As a parent, your job is to tackle the tough issues. And sexual abuse has to be one of the most difficult topics to discuss with your kids. Unfortunately, it's also a necessary one. After all, to be forewarned is to be forearmed, and children need to know about the dangers of the world so they can protect themselves. The question is, how do you broach the subject? Asha Dornfest of Parent Hacks asks, "How do you talk to your kids about sexual abuse?"

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Showing the Latest of 45 Comments

amom
2 weeks ago
There is a great book that deals with this topic that I found very helpful. It's called "Protecting the Gift" It deals with abduction and molestation. The majority of children who are molested are by people they already know. Two things that really stuck out for me with this book were these points: Oftentimes, a person with these intentions will have a child sit on their lap, give them hugs, etc. in front of the parent. By doing this it establishes that the parents are witnessing this and not reacting thereby making other contact a "natural" extension of this. Horrifying. The other thing is to tell your child that if they are ever lost to find Another Mom with small children instead of a store employee or a security guard to assist them in finding their parent. The reason being another mother is going to be more emotionally invested in helping the child find their mom. The book may seem scary to read and hard to do but it's worth it. By arming yourself with this information as a parent you will have more ways of protecting your children.
 
Lacy
5 months ago
Jessica G - I understand trying to protect your children, but do you think not letting them stay at other people's homes "un-related anyone" is helping that or just overprotective? I am a survivor of sexual abuse by a family member. Not having sleep overs didn't protect me. What else should be done?
 
5minutesformom
5 months ago
Such a huge and important issue! I like the word Maggie uses to talk to her child... some good ideas there. I often remind my almost 5 yr old girl that nobody should be touching or looking at her privates and that nobody should ever ask you to keep a secret from Mommy.
 
islandchick2010
6 months ago
I am trying to get pregnant sorry im not a mommy yet but this has been something that worries me A LOT. i was molested by my uncle at 12 it was a one time thing but that came out of no where so ever since i have been weary of men. I want to have a lot of kids but i feel paranoid about it and sometimes i have panic attacks and worry about my future kids. its soo weird of me i know but i just say to myself should i even have kids now if im so worried. But my husband and i really want kids so i am happy this topic is being discussed. its not popular at all but is a necessary topic.
 
Jojo
6 months ago
I wanted to make one more point, for what it's worth. There are far worse things than sexual abuse. You can get over this kind of abuse in full. I don't think you can get over the abuse that comes from bullying, humiliation, and disrespect from your parents.
 
SilverXeno
6 months ago
Physical and emotional abuse are two different things. And often, sexual abuse (physical) is paired with emotional abuse (if you tell our secret, I'll hurt your family). You have to work on both. The psychological scars from sexual abuse can follow you for a lifetime and effect all of your relationships, even the ones that are not sexual. Abuse from bullying & parents often manifests against other people of authority in your life. You may distrust them, want to rebel against them...or even fear them. But it's also something that you can recognize and learn to work around. Sexual abuse can also be a form of all of those abuses you listed. The predator often gets the victim to engage in humiliating situations, bullies them into submission (and not always the typical physical bullying, but the less obvious psychological bullying, think "Mean Girls"), and parents can be disrespectful of the situation. I have a friend who is my age, that was abused for about 6 years, starting in 1st grade, by a male relative a few years older than she was. The "relationship" was discovered, it has now been about 15 years since the abuse, but her abuser is now fishing buddies with her father, and her parents frequently invite him into their home. There were never any police report, never any therapy...her parents continue to disrespect her by allowing her abuser in their home. Sexual abuse violates you in ways that changes who you are. I don't think it's fair to make that comparison at all.
 
Jojo
6 months ago
You make some excellent points. I was not trying to minimize the pain of sexual abuse. I was responding to the comment made by two of the panelists that "nothing is worse than sexual abuse". I don't think that is a good way to look at sexual abuse or any abuse. There are worse things. It's a very dramatic and unhelpful way to consider abuse. That is all. I think all of your points are insightful, though.
 
SilverXeno
6 months ago
I have 2 very dear friends whose grandparents lived across from my grandparents when we were children. We spent entire summers being totally inseperable. They moved to be nearer their grandparents when their family was violated in their original home. The father was a firefighter, so he worked for usually 48 hours straight. One night, he'd been gone for about 12 hours. The mother was upstairs after putting the kids in bed (the kids were like 4 & 6 at the time). She heard the front door open and heavy footsteps coming up the stairs. She thought maybe her husband had come home for something, but she realized quickly it wasn't her husband. She ran into her children's room and put them in the closet. The intruder found her, raped her, and forced her to perform sexual acts on him, while the children watched from the closet. They later discovered the intruder was her brother-in-law. An entire family...affected by the sexual assault of another. You can't tell me that bullying or humiliation is worse than that. I get what you're saying...I really really do. But I just can't think of anything that is worse. Maybe a violent or brutal death of a loved one...but that doesn't fall under any of the categories you mentioned. Maybe I'm just not thinking of the "right" kind of scenario. Are you thinking of a particular experience or situation?
 
Jojo
6 months ago
I didn't describe all the scenarios that are worse than sexual abuse. We aren't arguing here. Really. I completely agree with you. There are many horrible scenarios that you can describe that are simply awful. In this particular scenario, there are many aspects that make it particularly grizzly that go beyond the simple mechanics of sexual abuse. Sexual abuse in and of itself is not the worst thing that can happen to a child or anyone else. I stand behind that statement. I know plenty of women who have risen above their sexual abuse who will say without hesitation that the sexual abuse was definitely not the worst thing that happened to them. And, yes, the death of a loved one is worse. It also doesn't have to be violent and brutal.
 
Nathalie
6 months ago
I'm sorry, Jojo, I have to respectfully disagree. I was sexually abused by my grandfather for years, and it's only been through about 2 years of therapy that I have come to understand that his abuse has had consequences on almost every aspect of my life, even ones I thought were never related. My therapist is amazing and we have come a long way in helping me handle my feelings, but I will never be over it.
 

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