Does Birth Order Matter?

Psychologist Alfred Adler thought that birth order made a big difference in a person's personality. The oldest child is the "responsible one." The middle child is the peacekeeper. The youngest is the most adventurous. Supposedly. But does birth order really affect personality?

Do you think that birth order determines a person's personality? Do you think that it affects personality a little, a lot, or not at all? Did it affect how you were treated as a child? Does it affect how you treat your own kids? Join the Momversation by commenting below.

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Jojo
3 yearss ago

I'm always annoyed by the stereotypes of middle children. I think we are suffering from watching way too many episodes of the Brady Bunch. I am a middle child and I know plenty of middle children. It's a gift in many ways and I do not think middle kids end up with more problems than the oldest or youngest.

Yggdrasil
3 yearss ago

I was born the 5th of 6 children. We have such a weird family hierarchy, I'm not sure if any of us really fit the stereotypical birth order categories that might be assigned to us. I'm not even sure what I would be considered. We kind of all got along uncommonly well, so perhaps that's what led to us growing up without any bitter roles we had to fill. I think what impacted me more than anything else was being born between two boys. When they had me, my parents had been trying for another boy, so I was basically raised like one. A year and a half after me my little brother was born. From then on, I spent most of my time with my brothers. We even shared the same bedroom until I was eight. My father had been very disappointed when I was born though, and he was never really able to shake that off. He showed blatant favoritism, taking my brothers out to do things like take a tour of an aircraft carrier (something I would have loved to do, being a tomboy and all) while making me stay home. That treatment stayed with me more than anything else did.

paperfairies
3 yearss ago

I agree 100% with Alice in that it's not really birth order that shapes our personalities but the imposition of roles or expectations by our parents and family. I struggle with that even at 30, with two boys of my own, because still they wonder why I am not who they expected me to become. They say I haven't fulfilled my proverbial potential, but even if that were true, the bottom line is that I haven't met THEIR expectations. (I'm the oldest and my brothers are 11 an 17 years younger than me. Ha!)

kristanhoffman
3 yearss ago

Hmm, no one mentioned only children...

true.identity13
3 yearss ago

I am an only child although I was raised spending a lot of time with my cousin who is 2 years younger than me, so she kinda was my little sister growing up. I do feel like my family expected more from me, I had to be responsible and make something of myself. I was always taking care of my cousin trying to make sure that she didn't do anything wrong and feeling that was my responsibility. And I did feel that she was able to get away with way more things that I did. I guess I never even tried to do many things because I thought I would be killed if I even tried, yet my cousin did them and nothing happened! She is STILL ALIVE!!!! And our family loves her the same!!!! Who knew!!?? Now I have 2 daughters myself, the oldest one is very reserved, polite, responsible, the smallest one is very feisty and strong and opinionated. They are very different, but it is true what they say, with the first one you tend to be inexperienced, you are way more uptight about stuff. With the second one, you are like: Oh whatever! She'll survive! The parenting is more relaxed. Yet also, smaller kids are exposed to Big kid stuff earlier due to being with their siblings so much. So they watch cartoons for 8 year olds at 3, and stuff like that. But I don't think that the birth order determines completely your personality because I truly believe that our personality is something we are born with no matter what birth order we have.

MeMyselfandMommy
3 yearss ago

Birth order controls the world!! Well not really... seriously though, it makes a huge difference! I am the oldest of three and my life has been shaped by that! I had to be the role model, the perfect student, blah blah blah! My first brother (4 years younger than I) suffered major middle child syndrome. Any my youngest brother (11 years younger than I) will forever be the "baby." My question is how do you neutralize the effect of birth order on your children? How do you raise them so that their birth order screws with them the least amount possible!?

meesha
3 yearss ago

So much depends, too, on your parents' birth order. My mom & dad were both among the oldest (but not THE oldest) in large families, so they both spent a fair amount of time helping raise younger siblings. Even my brother, who's the oldest, benefited from having laid-back parents, which could be part of why we also defy most of the birth-order stereotypes.

nicoleballet
3 yearss ago

I, and a bunch of my friends actually, am the oldest, bossier, more together, independent woman figure. And it took my brothers a bit longer. Yes, I bossed them around when we were tweens, and my parents let me, because they were tired I'm sure. They definitely got more toys, spoiled, later curfew, later bedtimes (I was going to bed at 8 o'clock until 8th grade for God's sake!). So, no I don't think if you're born into a certain order you are destined to be a certain personality. It's definitely the nurture of that order that brings that out. I still have to talk my mom out of 'helping' my youngest brother. She was setting up some tutoring session or something for him the other day. Hello?! He is TWENTY. TWEN. TY. First I told her to cut the apron strings, then I called him and told him to stop telling Mom he's skipping classes. DUH. Who tells their mother in college that they're sleeping through college? My brother. The genius. Aaaand here I am putting myself in the 'parent' role again, except now I'm also the parent of my parents. Brilliant. I'm going to go get myself a stiff drink. Excuse me.

CaDaLily
3 yearss ago

I just wanted to second what Alice Bradley said about her family, to this day, being a little bit surprised when she accomplishes something. I can totally relate. I'm moderately successful in my career and while it did take longer for me to accept the corporate role (which I'm still struggling with but that's another conversation all together), they do seem somewhat bewildered at my quick success. At the same time, I still tend to eat it up. I love the approving looks and pats of congratulations. I wonder if I'll ever grow out of that.

Does Birth Order Matter?

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