Are Your Kids Bad Eaters?

So many things here ring true. Giyen I had the same thing as you growing up, my Mum would put the food out and if you didn't eat it you went hungry

I have 3 boys aged 9, 7 and 3. The older two went through the stages of just eating pasta and yoghurt but grew out of it and are now blissful company at the dinner table. My 3 year old is ferel. He will only eat yoghurt, fruit sticks (may just be an Aussie thing and I am confident they do not possess much real fruit), cheese and sausages. The doctor suggested I simply serve what we eat for each meal, he won't starve said the doctor. So I did, and he did not eat for 4 days. At that point I went back to his staples and figured history might repeat itself he'll just get over it and eat like a human eventually.

Here's hoping.

Sun, 2009-06-21 22:10

I don't really have solutions, but there are 2 things I can contribute:

~ Rebecca, I think you are right about a child's palate changing. I distinctly remember hearing about a study where they found that children dislike many foods because their palates are not fully developed and kids are actually tasting things differently than us. In particular, the study mentioned that green vegetables were most offensive because they taste more sour/bitter to the child than they do to us.

~ My husband apparently would not eat anything except spaghetti and meatballs and chicken broth with little pastas until he was about 15 years old. He was an extremely picky eater. Now, he and all the people I know who were ridiculously picky eaters as children, have made it to adulthood and are healthy and eating a wide variety of foods. If a year or two of mac and cheese won't kill your kid, perhaps for the sake of everyone's sanity, serve it up until the kids decides otherwise.

Holy cow! While trying to find a link to the study I mentioned, I found a website that suggested pureeing spinach and adding it to a brownie recipe. I am sort of grossed out and, at the same time, want to try that out.

Mon, 2009-06-22 02:11

Funny aside: When the title first flashed on the screen after the opening preview videos, I read it as, "Is your kid a poop eater?" Which is a VERY different question...

I don't have a kid, but I do go through food phases myself. I think that, despite Henry's impressive resilience, most people do grow out of these phases. Like in college, for 2.5 years I basically had yogurt parfaits 5 meals a day, 7 days a week. Now... only sometimes. :) So, have no fear.

(And I'm so with Dana's 4-year-old! Chocolate & cheese rock.)

Mon, 2009-06-22 10:22

I'm pretty sure most kids go through this phase. My mom says I was really picky when I was young. I'd go a week and only want hot dogs, then the next week it was mac and cheese and the next week pb&j, or whatever. But, I don't remember that. I think when my brothers came along, they stopped catering to my every whim :)

We were really poor too, and my mom didn't make two dinners (one for adults, one for kids) because we flat-out could not afford it. We ate what she made or we didn't eat at all. She did not take it as seriously as Dana, and reheat it night after night, but all new foods did require one bite or we could not leave the table. I distinctly remember my brother falling asleep in a plate of pasta salad. Also, I remember my mother throwing out something she made and weeping, literally weeping, because we were so poor and she wished it were still edible. That stuck with me big time. I think just putting your foot down and saying, "eat or go hungry", while incredibly difficult to do, is really the only way to go. It's the only thing I've heard other moms doing that actually gets results. One or two nights going to bed hungry usually solves the problem.

My son is only 13 months, but I'm seeing the beginnings of a picky eater. We started cereals at 4 months, other solids at 6 months, and there was very little he would not eat. The only one I can think of that he turned away was plain peas. But, those are fairly bitter and I don't blame him. But, he ate anything and everything else I gave him, very adventurous eater.

Lately he has regressed just a bit, and won't eat certain foods he used to LOVE, like zucchini, carrots, buttery pasta, beans, corn, he's given them all up :( I cook from two books that I have found to be God sends:

Top 100 Baby Purees: http://www.amazon.com/Top-100-Baby-Purees-Healthy/dp/0743289579/ref=sr_1...
Some of these are so good, I've made them for my husband and I too! And you don't have to puree everything if they are older and ready for "real" food. There's something about these recipes that has him eating lentils, broccoli, peas, spinach, parsnip, a huge variety of foods I never thought to try.

Deceptively Delicious: http://www.amazon.com/Deceptively-Delicious-Simple-Secrets-Eating/dp/006...
A lot of these recipes are a bit labor intensive but totally worth it to get both hubby and kiddo to eat something good for them.

Mon, 2009-06-22 11:51

Niether of my two preschool children eat! The younger one seems to have learned quickly from the older one that only a select few of highly processed foods are edible. Nothing green AT ALL. Not a single veggie. The older one at least eats the occasional apple or tomato, but would eat an Oscar Meyer bologna lunchable every.single.meal. if he could. I refuse to fight with them over dinner, so I often provide something they'll eat, or else they do go hungry. I believe you can't force a kid to try something, eating is one of the very few things kids can control themselves so they will exert that control whenever possible. I'd rather pick other battles.

