Are Your Kids Bad Eaters?

Ewgwergjhvw

Thu, 2010-03-04 10:38

I've tried a lot of the things recommended on my 4-year-old daughter.. mostly bribes, making her sit there until she eats it, not letting her spit out food, giving it to her again the next day... and in return I usually get incredulous looks, kicked under the table, a watery disintegration of what was originally food that I let her spit out an hour later, and limp food I wouldn't eat either (in that order).
I think my daughter is pretty persistent (read: stubborn), although I'm sure most parents would say that about their kids, and a lot of the forcing methods didn't work, and definitely didn't make her like the food... which is more the ultimate goal than getting her to digest 2 bites of the food... although that's easily forgotten during our dinner table power plays.
Anyway, what has worked most consistently for us was a serendipitous occurrence.. I started buying all of our produce locally at a market, where everything smells AMAZING and it's outdoors. My daughter started shopping for our fruits and vegetables with me, and I think the combination of outside, to-die-for aroma, friendly people, and control won her over. Food became less about what I forced down her gullet while we sat in chairs inside at the same time every night, and more about trusting her senses and picking out what smelled the best and participating in her own experience. The first day we went to the market, she ate a carrot, 3 peaches, cantaloupe, and Asian melon. I just kept staring at her like she had lobsters coming out of her ears. The first time I bought grass-fed beef to make bulgolgi, she ate 2 entire pieces voluntarily. This girl that formerly would not eat meat if it was slathered in chocolate and did a little dance. So even if you're not convinced about the particulars of buying local or organic (which I wasn't completely until this wonderful moment we call The Tasting), it's worth a shot to get your kids to actually eat.

Mon, 2009-07-20 13:53

The title of this subject SHOULD BE "Am I making way too big a deal about my child's eating?" People, you are in control of the food that is presented to your child and how much attention you pay to it. Here is the perfect attitude to take toward your child's eating once YOU serve dinner for the whole family...indifference. It doesn't matter whether or not he/she eats veggies, meat, potatoes, spaghetti, etc. This is the food. The next meal will be breakfast which I again will pick and which you again can refuse to eat. But I simply am not going to make this an issue. After breakfast, there will be lunch which I again will pick. Late afternoon here is a small snack which again, I will choose. Next meal...dinner.

And here's the good news..whether you follow this advice or not, it doesn't matter truly in the future health of your child. It's only a question of how crazy you want to get about this but just don't complain because it is totally in your hands.

Sat, 2009-07-04 12:50

Hi .. I'm a little late on this too so hoping you will read this!

btw .. love love love your website! love the panelists and really enjoy watching (and learning from) these video's.

I didn't have a chance to read the comments above yet but this is just my take on kids and eating.

When I was young, I had one vegetable I would eat: corn from a can! I think I ate that vegetable for 3 yrs straight, every dinner. I had two older sisters, and I'm sure they had similar distastes for other veggies. My mom just made two-three veggies and we took our pick. We were brought up in a very british eating style (say .. boooooring....) mum was not british though so when dad was away we could sometimes have pasta or pizza. But when dad was home meat and potatoes. Anyway, to the point. My parents NEVER ever made us eat anything we didn't like. They never ever re-heated food for another meal if we didn't eat it. I believe I did have a limited palette at a young age but we grew to love food, and now I love ALL foods .. could honestly eat anything, maybe have a slight distain towards calamari and olives, but will eat if necessary! (like at a party or something...).

For my son (8) I do the same. I think he is similar to me. He will eat only corn/brocoli/green beans and raw carrots and cucs. That's it for veggies. His palette is growing, he recently eats pb dumplings which a year ago he would have frowned on. A year ago I did say "have a try" and see if he liked it. he didn't, but he got the taste it. The one thing he does not eat yet is salmon. But I hated that as a young child too. I LOVE salmon now, eat it at least twice a week. So I make chicken for him those days, I'm not going to force something he is not ready to eat. I feel that would ruin that food for later, when he's ready. We do have a rule of some veggie and some protien at dinner and really have not had a problem enforcing that. We also allow treat nights of pizza, or hotdogs, something that is not my preference but that makes him happy some of the time. Then I find it's easier to have him give in a little to trying new things we offer him.

Bottom line, do what's in your gut, offer maybe 4 or 5 small bits of varied healthy food on the plate and hope they eat half of it. Keep experimenting and you will find that your child will grow to LOVE food!

happy eating!

