Milestones: What's the Rush?

This episode was all over the place. It started with the idea of not rushing milestones, then turned into yet another discussion of competitive moms. Then the editors threw in Rebecca's bit about how we end up shielding adolescents from information about their sexuality. Huh?

I wish the conversation would have actually discussed the topic it advertised, but then again, do we really need to discuss why it's important to be aware of our baby's development? Every parent should know that there are certain behaviors children should be able to display at different times.

It's not being competitive, it's just being knowledgeable about child development, which all parents should be! We require early childhood educators to take courses in child development. Why is it so bad for parents to look at their six month old and make sure they're progressing appropriately?

As far as rushing things is concerned, it looked as though the production of this episode was rushed! Better luck next time!

Sun, 2010-01-31 17:14

@misscapatosta "Love this! I initially thought that it would be super fun to go through my pregnancy with a friend..who wouldn't? Right?"

Oh dear...I went through the SAME thing! I'm no longer speaking to that friend. She was a newish person in my life...and when we went VERY different routes in terms of child rearing styles (breast vs. bottle, crib vs. cosleep) it was death to the new friendship. I hate it, I wanted so badly to have someone to talk to about all these things, but whenever I would comment on any we did that was different than her choices, she got defensive.

We "split" before our babies could get big enough to reach any real milestones, but I could only imagine how talks about who did what first would go :-(

Sun, 2010-01-31 14:16

My biggest issue with Ripley's milestones came from other parents. Specifically other parents in our Gymboree class and at restaurant play places.

I had no agenda for Ripley's milestones, but she apparently did. She doubled up on them and conveniently spaced them so they would be on holidays so that we could remember. She rolled over and sat unassisted the same day. (Okay I don't remember when that one was)

Labor Day (she was born in Feb) She crawled and pulled herself to standing the same day.

Thanksgiving: She took her first steps.

She also climbed like a monkey on things designed for much older children.

Consequently I got used to her falling and bumping and running into corners and the like. Which brings me to Gymboree class. If you've ever been to a Gymboree class you know it's designed to be safe for babies and toddlers to play. I cannot tell you how many times I had a very "concerned" mother come up and tell me something I knew perfectly well, that Ripley was "walking the balance beam, climbing the climber, playing on the round thing, ect...and always with the worried tone AND the "Shouldn't you stop her?" My response (which worked much better on the playplace parents) was that "Eh...she bounces."

But it got to the point where I had to say to this one mother in particular, "LOOK. She's been walking since she was nine months. If I freaked out every time she wobbled or fell or took a tumble they would have had to lock me up in the nuthouse." And even THAT didn't satisfy her!! (Mind I had this issue with a couple of other moms too, that got to the "nuthouse" degree, but this one just took the cake)

I finally did something I SWORE I would never do when she wouldn't leave it alone, and actually went to the person running the class. I looked her in the eye while the class director looked on (since she had no issues with Ripley's motor skills) and said, "Look, *insert name here* my first child DIED. Do you really think I would take undue risks with the health and life of my surviving daughter?"

She never spoke to me again, thank all the gods.

But I got SO much of parents asking me, "Should she do that? Is she allowed to do that? Can she do THAT?" I mean, I was proud as heck of her, but it was all HER and had nothing whatsoever to do with me. If I had my way she would have been in the sling until she was three.

Sat, 2010-01-30 14:26

Everyone here seems to be completely reasonable and on-target with their attitudes toward their own children and other children. I have a mixed situation. My daughter walked very early. She took her first steps at 8 months and was walking like a champ by 9 months. Trust me, this was NOT something to brag about. It sucked for me in many ways. It also fundamentally changed my parenting experience. How do you hang out with other moms whose kids are barely crawling when your kid easily runs away and needs to only be in spaces that are child-proofed? How do you deal with new friends who are so incredibly insecure about their child's walking or crawling abilities that they seem to do nothing other than focus on your kid's walking abilities?