Mon, 2009-06-22 13:39

Rebecca, here are my two cents, for what they're worth:

Try putting a "hook" food on the plate to start eating momentum. (For my four year old, this might be strawberries, pretzels, a little yogurt, a slice of buttered bread...)

Don't look at the child while he or she eats. Focus on conversation and don't let the eating (or not eating) become the focus of the meal.

Refuse to negotiate. Put together a realistic plate to be eaten or not eaten. No debate. Dinner is for family time together, not fighting.

Nap for hours before dinner, so you have the energy for this trial (Ha ha!)

I agree, too, that having him help prepare dinner helps investment. My son is four, but he can wash beans (okay, he wastes water when he does it), peel sweet potatoes (granted, with help), cut the ends off of garlic with a butter knife (big hit, using a knife), fill pots with water, measure out pasta, blah blah.

I think the biggest shift for us was deciding that (as much as we love delicious food) dinner is about socialization more than eating what's put in front of you. If he doesn't want to eat it, so be it, but he needs to pursue his hunger strike silently and without drama. We stopped buying into the drama. (He was winning, quite frankly.)

I guess I'm saying that if he eats well 2/3 of the day and isn't a bastard to the cook and/or his hosts over his dinner preferences, I consider my job done as a parent.

My sister says there are no good children after 4 p.m. I think that has as much to do with dinner fights as anything else...

Take care and good luck!

Mon, 2009-06-22 18:25

Two thoughts before I even watch the whole thing:
1) anybody who says "my kid eats only junk food" makes me think of cat owners who say "my cat will only eat [X brand finicky food]" -- I mean, why do they think they have alternatives? what happened to Eat This or Go Hungry?

2) there's research showing that a reward changes perception of the thing that earned it -- i.e., toys are rated as less fun when a cookie is offered as a bribe for playing with them. ("they can't be all that fun, or they wouldn't be bribing me" is essentially in effect.) so this can't be the way to get kids to eat more broadly.

That said, it's tough if "good eaters" become picky eaters, it's especially tough because you know it's not "real" in that regard (i.e., the food can't taste bad to them). If you didn't have food battles early, it's a drag that they arise later. On the other hand, I feel like I ate mostly hamburgers or fried chicken from 5-10, and I eat just about everything now, so some early exposure must have stuck (or at least repetition doesn't spell a lifelong doom). I get the sense that all kids eat weirdly in the toddler zone, at least, so maybe this is something we all get to look forward to.

(p.s.) loved Dana's reheat punishment. do they relent, or just super-hate those foods? also, I've heard that it helps to get the kids into the kitchen as early as possible; if nothing else, they're much more likely to eat food they helped cook.

(p.p.s.) in response to another commenter, I can say that there are *definitely* palate issues. in fact, I can remember a period during which the smell of cooking cauliflower made me close to vomit. no amount of ketchup or gulped milk really helps with that...

Tue, 2009-06-23 09:03

Okies, so I'm one of those hated mothers who has a 4 year old who eats EVERYTHING. And I know this will come back to bite me when the next one is born, but here were some of our tips:

We make one meal and one meal only. She can help choose the meal (from what we've got), but she has to eat one of my choices. If she doesn't eat, she can go hungry, and when she IS hungry, I'll reheat until it's either gone, or (as stated in the video) it starts going bad.

She shops with us. And she gets to help pick out meals. BUT she has to have at least one type of veggie with each meal, and we only make pasta AT MOST 2x per week. And she has to pick out some fruit to eat for lunch.

When we DO go out to eat, she is offered (coerced, at first, lol) some of our food. Consequently, she has tried (but doesn't much like) steak (dad's fave), and she LOVES lobster in butter (one of mom's faves). Plus, being an only child around adults, she noticed that adults eat salad, so now she craves it so long as she gets to pick the dressing.

That's not to say she's not a pizza lover, or doesn't try to eat every piece of chocolate or pasta that she can get her hands on (and to all of you who thought that offering chicken strips on your menu was a GOOD idea, can I please beat you now? *grin*) - but she's not given much of a choice for NOT eating. There ARE things that she doesn't like (like the prev. mentioned steak), which, like we would for an adult, we've decided isn't SO important that we have to have it every week (besides, steak can be expensive!). And we look at it this way: if we (hubs and I) had to suffer in silence over a plate of cold green beans (which we STILL hate to this day!), then there's nothing wrong with her doing a little suffering of her own when SHE doesn't want to eat.

