Lies, Darn Lies, and Mom Lies

I try really hard not to lie to my son. My husband will sometimes make up stories to answer his questions, and I will ask him to stop. I tend to give our son a simple explanation he can handle or tell him he needs to be older before we can discuss it so he will understand better. Let it be known, though, that I am all about Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy. (I don't allow the Easter Bunny because I feel it is really not appropriate for our family.) I don't consider these fables of childhood to be lying. And if anyone out there judges me and thinks I am wrong, I don't care.

Lying is deliberately telling untruths, for whatever reason, but often to avoid unpleasant consequences. I am really opposed to that because I need for my son to trust me, and I need to model for him how to become a person others can trust. My ex-husband lied like the rest of us breathe oxygen, and I cannot tolerate lying in my life.

I think it's perfectly okay to only tell a child what he or she NEEDS to know, and to postpone the rest of the truth until the child can handle it. I have even told my son, "I am your Mommy, and it's my job to help you grow up to be a good person. I can explain this much now, and I can explain more later, when you are old enough to understand."

We've been praying for the people of Haiti recently at bedtime. He knows there was an earthquake, and he knows the buildings were not very good so they all fell down. We live in California, and we get earthquakes. I can't share with him the magnitude of what's going on there at this stage of his life or else he will live in fear. So for now, we pray, and he doesn't really know exactly what he's praying for. I can live with that.

Sat, 2010-01-16 23:45

I have done some of the "simplified" lying...Where does the sun go at night? It's taking a break, and going to sleep...just like you need to, so please get in bed!

I try really hard not to tell total untruths. When I missed my daughter's FIRST EVER school performance (during school hours) she said, "MOM! I couldn't SEE you when my class was singing the acorn song at school!" And isntead of saying I flaked out and totally forgot about it, I said, "Honey, I'm sorry you didn't see me there!" It's true, she didn't see me there...but b/c I wasn't actually there. I told her I love her acorn song and she does SO great when she sings it. Then I took her for Taco Bell at 3 in the afternoon!

And I never really saw the mythical creatures on holidays as an outright lie. It's a fun tradition instead. I get very annoyed with a friend of mine who goes on & on about how lying like that creates a total distrust and you have to be honest with your kids...blahblahblah. Sorry, I don't think my kid is even going to remember the conversation in 20 minutes anyway, so why keep her from enjoying a really fun thing??

I was always curious if she actually told her kids what was happening when they knock on the door while she & her husband are having sex in the morning..."Mommy and daddy are getting coited!"..? I just tell my kids we're moving furniture. Much less graphic, and no reason to explain something to them they won't understand for a long time!

Tue, 2010-01-12 17:45

All I can say is thank the stars Moanna (two and a half) is still young enough that she doesn't catch our lies. I don't think that we lie to her often, but she's young enough that we can make stuff up on the spot and she falls for it. I know that this phase in our lives is coming to a close because we'll tell her something like, "The TV is sleeping. Shhhhh. We need to go outside and play." ... and she'll say, "Mommy, that's silly. TV's don't sleep."

What I'm actually running into now is that Moanna fibs about things. How does a two year old know how to lie?

Mon, 2010-01-11 14:58