Depression Hurts: Overcoming Depression

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November 01, 2009

You've heard of the phrase, "depression hurts?" It's true. Beyond emotional symptoms such as guilt, hopelessness, and irritability, depression also has physical symptoms, such as chronic aches, fatigue, and insomnia. It's not something one can just "get over." It is an illness that can affect every member of a family. That's why when depression hurts a person, she need understanding and treatment, not judgment. Guest Danny Evans of Dad Gone Mad and author of Rage Against the Meshugenah joins Heather Armstrong of Dooce in asking, "How do you overcome depression?"

Have you had episodes of chronic or postpartum depression? How did you handle it? What's your advice for moms and dads going through the illness? Join the Momversation by commenting in one of our related forums:

For more information on depression, see the National Institute of Mental Health Web site.

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Panelists

Alice Bradley - Finslippy Heather Armstrong - Dooce Mindy Roberts - The Mommy Blog

Keywords

Health Video

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42 Comments

Sarah@Ohana Mama

This was one of my favorite Momversations.

Thank you

Sun, 2009-11-01 23:57

BeingSuper

I agree. This is one of my favorites too. And I'm so glad that Danny joined in the conversation for the male perspective.

I've suffered from depression for a long time, most of my life. And I think it was not identified by myself or my family until after I had my daughter, because then, it was classified as post-partum depression and that was okay, because I had just given birth. As opposed to just being a whiner before, I had a reason to be depressed.

In looking back at that time, I think my husband suffered some post-partum depression as well. Although his manifested itself in completely different ways than mine. At the time he was working as a bus driver and got into 4 accidents (3 in his bus, one in our car) within an 8 week period. He also started suffering from migraine headaches which is something that he hadn't experienced before. I think all of the stress and anxiety of having a newborn really took its toll on our mental health.

To this day, I am terrified of having another child for fear of having post-partum depression again and I look at Heather and am amazed that she had the balls to do it all over again.

It's inspiring to watch you all talk so candidly about it.Thanks guys.

@BeingSuper

Mon, 2009-11-02 06:31

intern46

THANK YOU! For too many years I am pretty certain I have been dealing with Depression/Anxiety. Like the character in Arsenic and Old Lace once said: "Mental illness doesn't run in my family, it practically gallops!"

Of course most members in my family choose not to seek help because of the various stigmas surrounding mental illness.

I went off my birth control (for the first time in 10 years) in the hopes of conceiving a child this year and I think that was the straw that broke the camel's back. Once that happened I was unable to sleep, I kept having these strong panic attacks especially at night. I would go on these crying jags that made absolutely no sense. I had had little episodes like this for years but nothing this prolonged.

It wasn't until I went into my doctors office for my yearly physical and when she asked me "How are you doing?" and then I couldn't even articulate a sound but just started weeping uncontrollably that I got the help I needed. She put me on Zoloft and things are SOOOOO much better. I told my husband it was like someone flicked a switch in my head and made the world make sense again. I could finally sleep. I could finally feel like a normal person.

I am so thankful I got the help I needed. I only wish like Mindy said I had known sooner, could have saved myself a lot of heartache.

Mon, 2009-11-02 07:24

Jojo

Thank you for such an honest and heartfelt Momversation. My husband has the kind of mental disorders on his mom's side of the family that Heather mentions. He dealt with a significant bout of depression when we had our baby (not fun for me especially since our baby had a miserable case of colic). At the time, we had no health insurance for my husband and we basically all just had to suck it up as a family.

I will second Alice's assertion that depression is very different from sadness or grief. I had some bouts of depression as an adolescent. It was pretty bad and my parents basically ignored it. Only when I had to wrestle with a blind-siding and soul-crushing grief (of the death of someone I cared for as a child and loved more than anyone else in the world) did I realize just how awful that earlier depression had been. With the grief, I did not even think of going to get therapy or medication. I was perfectly sane. This was horrible but healthy pain.

I want to give a shout out to all the parents to really, really listen to your children. Don't brush off their emotions like they do not matter.

