February 27, 2009
Rounder tummies, stretch marks, and big changes, um, "down there." A woman's body gets knocked around during pregnancy, and it usually doesn't bounce right back after giving birth. In fact, most women's bodies are permanently changed, and that can be hard to accept. Mindy Roberts of The Mommy Blog asks our panelists (including Kierna Mayo, Big Kid Buzz Editor of CafeMom), "Are you OK with your post-baby body?"
How do you feel about your after-baby body? Do you beat yourself up about the changes? Do you accept them as a part of being a mom? Or do you like your body better now? Join the Momversation by answering our poll or commenting in our related forums:
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32 Comments
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Thu, 2010-03-04 10:08
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Thu, 2010-03-04 09:49
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Wed, 2010-03-03 17:37
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Wed, 2010-03-03 17:15
Before 2 babies I was 135 pounds & after 2 babies & gestational diabetes I am 215! I am in a HUGE rut & am trying to get out but the thought of having to loose nearly 100 pounds overwhelms me completely to the point of giving up.
I love my babies & am soo glad I had them but didnt expect to pay the price with my body. I am going to get healthy & see where that gets me, honestly anything will be better than this.
I am trying to stay positive & NOT look at junk food anymore!
Mon, 2009-04-13 12:26
Mindy- Sorry, I didn't realize it had already been pointed out or I would have never mentioned it. And now that I watch it after you stating that it was part of your convo with your 7 year old I can see how it was more appropriate. The editing and having different people's clips in between yours makes you forget that you are explaining something to a child. It just sounded like a statement. Thanks for clearing that up.
Fri, 2009-03-06 14:43
I had a healthy pregnancy, not sure how much weight I gained but not much past my 9'10" baby and accessories; two months later and I'm back in my jeans with an extra cup size to boot. And yes, the VJJ is different, but I was so tight before that sex was nearly always painful, and now it...isn't. So that's an improvement.
And yet I feel mutilated.
I have stretch marks from ribcage to thighs, not just stretched but ruined skin, angry purple, sagging and alien. My breasts (which aren't even that much bigger!) have radiating lines like little suns, with giant brown areolae where my cute pink nipples used to be, my previously perky little breasts running down my ribcage like melted marshmallows. My butt is gone and my ankles went from slender to waterlogged-beyond-recognition to emaciated. My darling little boy is sweet, and I'd take worse for him...but it still hurts. I don't care who sees a nipple when I'm nursing but I'm ashamed when my belly shows; my husband says I'm beautiful but I can't believe him. I'm 23, I want more children, but I'm scared of what they'll do to my body.
For those who have suggested that how different your body is post partum depends on how much weight you gain...it ain't necessarily so.
Mon, 2009-03-16 10:05
Not to be a whiner or complainer, but just as a 'you might want to re-word this quote next time,' saying that giving birth makes you a woman, and that before giving birth you are a girl, may not sit well with women who cannot or choose not to give birth. Just something to chew on.
As for me, my body has not bounced back from birth, and it's been 18 months. But I'm to blame because I have not worked at it like I should.
Thu, 2009-03-05 12:50
Oh MW, you have no idea the shit storm that comment caused on half a dozen blogs, Twitter, and now my site. I thought it sounded offensive, too, when I saw it, even though I was describing a conversation I had with a seven year old and not stating a gender/political view. It had nothing to do with whether someone can have a baby.
I was especially surprised that no one (until you came here) said anything in these comments, or came to my blog to ask for clarification. Honestly, people. I had already published a retraction and was on the same page. However, I now have thirty thousand arrows in my back, and while I was apologizing everywhere everyone came over to my place to wrestle, and then we offered Jello and everyone calmed down.
Notice I asked that my sidebar quote be changed - and they did it immediately - at midnight, no less.
I think it's run its course, and now I am going to draw a hot bubble bath and look for some wine. I've gotta have some wine somewhere, right? RIGHT?
Thu, 2009-03-05 16:40
You know, I hated my pre-baby body and I reserve the right to hate my post baby body.
