November 13, 2008
Natural childbirth or C-section? It's a popular question, but Daphne Brogdon of Cool Mom wonders: What's with all the judgment around a mom's childbirth choices? Watch what the ladies of Momversation say, and tell us what you think. Is there a "right" or "normal" way to have a baby? And what's the best way to deal with the judgment? Let us know what your experience was by leaving a comment here and checking out our related forums:
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43 Comments
Ewgwergjhvw
Thu, 2010-03-04 10:17
Ewgwergjhvw
Wed, 2010-03-03 17:47
I think you do what you need to do for you and your baby. This is true for all major and minor choices in parenting. That is the joy and burden of being the mommy, you have the freedom to be the kind of parent you want to be.
I am terrified of having a c-section. Mostly because getting that long needle put in my back was the worst part of my labor experience. My next child I will try to go at it 100% natural. I will boohoo and have a short pity party if mother nature says no to my birth plan. And I think it is OK to feel disappointed a little bit if the birth of your child is not what you planned. However, aside from my parade getting rained out, I will move on. I'll grit my teeth as they shoot me up with fantastic drugs, and I will embrace the c-section experience.
HOWEVER, other than my husband no one, NO ONE, is allowed to hold or sees my baby until I have left recovery and held and nursed my baby!!! Do you hear me? NO ONE!
Sat, 2009-09-05 18:41
I gave birth on 08/11 and in my original comment I was rather freaked out about delivering vaginally and was praying for a C-section. To be honest I just could not imagine something so large getting pushed out of something that appeared to be so much smaller. Anyways... I did end up delivering vaginally and it was no where as bad as I had imagined. Yes - things are a little "messed up down there" but I am sure I am better off than if I had to have incisions in my abdomen and uterus.
Once again this shows me that you never know what you are capable of until you get to actually experience it.
Fri, 2009-08-21 15:38
Um....WHAT GRAPEFRUIT????
I'm not a mother myself but I do plan to have a baby someday, probably in the next few years, and I'm fascinated by how much there is about childbirth that is not commonly known by those of us who haven't done it. I feel like I hear something new about it every day!
So tell me, what is this grapefruit business?
Tue, 2009-07-07 20:56
Oh. My. God.
I spent half of my pregnancy defending my choice of having my son in the hospital. There are a lot of mothers in my area who have had doulas and given birth at The Birthing Center here. I totally and completely respect that.
I am impressed by the courage it takes to go through labor and delivery at home, in a bathtub or in a Birthing Center. However, for myself and for my husband as well, we knew that neither of us could live with ourselves if something were to have happened during labor or delivery that required more medical intervention than a midwife could give.
I know they would take you to the hospital, call the "On Call" doctor who supports the Birthing Center, or call an ambulance.
But look.
Five minutes with no oxygen is a long time. Thats all I'm saying.
I was extremely comforted in knowing that the NICU was upstairs, there were surgeons and perinatologists, and neonatologists in the same building as we were.
Fri, 2009-01-09 19:25
Just throwing this out there not to be confrontational but just to provide information.
Midwives and birth centers are extremely equipped with a vast array of emergency equipment including oxygen.
Thu, 2009-01-22 12:55
After my children's births I did feel like a failure as a woman - mainly because almost every other woman I knew regarded her birthing experience as "wonderful" and "transforming" and as a central part of her identity as a woman. I don't feel that way. My children's births were by C-section, no labour, for complications that were an immediate threat to all our lives.
I don't think we should use words like "natural" deliveries - stillbirths are also "natural". "Natural" doesn't mean live deliveries, without injuries or what's best for everyone. What matters is "successful" deliveries - mother and baby survived the birth and will recover.
Wed, 2009-01-07 18:42
I agree. I think that birthing is an extremely personal experience and that if, in the end, both mommy and baby are healthy and safe - then it doesn't matter how they got there.
Fri, 2009-01-09 19:30
I guess I found the tone of this video frustrating. "Earth moms"... kind of rude, huh. Anyway, I don't think there is a tyranny of births. If you see us Earth moms bragging about our natural, vaginal, unmedicated, homebirths it is because we were told by just about everyone that it wasn't possible.
