Summer Camp or Free Range Kids?

Manda, I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume you have a spouse that works to support you and the kids. Those of us who do not have a spouse or any other form of support have very limited choices. We can either:

1. work to feed our families and put the kids in camp ("Maybe I can pay someone else too do it, then complain about how much it costs to pay someone else to raise my child"), or

2. we keep them home with us and severely limit the capacity to earn a living with them underfoot ("I am annoyed by my bored and whiny children)".

Not a fun pair of options. Nonetheless, they have been MY only options for at least five years.

Single moms who do not receive support from ex-husbands would LOVE the luxury of choosing. That would make things so much more relaxed and enjoyable for all. And the thought of then being able to pick and choose bonus activities to explore talents... that just seems like a far-off dream to me. I can't imagine that latitude and great good fortune.

As it stands, I will be trying to work from home at a computer that is five feet from the TV in the only common space we have in this fourteen hundred square foot house with no air conditioning. So, no, I don't feel like mom of the year, knowing that I will want to stuff them into duffel bags after about two weeks of ninety-five degree temperatures, but we are a family and we get through things together.

Seriously, I want to weep at the concept of actually having a choice, and at the thought that others don't even realize that there is a gulf between those with support and help, and those who are completely on their own.

Thu, 2009-05-21 08:35

I don't plan on sending my kids to camp for the summer. I realize that I'm very blessed because my husband and I have been able to build a very kid-friendly llifestyle so I don't have to work (even though I work around their schedules).

I will probably sign my oldest (5) up for one thing that he's really interested in. (He goes back and forth between swimming, tennis and golf.) Other than that, we're going to CHILL. Living in NYC, there's so much fun, free things to do during the summer that they'll only get "bored" if they choose to do so! (Besides, after this year's 3 - 4 hours/day preschool commute, I think that we all need a break...)

Thu, 2009-05-21 09:35

I was a free-range kid. Where I grew up in Texas, camp wasn't really a tradition anyway (except for church-sponsored day camps, which I wanted no part of).

In a way it was tough, because the high temps meant that my brother and I didn't leave the safety of air conditioning much during the day, so we spent a lot of time watching TV and getting on each other's nerves. And I do remember more than once calling my mother at work to tell her I was bored.

But I also remember riding bikes to the community pool or the library; spending hours in my bedroom reading, writing, or listening to music; and learning how to make lunches for myself. When we got a little older my brother and I would take the little-used suburban bus system to the movie theater or the mall. And every Friday my dad would come by to take us to our favorite sandwich shop for lunch.

There's value in learning how to just be with yourself, without distractions. At school I was defined by my grades and my dedication to sports; during the summers I learned who I was outside of those activities.

Thu, 2009-05-21 10:23

Whoa! Manda, don't be so judgmental! You say that you think the Momversation moms' ways are the only ways, but at the same time, you seem to be trying to convince us that your way is the right way.

I could be wrong here, but being a single mom, trying to support 3 kids on one income does not seem to be a situation you have ever experienced. I can only imagine how difficult things might be in a situation like this. Is someone in a similar situation supposed to quit their job to stay at home for the summer? That doesn't seem reasonable or responsible.

I think, ultimately, all parents are just trying to do the best they can with what they have. That doesn't always mean that they have the means to do exactly what they want. Some people don't have the luxury of being able to 'choose' to give up the nice car or frequent holidays to be with their kids. For some, those items were never options to give up in the first place. That's just the reality.

Also, I am sure any reasonable parent is doing the best they can to be sure their child is placed in a safe organization that will foster their child's growth and development. They are not just absentmindedly throwing their kids to the wolves to be told of the joys of sex and booze. Sure these things are possible, but they are possible anywhere - school, church, in the playground, at the mall, etc. Camp is certainly not the only place your children will learn about these things....and they WILL learn about these things whether you like it or not.

As for sacrificing for your children, I am sure that if Mindy (and every other mom here) had to make a list of all the sacrifices they have made to better the lives of their children, there wouldn't be enough paper, ink or hard drive space to complete that task.

Thu, 2009-05-21 12:10

Wow! $7,000 is more than I'm paying for my grad school tuition per semester. If that's the going rate in your area, though, that's just the way it goes.

On a different topic, my son is only two, but I'd like him to have some structured time later in the summers when he's older. Maybe not a camp per se, but more like a community art class or an interest of his choosing.