Sarah (Montreal)

Thu, 2009-07-02 10:02

I had to laugh at Rebecca's comments about Cheerios, because I LIVED on Cheerios and milk as a kid. I was an extremely picky eater. My main foods of choice were Cheerios, PB&Js, mac & cheese, and Taco Bell tacos. I ate a few other things (plain spaghetti, plain rice, apples, raw carrots, plain iceberg lettuce) but there were far more foods I refused to touch than ones I'd eat. If a food felt funny in my mouth or smelled bad, even if it tasted good, I wouldn't eat it. No, not *wouldn't* - I COULDN'T eat it. I wished for years that I liked apple pie because it smelled so good and you ate it with ice cream and everyone else liked it...but I didn't learn to like it till I was an adult. I hated being so picky, hated that I ate so differently from most kids, but it wasn't something I was able to change till I was much older. I'm 34 years old and when my mom sees me eating and enjoying onions and beans and cauliflower she still shakes her head a little in disbelief. That's how bad the picky years were.

Now, I love all kinds of food. By the time I was in high school, I'd broadened my diet considerably, at least to the point where I could eat some foods I disliked to be polite. And by the time I hit my 20s, I was eating a much, MUCH wider variety of foods. I think a lot of it had to do with learning to cook for myself, which meant I could prepare food the way I liked. I learned that I didn't dislike spinach or peas completely, I just didn't like the canned versions (which we always ate when I was growing up). I might not like chop suey from a can, but I love all different kinds of stir-fry.

My mom was pretty good about not pushing me to eat when I was a kid. She tried to always make sure there was at least one thing I liked on the dinner table, and I had to eat a bite or two of everything else, but then I was allowed to say "no thanks" to the rest. I was allowed to make myself PB&Js and bowls of Cheerios when I was old enough to do so, too.

Mon, 2009-06-29 03:18

For those of you with picky eaters who used to eat anything...think back to when it all changed. Most likely its not about the food, its about *control* over their own bodies and beings. This starts around age 2.

Food is not a battleground. It is nutrition and sustenance. Period. Its not a reward, or comfort, or a bargaining tool. There should be no reward for eating, and food itself shouldn't be a reward. Eating is what we do when our bodies need to refuel. Making it about anything else sets them - and you - up for a lifetime of food issues. YOU decide what and when, THEY decide if and how much. If they don't eat dinner, they'll be good and hungry at breakfast.

If your kid is a big eater early in the day, then make breakfast or lunch a big deal. Dinner doesn't have to be the most substantial meal of the day. The only *rule* worth enforcing is that each food item be tasted. One bite. They don't have to like it or finish it...they just have to try it. Once they figure out your unemotional attitude is "eat or don't eat. Your choice. Next meal is breakfast tomorrow" they'll stop bargaining.

Put less food on their plates. 2 or 3 bites at most of any particular item. If they are still hungry they'll ask for more. They can have more of any item as long as they clear their plate.

Just a few generations ago, there were so many less food choices. You got oatmeal or eggs for breakfast. Lunch was soup or a sandwich. Dinner was meat & potatoes. Food wasn't marketed as "fun" for kids. "Fast food" was a piece of fruit eaten on the go. We expect our kids to eat a wide variety, when in fact even we weren't provided the same variety.

How many of you had parents who made a separate meal for you? How 'adventurous' were your food choices?

Fri, 2009-06-26 10:32

All of you with boys: remember your words and complaints, because when those boys become young men and eat every single thing in the fridge and pantry and THEN ask for dinner, you're going to wish for a little picky-eater syndrome on their part! :-)

All fear-mongering aside, though, the strategy that we use is a sort of non-caring strictness. You can eat or not, but you're not eating anything else until your plate is clean.

Like Giyen, I come from an Asian background. My parents immigrated to the US a long time ago and they still remember not having enough food, a much more difficult problem to have. They were able to instill in my brother and I a very healthy respect for food by simply not offering any other option than sitting there and eating everything and THEN??? Thanking the cook for the meal. Hopefully we'll be as successful with our kids as well.

Thu, 2009-06-25 09:33

Good to know. My little boy is right now in the miraculous "I'm so excited I can shove this in my mouth and you won't try to take it from me" stage. He doesn't eat everything, but he eats a lot of things that even I would rather not eat (boiled kale anyone?) I had no idea that all of these healthy foods I've been ticking off his little food chart under LOVES IT could suddenly disappear when he turns into a toddler.

Thu, 2009-06-25 09:21

My approach with my son, who is eight, is similar to what Dana shared. When he was first eating table food, I tried to give him a big variety in the hopes that it would stretch his palate at an early age. As soon as possible, I started feeding him the same things that my hubby and I were eating.

The rule around our house is that my son eats what we eat. If he decides to eat, great. If not, he has to wait until the next meal. The only exception is that I allow him to substitute a vegetable for salad (he despises lettuce for some reason). My son is also is required to try a bite of his food before he takes on his usual role as a food critic.

