Do You Judge Young Mothers?

brittmom423
9 months ago

I had my first son at 19 and i just turned 22 and i now have 2 children. Two beautiful baby boys. I have a 3 year old and a 5 month old. I also go to school full time work full time and take care of my fiance. I get told all the time that i am a whore. When i was pregnant with my first child i was given the only OB that had an opening who told me shocked when i said i had only slept with one man, "Really, someone your age having a child you must have slept with more than one man, but dont worry i will keep your dirty secret." I moved to a different city while pregnant with my second son and my dad was in the room when i had to have a c-section because i needed him. The nurses all assumed he was the father of my child. I have been told many times that i should have my mom do the errands there is no reason i shouldn't be out enjoying my teenage years without carting my "brothers" everywhere. I proudly point out that i am both of the boys' mother. I was then told there was no way because a mother as young as me would be able to have such a nice car, with such nice clothes on both me and my boys. The state must be paying all my bills. I am proud to point out that i fight for every nice thing i own, AND, i make too much for state assistance, even though i have moths where i am not sure how im going to make it. My point is don't judge us until you know our story. I made it through a lot to bring both of my happy healthy children into this world and have given up a lot and worked very hard to give them a good life. Tell me I can't be a good mom because of my age and I'm liable to act my age, for the first time in 4 years.

NUffinMuffin
11 months ago

In a few months i will be 21, im almost 5 months in now..... I live in a muslim country were being unmarried and pregnant gets you put in jail and your baby taken from you ... I have no friends and even if i did .. i would not be able to talk about it and been disowned from my family .. i feel utterly alone and having a REALLY hard time being excited and happy about the life i am going to bring in this world .... its stressful confusing and a emotional rollercoaster ... Even my fiance i feel doesn't want to be around me ... If anything older mothers should show support and not put young mothers down .. For some for us life hasnt been too easy and some respect to make the choice to take care of a child and some suppot would be a lot more helpful and meaningful than isolating and degrading someone...

amanda.torbet.houser
1 years ago

It's not the age of the mother that I'd say I 'judge'. Well, I don't know that judge is the correct word anyway, but it has more to do with the actions she takes with her kids; an inexperienced mom does fumble around a bit, but if it's not harming the kid, whose business is it? That being said, I reserve most of my judgement for the women who wait to have kids because I think it's horribly selfish of them. When you're young you have more energy and are more adaptable to stressful situations & I think that is what makes you a better parent, not doing everything just so or having a career first. Also, if you have kids when you're, say, 40 then you'll be nearing RETIREMENT age by the time their grown. Idk about you, but when my kids leave the nest it's time to rock out again!

diaz2
1 years ago

I am going on 6 months pregnant and am 19 years old. I didnt even know i was pregnant until i was already 6 weeks pregnant. I was so scared when i found out but i just couldnt "get rid of it" I already loved it. I have always been the straight A student who won blue ribbons at horse showsand took care of everyone. Ive never drank or smoked, but i did fall in love. The only person i had sex with was my boyfriend of two years and the condom broke and i am now going to be a mommy. To younf? probably, but i dont feel that any girl should get put down for bringing a child into this world. I mean how does everyone else think they got here? Age is just an age after going through the horrible sickness i went through in the beginnig of my pregnancy i will NEVER judge a young mother ever again!

diaz2
1 years ago

I am going on 6 months pregnant and am 19 years old. I didnt even know i was pregnant until i was already 6 weeks pregnant. I was so scared when i found out but i just couldnt "get rid of it" I already loved it. I have always been the straight A student who won blue ribbons at horse showsand took care of everyone. Ive never drank or smoked, but i did fall in love. The only person i had sex with was my boyfriend of two years and the condom broke and i am now going to be a mommy. To younf? probably, but i dont feel that any girl should get put down for bringing a child into this world. I mean how does everyone else think they got here? Age is just an age after going through the horrible sickness i went through in the beginnig of my pregnancy i will NEVER judge a young mother ever again!

diaz2
1 years ago

I am going on 6 months pregnant and am 19 years old. I didnt even know i was pregnant until i was already 6 weeks pregnant. I was so scared when i found out but i just couldnt "get rid of it" I already loved it. I have always been the straight A student who won blue ribbons at horse showsand took care of everyone. Ive never drank or smoked, but i did fall in love. The only person i had sex with was my boyfriend of two years and the condom broke and i am now going to be a mommy. To younf? probably, but i dont feel that any girl should get put down for bringing a child into this world. I mean how does everyone else think they got here? Age is just an age after going through the horrible sickness i went through in the beginnig of my pregnancy i will NEVER judge a young mother ever again!

melody.mayer
2 yearss ago

I am a young mom, I had my son when I was 22 I am 24 now, but I feel so old! I think age is a state of mind, as well as body. I wish I felt my age again! I would love to meet other young moms, but in the SF Bay Area the majority of moms I meet are in their 30s or 40s..

