July 29, 2009
Just because we're not single women anymore doesn't mean we can't make a hot date... with our husbands. "Dating" our husbands isn't as crazy as it sounds. With our kids, jobs, and other responsibilities, romantic ideas can be tossed aside for the drudgery of life. Date night helps keep the spark going in the relationship, but does everyone place importance on it? Rebecca Woolf of Girl's Gone Child (and in red lipstick) asks, "Do you have a date night?"
Do you make time for date night? Does it help your relationship? Do you wish you went out more often? What do you do on date night? Join the Momversation by commenting on the video or blog posts.
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15 Comments
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Thu, 2010-03-04 10:54
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Wed, 2010-03-03 18:21
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Wed, 2010-03-03 06:08
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Wed, 2010-03-03 03:53
I love date night. I wish it happened more. It's tough with a nursing baby, but it's still doable. I mean, we do whatever is important to us, right?
We recently had the funnest, cheapest at-home date. We made Angel Food Cake together, gussied up, and watched a romantic movie from Redbox. It doesn't sound like anything that special, but it was.
Mon, 2009-09-21 22:01
I realize I am among .000001% of all married people, but my husband and I are very happily married and NEVER have date nights. We used to try (because married couples are "supposed to", right?) but found we missed our kids and would prefer to do things as a family. So, I know we're really weird, but we own our weirdness, and we love it, and we love eachother. Just goes to show you, there are very few blanket statements when it comes to family.....to each their own.
Thu, 2009-07-30 09:51
abanana68: THANK YOU for what you said about each marriage/family having its own "culture of togetherness." I absolutely agree that each couple has to find the place that feels best. But I think it's safe to say that just about every couple needs time to reconnect as adults. It doesn't have to be "date night" out on the town -- home on the couch works, too.
Mon, 2009-08-03 17:37
Earlier in our marriage, we fell into the "darned if you do, danged if you don't" mindset with date nights. In other words, when we had the time to do it, we felt like we didn't have the funds, and when we were both working a lot and had extra cash, we didn't have time.
After almost 18 years, we've learned better--we make the time, and if we're short of cash, we find free options. We're fortunate that we have a great network of friends and family willing to watch the kids, for free if we need them to, and we live in a small town where if nothing else, there's a park with a sand volleyball court, a beautiful walking track, and scenic park benches within walking distance.
It's easier, though, now that our youngest kid is 5. For one thing, the "total exhaustion at all times" phase has passed...
Thu, 2009-07-30 06:39
A date night would be great...if my husband weren't unemployed and had been for the past year and a half and I wasn't so sick because the stupid insurance has put me almost a full treatment BEHIND my schedule.
It's just no fun to go out when you literally have nothing to go out with. Gas costs money...which we don't have...so do movie tickets, parking, dinner, even at the cheapest place with a coupon...we don't have it.
And...between that stress and the stress of the economy where we live and the fact that he worked full time and went to school full time to get his degree and STILL can't get a job and I COULD get a job but couldn't hold it, and can't get disability because being a stay at home mom gets you no work credits and unemployment is treated differently than earned income...the fact that we as a family have spent practically every single day together since his last temp job is just...ARRRUUGGHHH!!
If I had the energy and the not sickness to go somewhere to take a walk, he wouldn't enjoy that because he doesn't like walks. They're boring. Well I like walks, and I don't like to spend them fighting. But they also don't have toilets, and I am not well enough to even do the fun things that are free around us.
Date night is a great idea. But we're in such a bad financial situation that I wouldn't let him take me out to dinner ON MY BIRTHDAY.
*sighs*
Wed, 2009-07-29 22:28
My husband and I have not been on a date since the weekend of our wedding! Man it's been forever!!!
Got ya! Even though we've been together for-ev-er and have a two-year-old, we've only been married for two months! Still two months is a long time with no date night!!!
I think date night is vital in keeping a relationship going. And by relationship, I mean ROMANTIC relationship. If you don't make the investment in spending time with each other and having fun, then it is very hard to keep the romantic aspect of our marriage going! I also think dating each other reduces the number of arguments you have because when you start to see each other just as the other person responsible for keeping the household running and the kids alive, you can become bitter. By not dating your spouse, you don't just lose your relationship, you lose the parts of you that are romantic and the parts of your existence that have nothing to do with raising children.
