What Won't You Give Up in a Recession?

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April 23, 2009

A few weeks ago, The Washington Post ran a story about historical "last things," the physical symbols of our "prosperous life" that we hold on to, no matter how much we have to scale back. In the 1800s, it was the family piano. During WWII, it was the pocketbook. Jeremy E. Andamson of the Library of Congress puts it succinctly: "Those things that we believe give us dignity are the last thing to go. Then you drop into the abyss."

Now that we're facing tough economic times (and a possible depression), the Momversation panelists wondered what is the aught's equivalent to the "piano," the "pocketbook?" Is it the computer? Hair dye? A grande latte? Daphne Brogdon of Cool Mom asks, "What have you given up in the recession, and what won't you give up?"

What are your feelings on the recession? Have you cut back a lot? Have you not taken a hit? And what's the last thing you'd give up during a economic downturn? Join the Momversation:

Blog post: 5 Ways to Have Fun in a Recession

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Panelists

Asha Dornfest - Parent Hacks Daphne Brogdon - Cool Mom Mindy Roberts - The Mommy Blog

Keywords

Work and Money

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27 Comments

lychee

I think it's awesome you have your gardener, Mindy, and Daphne, that you employ Dolly- I think services like that really don't count as luxury. I never thought about it until I read an Alexander McCall Smith installment of 'The No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency' series, set in Africa, and in one of the books the main character mentions it's selfish *not* to employ someone to do that sort of thing if you can afford to. It gave me a perspective I'd never thought of before. If things are so bad that you have to give up the gardener and the nanny, things would probably be a lot worse for the ex-gardener and ex-nanny. :)

Fri, 2009-04-24 02:07

run4rain

Wow. I have to say, you ladies are working it! I guess I'm at the total opposite end of the spectrum. In my circumstances, I've realized exactly what little you need to get by. We've cut out everything that's extra. No phone (unless I'm job searching), no computer (use a public one), no tv/cable, no extra trips in the car beyond work or church, no vacations, etc. It sucks, but that's the way it has to be for right now. The only things that I absolutely wouldn't give up would be family heirlooms like my great-grandmother's fine china or jewelry that has been passed down to me through the generations. Oh, and of course, my Elvis Presley memorabilia. :-P

Fri, 2009-04-24 05:24

LouEffie

I gave up getting my hair professionally colored when my son was born. Yes, my $11 box of Loreal color may not look AS good as a salon color, but it does the trick and I keep the grays at bay just the same. I have never had a manicure or a pedicure, so that's not something that I had to give up. In general, I have a hard time spending money on myself, so there isn't a lot of room for me to trim the fat, so to speak.

The one thing that I won't give up is my gym membership ($29 a month) and my weekly Zumba class ($20 a month.) My energy level and the feeling I get from working out is totally worth $49 a month to me.

Fri, 2009-04-24 07:06

beanyadventures

When I began checking this website I thought you guys were the "everyman" of moms who shared different opinions and experiences about different issues as seen from many viewpoints. After watching this installment it appears that at least the three of you are living lives that are a pretty far cry from the "everyman". A gardener, cleaning help, and a nanny/cleaning lady for a woman who doesn't work outside the home?!?! Are you kidding me? That you have the audacity to discuss making sacrafices because of the economy is offensive! Having to mow your own lawn, raise your own children, and clean your own house is NOT a sacrafice! It is what us average people do.

I thought the whole point of this website was to connect with other moms. This installation did more to alienate rather than connect. I am guessing that this installment alienates the very people who check your blogs and provide the income that at least partially allows your lifestyle.

Fri, 2009-04-24 08:07

Mindy

Beany, did you catch the part about WHY I still ask someone to come hack away the overgrown stuff and keep things from dying? It's because I know that I could lose my house at any time, and the way the front yard looks matters. The back yard is a close second. If it's all gone to shit, they will wonder what else you didn't care enough about to keep up.

