Temper Tantrum in Public: How Do You Deal?

I think it's interesting that we make a distinction between tantrums that happen in public and those that happen at home. Forums like this are great because maybe mothers can start really being supportive of each other rather than criticizing when a child is "losing it" in public. The real issue is how to deal with tantrums - period. One of my daughters was a super tough toddler and I have ALWAYS found that if I just let her "get the itch out", tell her that I will be there for her when she's ready it really helps. I have had to remind myself of that over and over again. I think people tend to talk their kids to death. Shut up and let them figure it out. They are in no mood to hear anything. Talk later about strategies they can use (finding a quiet spot, drawing, etc.) to calm themselves down. She is now 8 years old and when she loses it - and she does - if I leave her alone, before I know it she's back to her wonderful self. I am still amazed, every time.
Bottom line, we need to stop looking over our shoulders and do what's best for our kids and teach them how to handle disappointment, anger or whatever is triggering them rather than punishing them because we're embarrassed.

Fri, 2009-11-20 08:26

I'm getting the feeling that my daughter Koi (2 1/2) has been pretty easy. There were a few times when she was quite young that she melted down, but I've gotten much better at reading her cues. There are easily definable levels of frustration (at least for Koi) before we get to DEFCON 1.

She's reached the age of reason, which is so much nicer than the floppy infant stage, in my opinion. We try and acknowledge why she's puddling and screaming, and then pull a Barbasaurus/MeMyselfandMommy: something along the lines of, "How you're acting isn't helping your case, and this is a store, we have to be respectful of everyone in it." Restaurants are harder than stores, for me. We've definitely made some of those "Trips To The Bathroom" for an attitude readjustment.

Thu, 2009-11-19 17:14

I practice the clenched-jaw method followed-up by bribery. As in (imagine clenched jaw here with veins popping out of the side of my forehead):

If you don't get quiet RIGHT NOW we are going to leave and if we leave you are not getting the treat I promised. Do you want that? No, I didn't think so.

Then softer, Mommy voice:

Now listen if you're a really good girl and quiet down right noooow I'll give you TWO treats! Mmmkay?

www.buenobaby.com

Thu, 2009-11-19 14:01

Thu, 2009-11-19 08:54

bwankel, I just took my daughter on our first plane trip with just the two of us last week. She has only gone on one other and it was with Grandma and myself and Grandma was not much help, she refused to allow her in her lap the whole time. The trip was 3 hours and going she was an angel. If you can get a bulkhead seat get it! It is totally worth it because you have leg room and the kidos can stand/sit and play on the floor comfortably. The trip back was not much fun though. The people took 45 minutes to board which was double the time as before and then the pilot took forever to take off and land. The 3 hour trip turned into 4-1/2 and it was torture. She cried and whined the whole time until the last 30 minutes when she passed out. I had a bag full of toys, books, snacks, my iphone with her favorite videos and games and my laptop with a special game that she can bang the whole keyboard and not hurt it. Nothing helped on the trip back, she was just overly tired and was not going to go to sleep. I feel bad for the flight full of college football players who were trying to get some rest after their game but she was not letting up. The only thing I can recommend is to take a cup with a straw and let them suck on it during take off and landing so they do not have ear problems and try your best to keep your cool. My daughters attention span is like 30 seconds and it was a struggle. Patience is key but after several hours of whining it was hard to come by. As soon as we got home she was handed to her daddy and I was done. I hope you have someone on the other end of your flight if it does not go well so you can have a few minutes to recoup and pull yourself together if you need it.

As far as a more normal setting like the grocery store, I ignore her and when she realizes I'm not paying attention she usually straightens herself up or we leave. We have never allowed outbursts since she was an itty bitty baby so she knows it's a no no. She's really testing the limits lately though and I'm sure I'll be back on here in the next couple of months asking what do I do?? Help me please!!

Wed, 2009-11-18 23:59

Siiiigh, the blissful age of two and a half.

We've not dealt with two many public tantrums, so far. How-Ever, when they happen I can feel my blood boiling and I have to be make a conscious effort to handle the situation without throwing my own fit.

With Moanna, we use the same technique at home as we do in public.

If she pitches a fit at home we walk her to the laundry room (which is in the middle of the house, so don't think I'm locking her in the basement) and give her a small towel. We tell her that when she is done with her fit, that she can wipe her eyes with the towel and come out so we can get back to doing what we were doing prior to the fit.

If we are in public, we do something similar. We remove her from the situation and give her something to wipe her tears when she's done. Since we clearly can't leave the child in the parking lot by herself, we make a point to not make eye contact or interact with her in anyway. If she doesn't chill out within a few minutes, then we leave.

She realizes that we are not phased by her tantrum (at least I try really hard not to be), and that it is not the way to get our attention. It also gives her a minute of alone time to pull herself together.

However, I must say that the way to avoid tantrums is nap time. If Moanna misses a nap, she gets really sassy and moody.

Wed, 2009-11-18 22:11

A curtly spoken "You will NEVER get what you want by acting that way!" worked for my daughter (now age 6). But she was pretty easy. We only had one throw-yourself-on-the-floor incident, in which I picked her up swiftly and left the store (Target).

My son is a different story. He's 2 now (27 months, since a few months really CAN make a huge difference), and he will scream, thrash, throw his arms, go limp when I try to pick him up... just about anything he can to let me know he is NOT happy. I give him the same line I gave my daughter, but with him I also have to just leave wherever we are. Which is hard with a 6-year-old who is an angel because then she and I both are missing out on whatever we were doing (shopping, getting library books, whatever). I'll be looking back here for more tips on this one because I would LOVE to nip this in the butt now.

bwankel--as for your plane ride, you seem pretty prepared! Do you let your son have lollipops? That's a treat that will last quite a while, and if it's brand new to him, it may keep you out of a bind.

Wed, 2009-11-18 14:05

My son screams. He's a screamer. So, I'm usually so mortified that I do leave. Well, at Target or the grocery store, he's pretty easily distracted with food or toys. Which I hate that I do that, but it gets the job done. He's only 18 months, when he's a bit older maybe I can reason with him. But, at a restaurant, I leave. I know people are there to have a nice night out, and probably many of them are enjoying a night away from their own children, and I don't think it's fair to sit there and let your child scream. On an airplane? I have no clue. If anyone knows how to fix that (aside from sitting near a SAINT like Daphne's friend) then please let me know. We take a trip in a week, and I'm all armed with my new books and new toys and new snacks, but I just know that will buy us only one of four hours.

Wed, 2009-11-18 12:33