Children Home Alone? How Soon Is Too Soon?

my son is 14 and i still ont like him home alone. I know thathe looks up pornography on our computer and quite frankly its disgusting. i know this becuse i know all of his passwords.
i know its wrong but i also read his emails to. he's my only son and his sisters are so much better. they never get into trouble like he does!

Wed, 2010-01-27 14:19

I was a latch-key kid by the time I was 7. Horrible, right? My parents were broke and trying to make a go of it at a restaurant business in the city. When the bus dropped me off at home, I would basically heat up TV dinners on the toaster (the only cooking appliance I was allowed to use), do my homework, get showered and go to bed. My parents didn't come home until midnight. I only saw them on weekend mornings.

One time, I kept hearing this strange noise in the house. I grabbed the phone, hid in the closet, and called my dad and told him I thought that there was someone in the house. I still remember being so scared and hiding in the closet until he came home. He tells me that the phone call was one of the worst moments of his life. The culprit was a dying battery on our smoke detector. After that day, my dad literally begged my grandmother to come from Taiwan to take care of me and so she did.

I was a pretty trustworthy kid, but I just remembered being terrified and lonely every day. I knew I had to suck it up because my parents had no money for a babysitter. They did have friends nearby, including a stay-at-home mom down the block--I always wondered why she never invited me over even for a little while--it would have been nice.

Tue, 2010-01-05 01:14

My daughter, my oldest, is 11, turning 12 this month. We had discussed a few babysitting basics with her, and I was able to leave her home alone watching her 3 younger brothers while I ran to the post office or the store for about 15-20 minutes. It was nice to be able to go pick up my youngest at preschool without having to bundle all 4 kids into the car (we were homeschooling so she was home during the day). But I would never leave her for more than an hour or when I wasn't going to be in town. I wanted her to be able to call me and say "Mom, there's trouble!" and even if the car broke down I could walk home in time to take care of the trouble. We live in a very safe neighborhood and we know just about everybody on our street (yay for block parties) so even if I couldn't get home there would be many resources for her to draw on.

But this last summer we came home from a date, for which we had hired a babysitter because it was more than an hour and we were going 40 miles away, and discovered that our little 11 year old had gone out on a babysitting job of her own while we were gone, to watch the neighbors' 1 year old. No doubt she figured it was better to ask forgiveness than permission! When she got back we had a discussion about rules about babysitting for others. We decided that she could sit for people we knew in the neighborhood if one of her parents was home as a backup, and when she turned 12 she could get full babysitting privileges and sit for people outside our immediate neighborhood or without one of her parents at home. We bought her an online babysitting course, which she whipped through and passed with flying colors. She's turning 12 next week and she's already got a weekly babysitting gig.

Her next youngest sibling is 9 and has Asperger's Syndrome. I wouldn't leave him home alone until he's at least 12 and probably will not be able to leave him in charge till he's 14. He gets focused on his Legos and doesn't notice the rest of the world is there.

Fri, 2009-11-13 06:43

This one made me laugh a bit. I was latch-key kid starting in 1st grade. My sister who was 4 years older than me was sort of around. I don't recall anything really ever happening to myself or the house or anything. I actually began babysitting when was 11. I don't know for sure when I'll leave my kids home alone, but they are both pretty well behaved, I wouldn't freak out to leave my 6yr old home alone for a few mins if I had to run to the store really quick.

Tue, 2009-11-10 11:40

I know that at that age (age 6 or 7) I might as well have been home alone - when I spent summers at my grandmother's house. She worked so my great-grandma took care of me, which consisted of watching soap operas and napping all day...ah the life.

But I totally could have taken care of myself at that age. And did.

I think it's a matter of you knowing your child best and what they can handle

And Jessica, I LOVE the comment about "this is one of those issues that you whisper about" classic!

Mon, 2009-11-09 21:15

I have two kids who are now 9 and 13. My 9-year-old is super-mature for his age so, last year, when he asked to be allowed to come home from school alone (instead of going to the after-school program at his school), I deliberated for a moment and then decided to give it a try. We haven't looked back.
What's interesting is that I would have never done this with his older brother - he just wasn't ready to be home alone at 8/9.
My biggest challenge now is making sure that my 9-yr-old does his homework/chores/etc before turning on the tv when he gets home. We're still working on that one.

