April 20, 2009
You're in a toddler swim class when you meet a teenager splashing around with a 2-year-old girl. "Oh, are you taking your little sister to class today?" you ask. The teen looks at you and says, "Actually, this is my daughter."
Or maybe you're the young mom who's heard: "What about your career?" "Aren't you a little young?" or even "You should have been more responsible."
More and more mothers are putting off pregnancy until their 30s (or later), which can lead people to wonder why someone has had a baby earlier in life... whether it's their business or not. Rebecca Woolf of Girl's Gone Child asks, "Do you judge young mothers?"
What are some of the judgments you make about the age of a mom? Do you think the media portrays young moms in a negative or positive light? Join the Momversation by commenting on our video.
Momversation has been nominated for a Webby! Please VOTE!
Share This:
Best of Momversation
Did You Take Your Husband's Name?
Some women still get disapproving looks when they state that they didn't take their husband's last name. …
Childfree by Choice
There's a growing movement across the blogosphere of people who have chosen to remain childless. …
Is Circumcision Wrong?
It's a tough decision that every American mother of a baby boy has to make: to circumcise or not…
Are You Concerned About Vaccinations?
When you hear the word "vaccine," do you immediately think of the word "autism?" …
Favorite Quotes
Alice
On behalf of the parents of autistic children I know, Jenny McCarthy can go &*$% herself.
Doctors or Parents: Who Do You Trust More?
Asha
I can't plan anything a year in advance. I certainly can't plan 365 meals, nor would I ever want to.
Meal Planning for a Year: Crazy Talk?
Dana
We've been conditioned to think that only one way is acceptable.
Life Experiences: Do They Count as Education?
Daphne
My husband is not Mr. Romantic, but that's OK because he can fix the tires on a stroller.
Valentine's Day: Is It Important to You?
Giyen
Sometimes it works out great, and sometimes she wants the $195 flat iron.
Thankful: How Do You Teach Your Kids to Be Grateful?
Heather
Heather, it's going to be your duty to teach our daughter about her cheeseburger.
Private Parts: Do You Have Cutesy Names for Them?
Heather
When you have something wrong with your child's health, a lot of parents need to cling to something.
Vaccines and Autism: Debate Over?
Jessica
The reality is if you have kids at your house often enough, the accidents will happen.
Accidents Happen: When Someone Else's Kid Gets Hurt on Your Watch
Karen
My husband is the gadgety person. My God, that man has gadgets. And they never work. What is that?
Gotta-Have Gadget: What's Yours?
Maggie
Your 6 week old is not interested in anything but light and shadow.
Mindy
Americans eat too much. Eat half!
Rebecca
What I really want to accomplish is raising children who are advocates for themselves.
Categories
Stay up-to-date on the Momversation by subscribing to our RSS feeds and joining our weekly newsletter.
Stay informed on our latest news!
53 Comments
Lomwefgbnbv
Thu, 2010-03-04 10:56
Wefwjnegjjw
Wed, 2010-03-03 18:24
I joined momversation just to respond to this page. Like a lot of posters I was twenty-three when I got pregnant with my first child. I was married, just finishing graduate school and it was a planned pregnancy. I had my child at twenty-four and experienced a lot of judgement. I did experience people asking if it was a mistake or why I wasn't waiting to have children etc. I try not to judge women who wait to have children. The fact is that we can't and don't always find that perfect person we want to have a child with. I felt very lucky that I did find that person early on and that he also wanted to start a family young.
But it is hard not to judge when you receive so many comments from older moms.
All the pregnancy magazines and books I read while I was pregnant were focused on women over thirty. It was like, teenagers and women over 30 were the only women allowed to get "support" and "special care." If you were between the ages of 20-29? Who cared if you were having a baby! At twenty-three, I wasn't young enough to be part of the teen mom support groups in the area, but I also did not have anything in common with the 30 year old moms.
There are very few television shows that are about moms between the ages of 20-29. It is either always moms over 30 or teen moms. There are just not many support systems for women who have children between the ages of 20-25. Now that I am 26 and already have 1 child - I find that I am a lot more "acceptable" to the over thirty mom crowd.