I mowed my lawn for ten or eleven years while married, while pregnant, and even with a baby strapped to my chest. Then, my ex moved, and took the lawnmower and every ounce of yard upkeep knowledge with him. The little bit I pay the guy to come keep things alive helps him, and helps me. Believe me, most of us are more everyman than you think. I don't have a spouse, child support, a good job, or any other financial help. The last thing I need is to have a shabby looking place if I have to put it on the market, or to have my kids play in a wasteland of a back yard when I can't take them anywhere.

Some of the moms have spouses who do quite well, or do quite well themselves, but that doesn't mean they don't make sacrifices. It's relative. We don't all have to be living hand to mouth and looking every inch the part to gain your respect, do we? I'd be happy to turn over the reins of my life to you for a month and see if you think we're being unrealistic. (Btw, the blog pays for half my groceries. Period.)

Sat, 2009-04-25 08:29

Mindy

Oh - and I know I sound totally on the defense here, because it's true - I drive a twelve year old car with over 120,000 miles on it and a blue book value of about fifteen hundred dollars. It's held together with duct tape and a lot of love. Anything else I have of value was purchased or inherited long ago, and I am definitely ranking them in order of which goes on the block and which needs to stay in the family so we don't break 100-year-old traditions.

Sat, 2009-04-25 08:58

jacyone

I can definitely see how you would feel that some of the bloggers featured in this video were not exactly "everymom". And I think the fact that at least one participant discussed at length what she wouldn't give up, but did not mention any real sacrifices she or her family were making, was a bit off-putting.

But I view Mindy's gardener as a completely legitimate household expense. That's right up there with vehicle maintenance in my mind! Yeah, I can mow my own lawn, but that's about the extent of it. I have neither the knowledge nor the equipment to weed-whack or edge it, to trim shrubs or maintain non-grassy areas. The expense of getting set up, not to mention the learning curve, to take care of all of that myself makes it much more practical to hire somebody that knows what they are doing and can accomplish it in one hour a week. If I didn't have hubby here to take care of that stuff, I'd have to find a way to hire somebody too.

And child care for someone that doesn't work outside of the home may seem excessive, but these women work from their home so unless they wait until their children are asleep or cut into family time when their partners are home during the evening, they need occasional help.

Thu, 2009-04-30 07:30

bwankel

Like Asha, I've always been pretty frugal. We were dirt poor in college and I picked up the penny pinching habit and haven't been able to let go of it. I love bragging about how we got married for $3000 (and it was nice and had 250 guests). But, when we started to be a little more flush, I would buy myself a small treat every week at Target. A shirt, a bracelet, a bra, a vase, etc. I've definitely given that up. I can afford it once in a while. But, I took a huge pay cut in lieu of being laid off, and we're really feeling it. I also drive a LOT less. Gas isn't as expensive as it was last year at this time, but it's still up there. And I just make the cuts where I can.

What I won't give up is my organic food. I'm going to keep shopping at Whole Foods as long as we can swing it. I think the food tastes better, and I know it's better for us. It's my one snobby thing that I do. I also still buy my son a lot of toys. Not every day or anything, but if I see one that I think he'd like, I get it. I don't really weigh the option a whole lot.

I've been wanting to switch jobs, but I currently work from home and a new job would more than likely mean going outside the home and finding childcare for my son. We simply can't afford childcare right now. Unless I got a $100,000 a year job. But, I'm a writer. Not going to happen.

Fri, 2009-04-24 08:58

modite

I agree with the first commenter and this reminds me of a segment that I recently saw Deepak Chopra on. Here were his words:

Chopra replied, “We have gotten into the habit of spending money we haven’t earned to buy things that we don’t need to impress people that we don’t like. So, get rid of that habit.”

“But don’t be afraid of spending money if you have it,” he continued. “When you take that trip, you’re giving employment to people who work in the airline industry. When you go to that restaurant, that waiter is going to get a tip. In fact, the more you circulate the money, the more you increase confidence and trust that everything is okay. Don’t overdo it but don’t hoard. Because when you start to hoard, you strangulate circulation. And the world works with giving and receiving.”

