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November 11, 2008

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Today on Momversation, we're talking about how to deal with parenting differences between partners. Alice Bradley of Finslippy asks: What do you do when you disagree with your partner's parenting decisions? Is it okay to disagree in front of your kids, or should you present a united front and duke it out later?
How do you deal with this issue in your household? Let us know in the comments, and check out the Momversation in our related forums:

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18 Comments

 
Apecvigr

Hjuasdfasef

Wed, 2010-03-03 17:27

 

Sometimes the communication and media essays can play very big function in college student's life and nearly every one college student has an experience of essays buying. Thence, this is a general thing for such students.

Wed, 2010-02-03 17:02

 

It seldem happen for me and my husband to disagree in parental decisions. When I was pregnant we had many discussions about how we`re gonna raise our baby, the decisions we`ll make at a certain time or when the time will come to make one. I`m glad we share the same mentality about children raising.

Sat, 2009-05-09 04:59

 

My husband and I generally disagree on the delivery and not on the issue. We both agree on the genral child rearing and rules and things, but I find that he is easy to yell and easily frustrated and I think that stems from having less interaction with children and I think that I have more real expectations of my daughter and what she is capable of doing and or understanding.

I would say that he defers to me for the methods and is okay with my explaining to him how to get the best results from her. Not because he thinks I know more about kids, he just doesn't have the patients and wants better results than he's getting on his own. I do my very best to not squash him infront of her, but it is difficult to watch the two of them go at it and I know that I can resolve the conflict in five seconds but I have to watch them painfully struggle through it and then they are both frustrated in the end.

Fri, 2009-04-24 12:58

 

I just came across a useful site for all of us who can't squeeze in time to read all those great parenting books! I definitely could use some advice with regards to my sweet little 4-year old girl who recently turned on us :) The terrible two's were a breeze compared to the sassy, I know everything 4-year old we have now!

http://www.parentsdigest.com/

Tue, 2008-11-18 10:59

 

I feel parenting is a little like a football game (and yes I'm a chick), I think you have to have some common "plays" that you have pre-scripted, but you also have to be able to go audible, based on what the little critter(s) are throwing at you. And, personally I concentrate on a good huddle, no one likes seeing the spoiled overwrought star player mouthing off on the sidelines...alright a little bit, it can be entertaining at times, but rarely does it win the game. And like any good coach, when we get to the locker room...watch out! Now...hut, hut, hut Ladies! The Tony Dungee Approach to Parenting...he can sign over the royalty checks to me post haste.

Fri, 2008-11-14 20:02

 

We refer to my husband as "the baby whisperer". He can get just about any kid to do just about anything they don't really want to do. It is UNBELIEVABLE. I do not know where he amassed his arsenal of tricks, but I am sooo glad he has them. I just get to throw my hands in the air and call in the professional.

Fri, 2008-11-14 05:15

 

While I think it's important to Stand Together, I also think it's important for my kids to see that we don't always agree and are able to (usually) come to a decision that we both support. Also, my husband has learned to defer to me, as he's gone until dinner or later every night. Simply put, he KNOWS I know more about what's going on with them, and doesn't try to overrule any decisions I may have made throughout the day.

Thu, 2008-11-13 13:32

 

Are some of you sitting on the floor?

Thu, 2008-11-13 07:53

 

Maeve, I feel dense asking, but ... what?

Fri, 2008-11-14 08:13

 

If a dad can sneak in a comment here...I am allowed in here right!? Now, about that stack of invisible parenting books... Perhaps its like the whole driving thing..we can't be seen not knowing where we are, hence no maps or advice taking. We may not have the books but we sneakily read yours by torchlight under the covers at night!

Thus, we are able to nod sagely and say things like, "hmmm, must be Braxton Hicks," or "psychology of the naughty-step? perhaps we should put ourselves on the naughty step when we do something wrong..." Hmm.. I think there is a blog here from the dad point of view.. :)

Thu, 2008-11-13 07:15

 

When we disagree? I simply resort to my superior logic. Works every time. :-D

Wed, 2008-11-12 23:58

 

How I would have loved to have had momversation when my girls where younger!

