This is one of the many topics my husband and I discuss as people who are thinking of embarking on the journey that is called 'Parenthood'. Losing the desire to be intimate and sexually active with one's spouse is something I hear about all the time from pretty much all the moms I know. That scares me! I really enjoy that part of my relationship with my husband and feel it plays big role in keeping a marriage healthy. I would feel very sad to see that connection fall by the wayside. I can totally see how the exhaustion, extra weight, endless list of things to do, etc., diminish the desire for this interaction at the outset, but what about in the long run? I guess what I am seeking here is advice from the moms and/or dads out there. What little ounces of prevention can one take or what must we or our husbands do in order to keep the romance and intimacy alive once children are in the picture?

I don't know that my mom self is totally taking over my sexual self, but it's more like my sexual self is just taking a really long time to bounce back from becoming a mother. I sustained some major damage when I had my son, and I was terrified to have sex again, and we didn't for 4 months after. Bless my husband. And now that we do occasionally find the time, he always picks the day when I'm totally bloated, when my boobs are sore from nursing, when I haven't shaved in a month, when I spent the entire day cleaning up cat puke and having baby food thrown at me, you know...the wrong moment. And then I feel bad for saying no, but I'm not into doing things out of pity. I just recently weaned the baby though, and wearing regular bras has done something big for my sex drive. So, maybe the sexual self is finally coming out of her coma :)

I wonder if there's anyone out there who is just like, "So what if the mom side takes over?" Anyway, good question/conversation, and I love the way Daphne ended it! I also thought Asha made a good point: if you treat sex like another item on the to-do list, it's not going to be the fun quality time it could be. So much of sexuality is mental, and as Asha and Mindy said, dressing the part can make you feel more confident, and confidence is both sexy and healthy/happy (for yourself).

Hmm, has the mom side taken over? My husband and I finally extracted ourselves from my son's clutches the other evening, only to fight about how little sex we have and who should make the moves on whom for fifteen minutes. Just as we were getting over ourselves and ready for more action than words... "Mom! I'm on the toilet! Can you bring toilet paper? Hurry!" So I think that's a big yes. Sad. Every once in a while there's a moment, but we've just gotten so hum-drum about couplehood in general that we don't really seize those moments. I want to want to, but I don't want to, you know? Well, maybe not. And now I shall erase this from my Internet history, or my husband will get me for telling the Internets about our bedroom business.

This is ruining my MILF fantasy! :'(

Me too!

oh. my. frickin. word. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for the honesty ladies. So it isn't just me!!! My daughter is 6 months now and I have never, ever, been happier, yet I've never felt less sexual. I'm not really stressed about it. My daughter is still solely breast fed so I'm hoping that my libido will kick in again once I have weaned her. I do feel bad for my husband though... @kristenhoffrr, there is definitely a part of me that is thinking 'so what..'. But all in all, balance is a wonderful thing and it would be nice... wonderful.... perfect...(unachievable?) to have a healthy, active, sex life AS WELL as being the best mum I can be. On that note, I have arranged to have my wee'n minded tomorrow night so me and the ol' man can go see a movie. It's not exactly a rampant weekend away but it's a step in the right direction.

Asha said something about sex becoming just another thing to check off your to do list, but actually I don't think that necessarily has to be a negative thing! I am the lone ranger among my mom friends who has a pretty dang good sex life (2 kids - a 7-year-old & a 10-month-old). Been married to the same man for almost 9 years, and I'm not going to say thing haven't changed in that time, but we really make it a priority. But much of the time that means doing it even when it DOES feel like a chore ... even if it starts out that way, it rarely ends that way! I hear so many different complaints from my friends - one of the most surprising that their husband is not into it any more, which I can't relate to at all. Others just can't see doing it when everything isn't "perfect", or you're tired or you're not in the mood. BUT the more you do it, the more you GET in the mood. And just like they say about exercise - go ahead and give it 10 minutes, if you still want to stop, go ahead. I think it gets overthunk too many times - even if you are tired, really? How much time and effort does it REALLY take? And you feel great afterwards! And I totally agree with the high heels. My feet hate them, but I just automatically feel sexay when I wear them and hear that click click when you walk.

Wow, I do not have this problem at all. But I think Daphne was right about the "marry a nympho" thing because I had a TIRELESS sex drive before the baby and hell yes, it's still here 10 months later. Unfortunately my husband suffers a bit from post-baby tiredness/loss of desire. So our fights about sex are usually because I want it more often! I kind of feel like a freak about it, actually. But I'm a very relaxed mom, I was not "transformed" by motherhood. I don't worry at all about germs or being a perfect mom. I feel very much like my pre-mom self, only there is a whole new set of skills and a whole new wonderful relationship in my life. I don't focus my life around my baby, I work my baby into my life. Maybe that attitude helps me stay in touch with my sexual self.

Yep. What the hell is sex? I can't even remember. Tracy