This topic is VERY important. I feel that 15-22 year olds right now are way less independent than they were just ten years ago. True story: My aunt was a high school math teacher in Michigan for her entire career. She recently retired, but told me that for her whole career, the new teacher interview process was largely unchanged. Then, in the past 5 or so years, PARENTS of the candidates would come to interview the school administration to decide whether it was a school they wanted their kids to be TEACHING at. This was not always the case, but it happened more than a few times. In telling the story to many people ages 15-22, the reaction is usually not the jaw-dropping shock disbelief that is was for me and my peers.

Anyone with tips on how to make them LESS independent, please let me know? My 19 month old won't eat unless it's at a chair, with normal knife and fork on a breakable plate. He broke free on our way to the pool and ran and jumped in (caught him mid-air by his shirt). At the park, met a kid his exact age down to the day, and while he sat playing next to his mom, mine went running after whatever in whichever direction. We had lunch at a college where his grandfather works and he walked up to all the pretty girls and gave them his blanket whilst flirting. How about the worst 5 minutes of my entire life when he ran off at the store, went about 50 feet then down the escalator? Don't know what we'd have done if someone hadn't seen him do it and passed him off to a worker to bring him back up. So yeah, let me know how to create a completely dependent kid who won't leave me side when you have the chance. Thanks in advance.

I love this segment We always encourage our daughter to be independent it helps that that is her natural instinct. Since she was crawling we let her figure things out. Stuck under a chair ( safe) she would cry and I would tell her she can do it after she stopped crying she stopped lookd at the chair and figured out how to go under it. she makes her bed , she makes a mess she has to clean it whether its her toys or a naughty writing on the wall episode. She is 5 and we are currently teaching her how to do her own laundry. She gets herself dressed in the morning and brushes her teeth. I had a roommate that never had to do anything and as a 21 yr old woman she didn't know how to take care of herself. I think childhood is a time to teach your child to be productive, self reliant adults.

BTW- I'm not a super hard@ss I swear, but the independence issue is one of the main reasons that I did/do NOT encourage all that princess crap. For awhile, it seemed like I couldn't buy my daughter anything that didn't include a corresponding tiara, or the word PRINCESS all over it! I liked Aladdin, Cinderella and The Little Mermaid as much as the next person, but I have a HUGE issue with the idea of girls in a tower waiting for boys or anyone to save them. Call me crazy, but its like the beginning of a train I don't want my little girl on. Of all those Disney princess types, my favorite was Mulan. :)

Woo! Independence is so high on my list of priorities! I think I confused the pre-k teacher at a parent's conference when I explained all the things I wanted my daughter to be able to do by age 11. I think I said something like, drive, rent an apartment, support herself and retain a circle of highly dependable friends. I laughed at the end because of course I was kidding- almost. I totally agree with some of the previous comments about it being easier to take up the slack for an only child. At the same time, I struggle and worry about pushing her too hard toward independence. As a single parent, I want so much to make sure she is happy and loving, but I also want to be sure she's no ones fool. I grew up with a girl who was the only child of a single parent family and I was always so jealous because her mother had somehow turned her into an incredible efficiency machine. When most of us were fighting with our parents to use the car, her mom gave her a to-do list the same day she passed the driving test. Looking back, it's clear what was going on. Her mother had lost her parents and they were the only family the two of them had. She needed to be sure my friend would be ok no matter what and with the way the world has become, I totally get it now. The trick is to do it without stealing her innonence or childhood away and that's where I try to be careful. I'm sure I've said it before, but the best way for me to encourage indepedence is by encouraging independent thinking. More often than not, I ask her what she thinks about things. We talk a lot about consequences, outcomes and the process of things- we talk. I make it a point to share AND listen. I make it clear that her thoughts, opinions and points of view matter (although as the parent, mine are the bottom line) and for that reason it's important to say what you mean and mean what you say. If we're trying to get out in the morning, or we're simply in a hurry, I will help her a long with her shoes and coat, but I don't make it a habit. Overall, I'm trying to send the message that if you want something done AT ALL, you have to do it yourself, but if things get hard- ASK for help and I'll always be there.

I just read a great book called How Children Fail by John Holt. It is primarily about public education, but there is a lot of good stuff about the importance of giving your children independence and trusting their abilities and judgment. I highly recommend it!

I am one of six children, and my parents were divorced soon enough in my life that I have no memory of my dad living at home with us. While I was growing up my mother was working on obtaining her PhD, so obviously she was very busy, more so than she would have been had she only been a working mother. My father had more time to spare than my mother, but I only saw him on weekends. This situation led to my parents not really being capable of coddling us, even if they had wanted to. Not that they did, though, my mother being a Montanan by birth, my father by choice. They're both salt of the earth type people, of that whole mountain man/cattle rancher type of mentality. They tried to raise us to be capable, and either through their attempt to mold us or out of necessity we did become capable. I learned to tie my shoes on my own. I learned to ride a bike on my own. After learning the basics, I practically taught myself to read. I remember constantly being put in charge of watching the two year old son of some close family friends. I was eight. I can't even remember being taught how to change a diaper, I was just doing it. I knew that he was my responsibility, and I took care of him. Did a damn fine job, if I say so myself. I think children will rise to meet the occasion, you just have to give them the opportunity. I'm extremely thankful that my parents raised me the way they did. I look at other people my age, whiny little brats who couldn't survive without mommy and daddy's support, and I realize how lucky I am. One of my friends isn't even allowed to drive, and she's older than I am.

I dont think we'll have a problem with this. My two year old is so independent. He brushes his own teeth, he moves a chair into the kitchen when he wants to wash dishes - he goes to the closet and brings me the movie that he wants to watch. I DO get nervous though when hes at the playground trying to climb - I totally hover over him with my arms at the ready incase he falls. He's two --- maybe I'll back off in a year or two.