April 17, 2009
The old adage is true: money makes the world go around; it makes your family go 'round too. Managing the money is a big responsibility, and it can be something of a drag. So, we at Momversation wondered how you split the fiscal duties in your household. Is the primary breadwinner the family accountant? Are the money assignments split 50-50? Or does the person who hates the bill-paying chore the least get stuck with it? Dana Loesch of Mamalogues asks, "Who controls the checkbook?"
How does it work in your family? Do you or your spouse handle the money? Is it a bone of contention in your relationship? Is the economy causing stress? Or do you have an easy time sharing the fiscal responsibilites? Join the Momversation by commenting.
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21 Comments
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Thu, 2010-03-04 11:03
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Fri, 2010-01-29 07:26
I do in my household. My husband couldn't balance a checkbook to save his life!
Sat, 2009-05-16 11:28
We're in the category that kept our pre-existing accounts but simultaneously don't really worry about money -- we alternate mortgage payments (in part because for a long time we filed taxes separately), each have an assigned subset of the bills, and have separate retirement accounts. Periodically, if we have "extra" money, we decide what to do with it (baby's college account, put toward mortgage principal, other investments), and we make all major financial decisions together. I guess we also tend to be "in charge" of different realms of spending -- he buys the majority of the groceries, I buy most of the family's clothes and other household needs.
Anyway, it all pretty much works out, although if our finances shifted majorly (e.g., if I were to stop working my half-time job), we'd need a new system to keep both accounts flowing. At this point, we might well do a joint account system, but the current system allows us to avoid conflict over different spending and record-keeping styles (i.e., he tracks all his spending with a computer program, and uses that to "balance" his checkbook and credit card balances, while I balance my checkbook manually every few months and cross-check my credit card bill every month, but would go nuts if I had to enter every number into the computer and/or keep every receipt). As it is, we tend to act as ATM's for each other, since keeping cash handy eludes both of us...
Reading all the comments (and writing this one), I realize how lucky we are that we don't need to track our spending more closely. If we were barely covering expenses, or if we were in the process of saving up for a downpayment or something, it would all take a lot more discussion and planning. I guess that's a benefit of marrying late in life, that you have already accumulated a little cushion and/or some job seniority. Also an argument for keeping your fixed expenses from getting too intense...
Wed, 2009-04-29 07:35
I guess I'd have to say I'm pretty controlling in the financial aspect of our marriage. I was the sole provider for myself and 2 children before my husband and I married, and am now the sole provider for myself my husband and 3 children. I don't mind earning the money. My husband stays home with our daughter, and all 3 kids in the summer, and works side jobs here and there.
I'm an accounting manager and my husband sucks with money, so just naturally I'm keeping control of it. I pay all the bills, do the grocery shopping, buy the kids what they need, etc...
My husband gets an allowance out of what I make, and when he does a side job, he keeps a small portion and gives me the rest.
It's been working pretty well for us. I know I'd be severely uncomfortable giving up control of the finances.
Mon, 2009-04-27 15:38
My husband and I both work because we have to to maintain our house and lifestyle. I would be happy to stay home and care for my child and he would be happy to be a house husband... sadly, neither of us really have that choice.
We learned early in our relationship that we each had different strengths and weaknesses when it came to certain chores. We divided our housework by that factor and not by the expected gender roles. I wash laundry, vaccume, clean bathrooms and pay bills. He cooks, washes dishes, folds laundry and grocery shops. He was awful at paying bills on time, mixed color loads of laundry and could not see the grime in the bathroom. I am not a great cook, loathe washing dishes and am a terrible impulse shopper.
We manage the two incomes in a mutually agreeable way. We each have our own accounts and then we also have a joint account. We both pay all of our paycheck into the joint account except for a $100 allowance we each get per paycheck. The joint account pays all household bills and all necessary expenses (basic clothing, food, combined activities, children's items).
The allowances are for us to save or spend as we like without consulting the other person. They tend to be used for dates or gifts for each other, electronics (him), fashion clothing (me), and any other impulse shopping. Since we are both adults, neither of us wanted to have to ask permission of the other person to make a personal purchase and this has worked out well.
Tue, 2009-04-21 12:11
My husband controls the checkbook, and that's just fine with me. He's an accountant, he does it for a living and he's good at it - would it not be a little disingenuous of me to say "oh no, let me handle that!" My math skills suck, I can freely admit it. He does everything via computer, keeps track of all our investments, and just made sure it was possible for us to buy TWO new cars (you're welcome, Economy, for that stimulation) It's probably a bad thing that I don't even know some of the basics, but it's because of the online bill pay thing that I never see. We discuss all major purchases, he asks me to not go mad at the grocery store, and it's possible for me to stay at home managing things here. The best of both worlds for us.