Fri, 2009-04-24 10:03

npc10202001

Thank you for that quote - it makes a lot of sense.

Fri, 2009-04-24 10:41

ZestyB

I've never seen the second half of that quote. V. interesting!

Fri, 2009-04-24 14:45

mommytoall

great topic!

I think its great you keep the gardner and The Nanny if you can afford it then that awesome you keep your sanity and have extra time with your kids nanny and gardner get to keep their jobs. WIN WIN

Im thankful for people like you Im a Nanny both my bosses got pay cut they could have given me one but decided to juggle things so I could not only keep my Job but no lose any pay I think that is a great way to help in the recession.

I have given up mani- pedi. I do my own hair I even cut it myself, I cut my husbands hair, We cook more eat at home, We buy our Daughters school clothes on Ebay great deals and if they get messed up from hard play its less discouraging,also we have postponed having another child.

PS Remember to tell Your Nannies how much you Value them it means almost as much as a bonus lol

Fri, 2009-04-24 10:04

Barbasaurus

Wow, you ladies are rich! While I'm not mad about it (if anything, I'm envious), it's been made (painfully) clear to me that our lives are far from similar! Yes, we're all moms, but our day-to-days lives seem vastly different. My husband and I are nowhere near close to affording a gardener, a nanny, a housekeeper, etc., but if we COULD afford it, I'd hire one in a heartbeat! I agree that it's good to spread the wealth, and I would probably feel less frazzled on a day-to-day basis. Win-win, as one mom put it.

I'm lucky that I have a job I love right now, and so does my husband, but money is still tight. We have next to no savings, plus some credit card debt. While we never splurged much before, eating out was our vice, and we've cut way down on that. But one thing we didn't want to give up was our annual week at the beach with our families (my mom, my sister and her fam and my in-laws all go and share a house). My mom, sister and I each live in different states, so this gives us once a year to all be together at the same time, to have my kids play with my sister's kids, and just kick back, get sandy, cook hot dogs and have fun. So while I can think of a million places that money SHOULD go, I choose family, and we'll continue to do the beach week as long as my husband and I are lucky enough to have good jobs.

Fri, 2009-04-24 10:43

brandiwithani

I haven't given up anything. I can't really say I've been affected much by the recession. I don't have much debt at all, and I believe in keeping the money circulating. Our luxeries are probably eating out, activities (my dance, my kids' gymnastics) and we still take vacations like we normally would. We are far from "well off". I make the median income in my area, and am supporting a family of 5, but we make it work, and like to think I'm helping the economy by not being too much of a penny pincher.

On the flip side, if we were really struggling and didn't have the money, I would give up everything to make sure my kids are healthy, fed and sheltered.

Fri, 2009-04-24 11:19

Jilse

We've had to really cut back when my husband lost his Fridays at work. We cancelled the cable T.V. We switched our cell phone plan to a family plan with my IL's to save us money while still being able to use our cell phones in emergencies and for my husbands work. We downgraded our car insurance to liability only on one of our cars.

Things I won't give up are my daughter's preschool classes, or her gymnastic classes. I work a part-time job cleaning houses to afford those two things for my girls. We also won't cancel our internet because my husband needs it for work, and I need it for my sanity. And lastly we kept our netflix subscription because without cable TV we need something to watch late at night when the kids are in bed.

Fri, 2009-04-24 12:35

Diary of a Quitter

The recession hasn't changed my life too much because I was already poor. When I read or hear reports on the radio about how people are changing their lives to stretch their money I'm like: Hey, welcome to my life!

We gave up cable and Netflix long ago. I got rid of DSL and got Clearwire for my internet connection because it's cheaper & I need it for work. We download movies and tv shows (yay TorrentZ!) or we stream them from the network websites or Hulu.

We get free organic produce from the local veggie-delivery service - we called and found out how to get the cull/leftovers. The grocery outlet is also a great place to score cheap food, and they get a lot of organic stuff there too. I hardly every buy anything new, and I consign my daughter's clothes and toys to get credit for new things.

