What about when the unruly child who misbehaves and disrespects adults do it in front of their mother and she doesn't do anything???? PLEASE HELP

In an ideal world, I prefer not to correct someone else's children. But several times, I've encountered kids in dangerous situations where I felt the need to step in. Some examples: 1) A child was standing in the seat of a shopping cart while the parent was looking the other way; 2) A group of toddler age children were having a race up the down escalator in a crowded mall. One bumped an elderly woman's cane and nearly caused a tumble; 3) Kids were climbing on the roof of a rickety storage shed; 4) A handful of kids were pummeling another child with rocks. Most of the time, parents are grateful for the intervention. A few get hot-under-the-collar, probably out of embarrassment. I simply tell them that my "mom instincts" kicked in, seeing danger--and that I meant no offense. Regarding playdates: We tell guests our house rules when they arrive. If they forget, we provide one warning: "Remember when you first arrived and we talked about our house rules? You must have forgotten about this one. We need you to remember the rules if you want to play at our house." If we continue to have difficulties, we call the parent to pick up the child and explain what we've experienced. During that call, we say, "Maybe this was an off day. Can we put another play date on the calendar?" If the second play date goes as badly, we do not invite the child again. Leigh www.RippleReader.com

also, to jacksmom: How to I intervene when the parent is right there?! I guess that I would use a technique similar to what I use with my kid -- that is, I blame the rules. "Well, I'm sorry, but in our house there's No Hitting, so [their kid] either needs a time-out or to be separated from the other kids until he can control himself." You might go further and add "You are free to do whatever you want at home, but here we need to set a good example for the other (younger) kids." If they take some offense, then there's not much helping them, but at least you've set the boundaries, given them a chance to be helpful with your parenting goals (rather than defensive about their kid's behavior), and suggested ways to end the problem. If they won't respect your wishes beyond that, going into the other room is your best short-term solution and not asking them back is likely the only long-term solution.

All the discussion here seems to center around kids that come to your house -- while I presume that nobody would spank somebody else's kid without advance consent, the right to maintain some kind of order in your own house seems unquestionable. But what about in other situations? Say, on the playground, or on a school field trip???

I think it is perfectly fine to discipline someone else's child as long as you talk to the child's parent first. My daughter has a BFF that is a year older than her. She is sneaky and manitpulitive but she is my daughter's BFF and my DH and I are great friends with her parents. We talked about the whole "What do we do if your child is misbehaving?" The answer was clear, we told each other what we do at home and what words we use. We agreed no spanking. That was it. My daughter spends more time in time out at her house then she does playing and vise versa. If it gets really bad we call and trust me, I have had to call plenty of times. Their child may be horrible but I would not give up great friends for anything. My daughter trusts them and so do I. We have a great time together and have many intrests in common. I think dealing with a terror child for a few hours here and there is worth it. My daughter has a close friend, we have close friends and I am more thankful for my daughter at the end of the day.... thankful that she is not a terror like that!

I was so, so, so very gald to see this topic posted! I actually posed this very same question to my work girlfriends last winter after an episode with a girlfriend of mine and her son. She was over at my house with her son who was three at the time and my son wasn't quite two yet. Her son was bullying mine (pushing hard, hitting, kicking, even pushing mine into the harth of the fireplace that wasn't on at the time). She did nothing to stop this behavior at all other than a few gentle reminders to "play nice." I was shocked. My son would have been put into time out for such behavior. Jack is very laid back, so even when he hit the floor, there weren't tears, but he just tried to stay out of the bigger boy's way. However, the bigger one kept coming after him. Then my friend's son hit my husband! My husband (a school administrator) said no in his firm principal's voice, which put a stop to this child hitting the adult, but not my child. After they left, we had a long talk about what went on. I didn't feel comfortable stepping in on her parenting, but at the same time, I wanted to protect my own child. What to do? I finally moved away from my conversation with her and into the living room to play with my son. Now I see her less and less because she simply lets her child (now children) do practically anything. Climb on furniture, throw toys, yell when we're out to eat, etc. My son is old enough that he has begun to emulate this behavior. How to I intervene when the parent is right there?! She and I were always so close before this happened, and now I don't see her at all. I don't want to lose a friend, but I also don't want my child to be around another child who will bully him constantly.

when any children come to my house I tell them the house Rules ( if they dont know the rules you can't be upset) Other peoples children in my house get a time out, after 3 you go home!!! I dont use corporal punishment on other peoples children except My Family who have given permission and its the last resort. If a parent gets upset they get upset. One time a friend came to visit and her son was climbing on my couch on my tables I asked nicely for him to stop and asked his mom to stop him as mom just smiled and said "he is all boy" after a few times of mom not stepping in and him getting on top of my kitchen table I walked over to him and said GET OFF MY TABLE NOW!!! The mom was upset that i raised my voice ( just a bit) to her child. I told her " This is my home and if you wont handle him Your giving me no choice" If Im at other peoples house I will scold a child if they are hitting me or bullying my child physically or verbally. I am amazed at how many people do not teach their children to behave not just being kids but being out of control and the parents dont do anything to curb the behavior

Ladies, I'm all for holding kids accountable for their behavior, and, on occasion, have done so in my house with my son's friends. But, there's another question I'd pose when contemplating turning over discipline to another parent. What do you do when the other parent goes too far? I had this experience. My son was disciplined by my husband (who happened to be at the friend's house when the infraction took place) and then my son apologized to the parent for his behavior. The next day, that parent felt it necessary, when my husband was not there, to discipline my son again, requiring yet another apology. The parent threatened that if my son didn't aplogize again, he would never be allowed to play there. It bordered on bullying by the parent. It damaged our parent friendship enough that my son rarely visits that house these days. So, when you relinquish discipline to another parent, how do you know they'll do it the way you would? How do you control that?