My only other hard and fast rule is that he is forbidden to cry, whine, complain or tell me, "I hate that." If he cannot comply, all of the acceptable food on his plate is removed and he gets to enjoy a giant helping of the food that has caused him the great offense.

This rule came as a result of him blurting out his dissatisfaction with the meal when he was at someone else's house. I wanted him to be able to sit through a meal that wasn't necessarily his cup of tea without having a fit. It was more about having good manners than trying to force him to eat something. For the record, I've only had to enforce this rule once. It apparently made a lasting impression on his little mind.

I am proud to say that my son has always been a great eater. The fluctuations in his diet are most often related to quantity (eating everything in sight vs. eating like a bird). He eats a broader range of foods than many adults I know and is always willing to try new things.

I can also say that his palate has definitely changed over the years. Foods that were once unappealing, are now some of his favorites.

Wed, 2009-06-24 20:45

I've been lucky as a Mom-Jake, my resident foodie-in-training, will eat just about ANYTHING. He did have some food jags as a kid (mac and cheese, grilled cheese, oatmeal) and while I let him satisfy those at lunch or breakfast, dinner was non-negotiable. What I made was dinner and if you don't eat it, you don't eat. You CAN have a bowl of cereal before bed but that was it.

(I don't agree with re-heating the food the next day and forcing them to eat it. It would become a battle of the wills that I would not be interested in playing. Besides, I remember to THIS DAY foods that my Mom made that I hated, and I still will not eat.)

Food was never something I wanted to make an issue. If Jake was hungry, then he could eat. If not, then he didn't. I wanted him to learn how to listen to his body's cues.

What is interesting in MY house is that my husband is the one with the food issues. Both Hubs and Jake have sensory sensitivities and while Jake seeks out spicy/strong foods, Hubs prefers bland and repetitive. The list of things that he won't eat is HUGE.

I honestly don't mind catering to my husband, because if he doesn't like what I've made he'll go make himself a peanut butter sandwich. I want to make something he'll enjoy, so instead I viewed it as a challenge to come up with things that everyone likes. Still, I often end up making a variety of things for dinner. For instance, tonight Jake and I are having rosemary garlic grilled salmon, while Hubs gets a roasted chicken breast-with some leftover salad from yesterday, some steamed peas, whole wheat buns, and roasted potatoes.

Dinner was social. We talked about our day. I could have cared less if all Jake wanted was a bun, because I had always been told to look at what they ate over a week instead of only a day. I'd probably comment that my salmon was super yummy and offer him a bite, or Hubs would joke that he couldn't have any chicken because it was "just for the MAN of the house", but that's it.

We ate like this when Jake was small and he always could have a bit of everything, so there was always something on the table he would like. I very rarely make dessert, we almost never eat out, and I don't buy hardly any pre-packaged food.

These days Jake is a 13 year old bigger than me, with an appetite to match.

Wed, 2009-06-24 15:56

Ah crap! My son is 21 months old and has been a terrible eater the whole time! And I totally thought he'd get better as he got older. CRAP! I got nothin! Like the kid eats cottage cheese like there's going to be shortage, other dairy products like cheese strings, yogurt, cream cheese, and he'll eat grapes and apples. But here...here is how I deal with this issue for now. I live where you have to ship in your groceries, aside from a small store that carry's some essentials that cost so much it could put you in the red in your bank account, and my thought is this...at least I'm not wasting food. At least he'll eat what he eats and it won't go to waste. At least I know what to buy him. I always offer him what we're eating...and sometimes he'll surprise us and try...but if not. Pffff...at least I know what to give him. Probably not the best approach but I know someday we'll make progress. And I do make him the chickpea chocolate chip cookies from "deceptively delicious" and he loves them so I think there is definite potential to hide the "good stuff" in the good stuff later in life.

I do remember when I was a child I hated peanut butter. I hated how it stuck to my mouth, how strong the flavor was....hated it! I mean what kid does?? But now I think it's great. So I do think children's palates are definitely underdeveloped. Oh and I went through a stage where I would only eat chicken but didn't always like the way my mom made the chicken. Crap again...it's payback!

Tue, 2009-06-23 19:28

Okies, so I'm one of those hated mothers who has a 4 year old who eats EVERYTHING. And I know this will come back to bite me when the next one is born, but here were some of our tips:

We make one meal and one meal only. She can help choose the meal (from what we've got), but she has to eat one of my choices. If she doesn't eat, she can go hungry, and when she IS hungry, I'll reheat until it's either gone, or (as stated in the video) it starts going bad.

She shops with us. And she gets to help pick out meals. BUT she has to have at least one type of veggie with each meal, and we only make pasta AT MOST 2x per week. And she has to pick out some fruit to eat for lunch.