Moms, let me tell you, WORK IT OUT with the dads because the stuff that's spinning your head around now is nothing compared to the teenage years. You're totally going to need the tag-team, super strong, parenting truss by the time training bras and lip gloss begin to take root.

I agree with Rikki, you've got to stand together. Sometimes he'll be right, sometimes it'll be you, but get in the habit of doing it. You must get prepared for rock music, angst, bad wardrobe choices and most especially, the day when "BF" no longer stands for best friend, but THAT OTHER THING.

*Sigh* I heart being a mom. It's a pain in the ass but TOTALLY worth it.

Wed, 2008-11-12 15:18

 

My husband and I stand united ... in front of the kids, lol! Since we are a true blended family (we both have kids from a previous marriage and we have one together), we have crazy schedules AND six parent-people involved. Things can be kinda crazy, so we agreed that we would stand together and discuss it later, but we are also pretty good at reading body language, so if something is happening that one of us is unsure about, the decision is tabled for a few minutes while we talk about it with the child there and we come to a consensus.

Wed, 2008-11-12 13:24

 

So funny (I think I might say that to every momversation, but seriously you ladies are my comedy outlet)

We do "the look" and have tried to make sure that we don't disagree in front of the kids...key word being, TRY. Yes, I think it's best to save it until later to talk about what your hubby should have done, but later...I am tired or changing a poopy diaper and I cannot remember if I remembered to pee let alone remember to talk about a disagreement in terms of parenting. So we let it go...until next time.

Actually! More recently we both couldn't sleep, gotta love being stressed out, and so we sat up in the dark in the living room talking about things. It was nice (I think) again, being sleep deprived, I'm not so sure it made it into the part of our brains where information sticks. ;)

In any case, thanks for another great momversation!
Sarah

Wed, 2008-11-12 12:33

 

I think this is a great topic. My husband and I agree in general on parenting philosophies, but we don't always agree in the moment.

We have a tacit agreement not to contract each other in front of the kids, and most of the times we're sane enough to pull each other aside. But sometimes I do jump in if I think he is just dead wrong. (For example, Christmas morning, my daughter didn't want her french toast. My husband, who was cranky from being up late putting together toys, told her she couldn't play with any of her new toys if she didn't finish it. I stepped in. He was just losing it because he was tired.)

I do feel annoyed though if he says "Mommy says you can't do this" because I know the kids get the implication that he'd let them. But then again I do it sometimes, too.

In short, we disagree -- can't imagine any parents who love their kids wouldn't -- but we work handle it well most of the times.

Wed, 2008-11-12 11:59

 

Husband? What's that?
I am a single mom and my daughter's father is oil and I am water. We agree on nothing ... except for the fact that we both love her. I am lucky in the fact that he defers all the parenting decisions to me! : )

Giyen
www.baconismyenemy.com

Wed, 2008-11-12 07:25

 

Honestly, the first thought that popped into my head was we don’t disagree because I’m always right. I’m the alpha parent, hear me rule. *lol* How bad do I sound?

When our girls were little there were those moments when I would look at this intelligent man who I fell in love with, admired and would think, “what the hell is he doing?” I’ve read all these books, I know more and he is just doing it wrong. Then you add the fact that we were raised totally different, so you are bringing these two different parenting backgrounds together. We decided early on not to disagree in front of the girls on parenting. Our situation is a bit different now since he’s gone for 15, 18 and 12 months at a time. He pays more attention on how I do things and tries to follow along. If he thinks I’m going overboard with a situation he does pull me aside and gives me his view. I still think (know) I’m right but I’ve grown up and learned to compromise.

http://marriedsingleparent.blogspot.com/

Wed, 2008-11-12 04:20

 
 

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