Also, because the average age to have babies nowadays is 27 and older I don't have a peer support system. I was out with girlfriends the other day (who are all over thirty and do not have children) and they were commenting on how all their 30+ friends were having babies. One of my friends said, "Well, it is the age!" And I thought, no it isn't, I had a child at 24! What about my age?
However, I am trying to have my second child and for two years have had miscarriages and fertility issues. Unfortunately, because I'm not over 30, my doctors just tell me that "You are young, keep trying." This is infuriating to me. I feel completely ignored not just by popular culture (books, magazines, television) and older moms (playgroups, playdates etc.), but also by doctors. If I was over 30, it would take no time at all to get an appointment with a specialist and to receive the support and assistance I need to have a baby. But under 30? No help whatsoever. It is as if I don't exist.
The main issue I have with older moms is just the judgement, agendas, and inflexibility.
If a women waits to have children - that is no problem for me! I think many older moms are very organized, patient, experienced and sometimes more financially and emotionally secure. But, I do not appreciate when moms over 30 decide to lambast young mothers to make themselves feel better about their choice. I also don't appreciate that older moms seem to have these high pressured expectations and agendas for their children! In playgroups with 30+ moms, it seems to be all about comparing your children and their milestones.
One of my older mom friends literally stopped talking to me when I told her my child started walking at 8 months. She came over the day I called her and asked me to "prove it" as her child who was the same age was still crawling. My child got up and walked around and she literally left angry at me. And for what? It didn't mean my kid was the next Einstein or something - they just walked early, who cares?
The older moms that I know make such a big production and drama out of motherhood, from buying the most expensive brand of bottles and the most in-style jogging strollers to competing for spots at the most expensive preschools in town. It just gets a bit ridiculous. Older moms in my experience also tend to be WAY overprotective and yet inconsiderate of other people's children.
The 30+ moms I know do not seem open to participating in support systems. When I've approached this age group about playdates or babysitting swaps or just a coffee - they are very closed off and try to avoid me or have such overscheduled days with their kids that they don't have time for a quick cup of coffee and a chat or a fun park playdate.
We all have one thing in common - we are all moms! We struggle with sleep issues and behavioral issues and socialization issues and educational issues and health issues of our little ones. We should support one another because we are mothers - who cares how old or young you are? Age doesn't have to make a difference, but I think media has made mountains out of molehills.
Sun, 2009-11-29 03:31
I graduated high school in May 2004, got pregnant in July 2004, and got married in November 2004. I was 18 years old and my whole life transformed. I went from a hard partying teen to a responsible mother and wife. I felt like society turned there back on me not for just being a mother at a young age but also being married. Everyone thought we got married because i was pregnant but in reality we had already planned to get married and when my Aunts offered to pay for the wedding we jumped at the chance. I got the long speeches about how getting married that young would only lead to divorce. My husband who is 8 years older than me would never be happy. We would not even make it to the six month mark. Here we are 5 years later on our 3rd child and things could not be better. We still love each other as much if not more than we did 5 years ago and people still look at me like i am nuts when i tell them how old i am, how long i have been married, and how old my kids are.
Like some of you said i never wanted to be an "older mother". For that matter i tol dmy husband early on in our relationship that i refused to have kids after i turn 30. Not beacuse i think it is horrible or that 30 is old but because of my own personal experience. My mom was 38 when she had me and died when i was 15. Yes it scared me for life and changed my opinion on having kids. I like my choices in life as far as my marriage and kids go and that is my opinion.
Fri, 2009-08-28 09:29
I must say I know a few young mothers but not alot.
Just one thing.... I know we all judge but next time you see a 16 year old pregnant girl... keep in mind that she might not be knocked-up by accident but is pregnant by choice and has a partner and is in fact NOT 16...!
I was mistaken for much younger then I really am several times....
Allthoug 23 might be young to it's a very healthy age to have a child.
Wed, 2009-05-27 03:41
What are you talking about? EVERYONE is a young mom nowadays!? I feel like I'm the only one out of all of my group of friends WITHOUT a kid and I'm 23.