What's the solution? I tried hanging out with older kids but my kid has the development capacity of kids her age, not older kids. She could walk but she was still very, very much a nine month old (or ten month old or whatever). That did not work. Now things have evened out since she is close to 20 months. She is a late talker, though. I have had other parents and nannies comment on this. My dad didn't speak until he was three years old. I know it doesn't matter any more than it matters whether or not your kid walks or talks by 12 months. I imagine, though, that having a very early talker would also fundamentally change your parenting experience.

Sat, 2010-01-30 10:57

I may get shot for this, but Moanna is one of those kids that are ahead of milestone calendar. I've never pushed her to crawl, walk, talk, eat solids... it's just the way she's developing.

It drives me nuts when people are all, "Oh my gosh, she's brilliant! She's only two!?"

"Yes, she's only two. Yes, she's smart, but somedays it's a pain in my rear because I wasn't prepared for this. I had to babyproof my house much earlier than planned, and I have to watch what I say in front of her because she will go and tell my Mom that I said she was crazy two weeks ago."

Yes, sometimes I do get excited that the doctor is impressed with her development, but mostly, I don't want her given that pressure and label of being the "smart kid" or the "good kid." Those are had expectations to fulfill all of the time.

Fri, 2010-01-29 16:08

SUCH a good topic.

In my son's first year, he was always on the "late" side of things. For instance, if the average kid crawls at 9 months, he did it at 10 or 11. If the average kid walks at 12 months, he did it at 15. This never worried me. UNTIL some parent would make a comment about it.

Them: How old is he?

Me: 13 months.

Them: OMG AND HE DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO WALK? OH NOZ!

It was like that for everything. I knew he was healthy, I knew he was normal, but other people felt the need to tell me he wasn't.

And I agree with Mindy, it was more of a hassle than anything when he eventually did walk and crawl :)

Fri, 2010-01-29 15:01

I'm a little further along than 6 weeks... with an almost 2 year old. And my concern is less about rushing milestones than getting my daughter to meet them. She was evaluated at 16 months old for speech delays and at 22 months old still has no words and global developmental delays. How much she understands, we don't really know. Interestingly enough, she was pretty on target through about 8-9 months old. Do we break out flash cards? No. We mainly "work" through play. Do I feel like if we had broken out MORE at 6 weeks old it would have helped her? No. Not at all. But though she makes progress every day, I can see that if we don't bridge this gap now - the gap with her peers only gets wider. So we play... and therapists come... and we have 3/6/9/12 month evaluations.... and hopefully everything resolves.

Fri, 2010-01-29 04:07

I babysat a LOT of kids...so I already sort of knew that not all kids do all things exactly the same way. So when my first came along, I did peruse some child development books. The ones that say, from 3-5 months, your child will likely be doing: these things. I just took these as developmental markers & cues that signaled being ready for the next step, or that she was on track. I had a baby much younger than any of my friends, and was much younger than any moms I knew with babies of the same age range...so I wasn't around a lot of other parents to really make comparisons. Yeah, when I happened to meet someone at the park, who was all, "MY little one can already climb!" I just smiled and nodded. I wasn't really sure what they wanted to hear from me, so I didn't say anything.

Something I did from a young age was counting & letters during swing time. When I put my baby in a swing at the park, every time she got back to me and it was time for me to push again, I would start counting or doing letters. One...swing back....TWO...swing back...Etc. And that's how she learned her letters & numbers. That's really the only thing I did like that...cuz I couldn't necessarily tell when she was going to suddenly be ready for numbers the same way I could tell she was ready for potty training.

Luckily, my first always fell right in line with the beginning recommended age for the milestones. My second was at the far end (Like if it said 'this happens at 6-9 mos.' my first did it at 6, my second would do it at 9)...and by that time I did have friends that were comparing, but I thought it was weird to compare. Mostly b/c I felt like my first child was this paragon of milestones, but my second wasn't...and more than not wanting to compare mine & theirs, I didn't want to compare my two...like I didn't want them to feel competative towards each other. ...I dunno why I thought that when they were really too little to know what the heck I was talking about.

Now that they're 6 & 2, my oldest makes a really big deal out of everything. I GOT UP THE STAIRS FIRST! I drank my milk first! I got to the car first! It's really annoying.

Fri, 2010-01-29 02:23