Thu, 2009-03-05 00:23
@badmummy -- Me too. On the other hand, because I was not what one would call petite before I got knocked up the first time, I already had the belly-in-need-of-creative-disguise, stretch marks, babylicious breasts, etc. So I looked completely unpregnant and prebaby (minus some ridiculous missile sized breasts) the day I left the hospital. *Looked* is the operative word here. I managed to lose all but ten pounds of the 25 I gained before I caught preggers again. Nearly 4 years later I've managed to lose and relocate the same 20 pounds several times. Highly frustrating since I gained a total of 47 with kid 2.
Must be even more frustrating for my darling husband who never knew me as the Fat Girl. This is old territory for me, but before wifey and momma, he's only ever known me as the Hot Record Chick, 60lbs lighter than I am. God bless him for still wanting to grab my enormous ass.
Sat, 2009-03-14 14:13
Oh, wow. My post-baby body is way better than my pre-baby body.
Pre-baby, I never broke 100 lbs. Six weeks post-baby, I weighed 108 lbs. Pre-baby, I was flat-chested and had no butt. Well, no curves at all, really. Post-baby, I got to *keep* the D cups that I suddenly developed. I had curves. I had hardly any stretch marks. (A few on my boobs, but you had to really look for them to see them. They were never violent purple streaks.)
Pre-baby, I was cute. Post-baby, I was *hawt*!
Wed, 2009-03-04 14:33
Just wanted to add- check out theshapeofamother.com. Its so inspiring to see women, large and small young and old, saying "here I am". Its really given me a lot of perspective through my pregnancy and post baby body.
Wed, 2009-03-04 12:16
I'm with acm when talking about getting back into my prepregnancy clothing. I remember after being pregnant and then breastfeeding I just couldn't really remember how my clothing used to fit. Or really how I used to look. Sure I could fit into the clothing, but they didn't look the same and it was hard for me to come to grips with the different shape my body was. I actually wore my pregnancy clothing until my father, of all people, told me he thought it was probably time for me to get back to normal. That was a reality check. Once I finally did go out and find new clothing that made me feel and look good I was a lot more able to come to grips with the stretch marks and the smaller, yes smaller, post breastfeed boobs.
I thought I'd gotten over this whole issue, but now in the third trimester of pregnancy number 2 I'm starting to realize that coming to grips with and even liking your image of yourself and your body is a process.
Tue, 2009-03-03 11:54
I gave birth to triplet boys -- 16 1/2 pounds worth -- five months ago. I am proud of what my body did, but I can't deny the impact, and I might be OK with it, but I don't love it.
I have stretch marks on my back, people! My belly button finally looks like a belly button after coming within millimeters of having to be registered as a weapon, but the skin! What do I do with all of this skin? From the belly button down, I look like one of Madame Tussaud's wax statues that's been left in the sun too long. I could definitely be a contender in a Shar-pei contest.
Plastic surgery? Not for me, thanks. Especially with small children to care for, elective (and major!) surgery in a tummy tuck feels pretty selfish. And my body's been through enough for a while!
I still look good in my clothes, and as long as my husband's OK with the changes, I can learn to be OK with them, too. I'd rather put my time and energy into being a good mom than having my pre-pregnancy body again.
Christy
Mon, 2009-03-02 10:11
I'm with bwankel in terms of after-effects (although I didn't get into my pre-preg jeans until several months after I stopped breastfeeding; many folks find that hindrance). Am considering surgery to fix the intermittant incontinence, but hard to convince the gynecological urologist (yes, there are such) that I really don't want more kids at 42... Don't know if I'd have bounced back faster a decade or two younger.
Also, having bigger breasts isn't always a plus. I was previously at the high end of Sizes You Can Actually Get in Stores/Catalogs and now, although I did drop a cup size after weaning, I'm still pretty much in the Specialty Shop Only category. This has other effects, as on the likelihood of finding a bathingsuit that fits, or really even buying off-the-rack dresses. But I can put up with that and the little belly pouf, as long as the rest of me can make a pretense of getting its functionality back in order! The last thing a busy mom needs is a 20 minute evening routine devoted to pampering her dottering nether parts! sigh.
