Amazing hos so insync we are! I was just talking about that on my Facebook. I made a major announcement that on my status that you don't give me advice unless I ask or unless you are willing to have my sobbing by the end of the conversation throwing the tea cup at you! Not only are you in an emotional state, it feels like adding insult to injury by getting unwanted advice. Jessica you are right on the money! To end a friendship with another mom, just start with this sentance or a version of this sentance " You know what works for me (fill in advice). A friend of mine is the second in our group to get pregnant and I told her if she had any questions or needed to ask me something than she can call me but I wasn't going to give her any advice unless she asked. She thanked me because I was the ONLY person who said that to her. Evetyone else, including people who didn't have kids were starting in on their opinions.

I'm with Asha on this one, I think it depends on the person...and the advice. Some of what I heard was actual advice. Some of what I heard was criticism. Like when Daphne's MIL made an unneeded comment about waking the baby up. That wasn't advice. She was nit-picking. But if I truly was having a hard time and a friend gave me advice (good or bad), I think I would listen and make up my own mind. I've gotten plenty of advice on parenting from friends and some of it I put into play and the rest I just walked away from the conversation like "That is not going to work for me." But I would never end a friendship over it. God knows as moms we need all the friends we can get. @BeingSuper

Yes, I agree, it depends on the person. For me, personally, I never, ever, ever want to talk to a mom friend who uses jargon like "child striking." To me, that screams of a parent who reads more than they parent. That's not the kind of parenting for me. And honestly, if a friend told me to quit my job because I was having night-time feeding issues, I would question the sanity of the friend! Because obviously, she either works because she enjoys it or her family needs the money, so for a friend to not understand that, and then suggest I totally change my life based on her advice=no thanks, "friend." If a mom friend outright asked, "What would/did you do?" I'll answer her honestly, and then not be offended if she did something differently. We each figure out what works best for our family.

As a new mom, I like getting parenting tips because it's like adding new weapons to my very small parenting arsenal. If the weapon works, yeah!! If the weapon doesn't work, I discard it. Plus, it makes me feel better to know that another moms struggled with finding a solution to the problem. With that said, parenting tips are very different from lifestyle judgment. The point of a tip is to let another mom know (1) you really struggled with figuring out what to do; and (2) that the suggestion you are giving may or may not work, but it is worth a try. For example, a tip would be the following: "Sometimes I have a really hard time getting the baby to stop crying, out of sheer frustration I found out that she will stop crying if I take her outside, maybe going outside would help." A lifestyle judgment is "if you were feeding your baby formula, she would sleep through the night" or "if you were breastfeeding, the baby wouldn't have colic." Not at all helpful. I think the best thing we can do as moms is listen and offer support to other moms without judgment. We all need to build our parenting arsenals and we all need to know that we are not struggling alone. Like Daphne said, isn't that why we come to sites like this?

I'm one of those that think it depends on the person. I love giving advice. No, correction. I love telling about MY experiences, and what worked for me. I think it's up to the other person as to whether they take it as 'advice' or just my crazy stories of early-mommy-hood. But, I also like to GET advice from others, whether I use it or not. I was recently discussing with a girlfriend tantrums and toddlers. My son is 6 months older than her son, and she is always telling me how she looks at my son as a 'judge' for what is to come in about 6 months with hers. My son is about out of the tantrum phase, while her's is full-blown into it. I just commiserated, as what else can you do? But I also gave her a book recommendation that was passed along to me by another friend that I really enjoyed and that we got a lot out of. Was it advice? I don't think so. Did she appreciate it? Yes. At least, that's the impression I got from her gratitude in my sharing with her. I'm starting to think that if you like GETTING advice, you don't mind GIVING it, either.

Oh my Jessica. I am so sorry you had that experience. But I really don't think that is the norm. I agree that it depends on the person receiving the advice, but also a lot of other factors...most importantly how it is given. I give and take advice to/from a lot of friends. When receiving I try to listen openly. I may or may not take the advice, but I do appreciate that the person was willing to share with me. When giving advice, I usually try to begin with something like "what worked for me...." and end with something like "....but every child is different so you have to try things until you find what works for you.". When I do feel offended by someone's advice, I really try to stop and understand their motive. If it truly was to put me down or make me feel bad, I figure they must be really insecure and I probably don't need that person in my life. But if they were truly just trying to offer a suggestion, I have to ask myself why I'm feeling so insecure. One of the main reasons I love this site is because of all the advice y'all give. I say "bring it on". I can use all the help I can get. Thanks for your open and honest talks!

Well said MegO. I agree completely.

I think I'm with Jessica and Maggie on this one. Mostly. If a good friend asks me for advice on a more serious issue, I will try to answer gently and honestly. However, I don't EVER offer unsolicited advice and I HATE receiving it. I had a toxic friendship for several years and that was one of my main gripes with this woman ... her first son was 3 mos younger than mine, she had never babysat or been around babies/young children prior to having him - my mom ran a day care in our home, I had been a full-time live-in nanny 2x, yet here she was constantly telling me how I should do things with my son. Either that or pointing out how she handled every little thing down to wiping his little tush. No kidding. She was like that in every aspect of her life, I wasn't surprised but I was annoyed and eventually dropped her. NOBODY likes a know-it-all, ladies. ;)

I agree as well. I think that MegO and Barbasaurus comments go together well. I must say that when Jessica said that she told her friend to quit her job I thought "that sounds like judgment about working mom's not advice."

Perfect timing on this one! One of my best girlfriends (god help me if she visits this momversation) just completed a Childhood Development class for her degree; one little yellow book and suddenly she is the expert at all things parental. If she begins one more sentence with "You know, you really should..." as I'm putting my preschooler back to bed for the fifth time, baaaaad things are gonna happen. I finally lost my cool and shouted, "You know what? Grow your own!" Because, wouldn't you know, she doesn't have kids. /rant Truly though, I'm a young mom and I've deeply appreciated the gentle suggestions from more experienced mothers. Like MegO said, take the best and leave the rest.