Aristotle said that "friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies." And while that would certainly be nice, a soul to go have a cup of coffee with would be good too. But sometimes, it seems like even a java buddy is hard to find when you're a mom.

It's so difficult to find a "mom friend" that there's even an eHow post on the topic.  But why is it so?  Is it our schedules, our kids, our husbands?  Or is it just hard to connect with anyone in this increasingly segmented and busy world?  Dana Loesch of Mamalogues asks the panelists, "Why is it so hard to make mom friends?"

 

 

 

Do you have trouble making friends now that you're a mom?  How many of your friends are moms, and how many are not?  And why do you think it's hard to make "mommy friends?"  Join the Momversation by commenting in on our forums.

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Showing the Latest of 53 Comments

nicnicnic
1 years ago
wow, dana, UNBELIEVABLE that you just asked this TODAY. literally, i have written on my calendar that this week (that is now just about over) was going to be THE WEEK that i make mom friends. it's written in purple marker, no lie. i'm 27 years old with a 10 month old, and a husband in the navy. we're living in base housing apartments with children-a-plenty around here.... yet i have one mom friend. ONE. i actually just posted this on my blog the other day. http://www.mybottlesup.com/2009/03/french-press-coffee.html yesterday i took jackson to the library for storytime with the bubble lady. first time i've done something in annapolis (we moved here in january) with my child that has been baby/mom related. and the thing i found strange about it was that NO ONE, not one of the moms, talked with each other, approached each other, NOTHING until it was time to pack up and leave and the program was over. i was assuming (obviously wrongful assumption on my part) that the moms could talk DURING this program... there's noise, kids running around, etc.... why can't we say "hi, is this lilypad taken" and start up a conversation??? i don't know what the answer is, except that i want mom friends. so how about i just pick up and move wherever you ladies are?? :) BE MY FRIEND!!!!
 
Lorien
1 years ago
Loved the blog! I can completely relate...we liberal military wives gotta stick together. We're a rare breed indeed.
 
nicnicnic
1 years ago
aw, thanks. i really appreciate that!
 
Jojo
1 years ago
I was not going to post a comment on this topic simply because I feel like I have too much to say. Also, I'm an older mom and the panelists spent a lot more time discussing the challenges of being a younger mom. But here goes... I'm an older mom in a sea of younger women who think that kids are way, way off in the future. Most friends my age are either childless or desperately trying to have a baby. I'm the lucky one and they have absolutely no sympathy/empathy for the challenges involved. I have befriended a few women because of our mommy connection since my daughter was born. These women have quickly become more important to me and much more supportive than almost all of my old friends. I hear what nicnicnic is saying in the post above. I have run across plenty of situations like this. I sometimes feel like I am stalking other moms or at least hitting on them like a drunken guy at a bar when I am out with my baby. I feel this way but then I have to check myself with the reality that what I am doing is actually making eye contact and saying "hi" or possibly commenting about their baby/toddler in a friendly way. I'm not a creep, I'm just trying to be friendly. Other moms are often shy and it takes a while for them to warm up. As a side note, I live in a community with a sizable Mormon population. They are very tight and do not befriend outsiders very easily. I am chatty with a few of them and I appreciate their presence. They take care of each others' kids, meet regularly, and spend a lot of time chatting away pleasantly. I have heard some other mothers grumble about them but I am grateful for their presence. The Mormon moms remind me that we can be supportive of one another and that there is at least the possibility of a strong community of moms out there.
 
Giyen
1 years ago
Believe it or not, the one good mommy friend that I have now is 10 years older than I. We always joke that people think I am the nanny of my daughter and she is the grandmother of her kids. We also joke about how my first record album was Thriller and her first concert was the Jackson 5.
 
MsBwell
1 years ago
What a perfectly timed topic, my husband and I were talking about this last night. He asked me what happened to my girl friends, do I have any? (he just returned from a year deployment a few months ago and is a bit out of the loop around here) Currently I don’t have any close friends. I did have two “mom friends”. We moved here when our oldest was two, our next door neighbor was a single mom with a one year old. She was my first really good mom friend. We were such good friends that when we bought our home and moved she bought a home two houses from us and moved too. Then she met a man *pout* they married and he moved her a bit further. Life got in the way, instead of talking every night after dinner or having dinner together we had to start planning times to meet up. Slowly we started seeing less and less of each other. My other mom friend and I met when our daughters started kindergarten. We were friends for six years until our girls had a falling out. She decided that meant we were no longer friends. I think, no I know I don’t make the time needed for friends. It’s really weird now that I think about how social I was before children and now I am so totally the opposite. I’m married and that takes work and effort at times, I’m a mom to two girls (12 & 9 yrs old) that takes time and patience, I’m a student again and then there are times when I’m 100% in charge of our household and am a married/single parent. I don’t have time to play the game of will you or won’t you be my buddy.
 