Fri, 2009-05-08 17:22
My husband and I had our first child last year. I'm 30 and wish we had started sooner as well. We've already decided to start "trying" to have another this Fall and even that has sparked judgment from our family. While there is nothing wrong with women who choose to start or continue to have kids at 40, it is not something I want to do. I want to be more than done by then. I don't want to still be trying to have that 2nd or 3rd kid. I want to be able to enjoy my kids while I am still reasonably young. I want to be able to take them snowboarding or wakeboarding or simply not lose my patience when I have a few 5-year olds or teenagers running around my house. Most importantly, I don't want to be 60 when my children are barely out of highschool.
Tue, 2009-05-05 10:35
I usually don't judge young mothers. They're in for a ride and no amount of "I told ya so" will equal. So whatever, they'll figure it out. It was hard for my late 20-something self to figure it out and still is into my 30s.
I do, however, sometimes judge the older mom set sometimes. The ladies who are so set in their ways, inflexible to their childrens' needs, world weary, bored, tired, would rather be focusing on their careers and only had kids 'cos the clock was running down.
It's wrong to judge, I know it.
Thu, 2009-04-30 06:56
its funny -- I can completely see how being on the young end could make you feel stigmatized. on the other hand, being on the older end (42 with a 1-year-old) can make you feel just as cut off from the other moms and their activities/discussions. basically, any time you're at a different stage of life from those around you (and being the only parent among your old friends is in the same category!), you can feel lonely and/or judged. it's a bummer, because kids' needs and schedules are already constraining enough on one's chances of making friends...
Wed, 2009-04-29 07:51
At 21, I was told that I looked like I was 12 and was too young to have kids. Just proof that moms are not always as young as they appear. It was the only comment I recieved like this at all. I am now 22 and my husband and I have 3 kids. I am a great mom. But I can't imagine how hard it would have been for me if I felt like I was being judged everywhere I went. People have families for different reasons. My reason for wanting children young was to be able to see my great-grandkids be born. I wanted to have energy to be able to play with my kids and grandkids. And there is nothing wrong with that. I think people need to keep their unwanted opinions where they belong and instead give hope and applaud young moms who step up to the plate. Lots of teens get pregnant and just abort and no one knows. I'm sorry, but I think a teen mom deserves less criticism than alot of their counterparts do.
Mon, 2009-04-27 10:45
I think that it is a sign of courage and strength when a teenager ends up getting pregnant, but chooses to have the child and then be a mom. Being a mom is a hard and challenging thing, with lots of rewards too! But when your 16 doing what all your friends are doing and what feels good to you, then you get pregnant? There is an easy way out that could allow you to try to start over again, but actually going through with it? That takes a lot!
I was 19 when I got pregnant and wasn't in a committed relationship, but God knew what he was doing and took my mistakes and allowed good things to come from it. But then again, I'm the one who believes that everything happens to a reason and while we can't always see the big picture, God does. I was in the Army, so I was actually "middle-aged" for getting pregnant and married! LOL! But once I got out of the Army Community Bubble, I became FULLY aware that I was a young mom, having my second child at 22! But you know what, I really woudln't want to do it any other way! Like you said, when my kids are 16, I'll be the young hot mom! LOL! Now that's something to aspire to right!! J/K! :)
Sat, 2009-04-25 16:03
I agree with others who have commented that this really boils down to having an opinion about parenting and judging others. I had my first when I was 22. Now I'm pregnant with my second and I'm 37. At 22 I was married, but not affluent. Wasn't married when I got pregnant. Then I was divorced and a single parent. Now I'm remarried and we have a stepfamily. About to be more of a blended family. Have I received judgment and cruel remarks along the way? Hell, yes. But I can also see that some of the comments were probably derived from some naive things I said and did along the way. Another thing I realized along the way is that the difficulty in the 15 or 20 year gap between young moms and older moms has a lot to do with a generation gap and just the difference between who people are at age 23 versus 43. I think it's not so much that older moms are thinking younger moms are stupid or naive or anything else, they just are in different peer circles independent of the age of their children. And parent or not, it's difficult to talk to someone who's young enough to be your child and be able to relate to them and accept them as a peer. So it gets in the way.
