Kids and Gun Play: Good or Bad?

We get this topic all the time at Raising Boys World because, even if you don't buy your son a toy gun, he really will still pick up anything - a stick, a spoon, a cracker, his own hands...and fashion it into a rifle.

It's important to remember that this is all imaginative play and boys do tend to be especially attracted to these games because it is their way to express their protective and competitive feelings.

If parents are still troubled with this behavior, a good idea is to talk with their kids and communicate some rules. Emphasize that it is great they are using their imagination and fantasies, but make rules about pretend-shooting at real people because it may "hurt their feelings" - so you would like for them to keep their targets imaginary or their fellow pretend-shooting enthusiasts.

Other than that, if you are also teaching your child a respect for life and awareness of gun (or insert whatever other weapon) safety, there really is no harm in this imaginative play.

Here is what some of the moms have to say about this issue at Raising Boys World.

http://www.raisingboysworld.com/podcast/194-connversations-with-mothers-...

Mon, 2009-12-07 10:42

Referring again back to the earlier comment: "To me, it doesn't sit right, because pretend gun play is pretend killing. Would you be totally cool with your kid pretending to strangle someone, suffocate someone, stab someone, cut someone open with a chainsaw, beat someone with a baseball bat, run someone over with a car? I mean, what makes gun play the ok play violence?"

I've never played it myself, but I'm aware that if you take those things and throw in a couple of prostitute avatars, you'd basically have Grand Theft Auto. It just doesn't seem as though enough parents are taking the whole video game obsession seriously. I hate to say it, but despite the controller, too many kids are "virtually" performing those behaviors on a regular basis in my opinion. Like it or not, tons of kids are "playing" with guns every single day. Scary.

Thu, 2009-10-15 12:57

I grew up with no guns allowed in our house - plastic or otherwise. And I wanted to do the same in our house now, with my children. However, outside influences and parents who don't see a problem with pretend guns have led us to having water guns and Cameron doing finger gun play (this bugs the crap out of me).

NOTE!! Do not ever give violent/gun/knives toys as a birthday or holiday present...you just don't know what the parents are teaching their kids.

And that brings me to my post yesterday about how an older child told my 4.5 year old that he had a REAL gun at his house, as if he was showing off. This scared the crap out of me and made me realize that just because *I* say NO to guns and don't talk about them, doesn't mean my child will not come into contact with them thus I MUST teach him about guns and gun safety...other than "No guns allowed."

It was a wake up call.

http://theohanamama.com/2009/10/super-scary-other-peoples-guns-and-my-ki...

Kids are kids and they will play all sorts of games, it's up to us, as adults, to then teach them the reality of what they are doing...from playing doctor (when it gets too much checking out) to playing that they are driving and crashing (hello, we don't want them to drive fast and crash), we need to tell them the difference and the reality of what they are doing. And how reality is much much much different than any Superman or Spiderman movie.

Some suggested I take my son, who I do not want shooting guns ever, to a shooting range to see the real effects of them. We may do that (I'm torn..what if he really likes them after that?) Hmmm...

Thu, 2009-10-15 11:10

when i was little i pretended to shoot my mom with a gun made of my thumb and pointer finger and she fell on the ground and pretended to be dead for what seemed like hours. when she didnt get up and after i started freaking out she got up and told me that guns are not jokes and that i was not allowed to play with them because they hurt people and the damage could not be undone.

another person i know showed her child a video on CNN of some civil war going on in Africa and showed him the havoc and horrible things going on and showed him how those women men and children were someones mother, father, sister, grandpa, friend etc. He was devestated but totally understood the seriousness of even playing around with guns play or real because of the hurt they have on people. I thought this was a very good way to show her son why guns arent okay.

Wed, 2009-10-14 16:01

Although I am a victim of gun-violence in my distant past I realize that guns do not commit crimes....people do! I played with guns as a child (not real ones of course) but toy guns..with my little brother and neighborhood kids. True, back then we all lived in a different world as many like to say and that perhaps some think that what applies then cannot possibly apply today...I do not think that is true in this case and in many others.

As a mother to four boys I have often thought about whether or not it was a good idea to allow them to play with guns or act out games as young kids. Every time I've come to the same conclusion...yup. Kids are kids and they like to play and role play all different kinds of things whether it be cowboys, policemen, pirates, a soldier....whatever it may be....if it's all in a fun-playful atmosphere it's more than ok it's completely normal. When parents freak-out at kids about this...that is NOT normal. When parents forbid these types of things/play games etc. that is not normal.

