. But only because I was too scared to go out and do anything risky. Over the years, I've come somewhat to terms with my excessive worry. I started getting an ulcer when I was 17, so I had to learn some stress relief tactics, or I was in for some major pain. And I just need a nudge from a non-worrier, or a brief explanation of why it's stupid for me to worry, and I'll do something. For instance, a boy I had a major crush on got me on my first roller coaster when I was 18. I would never have otherwise done that. Never. And now I LOVE roller coasters!!! My husband's mother was like, exactly the opposite of my own. She was a free-spirited hippie and let the kids do basically whatever they wanted. She'd explain all the pros and cons of it all, but never instilled in them the sheer terror of the cons like my mother did. So, now that we have a son, we have some really different parenting styles. I'm a tiny bit neurotic, but I'm aware of it which helps a little, I think. But, my husband thinks I have completely lost it. I try to tell him I'm a drop in the bucket compared to my mom, but I think he has a hard time visualizing that level of crazy. I'm actually going to have him watch this episode so he finally realizes as far as worrying moms go, I'm fairly average. I'm definitely more in the paranoid about accidents camp. I have to go downstairs to our garage to do laundry. I only go if my son is in one of three places: his crib, his high chair or his bouncer. He can't go anywhere or do *much* harm in any of these spots, but the second I leave the room my heart starts beating wildly and my mind races about all the worst-case scenario stuff that could happen while I'm gone. I'm hoping as he gets older and more self-sufficient I can put some of this worry to rest, but I have my doubts.

I work hard to be like Rebecca, mainly because my husband is so paranoid that if I let my paranoias have free rein, my daughter would never be able to leave the house! I don't know if his issues come from a policeman father, or growing up in NYC, or what, but he worries about everyone, everything, everywhere. My mother and I were talking about this recently because I let my daughter go to a park two blocks away with her friends. She said she thought that was fine, I was MUCH younger when I was allowed to go to a park about a half mile from our house with no other instructions than "watch for my car in a while when I come pick you up". And in deciding to let my daughter do this, we gave her very specific instructions, made her wear a watch and told her what time to leave the park, how long it would take her to walk home, so that if she wasn't home by x time I was coming to look for her and she wouldn't be allowed to go again for a while, etc. I decided that it was a worthwhile experiment because I guess as a function of being an only child she is not very independent and so I think I should encourage her requests to be independent when I can. My mother said what she thinks changed everyone's outlook on "child safety" was the kidnapping of Adam Walsh. She said he was doing a perfectly normal activity that she had let me and my brother do every time we went to a store (us looking at the toy dept. while she shopped in peace) but the constant barrage of news and reports and special shows about it really freaked everyone out. In that vein I try to keep in mind that some ridiculously huge percentage of child abductions and "child harm" come from people they know at least peripherally. The percentage of complete strangers involved in a child abduction is so low it practically isn't worth worrying about. Yes, I would still want to die if something happened to my daughter, but I can't stunt her emotional growth and my own sanity by obsessing about it.

I've had to stop watching "Law and Order SUV", "NCIS", "CSI", and just about anything else reduced to initials because I was turning me into a CRAZY woman. Unfortunately it's no so easy to tune out my mom. Being a pediatrician, she sees more worst-case scenarios than the rest of us, and never holds back whether I want to hear it or not. (I have to say, most of it is parents being complete idiots...) In any case, my mom's standard line to us growing up was "It's not you I don't trust, it's every one else..." Umm... how are you supposed to do anything about that as a kid? No amount of good behavior or responsible action can change SOMEONE else's behavior. So of course we go behind her back and do whatever it is we wanted to do anyway... NOT GOOD. As I mom, I want to be able to trust my children. I'm with Rebecca that you can't protect your kids from everything and we're not doing them any favors by keeping them in a bubble like the one where I I spent my first 18 years.

TtownAnne is right when she says that most child abductions/molestation is from someone your child knows, not a stranger. Despite media depictions, the rates of these crimes are (in most areas) significantly down since we were kids -- and that's probably due to post-Adam Walsh (and in my town, Steven Staynor), stranger-danger-type education programs. But all of the true-crime stuff is tough to take. There's this blog I've been reading, http://freerangekids.wordpress.com/, where parents talk about some of these paranoia-type issues, from stranger-danger to accidental-type stuff. It can be kind of eye-opening to see what your feelings are about what you're comfortable with versus what schools or other communities are okay with.

You know, I'm really one to talk. I'm following regular child abduction alerts on Twitter. Why? I have no idea. But a few months back, I commented on a blog post at Silicon Valley Moms Blog about Fear-based Parenting, which I think fits really snuggly within the context of this momversation. My reply is here: http://saiaandchago.blogspot.com/2009/01/fear-based-parenting.html But the gist of it is that I think there IS enough reason -- real reason -- to be fearful of predators, of the careless and reckless behavior of others, and, of course, the completely uncontrollable. The latter being the primary reason that I commute 30-45 minutes a day one-way across a bridge to take my kids to school, and then stay on that side of the water until they're released. Five hours later. I mean, what if there's a fire? What if a plane comes down? What if THE earthquake happens, for crimineysakes? And we've also never let anyone (other than my mother on the once-a-year Christmas visit) sit for our kids. And we would never ever ever drop off our kids at a birthday party or playdate without one or both of us staying behind. Our kids are only 6, though. So, I imagine some of the letting go will be a natural part of their development, and our ability, in turn, to trust their judgement and decision-making skills (to a point) -- otherwise, who would ever go to slumber parties? But I do think this topic also weaves well into the lying to your children segment a while back here on Momversation because we do very often use those little white lies to instill a sense of (hopefully reasonable and rational) fear in our children in the hopes that it filters their natural sense of adventure and indomitability. So, yeah, how far is too far? And is being informed of certain harsh realities of life a protective shield or a plastic bubble? Personally, I'm in the fear-as-one-of-the-many-parenting-tools-in-my-toolbelt camp. But I navigate daily the path between caution and paranoia. And for me, at least for now, that's just about right. (Or at least until their therapy bills start rolling in.) The Adventures of Saia & Chago

omg yes I am ***shy*** I am so paranoid with my second child actually... just because she tends to bump into everything. I also worry so much with what they eat. I know I need to lighten up a bit but just like Daphne says, it's hard and I just do it without even thinking. It just comes naturally. I guess I need professional help?!?!?!?! lol