Disagreeing with Your Partner's Parenting Decisions

Today on Momversation, we're talking about how to deal with parenting differences between partners. Alice Bradley of Finslippy asks: What do you do when you disagree with your partner's parenting decisions? Is it okay to disagree in front of your kids, or should you present a united front and duke it out later? How do you deal with this issue in your household? Let us know in the comments, and check out the Momversation in our related forums.

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MsBwell
3 yearss ago

Honestly, the first thought that popped into my head was we don’t disagree because I’m always right. I’m the alpha parent, hear me rule. *lol* How bad do I sound? When our girls were little there were those moments when I would look at this intelligent man who I fell in love with, admired and would think, “what the hell is he doing?” I’ve read all these books, I know more and he is just doing it wrong. Then you add the fact that we were raised totally different, so you are bringing these two different parenting backgrounds together. We decided early on not to disagree in front of the girls on parenting. Our situation is a bit different now since he’s gone for 15, 18 and 12 months at a time. He pays more attention on how I do things and tries to follow along. If he thinks I’m going overboard with a situation he does pull me aside and gives me his view. I still think (know) I’m right but I’ve grown up and learned to compromise. http://marriedsingleparent.blogspot.com/

Giyen
3 yearss ago

Husband? What's that? I am a single mom and my daughter's father is oil and I am water. We agree on nothing ... except for the fact that we both love her. I am lucky in the fact that he defers all the parenting decisions to me! : ) Giyen www.baconismyenemy.com

bloggingmom67
3 yearss ago

I think this is a great topic. My husband and I agree in general on parenting philosophies, but we don't always agree in the moment. We have a tacit agreement not to contract each other in front of the kids, and most of the times we're sane enough to pull each other aside. But sometimes I do jump in if I think he is just dead wrong. (For example, Christmas morning, my daughter didn't want her french toast. My husband, who was cranky from being up late putting together toys, told her she couldn't play with any of her new toys if she didn't finish it. I stepped in. He was just losing it because he was tired.) I do feel annoyed though if he says "Mommy says you can't do this" because I know the kids get the implication that he'd let them. But then again I do it sometimes, too. In short, we disagree -- can't imagine any parents who love their kids wouldn't -- but we work handle it well most of the times.

Sarah@Ohana Mama
3 yearss ago

So funny (I think I might say that to every momversation, but seriously you ladies are my comedy outlet) We do "the look" and have tried to make sure that we don't disagree in front of the kids...key word being, TRY. Yes, I think it's best to save it until later to talk about what your hubby should have done, but later...I am tired or changing a poopy diaper and I cannot remember if I remembered to pee let alone remember to talk about a disagreement in terms of parenting. So we let it go...until next time. Actually! More recently we both couldn't sleep, gotta love being stressed out, and so we sat up in the dark in the living room talking about things. It was nice (I think) again, being sleep deprived, I'm not so sure it made it into the part of our brains where information sticks. ;) In any case, thanks for another great momversation! Sarah

Rikki
3 yearss ago

My husband and I stand united ... in front of the kids, lol! Since we are a true blended family (we both have kids from a previous marriage and we have one together), we have crazy schedules AND six parent-people involved. Things can be kinda crazy, so we agreed that we would stand together and discuss it later, but we are also pretty good at reading body language, so if something is happening that one of us is unsure about, the decision is tabled for a few minutes while we talk about it with the child there and we come to a consensus.

timmit
3 yearss ago

How I would have loved to have had momversation when my girls where younger! Moms, let me tell you, WORK IT OUT with the dads because the stuff that's spinning your head around now is nothing compared to the teenage years. You're totally going to need the tag-team, super strong, parenting truss by the time training bras and lip gloss begin to take root. I agree with Rikki, you've got to stand together. Sometimes he'll be right, sometimes it'll be you, but get in the habit of doing it. You must get prepared for rock music, angst, bad wardrobe choices and most especially, the day when "BF" no longer stands for best friend, but THAT OTHER THING. *Sigh* I heart being a mom. It's a pain in the ass but TOTALLY worth it.

SomethingGirl
3 yearss ago

When we disagree? I simply resort to my superior logic. Works every time. :-D

JonDad
3 yearss ago

If a dad can sneak in a comment here...I am allowed in here right!? Now, about that stack of invisible parenting books... Perhaps its like the whole driving thing..we can't be seen not knowing where we are, hence no maps or advice taking. We may not have the books but we sneakily read yours by torchlight under the covers at night! Thus, we are able to nod sagely and say things like, "hmmm, must be Braxton Hicks," or "psychology of the naughty-step? perhaps we should put ourselves on the naughty step when we do something wrong..." Hmm.. I think there is a blog here from the dad point of view.. :)

Maeve
3 yearss ago

Are some of you sitting on the floor?

JustAnotherMommyBlog
3 yearss ago

While I think it's important to Stand Together, I also think it's important for my kids to see that we don't always agree and are able to (usually) come to a decision that we both support. Also, my husband has learned to defer to me, as he's gone until dinner or later every night. Simply put, he KNOWS I know more about what's going on with them, and doesn't try to overrule any decisions I may have made throughout the day.

Disagreeing with Your Partner's Parenting Decisions

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