It was very difficult to be a young parent. It still is. (I hate to break it to those of you who are optimistic, but being in your 30s when your kid is in high school doesn't make you fit in any better than when you were 25 and at play group.) Now I get the fun of being the only parent at my daughter's high school who is pregnant. Again, another barrier to acceptance. But life is full of people having opinions and judging. Maybe we can move past this behavior as individuals, work on ourselves, and it will all add up to something better soon.
Fri, 2009-04-24 14:31
I certainly don't judge anyone for when (or even if!) they have a child. I had my daughter just before my 37th birthday. Would I have waited that long if I had the choice? Nope. I would have had a child in my late 20's or early 30's if I could have planned it that way. I think having a child young is ideal! I would have had more energy for it, that's for certain. But I didn't meet my now-husband until my mid 30's, and then we waffled over whether to go for it for a couple of years since we both had successful careers and it somehow seemed a more difficult decision than it would have been in my 20's when I was READY and willing.
There's no wrong age, if you're ready and desiring to have 'em. And even if you're not ready, you make it happen and you love those kids all the more.
And Rebecca, if you'd lived in my neighborhood I would have embraced you as a fellow mom, no matter what the age. Like you said, those first few months of parenthood can be incredibly lonely, and I would have welcomed anyone into my life who was walking the same path.
Thu, 2009-04-23 13:51
I was 19 when I became preggo and 20 when I gave birth. I was the youngest in my church to have a child. Some people in my church judged me for it. Not only that, I became preggo outside of marriage and was married while 4 mths preggo. When I see someone who looks younger than me (bout to turn 22 in a few weeks) and is preggo, I try to place myself in their shoes, give them a smile, and try to help them.
Wed, 2009-04-22 10:19
Wow am I glad I stumbled upon this website. I am having a severe problem with meeting other moms since I moved to the Chicagoland area from Florida. I am 25 years old with 3 wonderful children. My first son I had at 18, my daughter at 21 and my youngest son who will be 2 next month at 23. Yes, I am married!!! I do home school kindergarten/preschool this year and I'm not sure if I am going to do it again next year. I am much younger then many mother's in this area and where I'm from its normal to see young moms. This has been an adjustment. I don't know why nobody wants to give me the time of day. If anyone could give me some feedback/advice on ways to better the situation that would be greatly appreciated! Thank you!
Wed, 2009-04-22 07:28
You know, I don't know if it is just where I live, but I have the opposite issue. I had my son when I was 36.
All of the moms groups in my area are in their 20s. When I try to get together with other moms on playdates, I find we have nothing in common. I like to sing songs from Peter Paul and Mary and they like the Coldplay Rockabye Baby CD. One song I really like and think is a sweet lullabye (LITTLE POTATO Written by Malcolm Dalglish), I have been told is gross and awful. I think in some ways it is just too much of a generation gap. I am just barely younger than their own mothers and they aren't interested in my opinions or experience.
I don't have any disdain for young moms, they made their decision to go ahead, and I just was not ready when I was younger. Looking back, I sometimes wish I had been more secure and struggled less with depression so I could have started a family sooner because I love it and I could have had more kids. Now at 38 I am struggling to get pregnant again and people look at me like I am too old and ask me if I am worried about having a disabled child because I am so old. They also like to point out that I will be in my 60s when my children graduate high school.
I do think that girls who have kids as teens have a really rough road ahead of them and may have missed out on part of their youth because being a mom makes you mature really fast. But I don't look down on them for it or think they are worse parents because of it.
Tue, 2009-04-21 11:45
I think it's interesting to hear from all sides on this subject. I think isolation is obviously a given for all ages of mothers. Agism however seems to depend on geography more than anything. I have friends who are young moms in areas where they have never felt the kind of isolation I felt as a young mom and older friends who feel it just as much if not more because in their towns women have kids on the young side.
Any which way...
May we all be aware of one another's feelings, curb our judgment and look past the differences that separate us. Invite one another to dance.
Thank you all for sharing your stories and unique perspectives!