When I was 7 months pregnant I was telling people at a neighborhood party that I wanted a natural childbirth. I was laughed at. Literally one mom (of 3 girls) laughed at me and told me she'd be calling me at hour six of my labor to see if I still wanted a natural childbirth. And I was told of how many moms had to have c-sections and how unsafe and stupid I was for not having a hospital birth. So yea, when I did it, when I birthed a 9 pound baby, with a 5 hour pushing phase, in the water with my wonderful midwife, yea, I bragged. Hell yea, I did. I was proud of myself.
I never discredited or put down anyone else's birth choice. It is none of my business. But did I go on about how wonderful my birth was, you bet I did. It was an amazing feat for me and I am so proud of myself.
Tue, 2009-01-06 13:14
I've had both a c-section and a VBAC, and for me vaginal birth was much easier to recover from. But I really needed that c-section, much as I didn't want it! I would've had my second baby by c-section if necessary, but I'm glad I had the option to try a vag delivery again. Not every hospital allows VBACs, so the "choice" thing goes both ways.
I think the only danger I see with optional c-sections is that there's not enough information out there about the potential problems and complications. For example my son (the c-section baby) was born "grunting," which is a breathing problem that c-section babies can be prone to. But in the end, both types of birth have complications and potential problems, so you have to make the best, safest decision for both you and your baby.
I've been really happy with using midwives for my prenatal care, primarily because I think they've been great about listening to me and do a good job of teaching me what I really need to know for my particular situation. However you want to deliver, make sure you really like and trust your care provider. Then trust yourself and ignore everyone else!
Tue, 2008-12-23 12:53
Seriously I am praying for a C-section with my first child.
Mon, 2008-12-15 21:27
It seems to me that childbirth is the only area of health where some people say, "No, I don't want to take advantage of the most recent developments in medicine and technology." You never hear someone with a cavity decline Novocaine, you don't hear kidney patients struggle over whether to dialysis, and you don't hear cancer patients go at it naturally, so why is that some women are judged harshly if they do decide to accept medical treatments that either make the experience more safe or comfortable.
Like almost any tough subject, there's a lot of polarizing views on both ends. Live and let live, people.
Mon, 2008-12-15 07:03
It is not that we turn away from advanced medicine. It is just that many women believe that pregnancy and birth aren't a medical situation. I believe the medical advances in the Labor and Delivery field are wonderful and great for the people that need them. But just because a women is about to have birth doesn't mean she will need every spec of technology made. I have no problems with women who chose to birth that way, that is what makes them feel the safest and most comfortable.
It is not my choice, but again I have tons of respect for the medical community and am thankful that these technologies exists. If my homebirth or pregnancy needed them I would 100% be on board with that. But just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I need that.
I don't think this has to be polarizing, I think both sides can find common ground.
And honestly, I have never met a natural birth mama judge another mama for not having a natural birth. Not ever, and I hang out in several "natural" communities. FWIW.
Tue, 2009-01-06 14:06
I'm one of those lucky gals who had a C-section with my first and then went for the vbac.
Someone told me a long time ago that there's no good way to have a baby and that seems to be the truth.
I'm not a fan of having major surgery or the little scar, but MAN, does it mess up your girl parts to have a baby come out the regular way.
My second child came really fast and with ease; I didn't have time for any drugs so I had the agonizing privilege of unmedicated birth and a tear instead of an episiotomy.
I really don't know what to say on this subject because as fun as it is getting them in there, it sucks getting them out.
Sun, 2008-12-14 19:08
I love this discussion. I'm up for the C Section ... I got scared after I saw a friend giving birth the old fashion way without any drugs ... that only confirmed even more my C section decision. What I still can't digest is that many doctors and hospital don't allow the women to choose the way she wants to deliver. I just believe it's our body and kid ... we should have the option of choosing the method we want to go with ... if we can choose to get a boob job, abortion and stuff why is it so hard to be the one to decide the route you want to go with.
Wed, 2008-12-10 10:57
After reading about my options I went with a natural birth. I had a midwife assisted childbirth at a freestanding birth center and have zero regrets. I don't think that people are tyrannical about vaginal births, I found that it is the other way around. I got a lot of "oh, you're one of THOSE people!" And "You will be screaming for drugs". I had 18 hours of hard, serious labor and it was rough, but nothing that I couldn't handle. I realize that sometimes there are situations that require a c section, but I do think that there are too many in this country. My midwife let me push for 5.5 hours. If I had been in a hospital 95% of Dr's would have not waited it out with me and I would have had major surgery.
