June 04, 2009
Whether it's a birthday party or a simple sleepover, it's hard to send your kids to a stranger's house to spend the night, especially when they're young. After all, there's stress in letting another family care for your child. Then there are the sleepover activities themselves: pranks, truth or dare, practical jokes, ouija boards, no sleep, and gossip many of which lead to grumpy kids the next day. Dana Loesch of Mamalogues asks the Momversation panelists, "Do you let your kids go to slumber parties?
Are slumber parties a yea or nay in your household? Do you prefer to throw parties or to have your child travel to another parent's home? At what age are sleepovers OK? Join the Momversation by commenting.
Looking for fun slumber party ideas? See our blog post!
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15 Comments
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Thu, 2010-03-04 10:47
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Wed, 2010-03-03 18:12
We do not let our 8 year old go to sleepovers. He does go to his grandparents house to spend the night at times, but that is it. We have never had a sleepover at our house and I am not sure we ever will. This has offended many friends and family. My MIL thinks that just because she knows a person that invites our son to their house that we should be okay with it because "she knows them". She feels as though we dont' trust her judgement. When we ask her not to let our son play inside others people homes when she is not in the home herself she gets upset and then tells the moms that have invited our son that we don't want our son playing with their son and so on. The next thing we know everyone in her neighborhood is giving us dirty looks and the cold shoulder.
Like other moms, we are not comfortable letting him go on sleepovers for many reasons. It is nothing personal against them, just how we choose to parent. We have noticed that some parents are naive about the things that kids do. I know what I was doing at sleepovers when I was that age and I will certainly not expose my family to what I was exposed to at such a young age. My hubby and I used to care too much about what everyone else thought about us but we are now past that and do what we think it best for our children. I feel it is my duty to protect my child.
I wish people wouldn't be so attacking and confrontational about things they disagree with. I would never question a parents decision the way that people have questioned ours. We too have started WWIII due to our "overprotective parenting". At the end of the day I have to know that I did everything in my power to do what is best, and if saying "No" to sleepovers is part of that then so be it.
Sun, 2009-08-09 14:57
My name is Kelli Kennedy and I'm a reporter with the Associated Press. I'm writing a story about this very topic and interested in hearing from the no-sleepover moms from other parts of the country. I've found tons in Florida (where I'm based) but looking for a broader perspective.
Anyone with a no sleepover rule that would be willing to share their opinion with me. My email is kkennedy@ap.org. Cell is 305 903 1617. Thanks so much.
Tue, 2009-06-30 09:40
our 4 3/4 year old daughter has been having sleepovers with her friends (and her friends sleeping at our house) since she was 2 1/2 years old. sometimes the sleepovers are planned, sometimes spontaneous. we know her friends and her friends' parents fairly well. i never had any hesitancy letting her sleepover or having a kid her age sleepover at our house. i love having a date with my wife in our house while our daughter stays at a friend's house -- it's much nicer than a date where we go out and then come home and pay the babysitter. none of the kids who've slept over have ever had a problem and our daughter's never asked to come home or had a problem when she's slept over. i didn't think this was unusual until i read the comments here.
Tue, 2009-06-09 17:07
Thanks ladies, for your feedback. I'm glad to read that I'm not the only one with a cautious (maybe even overly so) about this subject. For those of you that have a no-sleepover rule as far as allowing your children to go elsewhere, I'm kind of in agreement at this stage.
Fri, 2009-06-05 10:40
My kids are only 5 and 2, so this has been a non-issue so far. We have thought about it though. I don't think that I'll let my sons sleep over at other people's home (unless we REALLY know the family well). It's not even really about the parents. They might be fine, but I don't know who else is coming in and out of their homes. I know that as parents we can't control everything, but I definitely consider being the protector (as much as humanly possibly) one of my roles.
Then again, I don't even leave my kids alone with anyone (besides family) that hasn't had their background screened! (That's not as dramatic as it sounds. My husband and I oversee our church's Children's ministry and that's one of the requirements for all volunteer teachers. It really is important that all kids are protected.)
Fri, 2009-06-05 06:25
We have a 10 year old girl and two boys, 8 and almost 6.
We have never allowed sleepovers ever, at all. Not even with cousins. (Sleepovers meaning with other kids. they still stay at grandparents overnight)
We have not always been the popular ones for having this rule. In fact we've gotten the most resistance from adults (MIL and SIL) who have can't understand our reasons and have taken it personally as an insult or as a lack of trust. The bottom line is though, that they don't have to understand our reasons and if they want to take insult to it and take it personally, then that is their issue and not ours to deal with.
We live in different states and last summer my daughter was up visiting and they wanted to have a sleep over with her and her three cousins, same ages as my kids, all boys though. We said no and WWIII broke out.
We both have had things come up growing up at sleepovers, at both family and friends. Literal fires getting started, streaking in streets, underage drinking, hanky panky, hurt feelings, teasing...Let's face it, parents eventually go to bed and there's a reason children need to be supervised.
If we are accused of being overprotective in this area, then so be it. Oh well. It's easier for us to have a blanket rule and not make exceptions to it.
Thu, 2009-06-04 22:34
I agree 100% on this issue with you and have also dealt with a ton of resistance by the MIL & SIL because of this. I have a 10 year old daughter and also do not allow her to have sleepovers. It is the adults who have given us a great deal of problems and say I'm way overprotective.
