Should I Have Another Child?

@jennchantal I have two children and am contemplating a third.

Fri, 2008-12-12 11:47

I think you have to decide what is best for your family. It's a very personal decision.

Although my husband was from a big family, I was hesitant to have more than 2. My argument: I only have two hands and could be a single parent at any moment.(my husband is in the Army.) As soon as we no-going-back decided 2 was IT, he was deployed for 15 months...and I was SOOOOOOO happy we had made that decision.

Good luck with your decisions!!

Fri, 2008-12-12 12:07

We are in the process of adopting, and it was a definite pull on our hearts. We knew without a doubt that there was a child out there for us.

Don't let all the stereotypes feed into your decision. If you just want one, then it would be a disservice to have more than one.

You'll know in your heart what to do.

Fri, 2008-12-12 14:32

How do you know if you should add onto your family? I think possibly if you have to ask yourself this question, then maybe you shouldn't?? Or at least not yet. I agree that this is something about which you really don't want to be on the fence. Then again, if it happened accidentally, would you really be upset about it? (I only ask this because a friend of mine is accidentally pregnant with her fifth--yes fifth--and was in denial at first but is now happy and content with this fifth blessing.)

As for me, I am 37 years old with a 3-year-old and a 1-year-old. We will likely have a third, but I admit that I am exhausted most days as it is. I feel as if, physically, I'm more fatigued because I'm slightly older than a lot of "young mothers." I'm very much still "one of you" but my body will not cooperate for as long and in the same ways as some of the younger moms' bodies will. In addition, I don't want to be sooo old when my kids are in high school. I suspect that might be what Alice was talking about. (Although I could be wrong.)

My mother-in-law (who has two children) always says she wishes she would have had more. (Believe me, I wish she would have had more, too. Then maybe we would get a little less attention!) So there's something to think about. You don't want to drive your "only" child crazy when they get older because there is no one to share it with!

Fri, 2008-12-12 18:02

I think about this question ALL OF THE TIME. I had Paige when I was 20 years old and she is now 14. Though I was in a long term relationship throughout most of my 20s, I never entertained the thought of having another kid seriously, but I secretly said to myself that if I didn't have another kid by 30, I wasn't going to do it. I mean, the thought of having a newborn AND a teenager made me start hyperventilating and sweat profusely.

Now that I have taken this stance, it makes it hard to date. Most men who are my age that are ready to commit are also ready to have babies.

Fri, 2008-12-12 19:43

I was so glad to see this today. We're actually pretty sure we want another child. And I was putting pressure on myself to do it soon for two reasons - first, my daughter is two and certainly she'll need a sibling close to her age and second because I'm getting OLD.. I'm 31!

The question is, who put these silly thoughts in my head??? It's nice to know that Alice is still on the fence at 40 with a 6 year old. And that the possibility is still there for her if she so chooses. What I really want to do is take time to get my body in better shape for another pregnancy. I haven't done well the last two years and since I experienced pre-eclampsia with my daughter I really owe it to any future child to be in better shape to try to at avoid that challenge (if possible).

Thanks for the conversation ladies. So far all the episodes I've seen have made me feel a little more normal and a little less alone.

Sat, 2008-12-13 07:36

Wow...what is everyone looking for? A life of no regret? You have no idea how life will be in the future for you. Quit daydreaming about this Brady Bunch life. It's not real anymore. I have two girls, 6 years apart. One from a first marriage; he abandoned us and my 2nd & final husband adopted Courtney. For the longest time, immediately after we married, I longed for a child. I appealed to him from a sense of "his own child". He replied that he already had one; Courtney. He couldn't love any birth-child any more. The origin of the child didn't matter. Wow. That was profound. So...I conceded that we would just have one. Then, once we stopped thinking so hard about it, we later had a revelation that we wanted another baby. I agree with Molly. If you are so "on the fence" about the decision, just decide no. Decide to have no regrets. Having a playmate for your kid is a weird reason to grow your family, I think. I actually worried more that having a second one would take away some of the time I have to love the first. A friend of mine has 7 birth kids, and adopted an 8th. It wasn't planned for the 8th. They just happened to fall in love with a baby at church, who needed foster care. They enrolled in foster program & eventually adopted him. Some of the best things in life aren't thought about so hard. Relax, you MAMAS.

By the way, I have a brother & sister. My brother, one year older, was really hard on my sister & I, and became a drug addict in his teens. My sister was four years younger, always babied. I was never close to either one as a kid. My sister & I became friends as adults. My brother is sober, but still a loner, so we rarely talk. Don't plan out your kid's lives. It's not your job. You DON"T HAVE THAT POWER. Find a new hobby. How about volunteering in a children's hospital or crisis nursery. They would love to have your talents & care given to little one's who a not as lucky as your kids are.
Believe me, my older daughter & I have done that, and she now plans to consider adoption instead of birth-mothering.

Sat, 2008-12-13 12:21

I have 3 kids, that said, my husband and both my parents are all only children. There are LOTS of advantages to having just one child or having several. When you only have one child, they get a lot more individualized attention, and you have a lot more money than you would otherwise (ha). More kids are nice because of the camaraderie, and the nice "chaotic" (for lack of a better word, though I mean it in a good way) feel to life. The only thing I know for sure is that I'm D-O-N-E. I know this because I could not do the baby thing again. Not for a million dollars, no sireebob.

Sat, 2008-12-13 17:13

I've got 2 sisters and 18 foster brothers. Hippies from Oklahoma. Give and let live. I have 7 beautiful children. Yes, we sit by the fire, drink hot choclate (sp) and talk to each other. You guys wasting my time about having another child is kinda hurting me. Feel lucky you can conceive and are able to raise a child financially. Many people cannot do that.

I' picked up 2 refrigerator boxes to make a princess castle for my 3 year old. The older kids are thrilled to help paint it. So, we drink hot chocolate by the fire and enjoy our family.

Get a grip, and I mean on your man...... Love, hug, appreciate the small things. and "Don't be the first to let go of a hug" Buttmom

B

Sat, 2008-12-13 21:10

I never intended to have an only child, but then again I never really planned to have children at all. My MO has always been wait-and-see. I trust the universe (God, fate, the luck of the draw) to help make those decisions for me based on current circumstance. I didn't marry until I was 34, had my daughter at 36, and now at 42 feel that my family is complete as is.

Don't get me wrong, I stewed and waffled over it, worried that my daughter would miss out on having siblings, and had pangs to be pregnant again and "do it better" the second time around, but finally came to terms with the fact that sometimes life is what it is, and am completely grateful for where I'm at.

Great topic - so glad I found this site, and that this was the first video I viewed!

Sat, 2008-12-13 22:05

I have two girls - 16.5 and 13.75 yo. I had the first one at 36 and second at 39. My husband was one of 4 and thought one kid might be enough; I was firm in the belief that we needed to have two so they would have each other, whether we were around or not. It was absolutely the right thing - they are like best friends. They keep each other's secrets, they share friends, they share activities. AND, they are completely different people. But they do have someone who shares memories with them who will always be their witness. Whatever you end up doing, it is the right thing for you. Everyone's experience is different.

Sun, 2008-12-14 14:59

To those who are slamming the ladies for weighing out the pros and cons of having another child:

Part of being a parent is being a good steward to the child you have. You have to conisder if you are emotionally, financially, physically able to have another and still be a good steward with the one you have.

To suggest that it's silly to contemplate wether it's best for your family to have another child is ridiculous. It's the responsible thing to do.

Sun, 2008-12-14 21:50