Tue, 2009-04-21 11:56
I'm so glad we're talking about this. I had my son at 22. I don't think it was "too young", but it was definitely not the norm. I think the hardest thing is how isolating it is. Other moms judge you because you're younger than them, and all of your twenty-something friends can't be around you because you're boring.
I've tried to go out with the twenties-crowd, and it just doesn't work. I can't keep up anymore. It gets to midnight and I'm thinking about the six hours I have before that baby is up and ready to start his day. I just can't justify losing what little sleep I get to go out. And that's hard. I was just starting to really enjoy going out all night and then it was cut off. Now, I have more in common with my mother-in-law than I do with my best friends. I woudn't trade the days I spend with my son for all the crazy nights in the world though. It's a fair trade. I've become so much better than I was. You have a child and you become a completely different person.
The judgments from other people, that's tough. I look even younger than I am, so when people see me with my son they just assume things. They assume he was a mistake, they assume I'm not married, they assume I'm miserable... all kinds of things. I want to wear a t-shirt that says "22. Mother. Married. Homeowner. SHUT IT." I just can't stand that people think I'm not qualified to raise my son. Am I perfect? No. But would ten years really make me any more qualified to raise a child than I am now? Absolutely not. You're going to be clueless about parenting whether you're 15 or 50. It's something you learn as you go. My son has the best of everything. As long as I'm loving him and providing for him; who cares how old I am? I don't think of myself as 22 anymore. I've experienced so much more than I thought possible in that time. You just stop seeing yourself as a number and only see yourself as a mother. That's the only way anyone should see it. Who cares how old a mother is? As long as she's doing what's right for her children, it's none of our business.
And I am SO with Dana on this one... it'll be a great day when I walk into my kids' graduations not needing Botox and a walker.
Tue, 2009-04-21 10:42
agree with the shirt; I worked in pharmacy retail and found out I was pregnant two days shy of turning twenty. so many stares, dirty looks, comments. my brother-in-law made the comment about 'ways to prevent that', much to the fury of my husband (he married me a week after we found out). other people said I was starting out too early, but the reason I did not have an abortion had to do with refusing to be shoved around to be uniform. it was not something I ever truly wanted, and I wonder how many mothers find that out after the RU-486 or D&C.
I think a lot of the anger and need to say something stemmed with how quickly I got pregnant after so quickly moving in; we had been together for three months, living together for two. it suited us, however. we had all ready been discussing spending the rest of our lives together. this just, as he put it, sped things up a bit.
my son is three weeks old; post-partum is hard, but my husband and I have an anniversary coming up and I can't imagine it going any more rewarding than it already has been. to make this happen, we moved into a house, gave up his vehicle, didn't see each other for days at a time from working conflicting schedules, with no cable, no internet, just used books and love. not to mention my libido went to shit during the pregnancy. :/ it's just now getting back to normal, but the snags have been my emotions more than anything else right now.
if I hadn't found Travis and had Ben, I'd be like my ex and his sister (the two most important people in my life until two years ago). they do drugs, go to college on our nickels and dimes, in dead-end jobs. not to mention the self-mutilation.
I'd like to think I greatly improved, in spite of the generally negative consensus.
Tue, 2009-05-05 20:55
I was 28 when I got pregnant and though my mom didn't have an opinion about my age, she did judge the fact that I wasn't married. She sighed when I told her I was pregnant and asked immediately if I was getting married. She rambled on about how we would never find time for a wedding after the baby came and that we should do it as soon as possible. Translation: I don't want my friends and fellow church members to know that my daughter got pregnant out of wedlock. I hung up the phone without her ever once congratulating me or saying she was happy for me. It broke my heart.
That being said, I think as women we should realize that whatever the circumstances that brought us here, whether you plan your pregnancy or whether it's a total surprise, finding out you are going to be a mom is a scary thing. Yes, it's exciting, but you feel very vulnerable and unsure about yourself and your role as a mother. It's uncharted territory. When you see those two lines on the pee stick or here the words, "You're pregnant" from the Dr, no matter how strong or secure you may be, you have your fears and need support.
Leslie
Tue, 2009-04-21 10:19
OH! a funny.
at 19 i WAS the nanny and was assumed that i was the mom (the girls were 3 and 1.5). i quickly set the woman straight.