Mon, 2009-11-02 08:30

MsBwell

Depression is so complicated. In my case my depression had bad timing which led to me being misdiagnosed. After the birth of our first child I was diagnosed with postpartum depression. The doctor just threw me onto antidepressants and sent me on my way. When I would come back for a follow up appointment and comment that I wasn’t feeling any better he would up my dose or change the brand. It got to the point where I was just an emotional-less feeling-less person. After countless doctors and two years of hell I was finally diagnosed with an underactive thyroid. Once on the proper thyroid meds my depression was gone & I no longer needed antidepressants. I really wish that doctors would explore depression more. I had so many doctors just writing me scripts to shut me up & not listening to what I was saying. I kept hearing that all new moms feel this way.
http://marriedsingleparent.blogspot.com/

Mon, 2009-11-02 08:42

mosey along

I've been hesitating to watch this particular video because I had a feeling I would react exactly as I did - with tears pricking my eyes.

I've never been medicated, but depression is a word that I finally had to associate with myself when PPD hit 18 months after my daughter was born. (I've always been a late bloomer). I would experience what I called the "blues" for years starting in my early 20's, but it was somehow easier then to just check out and call in sick and bury my head under a pillow when I was single and childless. And while I agree with Alice that once we have children we have an impetus to keep us going each day, I've never hit rock bottom the way I have when my daughter has been present. Earlier this year I ended up paralyzed with fear and pain and DISTRESS on the floor of my living room with my five year old lying on top of me patting my back and saying "it's okay, mummy".

But it was not okay. Not for her to see me that way and I was most definitely not okay.

But having her there finally made me take the step I'd never been able to take before, which was ASK FOR HELP. I called my husband, he was home in minutes and my friends rallied around me without hesitation. I took the steps I needed to make me feel better then, and also recognize the triggers that put me there in the first place.

Thanks for this. It was hard to watch, and I'm so sorry for all of your experiences and the fact that depression is not something that is easily understood from the outside.

Mon, 2009-11-02 08:43

BuenoBaby

For me depression is like carbon monoxide poisoning. It’s quite and odorless and attacks me in the safety of my home.

A Chronic Depression diagnoses has chased me for the past 20 years, catching-up to me in times of loss and then too in times of joy - as was the case after each of my three pregnancies. Chronic Depression means a life-long commitment to staying healthy and for me that means diligently taking my medication.

…I decided it probably wasn’t a good idea to spend long hours, alone, with sewing scissors in the middle of the night anymore.

www.buenobaby.com/2009/10/26/postpartum-depression/

Mon, 2009-11-02 10:29

amyz5

I cannot tell you how monumental this post is. You are influencers with a voice that reaches so many.

Bringing depression and anxiety to the forefront and speaking candidly like this is the best way to help so many who still think of mental health as an embarrassment.

Being a family member who has had to help navigate a loved one through the healthcare system 'to the other side' as Heather so beautifully put it, I can not thank you all enough.

There is hope. There are treatments. And the four of you are living proof.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Mon, 2009-11-02 11:10

Ghanimatrix

When I went on Wellbutrin years ago, it changed my life. I went from angry, angry, ANGRY, and drunk and bitter and sad to functioning and able to look for happiness. I stopped taking it during my pregnancy, but had to re-start when my son was 4 months old. This meant weaning him early. It hurt to do that, but depression hurts way more.

I feel grateful for being able to get up in the morning and get through the day. Recognizing that I have been suffering this way from childhood, I continue to seek more ways to change the way my brain thinks and break the patterns of chronic depression. Psychotherapy has been truly wonderful. Now I am involved with a group of survivors of child abuse. I read books, practice yoga, write in a journal, eat healthy, try to leave the house daily. Sometimes I succeed in doing these things. Sometimes I fail, and find myself on the couch eating junk and trying not to think for days and days. But the difference is that now, I KNOW that eventually I will get off the couch. For a long time there, that hole seemed bottomless. My husband and my son have helped give me the strength and faith to carry on, and seek joy.

