Disagreeing with Your Partner's Parenting Decisions

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Wed, 2010-02-03 17:02

My husband and I generally disagree on the delivery and not on the issue. We both agree on the genral child rearing and rules and things, but I find that he is easy to yell and easily frustrated and I think that stems from having less interaction with children and I think that I have more real expectations of my daughter and what she is capable of doing and or understanding.

I would say that he defers to me for the methods and is okay with my explaining to him how to get the best results from her. Not because he thinks I know more about kids, he just doesn't have the patients and wants better results than he's getting on his own. I do my very best to not squash him infront of her, but it is difficult to watch the two of them go at it and I know that I can resolve the conflict in five seconds but I have to watch them painfully struggle through it and then they are both frustrated in the end.

Fri, 2009-04-24 12:58

I feel parenting is a little like a football game (and yes I'm a chick), I think you have to have some common "plays" that you have pre-scripted, but you also have to be able to go audible, based on what the little critter(s) are throwing at you. And, personally I concentrate on a good huddle, no one likes seeing the spoiled overwrought star player mouthing off on the sidelines...alright a little bit, it can be entertaining at times, but rarely does it win the game. And like any good coach, when we get to the locker room...watch out! Now...hut, hut, hut Ladies! The Tony Dungee Approach to Parenting...he can sign over the royalty checks to me post haste.

Fri, 2008-11-14 20:02

While I think it's important to Stand Together, I also think it's important for my kids to see that we don't always agree and are able to (usually) come to a decision that we both support. Also, my husband has learned to defer to me, as he's gone until dinner or later every night. Simply put, he KNOWS I know more about what's going on with them, and doesn't try to overrule any decisions I may have made throughout the day.

Thu, 2008-11-13 13:32

When we disagree? I simply resort to my superior logic. Works every time. :-D

Wed, 2008-11-12 23:58

My husband and I stand united ... in front of the kids, lol! Since we are a true blended family (we both have kids from a previous marriage and we have one together), we have crazy schedules AND six parent-people involved. Things can be kinda crazy, so we agreed that we would stand together and discuss it later, but we are also pretty good at reading body language, so if something is happening that one of us is unsure about, the decision is tabled for a few minutes while we talk about it with the child there and we come to a consensus.

Wed, 2008-11-12 13:24

I think this is a great topic. My husband and I agree in general on parenting philosophies, but we don't always agree in the moment.

We have a tacit agreement not to contract each other in front of the kids, and most of the times we're sane enough to pull each other aside. But sometimes I do jump in if I think he is just dead wrong. (For example, Christmas morning, my daughter didn't want her french toast. My husband, who was cranky from being up late putting together toys, told her she couldn't play with any of her new toys if she didn't finish it. I stepped in. He was just losing it because he was tired.)

I do feel annoyed though if he says "Mommy says you can't do this" because I know the kids get the implication that he'd let them. But then again I do it sometimes, too.

In short, we disagree -- can't imagine any parents who love their kids wouldn't -- but we work handle it well most of the times.

Wed, 2008-11-12 11:59

Honestly, the first thought that popped into my head was we don’t disagree because I’m always right. I’m the alpha parent, hear me rule. *lol* How bad do I sound?

When our girls were little there were those moments when I would look at this intelligent man who I fell in love with, admired and would think, “what the hell is he doing?” I’ve read all these books, I know more and he is just doing it wrong. Then you add the fact that we were raised totally different, so you are bringing these two different parenting backgrounds together. We decided early on not to disagree in front of the girls on parenting. Our situation is a bit different now since he’s gone for 15, 18 and 12 months at a time. He pays more attention on how I do things and tries to follow along. If he thinks I’m going overboard with a situation he does pull me aside and gives me his view. I still think (know) I’m right but I’ve grown up and learned to compromise.

http://marriedsingleparent.blogspot.com/

Wed, 2008-11-12 04:20