And we also leave our children alone in the house in the evenings. We've been doing that for about a year too. We usually try to stay in the neighborhood and they've been very good about observing important details like bedtime.
My husband and I both grew up in Ireland as the eldest of large families living in rural settings. We were each left home alone with multiple younger siblings from 10-ish. Sometimes I think that is why we are eager to support our boys in becoming more mature in this way.

Mon, 2009-11-09 13:12

I was also a latch key kid from the age of 8. Both father and his wife worked, and my stepsisters and I would walk home (gasp), let ourselves in, make a snack, do homework and entertain ourselves until one or both parents came home. We were remarkably independent for 8 and 10 year of age. We knew to call a parent at work as soon as we got home and not to mention that no parent was home if somebody did call (this was pre-caller ID/call waiting). Would I let my daughter do that now? Probably not until she's between 11 and 13 depending on her level of maturity AND depending on how far we wind up living from whatever school she's attending.

Mon, 2009-11-09 11:40

I'm not a tween mom, but I do have memories of being home alone when I was younger.

Giyen, my mom was a single mom. I totally agree with you that you have to test the ropes earlier when you are doing it on your own. From my observations, I think children of single parents learn how to take care of themselves at a younger age. They have more responsibilities in the home, and they develop independence more quickly. Children learn from watching those around them, so when the child watches their single mom doing it all for herself, the child models that behavior. It is natural for them to be prepared to stay home alone at an earlier age than a child who is not being raised by a single parent.

My mom was more of a your child needs to learn how to make it in this world kind of mom. So, at a young age I was left home alone, and I did just fine. I don't remember the exact age, but I know it was younger than the authorities would appreciate. At first it was jus(t while she ran down a few blocks to pick up a pizza, and then a trip to the grocery store and then so on.

I didn't die, or burn the house down... I actually remember cleaning the house when I was home alone. It made me feel like a " real" grown up.

Just listen to your mommy voice... maybe start by leaving them "home alone" while you are just outside doing yard work.

Mon, 2009-11-09 10:34

From everyone's comments, I'm thinking this comes down to good judgement. I agree that every kid is different in their ability to be left alone. I too have a very cautious first born, which has made me more comfortable in leaving him "in charge". But, he has his limits too. If we are out at night, he texts us every 5 1/2 minutes with a play by play of what's happening at home.
And he generally doesn't like to be left for more than an hour or so.
I guess like most parenting issues, we're relying on what feels right in the end.
Thanks for your comments girls!!

Mon, 2009-11-09 08:51

I am torn about this issue. I was a latch-key kid from about 8 or 9 on, so I was by myself for about 3 hours everyday after school. My parents would also go on vacations and have the neighbors check on me once or twice a day. On the one hand, nothing bad happened to me and I don't remember getting into any serious trouble. So I think kids can be responsible for their own physical needs at a surprisingly young age. But on the other hand, I think it was emotionally harmful to consistently leave me alone for so long. I hope to have a much closer, more involved, more supportive relationship with my kids. But I also wouldn't hesitate to leave them home alone for an hour or two every so often. I think it can be a healthy growing experience in small doses.

Mon, 2009-11-09 07:28

I remember that when I was growing up this was a big deal in my house.

When I was 11, I started babysitting the neighbor kids. I was only a few houses down from my house, but I was in charge of 2 infant twins and a 6 and 7 year old boy.

After I did that a few times, my mom realized that leaving me home was no big deal in comparison to me being in charge of premature infants and their two rambunctious older brothers.

Looking back, I was a bit young... but I understood what to do: not answering the door, not using the stove/oven, screening phone calls, etc etc.

I think a lot of it is individual to the kids themselves... but I'd say by age 12 a child should at least understand how to be home alone, even if they don't have the chance that often.

Mon, 2009-11-09 06:51

I think this is one of those situations when you know your child best and must trust your instincts about whether he or she is ready to handle the responsibility of being left alone. I have left my 11-year-old daughter alone briefly for about a year, but I am not at all comfortable leaving my almost 14-year-old son home alone. Unfortunately, experience has shown that he does not exercise good judgment when I am in the room with him--why would I trust his decision-making abilities when I am not there?

We live in a middle-class suburban neighborhood in a small town. I imagine I would be much more reluctant to leave either child alone if we lived in an urban area.

Sun, 2009-11-08 22:58