The biggest part for me in getting back into my old wardrobe was less about self-esteem -- I found that after a year+ of pregnancy plus breastfeeding, I basically had no remaining image of what my body "used to" look like, and everything was relative -- but about identity: getting to wear more than 2 pairs of pants, having a range of styles and colors and so forth that were tied to how I imagined my Self. I suppose that if my shape was totally different to the degree that I'd never be in the same clothes, I'd have eventually invested the bucks to replace my wardrobe with new stuff (although a 20-year collection is hard to replace!), but there was a sense of "coming back to myself" when I could use my closet again that I would never have anticipated. I'm far from a fashion plate, so it was an interesting commentary on how we construct or express our identities...
Mon, 2009-03-02 07:57
While I can't say I "love" my body the way it is now 9 months after giving birth I definitely will say I'm proud of my body and what's it's accomplished every time I look at my little girl. I did that! My body did that! WoW! It would be nice to be able to lose that last 15 pounds I'm carrying around but I really don't mind so much.
The most ironic thing I wanted to share with everyone was when an older woman I know recently said to me with great concern that she thought I was losing weight too fast!!! I was a little taken back by that since it's usually the opposite comment I get. "Oh your looking great!" "Your getting back to your ol' self" That sort of thing. But not that I'm losing it too fast! And trust me I'm not helping the weight loss any by living on lettuce alone. Since ya'll brought up this topic I can now look at her comment as a nice breath of fresh air in today's wacky world.
Love your curves ladies!!! We all have em'!!! And they're beautiful!!!
Sun, 2009-03-01 21:38
Hell no! I'm loving mySELF as a mom, but I'd take my pre-baby boobs back any day. I nursed for 10 months and have the boobs to prove it. They look awesome when I'm wearing a bra though, which counts I guess. I lost the 40+ pounds I gained within the first few months, but things are shaped differently. I'm actually attempting to lose more weight as a result.
Life is better now and I'm cooler with myself now and happier in general post-baby. It's all worth it. I'd do it again. And will do it again and again. :)
Sun, 2009-03-01 13:21
I realize that we just see you from the shoulders up, but you are some BEAUTIFUL WOMEN! I'm not even saying that because you have such lovely personalities (you seem to, but that's not what I'm commenting on). You're really stunning - all of you. I don't know if I've ever seen a less-than-attractive momversationalist on the panel. Maybe that's by design, but it really does inspire confidence...
My husband and I are trying for baby #1, and I made the mistake of reading all sorts of "informative information" about pregnancy (by informative, I mean absolutely terrifying). Thank you guys for addressing this topic and THANK YOU for reiterating that the physical sacrifices pale in comparison to the kid you get as a result. I'm still slightly terrified, but with more confidence.
Sat, 2009-02-28 21:50
While I would give anything to go back in time and change the labor pains I had during pregnancy - it was a Bitch - I woudn't change a thing about my post-baby bod. How you look after pregnancy has everything to do with your lifestyle and genetics. I was sick as dog the first four months - as were many women in my famiily- had a quick first time labor (about 7 hours) like most women in my family - and gained just 24 pounds overall- the exact amount of weight my mom gained when she had me 38 years earlier. My daughter weight 7 pounds 6 ounces jsut about what I weighed as a newborn.
The female body is downright amazing - it's about time we stop picking at our flaws and celebrate our strengths. Do we really want our daughter's to do also hate their bodies after they have kids???
Sat, 2009-02-28 19:03
Just in case anyone wanted to slap me for being so cavalier about this topic - of course there is always lots that is edited out that would lend context. Then again you really don't want to listen to me go on for ten minutes, and that's why God gave us producers.
My attitude now is different than my attitude after my first two pregnancies. I was all annoyed at the changes and ashamed of the flab, and my ex was not thrilled with it either. Enter my second son, who tried to die on us seventeen different ways in the first month of life, and suddenly I didn't give a rip about what had happened to me anymore. I figured, if I was allowed to keep my baby, I would never again make it about me or resent anything having to do with bringing these children into the world.