As parents we have to teach our children that there are bad people in the world that do bad things...to arm them mentally against the evil-part of today's society. Otherwise, your an irresponsible parent sending an innocent child to face a world he is not properly equipped to navigate, negotiate, evaluate and decide for himself/herself how to handle it.

Playing with guns, role playing as a young child, in age-appropriate games does not condone violence nor does it create a violent perpetrator of society. Nor does it send a message to your child that violence is ok. You must have real age-appropriate discussions with your children about real guns, real violence etc. monitor your children for behavior that is outside the norms (like oh, say a 14 year old who is obsessed with guns, violence, killing, who only looks at violence on movies, the internet etc. any of these things even alone could trigger a problem is on the horizon - know your children. But, more importantly arm them in every way for the world they will face alone someday or at any moment. Parents always make the mistake that they always have more time to educate their child...what about when they walk to the neighbors house and are confronted with a situation, or when they get left at a party by themselves, or if someone forgets to pick them up, or if no one is at home when they get their....DID YOU ARM THEM WITH A PLAN?

Wed, 2009-10-14 13:24

My kids aren't old enough for this yet, but it's an interesting topic to me. I vividly remember playing with toy guns, thanks in large part to living in a neighborhood of mostly boys. I don't remember thinking "I want you to die". I remember that I was the cop and my brother was the robber and he had to go because from TV to comic books to fairy tales, the bad guy usually dies. I think Alice's statement that " I don't think kids translate "killing the bad guys" into actually killing." is so true. As a child, after you were the robber, you got back up and someone else became the bad guy and they died. There were no lasting consequences of that pretend play. We weren't scarred because someone shot us and we haven't hurt someone with a gun or other weapon because it was a GAME.

I think the emphasis needs to be on the difference between a real gun and a toy gun, or sword or whatever. I wouldn't stop my child from pretending to shot someone any more than I would stop them from pretending to be a monster and "getting" someone, which is a common theme for my 3 year old daughter. I also wouldn't buy my child a toy gun that looks close to a real one. I have no problem if they want a neon yellow water gun that looks like a Glock .9mm.

I guess for me it comes down to helping my kids understand the difference between play and reality. I don't want them to play with a toy that looks like something we have in our gun safe. I want them to understand how many things can be hurtful, so we have to be careful with how we use real items as well as how we use our words and how play is different from reality.

Wed, 2009-10-14 10:01

I THINK I KNOW WHY THIS TOPIC IS SO LOADED (no pun-seriously). As much as we realize how much violence and kids don't mesh, or violence and humans beings for that matter, Daphne made a huge profound point. Her daughter is more likely to be a victim, than to cause harm. I think it's natural to want your child to feel powerful in a world full of chaos. As a result, it's so hard to know where to draw that line. As much as I don't want my daughter to be a bully, or to go around inciting violence by any means, I AM TERRIFIED OF THE VICTIM PART.

My stance on guns is a simple no. Guns are unnatural, deadly weapons. But I do encourage my daughter to continue on with her karate class (though she doesn't want to at the moment), and I DO encourage punching and kicking the crap out of her inflatable Scooby-Doo punching bag (and she does it with gusto!). I want her to feel confident in self defense, though I don't believe guns are necessary for self defense. When a gun is involved there is no fight, but proper self defense techniques prevent the things I really worry about like date rape and man-handling, and other situations where people take advatange based on the belief that someone may be weaker.

I don't advocate those video war games where shooting and violence have become so prevalent, that most kids have become desensitzed to the real damage that people with guns and weapons could potentially cause. I believe that too many parents just roll over and accept the power video games have over children, forgetting or dismissing the fact that when they are off doing laundry or chatting on the phone that their children are in the other room KILLING for fun.

At the same time, I will admit that I have recently introduced my daughter to the PowerPuff Girls and we LOVE watching the irony of such sweet little girls kicking @ss. I say WE because even that sweet little show has a high enough level of violence present that I feel the need to be present for it. Of course it's fun entertainment, but the power of entertainment can move from the head to the heart like a bullet. I barely got as far as a yellow belt in kung fu during high school, but now that I have a child, I nonchalantly encourage things like martial arts and self defense. I'm not even remotely looking to build any sort of warmonger or a soldier, but I'll do whatever I can for her not to feel like a victim. Having a little girl takes your mind there a lot.

Wed, 2009-10-14 07:16