Mon, 2008-12-08 19:28
I also was afraid of being cut open. My daughter was breech in spite of all my attempts to turn her and a week before my due date my birthing center told me all they could do for me now was to help me schedule a C-section at the hospital, it was out of their hands.
I totally didn't want a C-section and didn't think it would be necessary. I did a ton of research online and made some phone calls and through persistence and good fortune found a midwife who was highly experienced in breech to come help out at home. The birth was fast and smooth which felt like real vindication after the no-confidence vote by doctors and birthing center. I would not have been happy in a hospital, I know.
However, I have friends who've had C-sections who are great moms. The high rate of C-sections in this country is not a reflection on the mothers so much as the medical climate. People are scared into having them I think, but I personally was more scared of the idea of handing so much power over to strangers during that vulnerable state. I preferred to be more in control. Just get informed and try to be okay with the decisions you make.
Sun, 2008-12-07 15:12
Tyranny of vaginal births? HUH? I had a home birth, and I was treated by women like I was a lunatic. "Aren't you SCARED?" "Why would you CHOOSE to put your child in danger? That's so selfish!" "I can't believe your husband's letting you do this!" Look, I decided to have a home birth because I am TERRIFIED of being cut open. Plain and simple. I also spent a lot of time in hospitals as a child, and I don't like them. Didn't think I could do my best work there.
And let's face it folks, if there is a backlash against c-sections, it's because our country has an over reliance on them. The World Health Organization has spoken out against it. My home birth lasted four days. Four days of contractions. And my baby was born healthy, and I was fine. Had that happened at a hospital, I would have been cut open, and it would have been unnecessary. So I wouldn't say that's it's judgment of c-sections rather than a little bit of concern or fear that women's bodies are having to take a back seat to the legal priorities and decisions of convenience made by physicians. C-sections, after all, are major surgery!
Fri, 2008-12-05 17:48
I had what most people consider to be a perfect birth. It was four hours start to finish, completely intervention free, did a waterbirth. Popped out an 8lb 15oz perfectly healthy girl after only 45 minutes of pushing. Exactly as I had wanted it...but guess what? IT STILL HURT LIKE A MUTHA'!!! I swear I have PTSD from it and I'm not trying to be funny about that either. My daughter is almost five and it's still very vivid to me.
I have had I don't know how many friends have babies after me and I tell them all the same thing when they ask me what I think about the earthy birth vs. the more clinical birth...get that baby out the way you want and the best way you know how. The end goal is the same, a healthy baby and a healthy mom.
Fri, 2008-12-05 12:20
I haven't seen what you're speaking of. I do know all of the Moms who went natural (meaning no drugs and/or at home) are very passionate about doing things that way, but as far as c-section vs. vaginal I honestly haven't seen what was mentioned in the clip.
And let me just say that after having a 9 pounder vaginally I sometimes wished I would have had him c-section. All the vag issues I had from that delivery and the hemm's...goodness me! ;) It all worked out in the end but no one ever told me how much having a baby would tear up my downstairs...and I'm about to have my third one. Guess all the "negative" about having a big baby vaginally isn't really that negative or I would never have had another one...let alone two, huh?
I say, whatever feels best to YOU go for it. Only YOU know what is best for your body and your baby. Not even your doctor always knows what is best...so follow your gut and don't worry what others say.
Nell
Fri, 2008-11-28 17:42
Janice and I both ended up delivering our babies vaginally, but I don't think either of us worried about any pressure or guilt if we ended up medically requiring a c-section.
For my first delivery, I was scheduled to have a c-section b/c she was breach, but thankfully she flipped and I avoided the knife. My second baby was also breach, but I looked online and found some helpful suggestions for getting her to flip... and the next morning she was flipped and ready for launch.
But my worry was never judgement by other moms. I was just worried of dying from a stupid infection in the hospital.
In general, Janice and I are ALL about NEVER judging other mother's decisions. We're all trying to do the best thing for our kids and sometimes we simply don't agree on what that is... no big deal... just move on and talk about something that we can agree on. (Like politics... LOL... no differing opinions there.)