One of the benefits of being broke for so long is that I've broken the habit of buying stuff to make me feel better emotionally. Retail Therapy, as we like to call it back in the days of having cash. I've had to develop other ways to cheer myself up, and I've also learned the real difference between a want and a need.

Of course, that doesn't make it any easier when I have to decide between a need and a need: car insurance or new glasses? heating bill or brake job? root canal or rent? These are the times when it truly bites to be poor.

Fri, 2009-04-24 15:24

Nicole Duclos

Every day I think about how lucky my husband, daughter and myself are. We just bought our home which we love and can afford, manage to save money every month and have no credit card debt. That said, I still feel guilty spending any money on myself now that the economy has tanked. I am a stay-at-home mom and writer, so thankfully we haven't had to spend any money on childcare (that might take care of our savings). But I can't even bring myself to buy some clothes, though I desperately need them (and I mean need). I cut my own hair and don't get it colored any longer. I try to use the car as little as possible and get books at the library instead of buying them.

The one thing that I just can't give up is Whole Foods and organic/grass fed dairy and meat. Can't do it. I feel that what I put into my body (and my family's body) is of the utmost importance to me, and I want to support those that farm in a sustainable way. So, yes, that's our luxury.

Fri, 2009-04-24 16:50

Jill@ModernMommyBlog

What WON'T I give up in a recession? I've pretty much given up everything except food and shelter. We haven't really been affected by the recession but I quit my job in October to stay home with our daughter and soon realized that we can't afford for me not to work if we don't pay off our credit cards. So we decided to cut out ALL discretionary expenses for 8 months so we can pay them off. My husband quit smoking, we buy only what is necessary at the grocery store, we only spend $50 eating out a month now, $30 for entertainment, no more gym, cable, no more getting my hair done or buying makeup or clothes, pretty much everything.
It's been tough but it's also been rewarding. We spend more time together just cooking dinner or playing games. Plus I know there is a BIG reward at the end.

Fri, 2009-04-24 19:08

Loqi

I think it's amusing that people might feel guilty about not firing somebody during a recession. In my case, I don't have a gardener to consider sacking. But I do have to balance my priorities against my resources, just like everyone else.

I'm willing to give up quite a lot before I'll cut back on food quality. I'll carry my rag-clad son in a wheelbarrow to the farmer's market and barter my tool collection for fresh, local organic vegetables to bring to my unheated hovel if it were to come to that.

Mon, 2009-04-27 12:16

childandcrazy

My husband is always telling me that we need to cut back. I have to keep reminding him that I'm not very high maintenance. We don't have a cleaner, we don't have a gardener, I don't have a nanny. We shop for our clothes at Target, I don't have facials/mani/pedi's etc - I do all that myself. I go to the hairdressers once every 12 weeks (if I can stretch it). I don't have Louis Vuitton handbags or Manolo Blahnik shoes. Would I like them? Of course - we can afford it - but we have two kids, a mortage & bills to pay like everyone. There is one thing that I would be sad to give up - and that's my SKII face cream! Its the most expensive thing I purchase but its my one indulgence. But in saying that - I ran out not so long ago & have been using Olay until someone goes OS (usually my husband) and can get it cheaper duty free. I won't buy it here for full retail. This may sound so stingy but I'm a stay at home mum, my husband works ridiculous hours to keep a roof over our head so if I have to give up a pair of shoes or a haircut once in a while then I guess there's not much to complain about. I'm with Loqi though on food. Living in Australia we have an abundance of fresh food produce so there's no excuse for not eating healthily. And a healthy mind & body keeps a happy, if somewhat frugal, home.

Sun, 2009-04-26 21:56

Mindy

I'm interested in what a single mom would give up vs. a married mom. What is different? How do priorities get shuffled? What if you do or don't get child support/alimony? Is there pressure from the ex?

Sun, 2009-04-26 22:16

Momartfully

Well, I'm a single mom who has seen the absolute bottom - so I'll answer.

I won't give up health insurance, prescription drug coverage, covered sick/maternity leave, job security, dental care and life insurance for anything. I also won't give up on being debt free - especially in this economy.