Young Mama
2 yearss ago

I was 17 when I got pregnant and decided to have my baby with my then fiancee. After we had the baby we got married (something we wanted to do waaaaay before the baby) and we decided to have another one right away. At 20 I was the proud mother of two beautiful boys. I am in college now finishing up my BA in Public Health and he is going back to school this fall for Networking. I am a FT student and Mommy and people always said we wouldn't make it...or we wouldn't be happy. Its so funny now because I'm so glad I didn't listen to them. My life is better than I thought it could be. I have my husband of almost 5 years who is my best friend. I have two amazing boys 5 and 3 and we're even planning to have another one soon. I am blessed. For the people who tell you that you can't...make that your motivation to prove them wrong. But, ultimately just live your life for you because when you die you want to know you lived your life as sweet as YOU wanted to. YOUNG HOT (MILF) Mommy power!!! lol

Young Mama
2 yearss ago

I was 17 when I got pregnant and decided to have my baby with my then fiancee. After we had the baby we got married (something we wanted to do waaaaay before the baby) and we decided to have another one right away. At 20 I was the proud mother of two beautiful boys. I am in college now finishing up my BA in Public Health and he is going back to school this fall for Networking. I am a FT student and Mommy and people always said we wouldn't make it...or we wouldn't be happy. Its so funny now because I'm so glad I didn't listen to them. My life is better than I thought it could be. I have my husband of almost 5 years who is my best friend. I have two amazing boys 5 and 3 and we're even planning to have another one soon. I am blessed. For the people who tell you that you can't...make that your motivation to prove them wrong. But, ultimately just live your life for you because when you die you want to know you lived your life as sweet as YOU wanted to. YOUNG HOT (MILF) Mommy power!!! lol

moonbeam26
2 yearss ago

I joined momversation just to respond to this page. Like a lot of posters I was twenty-three when I got pregnant with my first child. I was married, just finishing graduate school and it was a planned pregnancy. I had my child at twenty-four and experienced a lot of judgement. I did experience people asking if it was a mistake or why I wasn't waiting to have children etc. I try not to judge women who wait to have children. The fact is that we can't and don't always find that perfect person we want to have a child with. I felt very lucky that I did find that person early on and that he also wanted to start a family young. But it is hard not to judge when you receive so many comments from older moms. All the pregnancy magazines and books I read while I was pregnant were focused on women over thirty. It was like, teenagers and women over 30 were the only women allowed to get "support" and "special care." If you were between the ages of 20-29? Who cared if you were having a baby! At twenty-three, I wasn't young enough to be part of the teen mom support groups in the area, but I also did not have anything in common with the 30 year old moms. There are very few television shows that are about moms between the ages of 20-29. It is either always moms over 30 or teen moms. There are just not many support systems for women who have children between the ages of 20-25. Now that I am 26 and already have 1 child - I find that I am a lot more "acceptable" to the over thirty mom crowd. Also, because the average age to have babies nowadays is 27 and older I don't have a peer support system. I was out with girlfriends the other day (who are all over thirty and do not have children) and they were commenting on how all their 30+ friends were having babies. One of my friends said, "Well, it is the age!" And I thought, no it isn't, I had a child at 24! What about my age? However, I am trying to have my second child and for two years have had miscarriages and fertility issues. Unfortunately, because I'm not over 30, my doctors just tell me that "You are young, keep trying." This is infuriating to me. I feel completely ignored not just by popular culture (books, magazines, television) and older moms (playgroups, playdates etc.), but also by doctors. If I was over 30, it would take no time at all to get an appointment with a specialist and to receive the support and assistance I need to have a baby. But under 30? No help whatsoever. It is as if I don't exist. The main issue I have with older moms is just the judgement, agendas, and inflexibility. If a women waits to have children - that is no problem for me! I think many older moms are very organized, patient, experienced and sometimes more financially and emotionally secure. But, I do not appreciate when moms over 30 decide to lambast young mothers to make themselves feel better about their choice. I also don't appreciate that older moms seem to have these high pressured expectations and agendas for their children! In playgroups with 30+ moms, it seems to be all about comparing your children and their milestones. One of my older mom friends literally stopped talking to me when I told her my child started walking at 8 months. She came over the day I called her and asked me to "prove it" as her child who was the same age was still crawling. My child got up and walked around and she literally left angry at me. And for what? It didn't mean my kid was the next Einstein or something - they just walked early, who cares? The older moms that I know make such a big production and drama out of motherhood, from buying the most expensive brand of bottles and the most in-style jogging strollers to competing for spots at the most expensive preschools in town. It just gets a bit ridiculous. Older moms in my experience also tend to be WAY overprotective and yet inconsiderate of other people's children. The 30+ moms I know do not seem open to participating in support systems. When I've approached this age group about playdates or babysitting swaps or just a coffee - they are very closed off and try to avoid me or have such overscheduled days with their kids that they don't have time for a quick cup of coffee and a chat or a fun park playdate. We all have one thing in common - we are all moms! We struggle with sleep issues and behavioral issues and socialization issues and educational issues and health issues of our little ones. We should support one another because we are mothers - who cares how old or young you are? Age doesn't have to make a difference, but I think media has made mountains out of molehills.

Do You Judge Young Mothers?

Showing the Latest of 60 Comments

Post new comment

Sponsored Links

Panelists

We Work With 40 Contributors Meet Them All

Express Yourself!

Momversation is the place where real women share personal insights into the issues that affect us.