November 07, 2008
Making new friends can be really hard after you have kids, but blogs and social networks can help moms keep in touch and meet new friends online. Asha Dornfest of Parent Hacks wants to know: Are your online friends as important as your real friends? Share your experiences by posting a comment on this episode.
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17 Comments
Lomwefgbnbv
Thu, 2010-03-04 10:54
Lomwefgbnbv
Wed, 2010-03-03 18:21
I have recently become a hermit. NO seriously. I've been accused by a few IRL friends of pretty much falling off the face of the earth. And in all seriousness, whether it's seasonal depression (I live in the northeast, it's possible), the fact that my 20 month old daughter has been in the past 4 months diagnosed with all sorts of developmental delays, started seeing all sorts of EI specialists, started school, the fact I've started back at part time work OR ALL OF IT being just overwhelming at times. The point is that aside from a few real life relationships, and one real life friend who I basically communicate with through email because we both have toddlers and isn't that just easier? - I find that online communities are just easier because to go through the entire SAGA with somebody who hasn't heard it or been there for it is too much work, too much time that I don't have and I really just can't wrap my head around it EVEN FOR SOME OF MY BEST FRIENDS ... Will I feel that way a year, two from now? Dunno, can't think about that - I really just have today.
Fri, 2009-11-20 11:30
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Fri, 2009-01-16 22:02
I've found what many of you are talking about in that recently, my good friends in real life are hopping online. Unfortunately, I stay in better contact with friends who come online than I do with those who aren't. Now when I get together with them in real life it's as if no time has passed at all, and I absolutely love that comfortable feeling.
Thu, 2008-12-11 00:16
I started to post a reply to this and wound up with a wicked case of verbal diarrhea, so I blogged it instead. But thank you thank you thank you for prompting the spew - it was quite cathartic.
Wed, 2008-12-10 21:36
I've found the buffer of the internet gave us the opportunity to get real and be ourselves without any real-life, social awkwardness. By the time I got together with these women in a real-life situation they already knew my hang-ups, insecurities or strengths. My friendships online seem almost more real sometimes.
Wed, 2008-12-10 19:22
My online friends are much more important to me than my "IRL" friends. They know me better than the IRL friends know me and whats more is I can be ME for my online friends. I don't have to lie. I can tell them the absolute truth and know that they will either not reply or will tell me they know eactly what I am talking about.
I made friends through Babyfit.com when I was pregnant with Jaxon back in 2006. I have three very close friends, two in Pittsburg, one in South Africa. We're all close. We have never ever met face to face. But we have sent thousands of photo's, thousands of texts. Hundreds of video's. We've sent packages and birthday presents. I often have to ask them to buy things for me because they're not available here in Australia. I wake up each morning and I have 200 email's and four texts. Not that I asnwer each and every email, or respond to texts as much as I'd like. But they're there all the time.
When I had my nervous breakdown 4 months after Jaxon was born, they knew it was coming. But hardly anyone in my life knew it was happening because they just didn't want to see it. Even though they saw me holding a crying baby (and even though I wept myself) all day long with eyes popping out of my head, none of them thought to say "can I take that baby for you? Go and lay down" And I didn't ask because I didn't want to "push the boundaries of friendship" But my on line friends knew and tried to help. Another thing is when I was away from Tim and in hospital for four weeks, I got letter's and gifts and encouragement from all over the world via snail mail. Letter's saying they wanted to be with me and hug me. yet the real friends, who COULD have come to visit, just didn't. They didn't even call.
Maybe that says more about me as a friend to the real life freinds, but I don't know. My online friends have saved my life, made me laugh and cry and shared more with me than anyone I get to meet down the street, or have over for dinner. I love them with all of my heart and wish, that I could win lotto so we could all go and live on an island together.
There is a LOT to be said for a friendship where you can bare all. Where you can say the absolute truth and not worry about what is going to get said back to you without judgement. I don't think I could live without that freedom and I certainly don't have it at the dinner table where I have to hold my tongue on many issues.
I hope to make friendships like that here too.
Boo of http://discoverboo.com/
Sun, 2008-11-23 21:48
My friends in 'real life' (this makes me think of the Douglas Adams quote "He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.") are also my online friends. We are all so busy that we usually only see each other at school events or book club meetings, so we rely on the internet to stay connected.
While I DO love my online life (I check my blog list daily and get VERY cranky if I for more than a week without writing on my own blog), I need the human interaction - especially from my students. Seeing them, conversing with them (even the conversations that cost me brain cells), and, most importantly, laughing with them, makes me ... well, whole.
Sat, 2008-11-08 12:11
Sigh. I hate to admit it but I could live online happily. I have made very, very close friendships online. I made a best friend through emails and blog exchanges and we've only met twice. Online friendships can be more intimate and the conversations that take place have fewer land mines within because we're able to take more time to communicate. When I write a blog post, an email or even a tweet, I'm able to think just a little bit longer on what I want to say than if I'm forced to come up with something on the spot. Also, online friends are not as high-maintenance as RL friends.