Tue, 2009-04-21 09:01
i don't judge anyone...
can you believe i typed that with a straight face?
anyway.
i hope my children at least finish high school before breeding. that said, if they start being in the family way before then, i'll be supportive. it's been done, it cannot be undone, let's make sure you graduate.
i had my son when i was 22 years old. he was quickly followed by my first daughter. i feel that i did miss out on a lot, but i also gained so much more. i honestly think having my family early saved my life.
as for what others think, honestly, i'd rather they asked me, and found out the truth, then going on and telling how they saw a 17 year old at the park with her TWO children. i've seen the look when they look at my kids and then at me and assume i had them as a high schooler.
i don't think having children as a teenager is the best situation...but like someone else said...i've seen teenage mothers that are better at it than some older moms.
some women feel having their children early is better for them, some feel having them later is better for them. i have my own opinions about the best age...but that only works for me.
did i even answer the question? my fingers just started going and kept going.
Tue, 2009-04-21 08:59
I got married when I was 26. My husband and I told each other we'd talk about kids in 2-3 years. In 2-3 years, we pushed it off another 2-3 years. Now, I have a 16 month old who was conceived with the help of Clomid. He was born when I was 32. I've just finished 3 rounds of Clomid again in hopes of conceiving a 2nd child. No such luck.
I'm kicking myself for not starting a family earlier. There's no guarantee, but had I started at 26, I probably could have conceived with less trouble, according to my doctor. Had I known then what I know now, I possibly would have started earlier. Hindsight is 20/20.
Nature wants us to have our children much earlier than society does. Nature wants us to be in our late teens or early twenties. Society wants us to get an education, have a career, get married, buy a house, and THEN have kids.
Tue, 2009-04-21 07:21
I most certainly think there's a stigma associated with young moms. If you'd asked me this question about 2 years ago I might've naively said no, however now that my kids are involved in more social activities I have definitely noticed the looks. I was a very young mom (16), I had absolutely no business having a child at that age, children shouldn't bring children into the world! However, I made the best of a bad situation. But when I think back to when I was pregnant, people would literally stare at me for what seemed like hours when I would be on the bus coming home from school, b/c at 16 I looked like I was about 11 or 12. My daughter is now 20 years old and has a 3 month old son of her own. And so now I am a young grandma, coupled with the fact that I still look about 25 people often think I am either lying or just downright insane when I say "no, that's not my nephew that's my grandson and that's my daughter". We both are then stared at like two crazed lunatics, b/c my daughter looks like she's about 14 or 15. Whenever she goes to pick up my other kids from school they often mistake her for one of the 7th graders.
There's most certainly a difference between being an unwed teenage or 20 year old mother and a married with a career 21 year old mother. Either way mistakes can and will be made, there's no such thing as a "perfect mom". I know kids who do not have the brains or common sense my daughter has and they were born into a family where the parents were married and doing things the "right way". That's not to say I agree with teenage parenting or young adults having children when they aren't ready for it. Raising kids is a tough job and unless you are ready to give up your wants for those of that baby you better think it over!
The truth is, we (mothers) are our own worst enemies, if we would simply stop judging each other for everything we do or don't do and stop trying to live that life made for TV we would all be just fine. Teach your children to treat others the way they would want to be treated, be fair to others and share your wealth, respect your elders and give back to some cause, if we all followed the same rules we teach our children the world would be a much better place to live.
I think someone said this already, don't judge a person until you've walked a mile in her shoes, you don't know her story!
I am done...Tata for now!
Tue, 2009-04-21 00:37
Ok I guess I finished before I was really finished. I have a couple more things to add.
I think there are some positives to having my daughter young. For one, I have worked hard to give her stability and all things NECESSARY, and she has seen all of my hard work, and respects me for that and does not take her life or home or other material things for granted.
I think it takes courage for pregnant teens to stand up and take responsibility for their children, rather than taking the "out" that's offered. And I think they should be better supported by society as a whole. I remember every day toward the end of my pregnancy, watching "A baby story" on TV, and every day it seemed to be the same woman......married, in her 30's, suburban home, luxury SUV, and all the right pieces, and I quickly became bitter that us women that were not in that position were being hidden away. I know the women on the show were not the only ones having babies, but they were they only babies being publicly celebrated.