And about the TUMOR -- I KNOW.... why does nobody tell you you'll feel like someone shoved a grapefruit in your vagina?
(I also have a bone to pick with everyone who never warned me that the delivery was going to feel like I was pooping out a watermelon!!!!)
~Susan
Fri, 2008-11-28 15:20
Great conversation! I had a c-section with my first and a VBAC with my second. I think I was so focussed on having a VBAC that I didn't really even consider that aside from the 'pain in the present' there would be a recovery...and why don't they talk about the 'tumor'?!
I'm glad I was able to have a VBAC, but only because I didn't want to have surgery again. I most certainly took advantage of an epidural (fell in instant love with my anesthesiologist). However, I agree with the ultimate, healthy mom-healthy child goal. I have two healthy boys, and couldn't ask for more!
Sat, 2008-11-22 18:16
OK, I've got 7... 2 are my oldest, most wonderful step-children. I hate that 2 part word, because they are my chidren that I have raised since they were 3 and 4. I birthed vaginally and breast fed 5. I'm a 95 pound person, ex gymnast with a very small body frame. Don't hate me for that, because you would be surprised how many people doo. I had gestational diabetes with my first. She was 4 weeks early but weighed 6#15oz. Vaginal delivery with an epidural that did not work and INSURANCE. Here came #2. 15 months later. with NO INSURANCE. Wow, what a difference in the way the hospital treats you. I opted for a $700.00 video cam instead of the epidural. The hospital booted us out 3 hours later. Don't go into that other room. Because that is an automatic $1500.00 for one night. I have his birth on video. So, I did it. I shit that wonderful 6#13oz beautiful son that is now a 15 year old PAC violin player, and I took him home 3 hours later. # 3, wonderful, 6#11oz. again.... NO INSURANCE. He is now 12, and a hard hitting skateboarder with a great future. No, gestational diabeties with him. We brought him home quickly also. #4 wonderful kid also, he just turned 10, no insurance and the gestational diabetes snuck up on me again. He was about a week and a half early because I looked my DR in the eye and said, "I've got to get this out. I'm miserable." He is now a soccer player. Then, seven years later, I had Kayemyn, (the name comes from the fact that we will never be able to afford to see the Caymen Islands and so she is our Kayemyn Koral island that always keeps us on our toes.) I had Kayemyn with insurance, but I was then 41 years old. Man, oh man...... was that a tough birth. I just thought everything was stretched out enough, I've done this 4 times. My itty bitty titts and my itty bitty body thought this would be a piece of cake. NOT NOT NOT. I"m tired, I'm old, I'm worried about the other kids. I opted for the epidural with insurance, I opted for the three days to rest. Not, not, not again. (Neither happened). It was getting critical in delivery and this nurse (I want to call her an angel) she said "If you don't start pushing hard RIGHT NOW I'm taking you into that other room for a C-section." I stated, "I've got to shit. She said, DO IT. SHIT RIGHT NOW or you are going through that door." I popped that baby out and we went home. I am blessed. I have to say to all women that birth children. Watch out for the big ass nurse that pushes on your belly to get all the afterbirth out. That was a shock to me. I was, "hey, YOU..... GET OFF OF ME" She stated, "you will appreciate me." And after birthing 5 children, "I appreciate those big ass nurses that jumped on top of me and pushed out the afterbirth stuff.". I'm healthy, happy and have no TITS.
I don't want anyone to take this wrong. I do believe that you trust your instinct, you take control of your situation, get as much rest as you can before delivery. Birthing a child, no matter how you do it, is an incredible thing. Love to all and don't be the first to let go of a hug. ButtMom
Wed, 2008-11-19 14:53
I agree with the comparison to being on a runaway horse! I was open to anything that was best for me and my baby, but as a first time mother, I was not prepared for the realities of birth. All the classes I attended and books and videos studied did not convey just how painful labour contractions would be, and certainly no one told me that the pressure of the baby's head during contractions would make me feel like my rectum and bladder were going to explode. And then there was the projectile vomiting...
