I Love You, But I Hate Your Politics!

I just want to say that this was a great episode to launch your site.

My family is very mixed in their political stance. You've go the Republicans and the Democrats and the Crazies and those in between. It's hard for us to have a civilized conversation about politics so the topic is frequently avoided. My mom is very Liberal and my stepdad is very Republican, in order to keep from killing each other they cut political conversations very short. AND they both vote to cancel each other out.

Heather, I just want you to know that there are liberal Mormons out there. I happen to be one of them, and love you. Thank goodness Obama won and we didn't have to flee the country. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Thu, 2009-11-05 10:07

Kudos to all of you for addressing this issue. I hate, hate, HATE politics, everything about it. No one can agree on it, so what's the point of talking about it with people when you can't even have a calm civil discussion? Sheesh! I am not a Republican or a Democrat and I didn't agree with any candidate chosen and could care less about what people are going to think of my opinion because when it comes to politics, that's when I stop talking. I'll change the subject faster than they can say "I'm right, you're wrong", know what i mean?

Mon, 2009-04-06 13:28

Great topic. Something I struggle with all the time. My parents were very conservative growing up - but have become much more compassionate and liberal over the years. It helped that they live in Toronto where they got to meet all kinds of people. That challenged many of the uglier racist or sexist traditional beliefs they were taught when growing up. Experience counts.

Unfortunately, the religious beliefs are harder to get unstuck. They are very much afraid of the wrath of god, and so are tend towards obedience.

Luckily we tend to talk mostly about food when we all get together. So avoidance for the most part is our game. The other part is to placate the parents, because they won't change and it does no good - and they can get really mad.

Of course, that wasn't great for me growing up to always keep mum - and for my opinions to count so little. Dealing with those issues now - lol.

One thing that helps me is to try and respect the human - vs the opinion. I don't want to respect everyone's opinion - some opinions are dangerous. And yes - I think stupid. But if you respect the human, you will try not to be hurtful to them. Sometimes there is great cruelty in our words - in defense of our "ideas" we can really be shmoes to one another. Even violent. That's not cool either. If someone is agitated, why distress them further?

I really felt for the woman who lived on the military base. It's stressful to always be attacked, or eyed suspiciously, or criticised like that. I keep moving closer and closer to less judgemental communities - and loving it.

And I laugh a lot with like-minded friends. You need some kind of release or you will blow!

Sun, 2009-01-25 09:00

Heather, I think we have the exact same relatives (obvious LDS background and all). I was lucky enough to have some siblings "come out" and admit they were voting for Obama too, though. My Dad thinks we're all bound for hell (though he wouldn't use the term hell, being Mormon and all).

I try to remember that it's best to avoid politics altogether with my father especially. Good luck, sister!

Thu, 2008-12-18 18:06

What a timely topic. As a conservative, my mom holds the complete opposite viewpoints that I do, but she always hears me out without interrupting and it never gets too heated. My husband and I are always on the same page in regards to politics. On the other hand the person that I never, ever expected to debate politics, or at least so soon, with is my 13 year old bonus/step son. I voted no on Prop 8 (California proposition to ban gay marriage) and if he could vote, he said he'd vote yes. I do not know any same sex couples but I believe every person should have equal rights under the law and he believes marriage can only be between a man and a woman. I tried to explain to him the whole idea of separation of church and state to no avail. No amount of persuasion could change his mind. My heart is broken...

www.highglossonline.com

Fri, 2008-11-07 22:01

I am lucky that, like Heather, my husband and I are "of one brain" when it comes to politics. My mom, stepdad, sister and one cousin share our liberal leanings as well. However, my aunts & uncles, dad, stepmom, grandparents, etc., are all far-right Republicans. We discovered during the 2004 election that, if we wished to continue speaking to each other, those on opposing sides had to remove politics from the conversation. It almost got really ugly, as I was pregnant and hormonal and therefore QUITE sensitive on the subject at the time, and I just could not for the life of me see why anyone would re-elect Bush after the unbelievable wreckage he made of his first term. (and I thought THAT one was bad, his second has topped it. . .)

Religion's a hard one, too. As open-minded as my mom is, she is not terribly comfortable about me joining a Unitarian Universalist church and giving up on the idea of Jesus as God (amazing, forward-thinking teacher, YES; divine, I just don't buy it). I think she's sort of afraid I've joined a cult. We'll work on that. . . The rest of my family, on the other hand, doesn't know, because they would be certain I'm on my way straight to hell, and would probably try to take my son from me in order to save his soul. I wish I were kidding about that.

Fri, 2008-11-07 09:57

I have the same situation with politics, only my family is HEAVILY involved in the Republican party, and they take to violence if you question their position, even in public places.
My suggestion is a) Don't bring it up with the family! and, b) Does your family drink? My dad loves scotch, so I'm quick to make him a stiff one the minute he walks in the door. Then, I follow that one with an even stiffer one. And for the Stepmonster, er, his wife, I purchase a giant box of White Zin, and we're all good!

Thu, 2008-11-06 21:12

My solution is not to talk to my family members about ANYTHING. We like to keep things nice and artificial.

Actually, as I get older I become more tolerant of other people's fanatical opinions about politics. Things just don't bother me as much as they used to in my emotional 20s. Ive learned that you can't ever reason with people that you think are unreasonable. You just pop open a cold one and keep sipping until you're drunk.