Mon, 2009-11-02 11:29

Barbasaurus

I've never suffered from depression; but this post is helpful in getting me to understand what others are going through.

It's sometimes hard to be friends with someone who is depressed because I simply don't understand it myself, but I'm looking for ways to help. As a friend, what can I do?

My story: I'm trying to support a friend who has been jobless for most of this year, is going through her second divorce and is moving back in with her parents (at age 40, and she's taking her daughters 4 hours away from their fathers). I know she's depressed, I know she has a history of depression, and she's on meds for it.

I don't know where to begin to offer support. I've tried to meet up with her for drinks or dinner (my treat), but she's busy with moving (what she tells me). Does this mean she just wants space? I'm truly at a loss as to what to do... This is one instance where I'm asking you to please just tell me what will help.

Mon, 2009-11-02 11:44

kristanhoffman

I agree with everyone that this was a great video -- a candid look at a really important subject that touches so many people.

Like Barbasaurus, I don't suffer from depression myself, but I'm definitely curious about what the Momversation panel (and audience) thinks is the best way to support someone with depression.

(And what if that person doesn't think they are depressed??)

Mon, 2009-11-02 12:11

Alice

If they don't think they're depressed? That's tough. Sending them articles that have info on what depression actually is, that can help. Becoming educated yourself is also important. I recommend reading "The Noonday Demon." And oh, there's another book about depression whose title I cannot recall, but as soon as I can I'll add it to the comments. There are a bunch of books on what to do if someone you love is depressed: one called "Talking to Depression" I've heard good things about but have not read.

Mon, 2009-11-02 12:18

kristanhoffman

Thanks! I'll look into the books.

I guess my question stems from having been close to 3 people throughout my life who all exhibited varying degrees of depression, and varying degrees of awareness of that depression. It's hard enough to help and support someone who is dealing with it, but it's a different kind of hard to help and support someone who thinks the problem is with everyone else, not them.

(Ex. "I'd be fine if you guys didn't suck as friends," or "The world is out to get me," or "I'll never be happy because I just have bad luck." These are NOT made up statements.)

Anyway, like I said, I'm glad you guys tackled this topic, because it affects so many people, and not just the ones with depression.

Mon, 2009-11-02 12:37

Mindy

Kristan, I'm posting a bit of video that didn't make it into the final cut that addresses a few of the ways you can help someone with depression. Seriously, if you do one of these things (or don't do one of the others), you will make a difference.

View it at http://melindaroberts.net/momversation-on-depression/helpdepression.mov.

Mon, 2009-11-02 22:08

kristanhoffman

Thanks, Mindy! I wish more of this had made it in...

I think "You can empathize, you can't judge" might be the best way to sum it all up. Like, no matter what you're doing or saying, if the thought/intention behind your actions are empathy and not judgment, then it has a fair chance of helping.

(Truth be told, that's probably true for anyone, not just people with depression...)

Thanks again. I can see how passionate you are about this subject.

Tue, 2009-11-03 07:03

Alice

Oh, Barbasaurus, you're such a good friend.

It IS hard to be friends with someone who's depressed, because they're so turned inward, and yet they often can't tell you what will help. Sometimes depressed people can seem kind of flat and emotionally distant. It's certainly a challenge to stay close to someone like that. It's a bit hard to say what would help your friend, because every depression and of course every situation is different. I can tell you how it was for me, though.

When I was really depressed, I was utterly drained, like I had reached a threshold and I couldn't handle anything else. I didn't want to be with my friends because I didn't want to be a burden. At its worst, I could barely move my lips, I felt so tired. I was sure everyone hated me. I felt incredibly isolated even though I knew it was my own fault because I was avoiding everyone. I had intense anxiety, and practical matters like calling about a utility bill or checking up on an insurance payment would send me into a tailspin.