Birth was in no way any kind of a beautiful experience for me, and I don't think it was either from my daughter's viewpoint either! I think that both vaginal and surgical deliveries have different kinds of risks. A C-section has more immediate serious risks like any surgery, but I think the risks of vaginal deliveries get glossed over: tears and the inevitable stretching of muscles that can lead to incontinence and sexual problems. I myself had a cervical prolapse as a result of my vaginal delivery. Despite my husband's reassurances, it has had a significant effect on my self-image and confidence sexually as a woman and wife.
Sometimes I get the impression from all the parenting websites and magazines, etc that motherhood should the single-most important role in your life, even at the detriment to your marriage/relationship. I'm not saying that people should consider a c-section in the off-chance that you have serious sexual side-effects after a vaginal birth, but just because it's natural doesn't mean it's risk-free or perfect. Impacted wisdom teeth are perfectly natural too.
Sun, 2008-11-16 11:41
I am currently 37 weeks pregnant with a Breech baby and at the moment, if she doesn't do her thang, I'm bound for a c-section. We are having an ECV procedure on Monday, so we'll just have to wait and see. But I must say learning the news of an impending c-section, well...it's been heart wrenching for me to accept this notion. I can accept it on an intellectual level, "as long as she's healthy and I get a baby at the end of it all, then who cares how she gets here!" On an emotional level, I'm struggling terribly. I'm not a "hippie/granola, all au natural pregnancy advocate", I figure whatever works best for the person, but I was looking forward to the "whole process" that comes along with labor. Pains and all! I know I have no idea what I'm in for...I get that, but to be told it's not even an option is somewhat hard to swallow. My husband was even looking forward to the "mad dash" to the hospital with me in the car screaming, "DRIVE FASTER!!!" It just feels like that whole notion of labor that we've held onto since we became pregnant might not come to fruition and it does feel like some what of a loss. Something that we might have to mourn, per se.
I'm an American, currently living in Ireland, and dealing with the differences in health care has been...well...different to say the least. I can't go into all the differences, but they are HUGE and mostly it's the lack of personal attention that makes it that much harder. My OB wouldn't know me from Adam if he saw me walking down the street. I know that NO woman in Los Angeles can say the same. So, I'm going through this loss minus the personal connection to my medical care and it just feels like...well...weird. Weird is the only way I can put it. Weird that I might not have a choice. Weird that my OB might not be the guy who does the c-section, and I chose him specifically because his bedside manner was so WONDERFUL in such an impersonal system after my second D&C. He was so kind, aware, informative, and just the best experience we'd had so far. Weird, that I'm going to be having my 3rd surgery in a foreign country. Weird that I might have to be in the hospital for 5 days on a ward with 6 other women, rather than in a room with one other woman. Weird, that I might have to recover from what seems like a major surgery, and weird that I'm going through this thousands of miles away from home and thousands of miles away from the comfort food I know I'll be craving once I'm out of the hospital. It's just not right! It's all weird and all wrong!
The only thing that I'm able to walk away with, as I grapple through this, is the lack of control you have when you have a child. And, that once you have a child...control over your own life is no longer yours, well at least not for a while. You have a little life that depends on you, and no matter how she gets here, she needs you. Whether you feel like crap, feel hungry, need to pee, want a nap, need to eat, etc. It's not about me anymore, it's about US and what's going to be best for US. Just as I learned how to think as a WE once I was married, I am now learning how to think as an US. And, no matter what, no matter how I end up delivering, I've been looking forward to this US for a very, very long time. It doesn't matter how she gets here, what matters is how I handle US from the time that she enters the world. My goal is for my husband and I to try and create the best environment possible for US to flourish, grow and love one another. Weird bits and all...
Sun, 2008-11-16 04:04
I've seen so many others already point out the things I would have.
This topic is something that not enough woman pay attention to IN THE RIGHT WAY. Too many know what their parents or only what their doctors tell them and haven't gone out of their way to educate themselves; they don't make the decision that's right for them and their child but the one that's right for their parent(s) or their doctor, even if that decision isn't convenient or right for the one giving birth. I'm all about making your own choice, but only if you do so in an informed, educated, mature manner (and can continue to do so and defend your choices afterwards without resorting to name-calling). Just as I don't believe it's good to go only by what one book says, I don't think it's smart either to go by only your doctor, only your mother, only your grandmother, only your friends. Our bodies have been pushing out the Mini-Mes since before the foundation of modern medicine and hospitals, and we're more than lucky that the millions of women who might have died before without the ability to have a c-section can now have a safe, healthy delivery and they and their babies can LIVE THROUGH IT. That doesn't make a c-section the answer for everyone.