Mon, 2009-04-20 13:25
We got out of debt about 3 years ago (the happiest day of my life! insomnia be gone!) and ever since then we've been on a budget. I get my 'allowance' he gets his and we can spend it on whatever we please, but the rest of the money is planned and accounted for at the beginning of the month... to the penny. He is a Bread Winna (but I so want that belt buckle too!!! LOL!) and he pays most of the bills but we both key in every receipt into a spreadsheet that is updated pretty much every night. It is hard, but it is a 'necessary' evil for us and it allows me to be a stay-at-home mom which is I love more than a new pair of shoes.
Sun, 2009-04-19 23:00
Checkbook, what's that?
I should, but don't, balance a checkbook. It's a nasty terrible habit, and I should totally break it, but I've tried and failed. And tried and failed. Many times.
I look online at our account several times a week, and keep a running tally in my head as to what's going in and what's going out. *NOTE: this hasn't always been successful - helloooo, overdraft - so I wouldn't recommend it.
I make a monthly budget, TRY to stick to it, and keep my hubs posted as to what is going on with our finances. I pay all of our bills. It works.
And we have had and will continue to have joint checking and savings accounts. That's just the way we roll around here :)
Sun, 2009-04-19 19:02
My husband makes the money, I spend the money. Haha! I keep the budget and pay bills and he knows exactly where to look if he wants to know about it. I also tell him how much he can spend every week for his "allowance" for going out to eat, stopping at gas stations for drinks, etc. It works for us.
When we first got married, I left everything up to him, I knew when the bills were due and the amount but beyond that that was all him. Shortly after our 1st anniversary, he joined the Army. That left me in charge of everything while he was in training then a little later deployed. He just never took back control.
Sun, 2009-04-19 07:12
I guess I have to say I'm the one who controls the checkbook. With my husband always gone with courses, exercises and deployments; I'm the one who has no choice but to pay the bills.
We have two accounts, one that was his before we got together. Then we added the joint account. I have my own account for savings because if it's in his account it would be gone. I love him but it's true!
We still talk about big things like consolidating our loans and big ticket item purchases but for the most part I take care of the bills.
He brings home the bacon and I cook it!
http://militarywifemayhem.blogspot.com/
Sun, 2009-04-19 07:08
My husband an I have had the same financial set-up since we were married. At the time, we were both working full-time. Now, he is the primary "bread winner" and I bring in the "gravy" with my part-time work from home writing.
We cater to our strengths. I make each month's budget, because I am more of the number cruncher. He makes sure that we actually stick to the written budget. (I'm the "idea" person. He's the "implementation" one!)
So far, so good...
-Kimberly/Mom in the City
Fri, 2009-04-17 20:51
My husband and I are following Dave Ramsey's plan to get out of debt, so even though I write the checks in our family, the decisions as to where our money will go each month is a joint effort between the both of us. We sit down at the end of every month and decide where our income for the next month will go. We budget everything down to the penny and stick to the plan. We've already paid off so much of our debt and are working on getting rid off our last credit card before we move on to his student loan debt. Following this plan and feeling like we are both in control of where our money is going has strengthened our relationship and our communication.
Fri, 2009-04-17 13:36
I tried to run the check book, the bills, the meals, the laundry, the overtime, the cleaning, and the list could seriously go ON, but I finally asked my husband to take over the checkbook. I hated doing it, I never got it right, and he got tired of me being pissed or crying over it, so it was a relief for both of us. We make the decisions (the big ones, at least) together and it seems to be working well for us!
Fri, 2009-04-17 13:09
I pay all the bills. Always. My husband never ever looks at the checkbook. He is the breadwinner though. We are a five member family living on one income. It is my job to make sure it all gets covered.
We have one huge bill paying checking account. Each of us has a personal account as well. We get a small fixed amount for each of us each paycheck. All the rest of his check is for the household account. If we want tpo buy anything for ourselves, something that can't be justified as a household expense, we buy it out of our personal money. We buy gifts for each other out of personal, lunches out without each other or the kids, games, books, stuff that is just for us, not for the family.
I am the one who checks the mail and sorts the bills and handles all the responsibility about the house. It can be a big chore. My husband recently had to take a paycut to keep from being laid off. So, we are back to paying bills out of 2006's income. I had totally adjusted to paying bills out of more money. Switching back to less money is tough.
We never fight about money though. We made the split accounts decision before we even married and we have always had it and always will. It allows each of us to have some money that is completely our own and the spending of it is never questioned. It is a little piece of financial freedom. It works out really well. As long as I pay the bills every month, and I do, there is no reason for a gripe about money. If I say there isn't enough in the account to buy snacks or go out to dinner or whatever, then it is just accepted. We move on and wait until the next paycheck to do those things.
Fri, 2009-04-17 11:55
I've never really thought about this before. My husband and I don't really even discuss money. We set a budget when we bought the house and we've stuck to it since then. We know exactly what we have to spend and it's never an issue.