I would think practical gestures would help your friend, like watching her kids for a weekend afternoon, or making her dinner (and leaving it on her stoop/front porch if she can't handle company). Or helping her pack, making calls for her--dealing with logistical things. If I were you, I would think of what might be on her plate, and send her a list (or call) and say, "I want to do some of these things for you. Check what you need." Invite her to suggest something else, as well. But make it clear that you really do want to help. If you're part of a circle of friends, you can enlist them as well. Letting her know she's part of a caring community can make all the difference.

But you also need to know that she may truly want to be left alone for a while, so what would help then is just to reach out without intruding, sending an email or even a card, letting her know you're there if she needs you. Basically think of her as someone who's dealing with a serious illness. She may be busy working on her recovery, she may be floundering, but all you can do is let her know you're there for her.

It's tough. Good luck.

Mon, 2009-11-02 12:13

Barbasaurus

Alice, what you described--"flat" and "emotionally distant"--is the perfect description of my friend right now. Thank you for sharing your experience, and thank you for reminding me that there's more I can be doing.
Barb

Mon, 2009-11-02 13:57

Carita

Barb- every situation and every person is different, but I can tell you that scheduling plans is usually one of the first things to go. Simply "meeting up" can be one of those things that is such an effort. People have a hard time understanding why its such a big deal to throw in a ponytail and meet a friend, but even that (going out) can be a mountain of sorts.

In my experience, it is about plenty of space, and that disconnected feeling isn't something you want to take out in to public. Instead, you find every excuse not to engage, or interact. At the same time, too much space makes the chasm that much greater, and the people and things you love easily become further and further away.

You must be a good friend or you would probably just keep your distance from her, so I wanna make some suggestions that only my closest friends and I have been able to get away with. We've had similar situations between us (like with your friend, I have a friend who recently lost nearly everything), and we use a few tactics that sometimes, not always, but sometimes work. At different times, some of us are so deep in the well that we can't make the effort to connect.

-If she won't make plans, stop for a visit. Too much notice gives too much time to cancel, so if you're relationship is close enough for dropping in, only call when you're on your way. It's still giving her a chance to refuse and not feel ambushed. If she accepts the drop in, but doesn't want to go anywhere, sit out in your car and talk, or go for a drive together. Follow it up with hugs and I love you's, and I love you's and hugs.

I can only speak for myself, and my experiences with people I care about, but "normal", every day activities like schedules, plans, phone calls.... I guess expectations, tend to suffer. Depending on how close you are, you probably know a way to get in and reach her- if only for a few minutes- like others may not be able to. Be creative and connect with your friend in a way that is unique to her. If you try and it doesn't work, you've done nothing wrong, so please don't take it as a personal rejection. At least she'll know you're there, receptive, and ready to listen. When she is ready to open up, she'll consider you an option. Inspirational cards and messages may be trite, but they can be big deal to someone who probably feels alone. (If you choose to forward a text, I suggest removing the fwd: fwd: in the subject line, as it's the same as getting a Christmas card from your insurance company- not that special.)

Even though you can't fix your friend, there is a way to be a friend that helps instead of hurts. It's important to try an understand when to back off and when to show-up, and even more important to love someone who suffers without being inadvertently dragged down with them. I'm sure there are some great books on these matters.

I agree that children do help contribute to healthier thought processes, but in my opinion, they can only be so involved as depression is a tremendous burden that they should never be forced to help carry. Crying, and/or fits in their presence can give them stress that they may not have the tools to process, and its simply not fair. Seeing a parent consistently distraught is too much pressure on a powerless child. I've seen many people learn that lesson the hard way. One friend in particular has a habit of holding her son while she cries, despite the fact that concepts like 'seperation' are far too big for a 3 year old to grasp. He repeatedly asks "why are you crying?" and only ends up worried and confused. She has agreed how selfish that is.

Barb- During times like these my friends were invaluable to me and vice versa. God bless you and all the efforts you make toward your friend. Sorry this was so long...

Mon, 2009-11-02 14:26

Barbasaurus

Carita, thank you so much for this perspective. Hearing specific "try x" is really helpful to me. I appreciate all your help.
Barb

Tue, 2009-11-03 08:47

Barbasaurus

Carita, thank you so much for this perspective. Hearing specific "try x" is really helpful to me. I appreciate all your help.
Barb

Tue, 2009-11-03 08:48

Jeni

Thank you so much for this Momversation.

