Worst Parent of the Year?

oh man, I got weepy listening to dooce -- that's exactly it, with that and other stories (and my own experience) -- the worst isn't knowing you've acted beneath yourself or done something "wrong," it's the response of alarm, dismay, fear from your child that's really crushing. even something as little as yelling back at my child during a diaper change battle has made her go from yelling to screaming, with a fear-like face, and I'm just wrecked -- so unhelpful, so sorry kid, so need a break...

there just aren't enough breaks in the world for parents. head pats all around.

Tue, 2010-01-12 09:11

My worst parenting moments are too myriad to list, but I do have Exhibit A, drawn by my middle son and lauded by the others.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/themommyblog/4026704044/

Funny thing is, what I consider awful may not have registered with the kids, and something I think was nothing floored them. Perception and worldview play a huge part in how the same actions appear to people twenty, thirty, forty years apart in age!

Thu, 2010-01-07 11:26

Oh, so many fabulously horrible moments in parenting it's difficult to pick. I'll settle for a funny one:

My oldest son, 2 at the time, shoves a handful of peas up his nose while I'm in the kitchen refilling a milk cup or doing something for the youngest. When I return to the table, I spy one in his nostril. Tell him it's not funny. End of story. Until 30 minutes later, when another comes out. Then another. I realize we've got a bigger issue on our hands. I lay him on the changing table and a simple look up shows three more.

I make my husband call the pediatrician who tells us to beat a hasty retreat to the ER. Doctors there extract another few. I think we make it to eight. But there's still one up there that the docs can't get so they recommend an ENT the next morning.

I get all four kids into the car, head out to this office which is quite a haul, squeeze them all into a teeny tiny exam room and put Desmond into the chair. The doctor snakes a 12-inch long tube into my baby's nose while he howls and shudders and kicks and thrashes. I have two girls but my oldest boy is our drama queen.

His siblings watch in disturbed horror. The doctor concludes that the last pea must have fallen down Desmond's throat during the night. His passages are clear.

I drag them all back to the car - including a pathetic whimpering Desmond - and get them strapped in. Desmond's still crying some 10 minutes later. Want to know what I do to comfort him? I don't grab him in my arms and smother him with a bear hug of love. I don't softly wipe away his tears. I don't pet his head. I scream to his siblings: "Did you see what the doctor did to Desmondt? Do you see what happens if you put peas in your nose? THE DOCTOR WILL HURT YOU!"

A profound, scary, deep silence falls over the car and lasts for at least the next 20 minutes. Well, except for the muffled whimpers of Desmond.

Definitely not a finer Mom moment.

But I guarantee you this: it will be a cold day in hell before any of them sticks another thing up their nose. The image of that snake running through their brother's nose and into his brain guarantees that.

Thu, 2010-01-07 11:38

When I think of my worst parenting moments, events involving poo are what come to mind. I flip my lid. I'm irrational and impatient and angry the entire time I'm cleaning Moanna and the bed and the walls and the bathroom.

However, I feel the worst when I want Moanna to go to bed. I'm exhausted and numb. In those moments, I'm totally detached from Moanna. I don't care if she's playing or not, if she's happy or not, if she wants to snuggle or not. I don't care. I just want her to go away. I want her to go to sleep so that there is silence, so I can sleep, so I can watch TV, so I can eat, so I don't have to listen to her go on and on and on.

Wow, that sounds really bad doesn't it?

I must warn you, I may cry because I did this to her tonight.

I had to get up at 5:00AM and drive an hour and a half to work for the day. My husband is out of town, so it was all on me. I had to get Moanna from the sitter, feed her, play with her, keep her happy and do everything else that needed to get done. Finally, at 8:30 (which is early for her), I was like, "I can't handle this anymore. I need you to go to sleep, so I can shut off this auto pilot I've been on and regroup." The girl wasn't even bothering me, she was watching Dora in a different room. I laid her down, gave her kisses, said goodnight and shut the door. She cried and cried and cried. "Mommy, I want to snuggle. Mommy, I don't want to sleep. Mommy, mommy..." I ignored her and let her cry it out.

Not five minutes after she stopped crying, I felt the guilt hit. I was officially the worst parent of the year. I had let Moanna down. I didn't come to her rescue. Had she given up on me? Because, I couldn't keep myself together and enjoy the evening, Moanna's day ended badly. I missed her. I felt awful for not taking the time to give her the time she deserved.

Those are the moments that I feel like the worst parent in the world.

Wed, 2010-01-06 21:24

First of all, i have to say this one of those topics that i'm glad was brought up, i think makes me and ALOT of other people feel better to know that there are other people who go through these horrible moments of absolute "spur of the moment rage"...so to speak. Cause let's face it, that's exactly what it is, the blood just rushes to your ears.

My son is a year old, and as embarrasing as this is too say, i have on numerous occasions when he has been screaming crying for....awhile, which seemed like a decade, i have let myself scream back, or even say curse words. Cause all you want is to have a moments peace, so you can hear again. And you know that they are dry, full, and everything else in those areas are taking care of...so why are they screaming when you are trying to put them down for a nap...why?!! And you do feel so guilty afterwards, cause you feel like the most horrible parent..like "oh my god i just screamed at child for crying." Your anger takes over in those times of "Oh my god i'm going to jump out the window!"

I only have one child at the moment, i can't imagine having multiples all screaming at the same time.

Wed, 2010-01-06 15:14

Screaming at my daughter is the lowest rung of crappy-ass parenting that I reach and I feel horribly guilty afterward. Now I literally close my eyes and breathe deeply when I feel that feeling creep up on me. It's that same feeling that Heather describes on that day she was trying to give Leta a bath. I close my eyes as the madness passes. I'm still pissed off for whatever reason but I regain control. It's cut down on the screaming considerably.

Wed, 2010-01-06 13:44

There have been days when my son is screaming screaming SCREAMING the way toddlers do, sometimes fun screaming, sometimes PLEASE OMG PICK ME UP screaming, but just screaming. And after several hours, it begins to grate on me. Three or four times, I have screamed back. I mean, full force, the neighbors probably think I'm nuts. But it's horrible! It startles him, you can see him actually jump and have to catch his breath. And then? The crying, my god the crying. It's as if I really did "slap him upside his head". Then I just feel terrible. And typically, the screaming continues anyway.

Wed, 2010-01-06 11:59

When my oldest daughter was ten we went to the Orthodontist for the first stage of getting her braces on. Now normally I’m a very calm mom, I don’t raise my voice, I don’t get angry and I especially don’t curse around our girls. This is a key point to my story. They call us back for her appointment and one minute everything is fine. Then the Orthodontist comes in and my daughter closes her mouth and puts both of her hands over it. I was shocked by her behavior. The Ortho explains what she is going to do and not to be scared. My daughter doesn’t budge. The Ortho then tries to pry my daughter’s hands away. After 20 minutes the Ortho is fed up with my child, tells me she never met such a disrespectful child, bring her back in six months and maybe by then she will have grown up some. I was furious at the Ortho for the way she treated my child, I was furious at my daughter for the way she was acting. We leave the office and get in the car and my daughter laughingly says, “whoa, that was close.” I lost it! I turned to her and started yelling with all kinds of curse words attached to include… what the f--- is wrong with you?! The look on her face made me froze. What kind of mom does that? We were both crying, I apologized, she apologized. Then she asked if we could go back into the office? She promised to behave. We went back in and they let us finish her appointment. I never felt so bad in my life, totally didn’t handle that situation well at all.
http://marriedsingleparent.blogspot.com/

Wed, 2010-01-06 06:15