When we DO go out to eat, she is offered (coerced, at first, lol) some of our food. Consequently, she has tried (but doesn't much like) steak (dad's fave), and she LOVES lobster in butter (one of mom's faves). Plus, being an only child around adults, she noticed that adults eat salad, so now she craves it so long as she gets to pick the dressing.

That's not to say she's not a pizza lover, or doesn't try to eat every piece of chocolate or pasta that she can get her hands on (and to all of you who thought that offering chicken strips on your menu was a GOOD idea, can I please beat you now? *grin*) - but she's not given much of a choice for NOT eating. There ARE things that she doesn't like (like the prev. mentioned steak), which, like we would for an adult, we've decided isn't SO important that we have to have it every week (besides, steak can be expensive!). And we look at it this way: if we (hubs and I) had to suffer in silence over a plate of cold green beans (which we STILL hate to this day!), then there's nothing wrong with her doing a little suffering of her own when SHE doesn't want to eat.

Added note: the thing about the palate changing? Could be true. But it's just as likely that there's something in the cheerios and milk that they're NEEDING in their diet at the moment that they can get easiest through the cereal. Everyone goes through phases where certain food sounds better than others. Of course, it COULD be that, as you said, bland food is just tasting better at the moment. I've gone through phases like that - spicy for a month or two, then corn and mashed potatoes for a while, then times when I eat meat at like, every meal. Normal to me.

Tue, 2009-06-23 16:04

Two thoughts before I even watch the whole thing:
1) anybody who says "my kid eats only junk food" makes me think of cat owners who say "my cat will only eat [X brand finicky food]" -- I mean, why do they think they have alternatives? what happened to Eat This or Go Hungry?

2) there's research showing that a reward changes perception of the thing that earned it -- i.e., toys are rated as less fun when a cookie is offered as a bribe for playing with them. ("they can't be all that fun, or they wouldn't be bribing me" is essentially in effect.) so this can't be the way to get kids to eat more broadly.

That said, it's tough if "good eaters" become picky eaters, it's especially tough because you know it's not "real" in that regard (i.e., the food can't taste bad to them). If you didn't have food battles early, it's a drag that they arise later. On the other hand, I feel like I ate mostly hamburgers or fried chicken from 5-10, and I eat just about everything now, so some early exposure must have stuck (or at least repetition doesn't spell a lifelong doom). I get the sense that all kids eat weirdly in the toddler zone, at least, so maybe this is something we all get to look forward to.

(p.s.) loved Dana's reheat punishment. do they relent, or just super-hate those foods? also, I've heard that it helps to get the kids into the kitchen as early as possible; if nothing else, they're much more likely to eat food they helped cook.

(p.p.s.) in response to another commenter, I can say that there are *definitely* palate issues. in fact, I can remember a period during which the smell of cooking cauliflower made me close to vomit. no amount of ketchup or gulped milk really helps with that...

Tue, 2009-06-23 10:03

Rebecca, here are my two cents, for what they're worth:

Try putting a "hook" food on the plate to start eating momentum. (For my four year old, this might be strawberries, pretzels, a little yogurt, a slice of buttered bread...)

Don't look at the child while he or she eats. Focus on conversation and don't let the eating (or not eating) become the focus of the meal.

Refuse to negotiate. Put together a realistic plate to be eaten or not eaten. No debate. Dinner is for family time together, not fighting.

Nap for hours before dinner, so you have the energy for this trial (Ha ha!)

I agree, too, that having him help prepare dinner helps investment. My son is four, but he can wash beans (okay, he wastes water when he does it), peel sweet potatoes (granted, with help), cut the ends off of garlic with a butter knife (big hit, using a knife), fill pots with water, measure out pasta, blah blah.

I think the biggest shift for us was deciding that (as much as we love delicious food) dinner is about socialization more than eating what's put in front of you. If he doesn't want to eat it, so be it, but he needs to pursue his hunger strike silently and without drama. We stopped buying into the drama. (He was winning, quite frankly.)

I guess I'm saying that if he eats well 2/3 of the day and isn't a bastard to the cook and/or his hosts over his dinner preferences, I consider my job done as a parent.

My sister says there are no good children after 4 p.m. I think that has as much to do with dinner fights as anything else...

Take care and good luck!

Mon, 2009-06-22 19:25

Niether of my two preschool children eat! The younger one seems to have learned quickly from the older one that only a select few of highly processed foods are edible. Nothing green AT ALL. Not a single veggie. The older one at least eats the occasional apple or tomato, but would eat an Oscar Meyer bologna lunchable every.single.meal. if he could. I refuse to fight with them over dinner, so I often provide something they'll eat, or else they do go hungry. I believe you can't force a kid to try something, eating is one of the very few things kids can control themselves so they will exert that control whenever possible. I'd rather pick other battles.

Mon, 2009-06-22 14:39