December 29, 2008
There's always one iffy kid in the bunch. Maybe the child's obnoxious, destructive, or disrespectful. And maybe you'd rather not have your children play with him or her. But how do you handle this sticky situation? Mindy Roberts from The Mommy Blog asks, What do you do if you don't like your kids' friends?
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11 Comments
My Son Jarred has a friend who I dont Perticually care for. Aparently he stole from us when i was out.
YES!, thats right Stole!!!!!!!
Also he and my son go to the "mall' alot. im afraid that they are doing bad things such as stealing.
the child is a bad influence on an already bad kid. I dont like him, i dont like him at all
Wed, 2010-01-27 13:14
My daughter ran into a situation like that last year. She had a friend that lived across the street from us and she was actually really, really nice at the begining, but when a year had past, my daughter's feeling got hurt quite a bit from that friend. The day that it happened, my daughter came home from school, sad and seemed depressed. She told me that her friend asked for there fiendship necklace back. My daughter wore that necklace alot of times, except for the past 2 months. She said she had cryed for at least for 40 to 50 minutes becuase she put it like, " I hate you and you don't diserve anybody to be your friend," rude type way. She said that she didn't want the necklace anyway, and she forgot where she put it. So, I told her that a true friend would not be mean, ask for special gifts back, and be rude. Now, shes only about 10 years old and shouldn't being put through that already. So, there relationship broke off and a year had past. She ended up getting the same class as her in 5th grade. The thing is her ex-friend is now trying to win her back to be friends agian.
Fri, 2009-10-30 14:44
Amen Mindy and 5miinsformom!
As a person who grew up in a troubled home and was avoided in part because of an older brother who had terrible AD/HD, I can't tell you how many times I looked back and wondered what a difference it would have made in my life if people had opened up their doors to me rather than avoiding me or my family. I will never forget the few that did show some compassion. It goes a long way. I know its harder than practicing avoidance, but it's worth it and the payoff is great.
It doesn't always work out, not everyone can be helped, and not everything works out. And are there friends of my daughters I do not like? OH yes! I try to remember:
One kind word (or deed) can warm several winder months.
Or, now that she's a teen:
Keep your friends close and your enemies closer! :)
Mon, 2009-05-18 12:05
I mostly like my kids' friends, but some of their parents are complete douchebags.
Tue, 2008-12-30 16:26
I'm in the same situation with a kid who hangs out with my son often and even goes to the same daycare with my son.
The only problem is that this kid is my nephew.
They are both 4 years old and I love him but he is a BULLY. He always wants everything his way. I've heard him tell my son countless times, "Do this or I won't play with you." My son has learned more than once bad behaviour from him. The other day he was eating a cookie and told me that he doesn't want to eat too much or he will be fat. I asked him where he learned that word from and he replied, "Martin (his cousin). Martin told me that if I continue eating this way, I will get fat and nobody will want to play with me."
I've tried talking to my sis about this in the most polite way but nothing's changed. I think that it doesn't help that my sister is so permissive. I've seen her 18 month old slap her more than once and she did not react. I actually removed him from her lap because I did not want to see my sister slapped. So I guess that's one reason for Martin's behaviour. This is a problem for me because he is clearly a wrong influence for my son but my son for some reason adores hanging out with him. I don't want him to get used to be bullying, but I don't want to offend my sister either.
Tue, 2008-12-30 11:50
I'm going take the other side of this one for a moment...
I think there is a huge range here and a lot of opportunities to show grace and compassion. I think it is helpful to understand why children are behaving poorly and to have honest conversations with the other parents.
The easy way out is to just shun that child and his/her parents, but I tend to think that isn't necessarily the only solution.
I think it really depends on the age of the children, whether or not your child wants to play with the other, the parenting situation involved and your relationship with the parents. There are far too many variables to say what solution would fit all situations.
But I would say that I think this is a perfect opportunity to try on some other shoes.
Susan
Tue, 2008-12-30 10:28
Hi Susan,
I'm so glad you said this, because it's my preferred tack. There were a few kids in my hometown who just didn't have enough to sustain them at home, and were effectively raised at another family's home (before school, after school). These kids could have turned out poorly, but because of the families' acceptance of them and tremendous example they set, they are very well-liked and well-adjusted adults.
If our home can provide anything close to what I saw growing up, I will have honored those families—some of whom had up to nine children already, but still found a place for those who needed one. Sometimes it's good to be the example instead of fearing the example.
"Be the change you want to see in the world." —Mahatma Ghandi
Tue, 2008-12-30 20:04
I had a really hard time with this because we lived on a property with two houses and a shared outdoor area with no fences or boundaries and in the house behind ours was a young single mother (actually, we were around the same age) and her two daughters which were the same age as my two children (3 and 1) This was horribly because these kids were not all that well behaved, they basically ran around the house and fended for themselves while their mother slept the whole day and their toys were all over our lawn and driveway and they would come into our house uninvited all the time and just make themselves at home and start eating our food. They would always get in fights and I often had to physically remove them from our house for making my kids cry (either through arguments or even biting). I tried asking them to leave but they would either stare at me blankly or completely ignore me. There was no way their mother was going to do anything about it, she was too busy either sleeping or having screaming matches with the father of her youngest who was fresh out of jail.
We ended up leaving the country. ahaha
Tue, 2008-12-30 05:43
I am removing my comment because of a cyberstalker who really needs to get a life.
Wed, 2009-03-11 17:19
Thank goodness my daughter is only two and I don't have to worry about this just yet. While I am very patient with Natalia I have a short fuse with other kids especially older ones who "should know better". So it should be interesting to see how I handle it later on when I come face-to-face with a bratty snot-nosed kid!
Tracy
http://themoxiereport.blogspot.com
Mon, 2008-12-29 07:47
I had a hard time dealing with this last year. My now-seven-year-old was in a class where the majority of the girls were on the plastics fast-track, and my outdoorsy bespectacled peanut had a rough year. I did all I could to encourage relationships with the girls who were NOT repulsive, but I found her saying things I knew were not true, like how much she LOVED High School Musical and Hannah Montana. I encouraged her to be herself and not be swayed by who she was around and accept them for who they were. One girl had a birthday party/sleepover and of course she was so excited to go - much to my dismay. So I compromised: she could go to the party but not sleep over (I 'accidentally' invited some family friends over for dinner that night, people she wanted to see). She is much happier this year (not one Future Plastic in sight!) and has friends that don't make me want to slap them!
Mon, 2008-12-29 06:55