As someone who has been in and out of depression her whole life, and had horrible post postpartum depression and anxiety, I appreciate that more people are willing to talk about their experiences with this. It's so isolating at times because there is still such a stigma. But all of that changes the more we open up and talk about it. Thank you all for your candor.

I am expecting my second child in May, and am praying I wont have the paralyzing panic attacks I did with my first. However, if I do, I have not qualms whatsoever about getting help. My advice to anyone is don't wait, get help anyway you can. Like Heather said, do what you have to do if you think it's going to help, just know that there is a way out of this. And above all, it is only temporary. Repeat often!

Mon, 2009-11-02 11:47

Talon

You guys made me cry.

Mindy, I give you big hugs.

I've been diagnosed with Severe Clinical Depression (that changes or adds to include "chronic" depending on which shrink you ask) general anxiety disorder and I have pretty significant anger issues.

I too can look back at my life and see..."My god...I've always had these mini panic attacks, or felt like the world was against me or that I did not ever want to get out of bed. Ever. My childhood wasn't unhappy...I was healthy...everything was fine until my son died. And even then...I didn't get help. Recently I've started looking back at the things I wrote in '97 and '98 and all I can do is stare at the screen and say, "Oh my god, I was insane!!" And not the "funny" kind of insane; I was literally insane with grief. And no one saw it. Or if they did see it, they didn't suggest anything helpful. It wasn't until three and a half years later when my daughter was born and I was smacked with PPD that I went on medication. (And that fucking nurse practitioner's reaction to my giving her an example of why I thought I had PPD is fucking textbook why women don't speak up more often) I stayed on zoloft until my daughter weaned...at three and a half...and then suddenly it no longer worked. I also at that time became ill with the first serious flare of my auto-immune disease and had a complication from it that spurred me from the passive suicidal tendencies and thoughts that I had when Rhys died, to actively suicidal.

It was horribly eye opening. I had always judged those who attempted suicide as selfish. And I knew I was passively suicidal and had passive thoughts about just not being anymore. But when that changed...I just can't even explain it. It was awful, but it came with a deeper understanding of ALOT of things. The sheer force of my mood swings was mind numbing and crippling, not to mention my physical state.

*sighs*

At any rate. I will be on medication for the rest of my life. My family has a history of mental illness. The one doctor I really liked and who had to stop practicing medicine because she contracted rheumatic fever and just couldn't physically work anymore looked at my list; loss of a child, chronic illness, family history of mental illness and said something I'll never forget. "I'd be a hell of alot more surprised if you DIDN'T have depression/anxiety issues."

I struggle with insurance problems, because my husband is unemployed, and I can't work...believe me, I would if I could, and apparently we're living the good life on unemployment (news to me) and we can afford a SIX HUNDRED DOLLAR A MONTH SPEND DOWN BEFORE MEDICADE WILL COVER A SINGLE THING.

Yeah. Six hundred dollars. A month. Every month. Per person.

Anyway that means that not only do I run out of my brain drugs, but I can't get the treatments that allow me to live a moderately normal life.

I'm gonna stop now, because I don't have the energy to get all worked up about it, and I have to take my brat to art.

But thanks. All of you. And Danny, I'm going to get your book sometime soon, because my husband is SO depressed, and will not admit it. I could expand on that, but it would involve my getting worked up again over his attitude about mental health stuff.

Depression sucks. It sucks the life out of everything. When I went on cymbalta after being off meds for too long, I felt like myself again. I'd forgotten how that feels. I'm now on wellbutrin, and it's doing the same thing (except it tends to push me past my physical limits and then I collapse but that's another thing all together)

Shutting up now.

Mon, 2009-11-02 12:45

Adopted1Recently

I just started blogging about post Adoption Depression at www.ethiopian-adoption-journey.blogspot.com

It truly sucks, when you expect to be so joyful over the addition to your world, and instead, you feel blah. Or worse.