So, I know I have a "whatever" attitude about it all now, but that's not to say I wasn't neurotic about it back then. Besides, I have only so many brain cells and have to choose my neuroses carefully. : )
Sat, 2009-02-28 17:30
I'm now 5 months post-pregnancy. I'm luckily into my pre-pregnancy jeans, but I'm a little...ummm...more jiggly. I was never one to exercise until the cows come home. But thanks to nursing, I'm dropping pounds. Now, if only I could be motivated to work out a bit to firm up.
I was always nervous about how I'd look after my baby was born. The women in my family are large women and I am not. My husband's only fault is his total disgust towards fat. Naturally I was nervous that I'd look like my mom or my sister after my son was born, especially considering I gained about 55 pound while I was pregnant.
As soon as I got home, I started to eat like I did before I got pregnant...no snacking, only three meals a day, hardly any dessert. I started walking, but because it started to get cold, I stopped. So besides the droop, I'm almost back to "normal."
But Mindy's right...I'll never be the way I was before my son was born. And Maggie's right, I would not exchange having my son for being able to wear a bikini with confidence. My stretch marks, my flab, my new body - all battle wounds of having children.
Some days I can accept my new body, others I can't. But I think that's just part of being a woman.
Sat, 2009-02-28 13:59
Honestly? I think a lot of this has to do with how much weight you gain during your pregnancy and how active you were before, during and after pregnancy.
Sat, 2009-02-28 10:57
While I was writing this post my 5 year old daughter just came to give me a kiss and a scratch on the back! OKAY the post baby body weirdness is sooooo worth it!
Sat, 2009-02-28 09:35
Oh Gosh! Ladies you crack me up! Withney Houston minus the crack LOL. On the subject though.. I don't know how I feel about my 5 month post pregnant body.. sometimes I love it, some times I HATE it. Like Klerna I have been researching plastic surgery options but I feel so bad when I think about the money I have to dish out for this. I am happy with my weight though.. but it's the strechmarks and all the weirdness that happened to my stomach that I hate; and it actually makes sense about waking up one day and having a new nose because the VaJayJay is forever changed.
Sat, 2009-02-28 09:16
I had so many women--funnily most of them have never had kids--telling me before I gave birth and after NOT to worry about my weight, and I was so in the baby-vortex the first three months, I truly didn't even think about the gym, new and conspicuous flab, pouch, poof, stretch marks, etc. 15 months later, I'm taking another look. I've started going to the gym again, but NOT movie-star style, so that I cry after workouts! I'm taking it easy on my body. It's been through so much and deserves some praise and understanding. I'm so pleased and grateful my body gave me my healthy son (and I was a "high risk" pregnancy), I'm relieved I've been able to breastfeed, still breastfeed--I mean, good job, bod. It's okay I can't wear my old jeans again yet. Or favorite shirts. Or shoes... It's okay. At least, that's what I tell myself--"Good job, hooray, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay."
Sat, 2009-02-28 07:43
Kierna is great, I really think she should be part of the permanent panel.
Fri, 2009-02-27 14:56
GUA... women with gestational diabetes tend to have larger babies.
Fri, 2009-02-27 10:26
I'm happy with my post-baby body in the big-picture sense. I did ok with weight gain and loss--within 2 weeks of my delivery, I was back in my pre-pregnancy jeans. My weight is not an issue. I weigh more than I did before, but it's ok. And that's fixable.
But, after delivery I had a hell of a time getting the undercarriage back in shape. It was BAD. I was peeing my pants, I was bleeding during BMs, I had scar tissue growing, ahem, in there, and it's made my sex life pretty ho-hum. I hardly ever feel sexy enough to want to do anything, and when I do it's sometimes painful and really awkward. /sigh
My main self-consciousness is actually about my breasts. I went up a cup size literally overnight when I was pregnant, and my breasts are now covered in stretch marks. Add to that the fact that I've been breastfeeding for 9 months and they now resemble empty feed sacs more than breasts. I'm bummed about that. But it was worth it. All of it is worth it.
Fri, 2009-02-27 10:23
I wouldn't say I'm "OK" with my post baby body. It has been almost three years though so I think I've pretty much accepted it. Lol. The only time the state of out of shape I've been residing in bothers me is when I try to put on clothes that I wore 25 pounds ago, pre-Kaleb. I should probably just throw them away. :)
Fri, 2009-02-27 07:55