elp71
5 months ago
Wow, I can't believe that all this time I thought it was just me! MsBwell, you sound like me, and so many of the comments I read sounded like me. It is so funny that you mentioned about your husband, mine asks me all the time what happened to all my friends?? How am I supposed to know that, well i do, I got married before many of my high school friends did, so the partying with them stopped pretty quickly, I was 19 truning 20 and my husband was 21 when we got married, now for 20 years! But he and I were pretty unseperable from the get, even after getting married, I just took on his guy friends and lost all my girlfriends. At the time I thought it was okay, but now thinking back I wish i could have maintained good relationships with some. I tried to keep in touch, but as most of you stated, they were no longer interested, I was too far and it became to much work to meet up. Now that I am 38, I just don't know how to do it, I have a 13 year old son and a 7 year old girl. My son always says, " Gosh mom you are always so friendly to people and always talk to them, how come it's not hard for you?" I don't understand that because I am nice and I am talk a tive, but I just don't like games...I have a pretty sense about people and if I feel like you are being pretentious or trying to hard to impress me, it turns me off, in the sense of getting to know someone. I just want to have a relaxed conversation with friends about life, kids, husband, movies, whatever. I don't really want to hear about the $$$ you spend on your Via Espiga shoes or your LV bag that cost thousands. Don't get me wrong, I love to shop, but I am not the kind of person who keeps advertising it. Unless I found a great bargain at Target, then, I, MUST, SHARE! I live in the Inland Empire in Cali. It is a nice town, not to much to complain about except, my neighborhood never comes out, unless it's the 100 year old guy down the block trying to figure out who the person pulling into my driveway is. I feel really lonely sometimes, I would like to have someone to call,(other than my hubby)and share my day with or just something great that happened with my kids and someone will share back. I suppose this is the next best thing,a bunch of ladies who get together and discuss the same things! That's pretty cool!
 
sandralee81
1 years ago
I am at the very beginning of this stage in my life. I am currently transitioning from living in the city, to moving to a suburb, to an actual house, and being a new step-mom. Now, while it's a lot at once, one of my biggest concerns is that it's going to be very difficult to meet young mothers my age (28). I've had a lot of conversations about this with my partner, who is awesome and totally respects my independence. We have a few closer "couple friends," of whom we can all go out to dinner with, with our families, but none yet that I have met on my own, through a connection of our interests, that I would call up to go out alone? Right now, I am not necessarily looking for a play date. I just want the person I can call up on a Saturday afternoon and go out for some coffee and a little shopping, and be able to talk about marriage and children in a way that I can't feel like I can talk about with my single friends, you know? It really does feel like dating, and I feel like I am 16 all over again. I also feel a bit insecure about being a new mom, essentially, and making "mom friends" with women who I feel are far more experienced. Sometimes I just feel very young because there is so much about this situation that is new to me. I am hoping that once I become more comfortable in this role, that meeting mom friends will be more natural. Most of my current friends are either single or dating, so it's been an odd transition for them as well.
 
paperfairies
1 years ago
Me oh my it's military wife day up in here! Like nicnicnic I too have a husband in the Navy and for some reason most moms in my neighborhood are sooooooo different from me. I has been very challenging to find kindred spirits. This is the very reason I found mom blogs, I was desperate to connect to someone that shared my views on say, Sarah Palin or global warming. And I did. Online. But. One still misses the actual hanging out ya, know? Maybe we should start like a dating website to find mom friends in your area. (That's not a bad idea actually.)
 
Lorien
1 years ago
Yes indeed it is. Military wife here, too. My husband is in the Marine Corps though. I was a mother to 3 by the time I was 25. I have had a very different experience than you all, though. It is the PERFECT community to live within for young married mothers. You are literally surrounded by people who are in exactly the same boat as you are, who understand the very different dynamics of your military family. Granted, there are some crazies....but overall there are loads of seriously amazing women to learn from and laugh with all around you. Ladies, I promise, you just have to put yourself out there. Join your enlisted or officer wives club, volunteer for your family readiness network, go to those pampered Chef/ Mary Kay/ Passion parties you avoid like the plague. TALK to your neighbors!!! Once I opened myself up to people who weren't just like me, or shared the same ideology or political view (which was hard because I'm pretty passionately liberal...which seems to be a scarcity among the military community) , I made some priceless frienships and in-turn developed an incredible support system. I can go to the Gyno alone now....even if my hubby is deployed!!!
 

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