I didn't start writing baout it until now, because of shame.

But now I'm letting it all hang out there, even the ugly thoughts. In the hopes that it helps someone else not feel so alone or like a monster mother.

Mon, 2009-11-02 13:38

kristi

Wow. Heather I've had those things said to me in my life too. And Mindy...that last statement you made...that's me. I wish I would have had someone to talk about it...accept help. I wish I could give you a hug.

I'm pretty sure I have depression and that I've had it for a LONG time. Really weird to admit this in this medium. My family has a history in it and my Mom has been telling me that I have it for years and I've had a couple doctors suggest it. But I fight and fight it. Not sure why. It's like I feel like I'm failing at something even though it's way worse to fail at life because of it. So confusing. I feel so bad for my husband (who is so great) and son because they deserve the best of me. I just haven't gotten to the "how to fix it" part of life. And now I live in a TERRIBLE place so that makes it all the worse.

I tried medication once and I got so scared of it for many reasons and one being I had all the BAD side affects to it that I was off it in a week. I mean I'm only 29 and I feel MUCH older than I am because I'm so sluggish and my body feels...I don't know...tight.

Anyway, this is a great Momversation.

Maybe the tinfoil will help me ;)

Mon, 2009-11-02 14:26

Mary Jo

This is the best Momversation I have seen, thank you all.

I have suffered with depression and anxiety a good portion of my life. When I was a teenager, everyone was sure it was just me "being a teenager". As an adult when I realized that it was happening again I decided to talk to my doctor. Even now with a diagnoses and being on medication people still don't understand how it works. I get comments from friends and family, "You just need to talk to someone", "You shouldn't rely on pills", "You need to learn how to control it without medication", "It's all in your head". My husband is truly the only one who really gets what it's like for me. He's seen me on meds and off meds, ask him which one is the real me. Anxiety and depression are awful creatures.

Mon, 2009-11-02 16:52

MeMyselfandMommy

Momversation you are on top of the touch topics recently. I think it's so important to talk about the "bad stuff" because feeling alone in the world is miserable.

I have suffered from depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember. I also suffer from Fibromyalgia which causes more depression and anxiety. It is a horrible feeling. Mentally, physically and emotionally, it just drains everything you have, and everything you are.

I remember the first time I spoke up and told my mom that something was very wrong inside of me. We were at Country Cookin' and I just broke down and cried. I told her how empty I felt, and how down I was. I knew I should be happy because I was doing great in school, had a great boy friend, amazing friends. I was depressed, and didn't feel like I even deserved happiness. I told her that sometimes I would catch myself laughing and then stop myself and think, "No you are not happy, these are not real smiles." The next day we went to the doctor and I was put on Zoloft.

Ever since that day, I have spent my life on and off of medications. Sometimes I feel great, and I'm not affected by the depression and such. Other times I almost feel handicapped. I know there are certain things that trigger my symptoms. When life is stressful, or if I'm over worked, or sick I get down with it. The winter makes everything 100 times worse.

This last episdoe has been brought on by recent emergency surgery (I've mention on here before when we talked about miscarraiges). I'm starting on the upswing. If it were not for my daughter, I probably would have been down for much longer. I wrote about how she has pushed me forward in a post I made last week. http://memyselfandmommy.com/2009/10/27/gratitude-10-27-09/ Like you said Alice, sometimes being a parent is a life saver when we are struggling with life.

It can be so frustrating to want to know that you should be happy but something is blocking you. You want to do great things with your life, but all you can manage to do is remain in a zombie state of existence. And as scary as it is, sometimes you get comfortable being in that state of numbness and it takes something or someone to give you a pull to get up.

I'm so sorry for the pain you have all felt. Like Heather said, do whatever it is that you need to do to feel better and take care of yourself. Learn to recognize when you are spiraling down, and reach out to others around you that may have similar problems.