I don't expect that my family will ever understand why I still like Bubble Bobble on Nintendo 64 and I won't ever understand why wearing red shoes makes for a good Vice Presidential candidate. But we can all agree that bacon rocks!

Great site!
Giyen
http://www.BaconIsMyEnemy.com

Thu, 2008-11-06 20:12

I also hail from a conservative family (my father truly misses Reagan) and as such we really can't talk about anything related to politics, the economy, or the environment. Not too long ago my son and I had the misfortune of being trapped in the car with my dad when he went on one of his rants about global warming and how it doesn't exist. Within seconds of him saying "... these are just natural fluctuations in temperature" my son vomited (in a big way) all over the back of my father's very new and expensive car. It was the perfect response. I could hardly stifle my giggles as my dad pulled off the highway so that I could clean up (and high-five) my son. And, best of all, my father didn't speak about politics for at least 30 minutes after that.

Thu, 2008-11-06 09:41

I generally keep my opinions to myself when it comes to politics, or i just go along with whatever they're saying and ask lots of questions like I want to learn from them and they don't seem to notice that I'm not actually agreeing with them. My family is pretty tollerant for the most part, I do have a brother that is very volatile and will cuss me out if I start to disagree with him about any topic so I try to keep all conversations with him light and funny to avoid another "get the F*** out of my house!" situation. I've had a lot of problems in the past but now I use humor to keep everyone off topic and it seems to work most of the time. I am dreading the next family gethering now that the election is over because they're all republicans and they will e very very bitter about this election. I feel bad for them that they have such polarized ideals and can't find the good in the "oposition". Oh well, I guess I'll have to keep my mouth shut yet again.

Wed, 2008-11-05 15:24

I live in a neighborhood of religious crazies and McCainiacs. I'm an independent (as if I would sully my good name by associating with either party!) and a freelance Christian (ditto). I love my neighbors even though they are looking forward to the Rapture and think Obama might be the antichrist.

I'm sure they think I'm nuts, too (OMG, she knows GAY PEOPLE!!1!), but they like me just the same. I hope that by being a good neighbor, they will find that my ideas have credence even if I disagree with them. If they appreciate me, and I tell them that the gay people I know are wonderful, maybe someday they will believe that. If I 'shout them down,' I doubt they will ever see my point of view.

At the end of the day, we all work hard, try to raise good kids, give to charity and contribute to society as a whole.

As for family, this momversation makes me think of my BIL who is is estranged from his parents, thinking that they are both total whackjobs (they are, indeed). My DH tries to point out that they managed to raise three kids who are all happily married, employed, raising thriving kids, and helping their communities. They must have done something right. The same could be said of you. It seems like you've overcome great adversity to become a happily married, successful person who is a role model for many. Maybe politics and religion aren't important enough to corrode the relationships that have made you who you are.

Wed, 2008-11-05 13:38

Heather - very interesting topic. My family has mixed views as well. One thing I have going for me is that I was brought up in a family that promoted open-mindness. I completely understand that someone else has (and can have) their own point of view, their own opinions. Even if I don't agree with them, I know because of their life experiences and people they converse with, they believe what they believe (same with me).
I think it would be intersting to tell your parents exactly what John McCain told the world in his concession speech last night.
"Senator Obama and I have had and argued our differences, and he has prevailed. No doubt many of those differences remain. These are difficult times for our country. And I pledge to him tonight to do all in my power to help him lead us through the many challenges we face. I urge all Americans who supported me to join me in not just congratulating him, but offering our next president our good will and earnest effort to find ways to come together to find the necessary compromises to bridge our differences and help restore our prosperity, defend our security in a dangerous world, and leave our children and grandchildren a stronger, better country than we inherited. Whatever our differences, we are fellow Americans."
I believe that McCain really believes this himself. He is that kind of man.
Politics can tear families apart. And either "side" can say that millions of people agree with them on the big issues, so I don't get how one person/family can think they are right and everyone else is wrong!

Wed, 2008-11-05 11:27

I know a Mormon from a million miles away...For some reason I was thinkng Mormon even before I heard the "In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen"

I grew up Mormon, but haven't gone to church in several years and am OK with that. I think it's sad though, that Politics play such a huge impact on your family interactions. Regardless of what candidate wins, there are going to be no huge changes, just as there have been no huge changes in the past years.

I hope you find peace now that the election is about to be over. I enjoyed your video blog though!

Tue, 2008-11-04 19:51

(I originally posted this on the forum - didn't see this page. I am posting it here, too.)

I am a Democrat and most of my extended family are Republicans - and vocal about it. My husband parent's are Republicans, as he once was himself, and when he told them (recently) that he was a registered Democrat their mouths fell open. His dad started chuckling and said he'd rather my husband tell them that he was gay.

I just ignore them all - I don't give them the satisfaction. The emails are the most ridiculous. When they start talking I can see them looking at me out of the corner of their eye to see if they are getting a rise out of me. I just scoop up the closest appetizer and munch away. I am also not much of a debator and don't feel comfortable enough in the issues to hold my own - but I have a response prepared if any of them ever confronted me personally: "I wonder ... why if you love one party ... does that mean you have to vehemently hate the other?" It may not shut them up, but at least I won't give them fuel to keep talking. Or, come to think about it, maybe it will.

Tue, 2008-11-04 17:31

@womenswork - great point. I think volunteering for your favorite candidate is a great way to circumvent the situation.

Tue, 2008-11-04 14:53