I guess he "controls" the checkbook since he's the one who pays all the bills. He's the manager at the bank where we keep our accounts, so I guess it's just easier for him to manage things like that. I don't even know how to log into our bill pay account. Once he's paid a bill, he gives it to me to file. We've got a pretty good system of checks and balances that way, I suppose.
I am the one who has to rationalize with him about major purchases though, which is the only source of tension we have when it comes to money. It took us forever to find a house because he wanted things that were out of our price range and didn't understand how $200/month would be a huge difference. I've always been much more conservative. It paid off when I lost my job a week before closing though... it was a lot easier to pay the cheaper mortgage. Other things too, like upgrading our cars. He seems to think that a $200/month car payment isn't a big deal (bankers are stupid that way) and I'm so dead-set against financing depreciating assets. We either pay for it with the money we have put away, or we don't buy it. Period. My dad was very old-fashioned that way and it's one of the very few good habits I've managed to keep of his.
Overall, I'm just glad that we don't have the total blowouts a lot of our friends seem to have over money. We know that in the end, all that matters is that the bills get paid and the baby gets fed. The other stuff just isn't important.
Fri, 2009-04-17 09:35
When my husband and I first got married, we were both still in college. And money was a major issue, simply because we did not have a lot of it. We kept separate accounts back then, I don't remember why. But it didn't really matter because we were both living off my 30 hour a week wage job (he was attempting and failing at starting his own business). The only reason we fought back then was because we were so poor. And we were both just awful with finances. Mindy--I think we have you beat in overdraft fees.
When we graduated, soon after my husband landed a prestigious position at Yahoo and we made the big move to California. We had to change bank accounts because my bank and his bank in Wisconsin did not exist in California (we couldn't even find an ATM that would let us withdraw our money). Since I was unemployed at that time, it fell on me to find us a bank and open an account. We decided on a joint account, with some trepidation. We'd had separate finances for so long, it felt weird to share. Especially since I wasn't working. I felt guilty even going out to get groceries, because it wasn't "my money".
But, I found a job after a few months, and after a while we got into a groove. Now we are like Asha's set up: we don't really discuss money, we don't care what happens. As long as there's money in the account, it's fine. We take what we need, and for the most part, trust that the other won't clean the account out. My husband makes a lot more money than I do, and sometimes I still have a complex about using "his money", but he assures me it's "ours".
But, as far as controlling the checkbook, I guess that would be me since I oversee all the bill paying. That's a major bummer. Because sometimes I'll say, "honey, I'm paying the bill for X, it's $500". And he says okay, but then the following week when he sees that $500 went out, he says "why didn't you discuss this with me?" I talked a bit about this relating to the last Momversation :)
Fri, 2009-04-17 09:25
I know how you feel about being the "bad guy"! My husband is an impulse buyer and I'm always having to tell him "No, you can't have that.", "Get the Kroger brand, it's cheaper!", "No, we can't go out to eat this week because I'm UNEMPLOYED right now!" I feel like I'm the poor guy's mother most of the time instead of his wife! This is a sore point of contention for me because I would like for him to be a responsible, think-it-through adult and he actually wants to ask me for money, or his "allowance" as he calls it. Like you, I hate having to always be the one to oversee our finances responsibly, but when I'm not and I give into him, then we run short on money and don't have enough to go where we need it to. I've come to the conclusion that being the "bad guy" is better than not being able to pay all our bills or not be able to get healthy groceries (peanut butter and jelly sandwiches only go so far), so I definitely control the checkbook. I think I'll feel a lot better once we have my income coming in again.
Fri, 2009-04-17 08:20
I'm cracking up about your Kroger comment because seriously our grocery expenditures are what I balk at 90% of the time.
Fri, 2009-04-17 09:00
haha, Can I get that belt buckle please? From someone whose hubby makes about 1/3 as much as I do, it's definitely been umm tense at times.
We do the same thing as Asha, where we have one big pot. I know people who do the percentages way, and frankly, I think for us it would create more tension than be helpful. I do pretty much all the work with the checkbook, but we keep a spreadsheet on a shared google document where we keep track of expenditures. It was like pulling teeth to get my husband to use this thing. Finally he set it up his way and now he likes it. I don't really care, I just think that he needs to be involved so that he doesn't feel like he's asking me for money. And he should know where we are financially for when we make big decisions together. It also keeps me in check so that I'm better about putting money into our savings regularly every month.
I have to say all my life I've wanted to be financially independent, intelligent, strong woman (flexing muscles) !! And let me tell you, now, I HATE being the bread winna. Hate it. Hate the extra stress, hate being the 'bad guy' watching over our nest egg, hate that now my company's having layoffs my heart palpitates a little bit. Before I was married, the possibility of getting fired did not phase me. Now, I get a poor raise and I want to shake my fist at these old men in charge and say, "Don't you know I have mouths to feed?!?" If we were just making close to the same amount, I would sleep better at night.
Fri, 2009-04-17 07:20