Added note: the thing about the palate changing? Could be true. But it's just as likely that there's something in the cheerios and milk that they're NEEDING in their diet at the moment that they can get easiest through the cereal. Everyone goes through phases where certain food sounds better than others. Of course, it COULD be that, as you said, bland food is just tasting better at the moment. I've gone through phases like that - spicy for a month or two, then corn and mashed potatoes for a while, then times when I eat meat at like, every meal. Normal to me.

Tue, 2009-06-23 15:04

Ah crap! My son is 21 months old and has been a terrible eater the whole time! And I totally thought he'd get better as he got older. CRAP! I got nothin! Like the kid eats cottage cheese like there's going to be shortage, other dairy products like cheese strings, yogurt, cream cheese, and he'll eat grapes and apples. But here...here is how I deal with this issue for now. I live where you have to ship in your groceries, aside from a small store that carry's some essentials that cost so much it could put you in the red in your bank account, and my thought is this...at least I'm not wasting food. At least he'll eat what he eats and it won't go to waste. At least I know what to buy him. I always offer him what we're eating...and sometimes he'll surprise us and try...but if not. Pffff...at least I know what to give him. Probably not the best approach but I know someday we'll make progress. And I do make him the chickpea chocolate chip cookies from "deceptively delicious" and he loves them so I think there is definite potential to hide the "good stuff" in the good stuff later in life.

I do remember when I was a child I hated peanut butter. I hated how it stuck to my mouth, how strong the flavor was....hated it! I mean what kid does?? But now I think it's great. So I do think children's palates are definitely underdeveloped. Oh and I went through a stage where I would only eat chicken but didn't always like the way my mom made the chicken. Crap again...it's payback!

Tue, 2009-06-23 18:28

I've been lucky as a Mom-Jake, my resident foodie-in-training, will eat just about ANYTHING. He did have some food jags as a kid (mac and cheese, grilled cheese, oatmeal) and while I let him satisfy those at lunch or breakfast, dinner was non-negotiable. What I made was dinner and if you don't eat it, you don't eat. You CAN have a bowl of cereal before bed but that was it.

(I don't agree with re-heating the food the next day and forcing them to eat it. It would become a battle of the wills that I would not be interested in playing. Besides, I remember to THIS DAY foods that my Mom made that I hated, and I still will not eat.)

Food was never something I wanted to make an issue. If Jake was hungry, then he could eat. If not, then he didn't. I wanted him to learn how to listen to his body's cues.

What is interesting in MY house is that my husband is the one with the food issues. Both Hubs and Jake have sensory sensitivities and while Jake seeks out spicy/strong foods, Hubs prefers bland and repetitive. The list of things that he won't eat is HUGE.

I honestly don't mind catering to my husband, because if he doesn't like what I've made he'll go make himself a peanut butter sandwich. I want to make something he'll enjoy, so instead I viewed it as a challenge to come up with things that everyone likes. Still, I often end up making a variety of things for dinner. For instance, tonight Jake and I are having rosemary garlic grilled salmon, while Hubs gets a roasted chicken breast-with some leftover salad from yesterday, some steamed peas, whole wheat buns, and roasted potatoes.

Dinner was social. We talked about our day. I could have cared less if all Jake wanted was a bun, because I had always been told to look at what they ate over a week instead of only a day. I'd probably comment that my salmon was super yummy and offer him a bite, or Hubs would joke that he couldn't have any chicken because it was "just for the MAN of the house", but that's it.

We ate like this when Jake was small and he always could have a bit of everything, so there was always something on the table he would like. I very rarely make dessert, we almost never eat out, and I don't buy hardly any pre-packaged food.

These days Jake is a 13 year old bigger than me, with an appetite to match.

Wed, 2009-06-24 14:56

My approach with my son, who is eight, is similar to what Dana shared. When he was first eating table food, I tried to give him a big variety in the hopes that it would stretch his palate at an early age. As soon as possible, I started feeding him the same things that my hubby and I were eating.

The rule around our house is that my son eats what we eat. If he decides to eat, great. If not, he has to wait until the next meal. The only exception is that I allow him to substitute a vegetable for salad (he despises lettuce for some reason). My son is also is required to try a bite of his food before he takes on his usual role as a food critic.

My only other hard and fast rule is that he is forbidden to cry, whine, complain or tell me, "I hate that." If he cannot comply, all of the acceptable food on his plate is removed and he gets to enjoy a giant helping of the food that has caused him the great offense.

This rule came as a result of him blurting out his dissatisfaction with the meal when he was at someone else's house. I wanted him to be able to sit through a meal that wasn't necessarily his cup of tea without having a fit. It was more about having good manners than trying to force him to eat something. For the record, I've only had to enforce this rule once. It apparently made a lasting impression on his little mind.