As I've gotten older, most of that bitterness has been replaced by understanding. It's another symptom of the fear-based parenting that is so prevalent now, fear that our children are ill equipped to deal with the challenges of a difficult world. I think I'm lucky that I've learned what the important things in life are early, and get to enjoy them that much longer.
Mon, 2009-04-20 21:40
Yes! I think that is why the Internet/Blogosphere is so great for moms that are out there. Moms of all shapes, sizes, ages, attitudes are being represented. I am an Asian single mother who got pregnant at 19. You aren't going to see that on a TLC show.
Mon, 2009-04-20 22:28
What Giyen said. The media depiction of the "modern mother" is so contrived it makes me want to burn my nursing bra. Ha!
Tue, 2009-04-21 11:49
This is a really good topic. I was a teen mom. I got pregnant with my daughter at 17. I barely knew her dad, and I was still happy and excited to be a mom. I went to the doctor and they had me meet with a counselor. The woman was very somber as she schooled me about my "choices" and I know they're trained to be sensitive, but I was mildly offended, and it was a sign of things to come. I don't think I was in the perfect circumstances to have a child, but I don't think it was the tragedy that teen pregnancy is collectively made out to be either. I'm now 28, married, with 3 children and I have a good job that supports my family. I know it's not the case with all....nothing is, but most of the teen moms I know, have tried harder, perhaps because we have to fight against the stigma and condescension. I'm still the "young mom" when it comes to my oldest, at school, at her activities, etc....
It's getting a little easier, and my confidence is much higher after 10 years of this, but there still is a certain level of ostracization among the older moms.
Mon, 2009-04-20 20:57
i'm not quite sure where i fall in terms of this category/episode... i was days from turning 27 when my son was born. in my mind, i was young. i guess that is because the majority of MY friends are in their 30s when they have kids... the majority of MY HUSBAN'S friends though are military, and that puts us in a different bracket in terms of age and kids and all that junk. my friends are now just getting married at 28, and i have a 1 year old... my husband's friends have 2 kids and are expecting or planning the next.
so, i guess it's all relative. i like how rebecca mentioned being out in LA and a young mom, because i do feel like a good bit of the stigma that comes with being a "young mom" is based on where you are regionally.
i'm not in a rush to get pregnant again... though i have always embraced the idea of being a "young mom" because i feel like there is a vitality that i enjoy and appreciate as a mom in my 20s.
great topic!
Mon, 2009-04-20 19:04
I LOVED this video. I am a 30 year old mother of 3. I had my first child at the age of 21 and the other two by the age of 26. I knew that I didn't want to have children after the age of 30 and so I set off. This all stemmed from a friend I had in high school whose mother was childhood friends with my grandmother. From there on I knew that when my kids where in school, I would never be the "OLD" mom. I must say that I was never bothered by this until I moved out to New York and realized that I was much younger than the other moms around. Moms who I could find nothing in common with because we were at different points in our life. They were women who called a "Ladies night out" having a glass of wine at a nearby restaurant while I called a "Girls night out" having a couple of shots and dancing until I got blisters on my pinky toes from the hooker shoes I went out and bought specifically for the night. (Hey, I have to make the most out of my ONE night a year!) I was a little surprised that other mothers looked shocked when I would tell them that I had 3 kids. In fact, after a while I started to feel embarassed by the fact that I was a young mom and then I remembered how being a young mom was what I wanted and I GOT OVER IT! After all, why should I let the thoughts of others make me think twice about what I was doing with my life. I always thought that age didn't matter as long as you were taking care of your children and raising them to be great individuals. I still believe that! This experience has taught me not to be judgemental. I could easily label them as crazy for wanting to chase a 3 year old around while in their fourties, but I don't because that's their business, so please let me enjoy the choices that I have made for my family. Dana, I totally agree... I will be the hot young mom!!LOL! P.S. I just joined and I love you all already!! You ladies are awesome!
Mon, 2009-04-20 14:37