In my teens, I babysat for children who had no structure in the summer whatsoever, and it was okay for a few weeks, but mostly resulted vegging out in front of the Disney Channel by late June. Personally, I think there should still be some structure in the summer routine, like chores (I've seen bedrooms go from acceptable to worriesomely unsanitary during those unscheduled months) and enriching life skills. It's also a good time to get an edge on maybe one subject that's causing problems in school. There's alot of free time when you consider that it's morning, afternoon and evening. However, I totally agree with the idea that letting imaginations roam and young minds discover does have a magical quality that meshes well with summertime. I just hesitate to see imagintion swapped for TV and video games.

Manda... Do you know how strictly summer camps supervisor camp counselors? It's not a free-for-all and they also do extensive background checks, interviews, drug screenings, teens are supervised by adults, etc. Stiff penalties for endangerment of minors have forced camps to change alot and no one wants that liability. I really wouldn't worry about the whole sex, drugs and alcohol scenario.

If you want someone who shares your exact "morals and values," look for a church-based camp. On the other hand, though, part of life is getting along with others who are very different from ourselves, a lesson that starts in childhood and can be reinforced by spending a summer - or longer - in another environment. I'm a major proponent of study abroad programs for teens, for example. I went to study at a foreign university when I was 16 and still in high school. The university had an excellent concurrent enrollment program and I ended up getting a second BA in Spanish with only 2 additional semesters here by transferring those credits later. It was an amazing opportunity that totally paid off, not just academically, but also in life skills, since I had to pay rent and worry about my own bills at 16.

That childhood lesson of tolerance, however, doesn't seem to be one that you've learned, though, Manda. I think that your criticisms posted here reflect a very narrow-minded mentality that's more likely to offend and curtail conversation than invite real discussion. The majority of women in the United States are not stay-at-home mothers, some by choice, some by circumstance. My husband, for example, is a teacher. He leaves home at 6:30 every morning, drives half an hour, and starts work at 7 am. He leaves the school at 4:30 pm and then goes to teach at a private college. He doesn't come home until after 9 pm, after teaching two college classes back-to-back. I still have to work two part time jobs, in addition to doing freelance work for us to pay our bills. We don't have cable television or other "luxuries." And we only have one child.

If you want to be a stay-at-home mother and you have that choice, that's terrific for you. But don't judge others who cannot enjoy what is truly a luxury. For many mothers in summer, it's camp or daycare - and that is their only choice. Quitting a job or not working isn't an option when you need money for the bills and the wellbeing of your children. Join the global community already and understand that women are different everywhere - but that we should all respect each other and recognize our common struggle. At the end of the day, we want a home, utilities, healthcare, food and happy, educated children - none of which can happen without money, in any society.

Thu, 2009-05-21 13:24

Hi Amanda,

I don't think that you're narrow minded because your opinion differs from mine, but rather, because your attitude evidences itself as very closed to others' perspectives. I'm not attacking your character, but rather, I simply find your judgments short-sighted of other women's realities.

I define a "luxury" as something that's precious and difficult to attain. For many mothers, including myself, days off during the work week would definitely be both.

I work two part-times rather than one full-time to be able to arrange my schedule around my son. He's our priority. My husband carries a photo of him that he looks at between classes, to remind himself why it is that he's still at work. Our son is also the reason we bought a house and have pursued grad school. I wasn't going to raise him in an apartment (there are good apartment communities, I'm sure, just that ours was not), so that meant working more to pay the mortgage. Grad school I consider a good example - even if it means time away now. Others can disagree, but to each his own.

Yes, we do work really hard and I'm proud of that, even if it is difficult. I think ultimately our children have to know that we did our best for them. My mother was a stay-at-home mom and it wasn't a happy situation, even though I know it can definitely be for many women. If it's a positive experience for you, that's what matters.

That's a really lovely picture of the baby on your profile.

Good luck to you and your family.

Thu, 2009-05-21 15:17

Wherever the topic does go, though, I think we can disagree, but do it without being disagreeable. I don't see it so much as working mom verus SAHM, but more like "we're all trying here, so let's not be self-righteous."

Thu, 2009-05-21 15:31

Thank you for using my own words to prove my points. I couldn;t ahve said it better. Mainly because I already did.

If there is a mother out there that values her career over her children, I ABSOLUTELY judge that and think it is wrong.

Do you disagree?

Thu, 2009-05-21 16:23