Everything else can be replaced, or is just window dressing - or isn't as important as we think.

Tue, 2009-05-05 22:33

Scattered Mom

Six years ago, my family was hit with everything at once. Hubs became really sick and almost died, a month later he was laid off, I was injured at work and was on WCB. We sold our huge, gorgeous house so that he could go back to university and started ALL OVER.

We learned how to be frugal quick-and it was a far cry from having a nanny or having to cut back on handbags, let me tell you. Not being frugal would have resulted in us standing in line at the food bank. While I can understand that everyone has their own definition of frugal, I am betting that if any of the women on the panel were faced with the reality of ditching the salon color and handbags in order to have food, would do so in a heartbeat.

Basically we cut back on everything-we sold one car, and used one only when we had to. We never went out to eat, rarely saw a movie, took Jake to the pool only on $1 swim night, and learned to enjoy the things that were free or nearly so. Shopping only happened when it was a necessity. The one thing that we did not give up was cable and internet, because we figured we really needed some entertainment.

The funny thing is that now, all these years later, things are great. Hubs and I both have good jobs and we can afford many of the things that we used to do all over again. The change? We're not interested in what we used to do. We actually prefer the family time of a hike, vs a movie. We still don't eat out, and instead like cooking up things at home. Our family's view on quality time actually changed because of what we went through-and we realized that all that stuff is really just that-STUFF.

Sun, 2009-04-26 23:12

pll

We really don't need a lot of "things" to make us happy. I really want to turn off cable tv for awhile. When my kids were young we would periodically do this. They had videos of course but it allowed us more to have more family time as well as reading and art time. My oldest was 3 when we first got tv.

Mon, 2009-04-27 13:08

Theresayvonne

well being a mom of 4 and a step mom of 2,(who live out of state for the time being) and a stay at home mom ontop of it all, we dont really have the luxury of having somebody mow our lawn, or clean our house... sometimes we dont even have the luxury of buying the name brand food. My husband pays his ex wife waaaaaay too much in child support and it eats a whole in our pocket. Daycare would even be a luxury for me at this point. but over 400 a week is no where near a budget we are able to manage!

some of the things we cut are shopping, unless for food. we moved into town to save gas.. whereas we were living 25 miles from town(one way) where my husband works and kids go to school! we dont visit the step kids out of state. Our children who are of a very young age wear hand me down and resale store clothes. name brand for less. who cares they are kids. we keep our a/c on 75.. open windows during the day. we dont go out to eat... but we do have the internet for my husband to play xbox and me to have some "alone" time.. we cut cable and use netflix. I watch the basic cable channels online. Our laundry detergent(because we use so much) is not the best. but we make up for it with good fabric softener. I clip coupons and drive to 15 different stores if i have to to get the best grocery sale i can.

Penny pinching is my life. and 7 years ago when i didnt have kids and i worked for the extra cash to spend on myself, i splurged. i wouldnt even drive into a parking lot that had a resale store located in it. i was anti-resale! now its where i live!

I cleaned houses for a living and when the recession started up, that was the first thing people got rid of! aparently(like the rest of the world) they saw that it was a luxury and not a necessity! it hurt me then but helped me be with my family in the long run. not being in a fancy home with people to boss around(besides my kids) doesnt make me unhappy. We do what we must to take care of the ones we love. we have even asked the ex wife to move to our state, to help us and to help her(single mom).. she has loveingly said yes! 1 less expence for us all!

Fri, 2009-05-08 19:12

JoeAnne10

I deeply enjoyed your movie as well as the article you have written up here. I worked on a Tractor so far and I recently managed to acquire a holiday so I will start to read your website move often because I really enjoy your subjects.

Fri, 2009-09-25 16:53

Brande

It happen to the most intelligent people that during recession with resources diminishing you could be tempted to use or even over use your credit card and run up a huge bill that's out of your reach. Soon it could really so bad that you would be thinking why did you even use your credit card in the place.

Brande

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Wed, 2009-11-04 05:19