I remember a time when I used to like to get away from the computer for a few days. Now, it makes me ill and causes me to hyperventilate. Do you think my keyboard keys are somehow laced with crack?
Fri, 2008-11-07 22:24
Since I am a hermit, my online friends are my only friends. I think a better question for me is, are your online friends better than the friends you have on tv? The answer is yes, my online friends are better than say Keith Olberman or Lauren Conrad from the Hills, because they actually respond to me.
All kidding aside, I differentiate online and friends in real life in this way:
My friends are a really diverse group of people who share some commonalities with me, but not really with each other. For the most part, my friends are a United Nations of people with a lot of different objectives in life.They make my life very colorful and more often times than not, I am dragged to do something I ordinarily wouldn't do. It adds depth to my everyday.
My online friends are really diverse group of people who have come together in for a common purpose - to build an online community. When you talk to a group with a common purpose, there often times is a synergy that brings you together. This is a different kind of good.
As a general rule, I spend way more time online though.
Giyen aka www.baconismyenemy.com
Fri, 2008-11-07 21:29
Back when I was going through a nasty separation and divorce, I blogged daily, and the online friends who I had never met in real life became a real source of comfort and encouragement. I could express myself anonymously, basically pour my guts out, to strangers easier than to real life friends. I guess there's no fear of judgment if people don't know your real name.
Now that I'm back in the land of the living, and not blogging anonymously, I find that I don't "need" my virtual friends in the same way. Also, as Facebook and other social sites have become popular, many real friends are also virtual friends, both long- and short-distance.
I still value the virtual friends I made, though, and I keep in touch with a few of them. Hey, I've even told them my real name! :)
Fri, 2008-11-07 19:29
I try to keep it in balance. And, for me they offer different things. Online, it is about my thoughts, what I have to say, it's more of the cerebral fulfillment. While I get that sometimes offline, although rarely because I think the business of life makes deeper conversation difficult, the real life friends are for sharing the slings and arrows of day to day life. I guess this plays into my identity as a blogger also. I blog more in a journalistic fashion, and really shy away from diary...it slips in here and there, but it's not the point for me.
Fri, 2008-11-07 14:53
I have found that in recent years all my real life friends have become my online friends. My hubby is in the military so we move every 3 years. As you can imagine, this means I have to make new friends every 3 years. I keep in touch with my "old" friends almost solely through email or certain social-networking sites that shall remain nameless. This is important because with every move it becomes harder to find good friends and establish close relationships.
Now I only wish I could establish more friendships with cool mommy bloggers like yourselves. I am consistently amazed by your wealth of talents as well as your sense of humor!
Fri, 2008-11-07 13:47
One of my closest real life friends, J. started blogging this year, and she recently described one of her real life only friends telling her she resented the time J. was spending on the computer instead of doing "real life" socializing. J. said it reminded her of some of her own feelings when I first started blogging and she just didn't get it. But J. has a new baby and we live 2000 miles apart and many of our phone calls are punctuated by small child needs, and so we have discovered this nice balance of thoughtfulness in blogs/comments and relaxed phone calls where we know that if everything doesn't get said, we'll get around to it eventually. Because my husband's internet-techie career has meant living in five different cities in the thirteen years we've been married, I love getting to have friends from different places and stages of my life interacting with each other in the comments on the blog.
Fri, 2008-11-07 12:51
Because I live in Los Angeles and the majority of my friends are still in Chicago, my online friends ARE my real-life friends. They read my blog and use email and Facebook/MySpace as a form of daily communication from across the continent, after all in this economy I am trying to keep my phone bills to a minimum.
In regards to the fabulous women & mothers I have met "on-line", they are a great support group and phenominal parenting tool. Again, being so far away from my old home, it's been an adjustment trying to find other women who not only connect with me, but have the time to develop new friendships. Between children, husbands, careers and other commitments ... women just have very full plates.
Fri, 2008-11-07 11:35
Sadly my online friends are sometimes more important than my RL friends! I've had VERY good friends since I was pregnant with my now 6 year old. There's a core group of 6 of us that talk every day on our forum, chatting, sharing problems, etc. It's easier sometimes to get quick feedback or vent and get perspective.
And honestly many of my online friends have become my RL friends - we've met in person, send each other gifts, etc.
In today's world - online is our "village". Many of us don't have our immediate, or even extended, family around us for help, advice, tears and laughs. Many new moms don't get the adult interaction unless they join a playgroup or head to the mall. Online forums and social networking offer a solution to that ... something to do while the baby sleeps or when you're suffering from insomnia at 2:00 in the morning!
Fri, 2008-11-07 11:32