How do you deal with friends who have an aggressive kid?

WENDY

I so far haven't said anything when my friend's child hits mine, but it keeps happening and my friend isn't really intervening. I feel like I'm valuing the friendship over protecting my child.

3 Comments

Maternal Mirth

The question I think you have to ask yourself is: Do you have a friendship that would allow you to confront the issue without making your friend feel like you're also assigning blame?

If so, great. Bring up the issue and more than likely she will understand and work with you to correct the issue.

If not, rather than creating conflict, I would stop scheduling playdates. And if/when she asks to get the kids together you can either tell her that you have other things to do OR, again, back to telling her the truth in hopes that the issue is resolved rather than your frienship DISolving.

Fri, 2008-11-07 11:45

meller

I've just been discussing this issue with a friend whose child is repeatedly hit during playdates with another child. I brought it up at my neighborhood mom's club and got some good advice.

The important thing is to protect your child. Seriously, I was at a playdate when they child getting hit was squinting her eyes, cowering before the other child hit her. It was sad.

If the hitter's parent is not intervening, you have to. Focus on the "victim" rather than the hitter. Speak directly to your child and tell her, "Tell (name of child) not to hit. It's not OK to hit." The child who is hitting is seeking attention, so don't give it to her!

You know that if the other parent is not taking action, she doesn't get it. So if you proclaim there will be no contact due to child's hitting, you are probably going to end that friendship. When you say you won't be having future playdates, tell the other parent that your child is balking, rather than you.

Sat, 2008-11-22 18:04

Felicity

I know what you mean when you say 'don't give the hitter attention,' but I would find it hard not to intervene if it was my child getting hit. I haven't had to do this, but I would probably grab the little fist of the perpetrator and say sternly, "Uh-oh,...we don't hit," then redirect them both by saying "Why don't we do something else?"

If it happened a second time, I think I would pick up my child and say to the hitter, "Honey, if you're going to hurt (name), we won't be able to stay and play. Do you think you can be nice?" Then, again with the redirect. Three strikes and we're out of there, because if the other kid's mom doesn't get it by this point, there's no hope that the situation is going to improve.

Thu, 2009-02-26 15:56