And on the opposite spectrum, there are many women for whom a vaginal birth is simply not an option. A previously existing or newly risen medical condition, the inability to have a VBAC (either hospital/doctor won't allow or they are physically unable), whatever (granted, I do think that choosing to have an early c-section simply because it's CONVENIENT may not be a great idea, but it's kind of a personal thing there), there are a lot of good reasons for a woman to have a c-section and it's great that is an option now.
I had hoped for a natural birth, but my water broke two weeks early and I spent 18 hours without a single contraction. A full dose of pitocin and 34 hours later, I needed an epidural to help make the experience at LEAST tolerable. I wasn't happy about it, but two hours of pushing later I had a beautiful little boy who is the light of my life. Now, the second time around, I'm hoping things change.
I just wish people could learn to respect the decisions of others without being so damn judgmental and accusatory. Huge problem on the birth board I participated in before my son was born. There was a lot of drama, which was kind of silly, thinking back, considering we were all incredibly hormonal and moody. Adding in all of the "I'm better because I'm going to give birth THIS way and you aren't" crap was .. Irritating, to say the least.
PS I'm all about natural birth if you can manage that or want that, but I have never once stepped out to say that women who have c-sections for ANY reason are bad/evil/incorrect. It's just occasionally disheartening to see someone make an uninformed decision. I was born by c-section, and I don't hate my mother. .. All the time. :P
Sat, 2008-11-15 12:18
Heh. Squeezing out the babe is just the beginning, and if you think about it, one of the LEAST complex decisions you make in becoming a parent. Heck, there's much more variation available in the procreation of said child, yet, I have yet to see women snickering about how "Jeanne conceived while ON TOP..... and didn't even PUT HER ANKLES UP AFTERWARD. I mean, isn't that how you get the good sperm?"
Only an asshole would suggest a mother who adopted her child is less of a mom than one who birthed one. Likewise, I think that standard should be applied to method of childbirth.
As far as breast/bottle feeding, I've seen pics of mothers holding their baby up to suckle a goat. Yes. Suckle a Goat. A Goat Teat. In the baby's mouth.
I'm sure there's a faction out there that would be snarky enough to argue which breed of goat is superior.
Fri, 2008-11-14 22:32
Aiyiyi...this topic is always so loaded with guilt and vitriol when you start discussing it. Personally, I'm also in the moderate camp, in that I let other people's choices be their choices, even if I disagree. What always gets my ire up is the excuses and justicfications people have to throw in when they are discussing it. Fine if you chose what you chose...great...just be honest about why you chose. THAT is what people are less willing to be candid about. My two cents: inform yourself, choose according to what you can handle, what your circumstances are, and own your choice. And to others: respect that they have a choice, and let them have it. This isn't a competition ladies!
Fri, 2008-11-14 19:34
Totally agree that we should really try to support each other's decisions and not be judgemental - even if it's hard sometimes. It seems like most parenting / birth issues or decisions can be debated either way with 'proof' from experts backing it up.
My personal viewpoint is 'no major sugery unless it is the safer, more manageable option'. Hence, I went into my birth wanting a natural birth, but open to any of the possibilities - epidural or c-section, should the need arise. In the end, I opted for an epidural at 5.5 cms. Didn't feel disappointed. Knew it was the right decision for me, given all the factors.
I just get a little annoyed when c-sections are talked about as no-risk, convenience options (which they are not referred to as such in the momversation or all the comments above imo). Having a BF who has had a heart transplant, and a father who has had heart & cancer related surgeries, I find it hard to be cavalier about medical intervention of any kind.
That being said, what I view as a convenience option, another might see as essential. So, who am I to judge? Anyhow, it's hard to put yourself in someone else's shoes. Ultimately, they will live with all the choices they make, and you will live with all the choices you make.
And whoever thinks c-section births are any less 'real' than vaginal ones? Um, yeah. Whatever. Anyhow, doesn't the hard work really happen in the next 18+ years after they're born?
Fri, 2008-11-14 17:02