I am proud to say that my son has always been a great eater. The fluctuations in his diet are most often related to quantity (eating everything in sight vs. eating like a bird). He eats a broader range of foods than many adults I know and is always willing to try new things.

I can also say that his palate has definitely changed over the years. Foods that were once unappealing, are now some of his favorites.

Wed, 2009-06-24 19:45

Good to know. My little boy is right now in the miraculous "I'm so excited I can shove this in my mouth and you won't try to take it from me" stage. He doesn't eat everything, but he eats a lot of things that even I would rather not eat (boiled kale anyone?) I had no idea that all of these healthy foods I've been ticking off his little food chart under LOVES IT could suddenly disappear when he turns into a toddler.

Thu, 2009-06-25 08:21

All of you with boys: remember your words and complaints, because when those boys become young men and eat every single thing in the fridge and pantry and THEN ask for dinner, you're going to wish for a little picky-eater syndrome on their part! :-)

All fear-mongering aside, though, the strategy that we use is a sort of non-caring strictness. You can eat or not, but you're not eating anything else until your plate is clean.

Like Giyen, I come from an Asian background. My parents immigrated to the US a long time ago and they still remember not having enough food, a much more difficult problem to have. They were able to instill in my brother and I a very healthy respect for food by simply not offering any other option than sitting there and eating everything and THEN??? Thanking the cook for the meal. Hopefully we'll be as successful with our kids as well.

Thu, 2009-06-25 08:33

For those of you with picky eaters who used to eat anything...think back to when it all changed. Most likely its not about the food, its about *control* over their own bodies and beings. This starts around age 2.

Food is not a battleground. It is nutrition and sustenance. Period. Its not a reward, or comfort, or a bargaining tool. There should be no reward for eating, and food itself shouldn't be a reward. Eating is what we do when our bodies need to refuel. Making it about anything else sets them - and you - up for a lifetime of food issues. YOU decide what and when, THEY decide if and how much. If they don't eat dinner, they'll be good and hungry at breakfast.

If your kid is a big eater early in the day, then make breakfast or lunch a big deal. Dinner doesn't have to be the most substantial meal of the day. The only *rule* worth enforcing is that each food item be tasted. One bite. They don't have to like it or finish it...they just have to try it. Once they figure out your unemotional attitude is "eat or don't eat. Your choice. Next meal is breakfast tomorrow" they'll stop bargaining.

Put less food on their plates. 2 or 3 bites at most of any particular item. If they are still hungry they'll ask for more. They can have more of any item as long as they clear their plate.

Just a few generations ago, there were so many less food choices. You got oatmeal or eggs for breakfast. Lunch was soup or a sandwich. Dinner was meat & potatoes. Food wasn't marketed as "fun" for kids. "Fast food" was a piece of fruit eaten on the go. We expect our kids to eat a wide variety, when in fact even we weren't provided the same variety.

How many of you had parents who made a separate meal for you? How 'adventurous' were your food choices?

Fri, 2009-06-26 09:32

I had to laugh at Rebecca's comments about Cheerios, because I LIVED on Cheerios and milk as a kid. I was an extremely picky eater. My main foods of choice were Cheerios, PB&Js, mac & cheese, and Taco Bell tacos. I ate a few other things (plain spaghetti, plain rice, apples, raw carrots, plain iceberg lettuce) but there were far more foods I refused to touch than ones I'd eat. If a food felt funny in my mouth or smelled bad, even if it tasted good, I wouldn't eat it. No, not *wouldn't* - I COULDN'T eat it. I wished for years that I liked apple pie because it smelled so good and you ate it with ice cream and everyone else liked it...but I didn't learn to like it till I was an adult. I hated being so picky, hated that I ate so differently from most kids, but it wasn't something I was able to change till I was much older. I'm 34 years old and when my mom sees me eating and enjoying onions and beans and cauliflower she still shakes her head a little in disbelief. That's how bad the picky years were.

Now, I love all kinds of food. By the time I was in high school, I'd broadened my diet considerably, at least to the point where I could eat some foods I disliked to be polite. And by the time I hit my 20s, I was eating a much, MUCH wider variety of foods. I think a lot of it had to do with learning to cook for myself, which meant I could prepare food the way I liked. I learned that I didn't dislike spinach or peas completely, I just didn't like the canned versions (which we always ate when I was growing up). I might not like chop suey from a can, but I love all different kinds of stir-fry.

My mom was pretty good about not pushing me to eat when I was a kid. She tried to always make sure there was at least one thing I liked on the dinner table, and I had to eat a bite or two of everything else, but then I was allowed to say "no thanks" to the rest. I was allowed to make myself PB&Js and bowls of Cheerios when I was old enough to do so, too.

Mon, 2009-06-29 02:18