After attending classes on protecting your children and attending meetings with our local police officer's I made the decision to not let her go to sleepovers. A police officer told us that he hears from parents of children who have been hurt, that they "didn't want to be overprotective". The police officer said let them call you overprotective and what ever else they want to call you - keeping your child safe is what's important and he emphasized "you don't get a second chance". I have a friend who's daughter(age 11) was at a sleepover and had horrible things done to her by her girlfriend's brother's friend that night.
Everyone should be allowed to parent as they want without being harassed for it.
Fri, 2009-09-11 09:23
My daughter really surprised me when at 5yrs old, and after being a really clingy mama's girl, she was totally ready to spend the night at her friends house. I felt comfortable with and had known her friend and parents for years so I said why not? She had a blast and has never once called for me to pick her up, even though I made it clear she could call me at anytime. That is my gregarious girl there!
I must say that I do have more sleepovers at my house than I allow her to go to. I've made my house the one where the kids always know they are welcome so I can keep an eye on them! She is 13 now and I am sure this summer the house is going to be packed!
Meet the parents, trust your gut. Always.
I love the point about them acting different, pulling out toys long forgotten, so true!
Also, hearing they actually do use manners IS such a relief.
Thu, 2009-06-04 12:27
I had a friend who worked as a teacher with troubled kids. She had a strict "no sleepovers" policy for her kids. Her reasoning was that, even if you know the family and trust them implicitly, you don't know anyone else who may be coming into the house, like the friend of an older sibling or a visiting relative, etc. Many of her students were abused by someone their families trusted and let into their homes.
Frankly, I thought she was being really overprotective at the time, but then I had a kid, and now I totally understand that fear. I'm not even close to having the Sleepover Dilemma (my son is only 16 mos old), but I see now what she was saying. But I do agree that it gives the child a sense of independence and an opportunity to utilize the manners they've (hopefully) learned. I can completely see both sides of the equation. I just don't want to send my child into a bad situation, but I also don't want to be so overprotective that my son grows up to be a mama's boy.
So my opinion? Yeah, I don't know. If I had to shoot from the hip, I'd say that kids can sleep at my house, but I'm not so cozy with the idea of my son at someone else's house. Hopefully, by the time it's actually an issue, I'll have forgotten the paranoia I developed from hearing the horror stories of those poor abused kids.
Thu, 2009-06-04 12:04
I personally don't let 5 yr old daughter do sleepovers at anyones house that we don't know super well. she has been with family and a couple friends that i have known for several yrs and I know their parents well. If parents are Ok with their kid over mine that fine. My daughter is super independent so would love to have sleepovers at all her preshool friends houses one way I have remedied this is having a movie night at my house or their friends house. so I go to their house or they come to mine we stay up late watch movies eat junk parents may watch movie with them or hand out in another room chit chatting then we leave pretty late. This way parents get to know each other better and kids get to play and eat junk and have the late night fun still.
we also do afternoon playdates where the kids play and the parents get to know eachother ( I dont drop off unless I know realy well) I also go to b-day parties with her some parenst drop off but unless I know parents super well I stay.I don't hover my daughter I let her have fun while she is there.
We def have to you are in charge of your own body and no one is allowed to touch it but you its ok to tell an adult NO in this situation. I even have her wash her own privates and put medicine ( with supervision) on it when needed so she learns about her body.
Thu, 2009-06-04 11:43
I agree Perfect timing on this conversation! Our family dynamic includes 9 & 7 year old boys. Our oldest son has autism which puts our youngest firmly in the category of "I get the short end of the stick not just because I am youngest but because my parents are overly protective" As of now the only kiddos that have slept over at our house are kids of family friends or cousins. Recently my 7 year old starting begging to sleep over at a friend from schools house. When the begging began we had not yet even had a play date none the less met his parents. We had to explain to our son that it was going to take some time of us getting to know his friends family before we felt comfortable enough letting him spend more then a few hours hanging out. We put the ball in "our court" and invited the family over. Now the 1st sleepover will be in our home and go from there. Luckily in this situation we really click with the other fam so its win win. Not sure how I would handle a situation where we truly wouldn't be comfortable with a sleepover.
Thu, 2009-06-04 11:27
My daughter, now 9 (3rd grade), has been going to and having sleepovers since kindergarten (5.5-6yrs old). Her first sleepovers were with a girl who's mom is their girl scout leader, so we'd had lots of interaction with the family and were totally comfortable with them. She has stayed at many other friends' houses since then, and many of her friends have stayed here. There are kids in her grade who's parents have "no sleepover" policies and it seems to be no big deal.
I think my daughter's early years of sleeping over at least once a month with either her grandparents or with the various "aunties/uncles" (our closest friends) she has in her life, prepared her for sleeping over at a friend's house at an early age. Other parents mention to us, as Giyen said, that she's great to have because she has good manners, and as Asha mentioned about her daughter, she's good with just going along with the program.
We're the parents that love it when the other parents say, "why don't they stay here?" as it means we get a night out! :-D Plus, usually the sleepovers are on saturday nights, and many of her friends' families are church going folks, so she's getting a tour of the local churches and we think this exposure to diverse communities is great.
Thu, 2009-06-04 11:05
My son is 10 and a half years old. He has only spent the night at relatives homes and only relatives have spent the night at our home. At this point I don't want him spending the night at non relatives homes and I certainly don't want any kids spending the night at my house. I hardly want to deal with kids coming over. We live in a big condo community and my son plays outside with the kids around here or he goes to their house. The hours a day that my son plays with the kids around here is more than enough time spent with friends. When he gets bored or tired of playing he can walk on home. They don't need to spend the night.
Thu, 2009-06-04 10:03