Free Hugs: Do You Make Your Kids Hug Your Friends?

You're having a little shindig with pals at your home. As friends arrive, you and your family greet them at the door. Do you encourage your kids to give out free hugs to your friends? Or do you allow your children to decide whether to embrace "Uncle Bill?" Karen Walrond of chookooloonks asks, "Do you make your kids hug your friends?" Do you make your kids hug your friends? Why or why not? Join the Momversation by commenting on the episode below.

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Showing the Latest of 18 Comments

hannahmayer
1 years ago

This is an interesting topic because my husband's family differs from mine on the hug debate. They are big huggers and kissers, and in my family we do the "butt out light tap on the back" hug. I'm very particular about my personal space and so are my kids, so a polite wave will do for me.

acm
2 yearss ago

I guess I wouldn't even consider it unless it were a friend that the child had a direct (and reasonably close) relationship with -- I mean, we only hug our closest friends, not newer friends or acquaintances, so it makes sense that the kid should get to make the same distinction. I would of course encourage her to hug/kiss relatives, even if she doesn't see them that often, but I think a polite hello/goodbye is reasonable for friends of ours that she doesn't know very well. Somebody who's around a lot, maybe sits for her, and/or interacts with her a lot and endears herself, well, I might ask her if she wanted to give a hug, but it certainly wouldn't be an expectation. I'll admit that this may very well reflect my acculturation or my own nature as much as any particular views on parenting or hugging per se. Just throwing my pennies into the pond with the rest... On the other hand, we go to a toddler gym where the instructor asks for hugs after class. She'll also take high-fives, and lets the kids choose -- so far, that's my daugter's preference, which fits with her generally reserved nature. I don't at all mind that the option is put before her, and think it's nice that she at least goes over to say thanks, but I'd never force her to hug somebody (especially somebody she only slightly knows, like this).

JtotheIzzo
2 yearss ago

I feel like my child deserves the right to decide when and who she hugs. I don't even make her hug family members, except grandparents. I think it is all about personal space. I wouldn't appreciate someone telling me I have to hug someone.

NJ_2_NorCal_Mom
2 yearss ago

cynthiaNOLA
2 yearss ago

Well, clearly this is a cultural difference. In Latin America, we kiss each other on the cheek to greet and say goodbye. I live in New Orleans, and it's common for people to do that here also. In fact, most of my closest friends and their husbands say hello and goodbye with a kiss on the cheek. My daughter is 3, and she has started to hug and kiss her little friends to greet them. I don't require her to do it, but she's certainly modeling our behavior. I think it's a lovely custom, and I'm glad I live in a city that is so open and warm.

SilverXeno
2 yearss ago

Eh...I had a friend that picked up this behavior after she went to Europe...it was fun for a while, and I didn't mind HER...but as a teen I had neighbors that were Cuban. They kiss, too. Only...when you're 17 & you're pretty sure the husband is leaning in to cop a feel...ick. My husbands family is Dutch, they don't seem to have a problem with kissing you on the mouth at hello & goodbye. I'm sorry, but there are people in his family that were I not related to him, I would cross the street to get away from! Kisses can be wet...wet transfers bacteria...And some people have gross smelling spit, too...I didn't think it was so lovely.

MeMyselfandMommy
2 yearss ago

Moanna is approaching three. I don't make her hug family and very close friends, but I do ask her to "to give hugs and kisses bye." If she's very friendly and loving, and usually is hugging people before we even ask... If she's not interested, we don't force it. It's her option. Now when it comes to people she doesn't see often, I don't ask her to. I do ask her to say hello or goodbye. The hugs are hers to give out

mrealwoman
2 yearss ago

That's so funny because I use to make them hug and kiss their grandparents,aunts, uncles, church members and my friends. My younger daughter explained to me she hated the scent of a lady at church. She was 11 and she said the lady scent reminded her of cheese. That comment sparked an interesting conversation with my children. I was imposing my will on my children. In every other way I encouraged them to be independent and strong but I was asking them to forget all that by making them to hugs or kiss folks they didn't want.I don't make them hug and kiss anymore. They have very good manners and they greet their family and my friends. Most of the time they hug and kiss but witout any coercion from me. Genuine hugs and kisses now.

SilverXeno
2 yearss ago

Umm...I don't wanna call anyone out...but what is up with the paranoia?? A kid's refusal to hug may have NOTHING whatsoever to do with their "instincts" about a person. And since when is a kid's instincts really that great? As infants...my kids' instincts were to put pennies in their mouth & jam paperclips into wall sockets. Ya know whose job it was to teach them otherwise?? MINE! *I* made their decisions for them and baby proofed so they could play without killing themselves...but on the occasion or two that I couldn't protect them...they did stupid stuff. CUZ THEIR INSTINCTS DIDN'T WARN THEM NOT TO! Driving to the grocery store, checking out, stopping for gas, maybe going to the drugstore...you've probably encountered a half dozen or so abusers and pedophiles. Yes, they're around...yes, we need to protect our children but for the love of Pete, quit acting like every nut on the planet is after *your* child/ren. Your child/ren isn't/aren't that special!

SamairahZee
2 yearss ago

I think that it is a mistake to make children hug family or friends. When the child is comfortable and have trust, he or she will make that determination. What if this person is an abuser?

Free Hugs: Do You Make Your Kids Hug Your Friends?

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