Do You Play Favorites With Your Kids?

I totally do what kateface said her dad used to do. I tell each of my three kids that they're my favorite when we're out of earshot of the other two. And then I tell them what I like about them, and it's different for each one. (But there are those days...those days when I have to actively remind myself that I my whole heart does, in fact, love the obnoxious, whiney, pull-my-hair-out-because-she/he-is-driving-me-crazy kid!)

Sat, 2009-10-31 21:05

Well, I'll admit it just for this instance and for the sake of this discussion. I have a favorite, my first born Austin is my favorite, perhaps because it was just he and I for many years going through a tough time, perhaps because he is so much like me, perhaps it's because he has been the easiest child to parent...not sure but in all honestly if you ask his younger brother who's 7 he would probably agree. My twin 3 year olds aren't really old enough to tell the difference but one day they will be and I think they'd agree as well. So, why hide it. They all know we love them all and we embrace their differences. They don't have separate rules or anything or given any special treatment. Perhaps it's not so much that he's "a favorite" but that we share an extra special close bond that I don't seem to have with the other three. They were all breastfed...parented them all similarly so why the special bond? Not sure.

Wed, 2009-10-14 15:38

My kids are four years apart, so we had a long time to love up on my first-born! SHE was worried that we wouldn't have enough love for her once the baby was born, but now that he's 2 and she's 6, she admits that life without him wouldn't be the same.

My daughter was also the first grandchild on both sides of the family, and I feel like everyone treats her as the favorite. She was an easy, smart baby, excelling in talking and walking and solving geometry problems at age 1 (joking!). Then my son came along, and he's a "boy's boy," as they say. He's been hard on us since the day he was born-didn't sleep as a baby, picky eater, throws tantrums, very rough-and-tumble; he's the exact opposite of our sweet little girl. But he's amazing in so many other ways.

My daughter was easier, but that doesn't make her my favorite. And since I have one of each, I can say, "You're my favorite daughter!" and "You're my favorite son!" and neither one will be able to get upset.

Tue, 2009-10-06 11:50

No word of a lie...my Mom tells me...still to this day...I'm the favorite! Isn't that a wonderful and horrible thing all at the same time?? But I only have one so far but I will say there are days that I tell my son that I'm gonna order me up a new toddler that will behave and like me. He doesn't seem to care.

;)

www.visiblevoice.ca

Mon, 2009-10-05 21:08

I agree with what others have already written. I have a 6 year old boy and a 2 year old girl. And yes, they are very different from one another. My son was born prematurely and in general was not an easy baby at all; for both of us there was lots of crying and missed nights of sleep. I totally relate to Heather in the aspect that I really felt that I was losing my mind. When I had my daughter, I braced myself and even began taking anti-depressants pretty quickly to try and keep things from getting so *weird* for me. While having a baby is always going to be a lot of work, I was totally dumbfounded at how easy my daughter ended up being. She smiled all the time and chattered quietly, and her tears were far fewer and less loudly declared. Naturally I really struggled with the thought of how much more I was enjoying her infancy. Today, the contrast between the two of them is still pretty sharp in that my son is all into rough and tumble play and gives a lot of feedback over any request given, and my daughter is this uber feminine miniature mommy who is generally fairly compliant. And while my daughter may be an *easier* child in general, I couldn't say she is my favorite; easier - YES. And while my son was definitely more difficult, I certainly couldn't say I don't LOVE him just as much as I love his sister. They're two different people with different personalities - each with their own strengths and struggles. My son has an AMAZING sense of humor and ability to focus, and my daughter is easily the friendliest and most easy going child I know. While they both respond to life differently, they're both engaging and charming in their own unique ways. They each have fabulous little personalities complete with a since of humor and a sense of self, and as their mother, I hope to foster their uniqueness and their confidence - two things that will serve them well as they face the world. So a favorite child - no. Do they each require different skills of me as a mother that sometimes stretch me - most definitely. Do I love them each in unique but equivalent ways - YES and YES.

Mon, 2009-10-05 15:11

I have two girls. One is five and one is two and they are completely different in nearly every way. There is no possible way that I could pick a favorite because they are just two amazing girls and while on one day I may be going crazy with one of them, the next day it's the other one. And I have to add that the one I see the most of myself in, is the one who I tend to battle with the most. We are so alike that we make each other crazy at times. But the one who I am not that alike with, well she is a mystery to me sometimes, and so she makes me nuts because I don't understand why she does the things she does.
I hope that my girls both grow up feeling loved and appreciated and we have a book called You are all my favorites by Sam McBratney that we read a lot to help reinforce that we love them both the same.

Mon, 2009-10-05 14:08

In my opinion: Is it ok to play(meaning act out) favorites? No. Do some parents have favorites? Absolutely! Saying that can't/shouldn't happen just wouldn't be realistic. You're as in love with your children as you are with a spouse; even more so at times. People are going to fall deeply in love with just one person from time to time.

Though my mother would rightfully never EVER admit it, I believe she and my sister were closer at times. My mother had her young and was with her for nearly 8 years before I came into the picture. Tiny little things that could have easily gone unnoticed or misinterpreted made me believe that she was my mother's favorite. And like Mindy said- my sister would say that's a load of crap. Despite the fact that I believe it to be true, my mother and I have always been outrageoulsy close. She was an amazing mother to me and I never felt less than a beloved daughter of hers. Some have said that my father 'favored' me, but he and my sister were as tight as could be. Like everyone on the panel said, you have different relationships with different people. Whether or not they are our children- they are still people.

Because I only have one child, I have to think of it the way I think of my best friends. I have more than one best friend- a handful of women I'd absoluetly die for. I used to think I had to choose and be clear, but I have noticed that over the years, everyone seems to naturally understand our deep connections in each other's lives. Everyone also understands- like Asha said- which one is most like me, making it easy to use fewer words. Though I love them all like life, I never have to say who's my favorite- and the one who is just knows. I don't love the others any less. I guess what I'm saying is that 'favorite' and 'love' are not interchangeable words.

We live in a society that seems to run on the idea that if you can measure it, you can manage it; an idea that I feel spills over into some aspects of our lives unnecessarily. Fortunately, love is one of those things we need not measure.

Mon, 2009-10-05 11:28