Childfree by Choice

There's a growing movement across the blogosphere of people who have chosen to remain childless. It's called childfree by choice, and its proponents claim societal discrimination due to their decision not to have kids. But does their desire to remain kid-free cause them to look down on moms and their children? Heather Armstrong from Dooce asks the panelists, "What do you think about the childfree by choice folks?"

What do you think about people who are childfree by choice? Do you think they're anti-kid? Or do you see it as just another life decision? Are you childfree by choice? Join the Momversation by commenting in one of our related forums below.

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caseyferg.2
3 months ago

I'm glad that you ladies have enjoyed having children. Women who want to have children should be the ones having babies, not the women who do not. Am I capable of raising a child? Sure. Will having a child fulfill me? Probably not. I seek fulfillment in a different way. And getting looks while you are at a coffee shop, that's probably because your child is being disruptive. I give the same look to the adult who acts disruptive in public too. Why I do not want a child is not for you to understand, as it is not for me to understand your need to have a child. But respect my practices and desires and do not refer to me as unfulfilled or incomplete. You became complete with the birth of your child because you had that void to fill. I have a different void, a void that will be filled differently.

CharleneL
5 months ago

For 36 years, I have tolerated your "You are selfish, you are self-centered, you are not complete without a child." Now the tides are turning and there are more educated, intelligent women, those who know that the world is already over-populated. Look up keywords, Famines, Overpopulation, Starvation. One million will die from disease and starvation. Yet, you justify bringing your child into a world that cannot feed what is already here. Don't you mothers ever again dare get in my face bashing my childfree choice. It is YOU who is selfish and self-centered. You have children just to fulfull "YOU." And then there is the "Who will take care of you when you get old." GAWD. You have a child to take care of you when you get old. Pity the poor children being raised into that sort of environment.

abot
5 months ago

Among all these blogs, I have yet to find a parent who gives a good Unselfish reason to have children. Saying "it is the most life changing, fulfilling experience you'll have" IS being selfish. Why would you bring a child into the world to fill yourself fulfilled? Aren't you supposed to be fulfilled yourself first (remember, happiness comes from within) to be able to give true love to someone else, i.e. a child? Or, because God wants me to

olygirl
6 months ago

I agree with the many of the comments posted. The reason those of us without children are so defensive is because we are constantly bombarded with judgment and doubt by those who choose to have kids. So many people with kids think it's the greatest thing since the dawn of time. It's a natural part of our evolution, and is not some kind of miracle or great accomplishment on the part of those who get pregnant. I’d like to mention some recent studies of moms who say they are not as happy as they let on to be. These studies indicate that they are in fact pretty miserable about being sleep deprived, having no time for basic self-care, etc. The reactions to these studies by the media have been interesting, as if this is some big surprise. Let me tell you, child free folks have known this all along. That is one of many reasons why we choose not to have children. To the moms who think we are discriminating against you, let me point out a few facts. How many times have you had to do your job and someone else's whenever they decide to take several months off to celebrate their precious miracle of life? My guess is you haven’t, since you were the one taking time off while your child free coworkers picked up the slack. Do you ever get questioned for taking time off when your child is sick? Again, I would guess probably not. I can say that I have been questioned for taking time off to care for a sick parent. I would have liked to take more time than my sick leave to celebrate my father’s life while he was dying of cancer, but that just wasn’t possible. Employers have much more lenient rules for those with kids, and sometimes they forget that sick parents qualify as dependents. To wrap this up, I have one request: please, please please…stop with the smug looks and comments. Your judgment makes everything else we have to tolerate even worse, and I’m not just talking about putting up with your kids wherever we go. We have to deal with inequitable laws, societal issues and family pressures. In return for your kindness and non-judgment, I promise not to wince too much when your kids are screaming during a rated R movie. Thanks!

childfreedom
6 months ago

Most Childfree individuals respect the choice to have children. What we hate are people who can't stop having kids or the "parents" who don't raise their children to be well behaved adults.

MeredithW883
6 months ago

If you want to have children then woooo-hoooooo have children, but quit bashing me because I do not want children. And yes, I AM self-centered. I love my career position, my beautiful home, backyard swimming pool, designer clothes and my BMW. I admit, it's all about me. Oh but wait, you backlash. Those luxuries will not take care of you in your old age. Well, guess what. Neither will your children. You think I paint a false picture. Go to any nursing home and you will find parents abandoned by their children. My child-free status is a choice I never regretted.

missy.woford
6 months ago

I am 28, married, and childfree by choice. I have never wanted children, even when I was a little girl. My husband does not want children either. I do NOT dislike kids. I have nieces and nephews whom I love very much and absolutely delight in spoiling rotten! :-) I enjoy spending time with our friends' children as well. I simply have no desire to parent my own children. I also have medical reasons for not wanting to bear children. I have two medical issues that, while not fatal, are painful and unpleasant to live with. I do not wish to pass these along to any potential children I would have. I would also have to stop taking all my medications, and I cannot do that. I have nothing against parents, and nothing against children. I do have a problem with parents who let their poorly-behaved children run wild in public. It is YOUR decision to become a parent, and your decision as to how many children you will have and when. Just the same, it is MY decesion NOT to have children. I don't tell you not to have kids, please don't try to convince me to have them.

Judith
6 months ago

I can relay story after horrific story of you mothers who condemned me for my choice to not have children. Did any childfree person ever get in your space and label you selfish & self-centered. I even had a holier-than-thou tell me I was doomed to eternal hell because I went against God's command to be fruitful and multiply. WHAT!!! The planet cannot sustain the populace it has. Children everywhere, including in USA are hungry. Billions will die from famines, starvation and lack. Yet, you glorify your choice to have children, while condemning my choice not to add to the growing problem of lack.

allison.murphy....
7 months ago

All of you are stating that those of us that are childfree by choice are looking down on you or discrimating against moms or children. Keep in mind no one looks at you weird and asks why you have kids, like I am asked when people find out I have been married for 14 years and don't have kids. Get over yourselves, I think it is great you decided to become parents, but that doesn't mean you have the right to act as though all childless people are child haters.

crzotta
7 months ago

Who are these women?!? The level of paranoia is frightening. I find that the parents who consider raising children to be “THE MOST LIFE CHANGING EXPERIENCE” are the same parents who do not use simple common sense when in public with their children. While I cherish my children, I am NOT of the illusion that my children are perfect nor do I believe that every little burp, tantrum and giggle is the center of the universe and has never been experiences by anyone ever in the world therefore I must include/subject anyone in earshot to little Johnny’s first anything’s. There are certainly life changing events other than raising children that one can experience. I have a very good friend who has opted to not have children of her own – this does not entitle people to judge her or question the decision(s) she and her husband have made in their marriage. It also does not mean that she doesn’t like children, quite the opposite, she is an exceptional Aunt and very involved in the lives of her niece and nephew. Why can’t people just mind their own business??

Childfree by Choice

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