Living in Hawaii makes this easy--every adult is "Auntie" or "Uncle" unless we're told otherwise. We're also teaching "Sir" and "Ma'am" for when we go to the mainland. I think it's totally fine to call an adult by their first name if that adult has given the child specific permission to do so, but our default is to use honorifics.

I wonder what role culture and geography play in the choice of how to address adults? I recall when my son was beginning to talk and interact with other adults, there were a few awkward discussions with friends as I polled "how would you like him to address you?" My Mom, from the Canadian Maritimes, was mortified that we settled on first names, but she got over it and used to it, as it has not affected my son's ability to be polite and courteous when he engages grown-ups. I agree with Heather on this point. That is the real aim - some kids will need formality to learn respect, while others do not. I also encourage my son to find out what would make the adult most comfortable, and when meeting someone new we always ask how they would like to be addressed. Most of my friends prefer to be addressed by their first names and I don't believe we've had issues of disrespect as a direct result of that choice. Being addressed by my first name has also saved me from having to re-teach kids new names as I got married and then divorced, and has also left confusion over Miss, Ms, or Mrs out of the equation. I still get the occasional Mrs. Zach's Mom though which cracks me up! As long as the "how" of their address is lashed up, I am pretty laid back about the "what they call me" portion. Norma Jean @ www.novemberjuliet.com

Growing up in a small midwestern town, it was very rare to call someone Ms. or Mr. Whatever. It was probably because I grew up in a place where I knew most of the people in town. My parents were teachers and when my friends came over they encouraged my friends to call them by their first names when in our home. However, my husband is from Boston and was appalled at the thought that our children might not address our friends as Mr. or Mrs. I thought he was weird for wanting them to because I grew up in a place that was so laid back, we knocked as we were walking into friends' homes and they did the same to ours. I never saw that as rude, but my husband certainly does and I can see his point to some extent. I would probably start my kids out calling people Mr. or Mrs. until that person tells them they can use their first name if they want to just because I know how important that is to my husband. I agree with Heather's point that it is more important how they treat adults rather than the emphasis on using Mr. or Mrs.

I’m amazed at how different areas approach this topic. With my husband being in the military and moving around I have to say my favorite is being called “Ms Michelle”. My friend was from the south and this is how she had her children address people. I really liked the sound of it and that is how I taught our girls to address adults. Then we moved and I let it slip away. Currently we live in a small town and some kiddos call me by my first name. My oldest (13 yrs) has close friends that call me “Momma InsertLastName”. Something I have noticed is a lot of kiddos not calling me anything and I wonder if that’s because there are not sure how to address an adult. http://marriedsingleparent.blogspot.com/

Born and raised in Southern Louisiana we ALWAYS addressed our elders with either Mr/Mrs. If it was a very close friend then it was Aunt/Uncle. I am trying to raise my daughter the same way but I find that some of her friends don't use these manners.

I was taught growing up (in CA) to call my friend's moms "Mrs. Last Name" until directed otherwise by that individual. I married a Navy man and the "Ms. First Name" is pretty standard address for most of the kids. It took some getting used to, but I like it for the mix of respect with warmth. I don't like being called Ma'am, but it's better than "hey you!" It's really all about tone and intent. Another thing I hate is "Mrs. Zoe's mom". LOL.

I think this is a regional thing. Growing up in the northeast, we called (and still do) my parents friends by their first names. And I assure you, we had absolute respect for them because that's how my parents taught us to behave. Now that I'm a parent, I'm more comfortable having my daughter's friends call me by my first name. I don't connect respect with using words like "Mrs" or "Ma'am." I think it's a facade. In fact, I hate it when someone "Ma'ams" me (now I live in the South). Respect comes from how you act (and a lot of the times, react) around children. Since I live in the South now (the "South light" as we call it, since there's a huge amount of people from the northeast here), I just ask people what they prefer to be called. As I stated, it has nothing to do with respect, but it has everything to do with the adult's comfort level, and as long as nobody asks my kids to call them "Ol' holy one" or anything ridiculous, I let each person decide. We've found that some people want to be called "Ms. first name." Others want to be called "first name." And that's perfectly fine by me. Here's a question to the group--how do you handle it when someone asks to be called something different? For example, Dana, you mentioned that you have your kids use "Mrs. last name"... what if that person said they prefer "first name" or "Ms. first name," etc.?

So far I have been calling adults Ms. and Mr. First Name to my toddler. We do first names if the adult says something like, "Come here and let Nate help you with the sand castle!" I never ever called my parent's friends just by their first names. I have a lot of trouble even calling my husband's parents by their first names. My husband would never do that to my parents (he calls them our version of Grandma and Grandpa). The more I think about this, more I realize just how much this subject is wrapped up in your culture.

I totally agree with Dana. We are losing our manners. One of my biggest pet peeves is when a child answers an adult by saying yeah. It sounds incredibly rude. I was raised in the South and I still answer my elders by saying yes maam, no sir, etc.