How does any marriage survive without date nights!?
Wed, 2009-07-29 11:26
My husband and I do make a point to have date night at least once a month. Our situation is a little different, because we work together, so we spend a lot of one on one time together away from our son anyway. We ride to work together in the morning. We eat lunch together or go out to lunch together every day. We ride to daycare in the afternoon to pick up our son together. So, needless to say, we are together A LOT. For us, it works. We still think it's important to have an actual date night though. We get dressed up, go somewhere nice, and we too have the rule where we don't discuss our son. It's nice to feel like an adult, and have meaningful conversations that don't revolve around potty training or preschools.
I agree that getting that one on one time together is essential to keep a marriage strong and fresh. I hope that we can continue this tradition until we're old and gray.
Wed, 2009-07-29 09:59
I really like what Karen pointed out about making it just the two of you. My husband and I got married before most of our closest friends, so we tend to try and spend time with them when we can swing a babysitter. The only problem with that is that we end up having virtually no alone time together. We finally decided that if our friends want to hang out more than once a month, they have to get over having a baby at dinner. Once a month we make a point of hanging out with them like "old times" and the baby spends time with his grandparents, but the other free weekend nights are reserved for just the two of us. Since we implemented this rule our marriage has been much stronger. Plus who doesn't want to don Delilah Red Lipstick and rekindle the romance?
Wed, 2009-07-29 09:11
I think everyone can agree that date night is ESSENTIAL.
In my first marriage, we were so consumed with our daughter that we fell into the trap that she had to come first no matter what...and it cost us. We didn't have a date night for over a year after she was born and by that time it was too late. Just like Asha predicted, our first "date night" was with a marriage counselor.
My husband and I (second marriage for both of us) are so in-tune with each other on this topic. We both know from our previous experience that it makes us better parents, better spouses and just better people to get that alone time that we need to reconnect with each other. With three kids in a blended family, if we're not on the same page, the kids can sense it and they use it against us. They can take us down in 5 seconds flat. So really, its a necessity to sharpen our skills.
And the great thing about this marriage is that neither one of us is afraid to ask for what we need. We have a big date night planned this Saturday for our anniversary, but last night I was feeling a little frisky and wanted to snuggle, so I requested an in-house date. This is where we put the kids to bed and then spend some quality time with each other. Sometimes it's watching a movie, sometimes it's just laying in bed and giggling together, sometimes we actually have sex. But we promise to stay up late and pay attention to each other, and that's the point.
Wed, 2009-07-29 06:26
Andy and I aren't married -- but we've been together longer than some married couples! -- and I think part of it is because we have date nights. You might think, Oh, but aren't y'all alone together all the time (since, yes, we live in sin, woohoo!)? But it's totally not the same when he's watching ESPN and I'm reading a book and our dog is trying to get our attention by dropping his rope toy in our laps. It's being alone, together -- instead of being together alone!
We do manage to do our Date Nights about once a week -- go to a nice restaurant, see a movie or a concert, something -- but I admit it's probably much easier since we don't have any kids. Hopefully this is setting some good groundwork for when we do, though.
And I think I agree that double dates (or any sort of outing that isn't just the two of us) isn't the same, because we have to be "on" in a way that we don't have to be when it's just us. It's a totally different kind of energy.
Wed, 2009-07-29 06:25
Lovin' the red Rebecca!
Ah Date Night!
The last date night we did was a couple of weeks ago. We went home on vacation so date night was easier to plan when you have free babysitting from any family member who wanted to take the kids (which is why I love how big my husband's family is!).
But now that we are home, we need to get back in to the swing of going on date nights. We should get all gussied up for each other. I should find an outfit that doesn't involve a drawstring.
The cost to date night is big because we live in a town where we can't just call a family member to come and watch the kids. So when we do plan for one there has to be a set plan for what we do. Because there have been date nights where didn't do anything but drive around aimlessly looking for something to do in our small town! But the talks we amazing!
Anyway, they are the best things to do for your marriage. Period!
Wed, 2009-07-29 05:08