Mon, 2009-11-02 18:37

meller

Though I always had awareness of PPD, which I thankfully have not experienced, what I ended up suffering from is like "child is around one year old" depression. I think it happened for me once the adrenaline wears off from having a new baby, and then you have a moment to think. Suddenly I was like, what am I doing?

I do find that I can find inner strength when I am interacting with my kids. When I feel like I'm sad or in a fog I try to put myself in their shoes, and how scary/awful it would be for them to see me depressed. I remember the few times I saw my mom lose it, sob, etc and how terrifying and unsettling for me.

Mon, 2009-11-02 19:13

salsamite

I don't know why I continue to be surprised by the huge number of people who have been through or are going through some form of mental illness. I have people in my family, and many, many friends who are suffering a mental illness. I know people who are depressed, my brother has bi-polar, which can be crushing to an entire family. A friend of mine, who is a wonderful mother to three, has had BIG problems with self-harm, to the point where she was institutionalised earlier this year. My longest ever childhood best friend took her own life several years ago. And a good friend of mine lost her father as well.

The biggest thing I want to touch on is that these people are sick. They have a disease that cannot disappear if they just "buck up" any more than someone who has cancer can heal themselves just by putting on a happy face. We don't blame or get annoyed with people who have a disease like cancer. We feel for them and we sympathise and we help them. People with mental illness have a disease they cannot be blamed for either, but they rarely get the same level of support.

As Mindy said, people who take their own lives are not doing so in order to take any "easy way out". There is nothing easy about clinical depression. A person who takes their own life is not merely sad. That is the single most frustrating and insulting and ignorant statement anyone could make about a person with clinical depression. I've been sad plenty, but I couldn't bring myself to harm myself because I am not mentally ill. I have coping mechanisms, where others sometimes just don't. And we cannot judge them for that. All you can do is help them if you can, and if you can't help - just don't make it worse by patronising because you don't understand and don't turn your back on a friend who is sick.

Mon, 2009-11-02 21:29

Irisblossom81

I'm so thankful that you all discussed this topic and my heart goes out to all of you. I used to kinda wonder about people who said they were depressed because I hadn't had it and you don't understand until you do. Two babies and two bouts of post partum depression and I don't ever want to go there again. I used to want 4 kids, but I'm done at 2 because I can't do that again. My depression made me so angry and it was all directed at my husband. I finally quit trying to find a family member to tell me I needed help and helped myself. My husband tried to get me to see a doctor, but by then I was so angry at him I couldn't hear anythign he said to me. My family members won't take an aspirin for a headache until the headache has been there for 2-3 days. You can tell they don't really believe in taking medicine. I kept hearing that I didn't have it and I would be fine if I just willed myself to be. I don't know why there seems to be some sort of stigma associated with admitting to being depressed, but I felt it from my family. I was so happy when I went to the counselor and she told me I had PPD. Finally someone agreed with me and helped me help myself. Thank you all for talking about something that is so hard to discuss. It helps so much to hear other people's experiences and know that someone does understand.

Tue, 2009-11-03 06:48

MollyCT

This topic is very close to my heart, and I have a few concerns. I'm really glad the video focused on getting help, but what that help is was pretty vague beyond medication. I know that remaining on medication forever is what some people need, but I think a whole lot of people could really benefit from taking some time for themselves to examine their feelings, relationships, and learn new behaviors that can help cure or manage depression. Therapy changed my life. Yes, it's hard to find a therapist you fit with. Yes, it can be awkward--especially coming from some backgrounds, where that's not at all a normal thing to do. Yes, there are some serious deficiencies in our health care system, which is happy to give you a pill but has been eroding coverage for psychotherapy beyond just a few sessions a year.

I really hope that when you make the decision to believe that you don't have to live with depression, you seek out a psychotherapist and stick with it. My relationships are so, so much better because of it, my relationship with myself, my ability to figure out how to take care of myself. And I hope we can all work to make this available to more people. I think it was here that a commenter posted, "The journey to healing begins with the thousandth telling. Talk." Talk therapy is a place to do that.

Tue, 2009-11-03 10:51