How Do You Deal With Bullies?

They knock you down. They call you names. They steal your lunch money. And they're just another part of growing up. They're your friendly neighborhood bullies. We've all met with a mean girl or boy in our time, but it stings to think of your kid going up against a bully... or worse yet, being the bully. So what to say? Alice Bradley of Finslippy asks, "How do you talk to your kids about bullies?"

How do you deal with bullies? How do you explain their motives to kids who might not understand why someone is "being mean?" How do you teach your kids to defend themselves? And how do you deal with your own feelings when your child is bullied? Join the Momversation by commenting in our related forums.

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hydee
4 months ago

The first women is laughing and finds it funny that she was a bully!! She has not grown up yet and needs to become more mature!! She is finding this to be a funny situation and its not!! Cant believe she is even on this video!!!!

hydee
4 months ago

First woman is laughing and thinks its a joke!! Needs a good ass whipping!! Bulling is not funny! She has not grown up yet!!!!!!!

Sander
1 years ago

Hey folks. Don't know if i can post this, but only hope if i can share this with you. If its about Bullies, this is how I dealt with bullies though is was in my youth. Anyway : About to become 34yrs now. I live in the Netherlands and have good single life and with my two dogs. A White-German-Shepherd and a Czechoslovakian-Wolfdog with have my unconditional Love. They are my kids, so to speak. They are more than that, but that is one more spiritual level. Now I usually have a good deal of patience with people. It takes a long to make me angry. But some people just seem to want to get to know me from that part. All have regret they did. I can control and direct all energy of anger into one direction very well. I never loose control or have lost it at any point for that matter. I'm fully self-aware, deeply interested in stuff like Out-of-Body-Experiences,Reiki-healing etc, etc. About the Bullies i encountered in my life : I remember I was being bullied a lot at school. Started around It started when I left what is called Nurseryschool in English. Always the same kids and the teachers didn't seem to have an eye for it. For about years I turned the other cheek, but the bullying didn't stop. I gave them a few warnings ahead. They didn't seem to take that very serious. So one day I gotten so pissed, it was like the flip of a switch. Not that I lost self-control. If was fully aware what i was doing, 100% aware and in control. It was just that I WANTED to use the martial-arts that I learned up from my father. One bully I knocked out by kicking his legs from underneath him, with him ending up with his head hitting the doorpost. The other tried wanted to strangulate. It took 2 adults to control me. I was about 11yrs of age. The other time Bullies bothered me was at "high-school". I was so sick of that guy, I picked up a 10lbs hammer and smashed it less then an inch away from his hand on which he was leaning on the steel workbench. It left a big dent and i told him : "That if he ever bullied me again, this hammer would end up in back him skull." I know for sure that I would have done what I warned him about. I remember his face very well. Shocked, surprised and scared. He never ever bothered me again. I was about 16 then. The teacher was a bit shocked as well, but in the end did nothing more but watch. Never had any bullies been bothering me again. Now due to spiritual experiences through meditation, the Out-Of-Body-Experiences (or at the border of an OOBE), I more relaxed, more self-aware then i used to be back then. Never have i ever have regret of anything I have done or about what i've said in my entire life. All is sincere and I aim to uphold that personal tradition. Some say honest/nice people finish last. I'd say dishonest and rude people only start off faster, but get over taken by those that are honest/nice. Dishonest/rude the so-called 'bold' will loose speed and eventually stop moving at all. All people have to do is really listen to the heart, the soul. Explore Consciousness and (re)discover ones true Being. We are Consciousnes-beings and not the physical body.. Once people realize we are all in fact one in Spirit, Love (Universal/Cosmic Love) will prevail. There would be no need to bully one-another, no need for war just to make one feel better ( i.e. Ego-gratification). We will truly realize that are far more important things to do and much more interesting things to live for that anything bullies or Society itself for that matter can muster up. Consciousness is the next step for humanity and the people as individuals at the same time. Greets from Holland

Scattered Mom
3 yearss ago

I am Mom to a child that was bullied mercilessly through grades 3-5. Jake has special needs but looks completely normal, and so he always had a hard time socially. He has a tendency to forget personal space, interrupt, butt in people's conversations, and has sensory issues that kids (and many adults) don't understand. While a completely gentle and non violent kid, he became a bully magnet. When he began grade 3 we moved and hell began-not just with the school not supporting his special needs and not understanding him, but him being bullied. There were: -death threats were left in his desk -he was punched/kicked daily -rotten fruit was placed in his backpack -a rope was put around his neck and yanked so hard it left welts -kids destroyed his work -he was called retarded, stupid, gay, homo, and much more -4 kids cornered him in a field and tried to beat him up There's so much more then that but it would take a book to list it all. One child told Jake he was going to kill him at school, which we reported and the child was suspended. However, for two years later the mother was on a rampage, saying that we were out to get her child. She followed Jake in her car on a weekly basis, screaming and swearing at him until I confronted her and threatened a restraining order. The school then did very little and in fact, WE were bullied by the school district as we fought for services for his special needs. We called the police, who said they couldn't do anything either. He couldn't play outside in our townhouse complex unless I literally sat outside and watched, because the bullies would beat him up. The PARENTS would verbally attack him. He never fought back. He couldn't come up with witty comebacks fast enough. He was terrified of the adults and developed severe anxiety. Jake has since admitted that at that time, he just wanted to kill himself. Honestly, at one point I even considered suicide too. Finally, we moved, Jake was diagnosed, and we found the help we needed. Jake still was bullied to some degree, but he finally began to acquire the self confidence that he needed to stand up to the mean kids. We have worked on witty comebacks, he's learned to ignore, and Jake himself has said that "I survived THAT, I can survive ANYTHING. Those kids think they're mean? They haven't seen NOTHING. I've seen MEAN and I survived it." We've all worked very hard to get past what happened, although there are still triggers that induce severe anxiety, nightmares, and flashbacks. A month ago some well known bullies were mercilessly taunting an autistic student in Jake's high school cafeteria and he turned around and verbally LET THEM HAVE IT about how unacceptable and rude their behavior was. Here he was; my child, the kid who was so anxiety ridden that he would've gone crying to nearest teacher a few short years before, standing in the face of 3 bullies in front of all his peers-telling them off to protect a fellow special needs student. Some of the older kids instantly declared him a hero. I couldn't have been more proud. :)

denise karis
3 yearss ago

Never ever ever teach your child that it's ok to hit. Never promote violence on any level. Think of it: "My MOM said it was ok." My mom used to tell me about my brother when he was five. They were on the playground and a little girl kept dumping buckets of sand on everyone who was trying to play there. Soon, the whole group of kids were on the other side of the playground throwing nasty looks at the little bully girl. Instead, my brother walked over to her and said, "Oh, no, THAT'S not how to play with sand, here, let me show you." And he showed her how to make a sand castle. And she played properly from then on. This is a FIVE year old. 1 Peter 3:11 says "but let him turn away from what is bad and do what is good; let him SEEK PEACE and pursue it." That verse is great advice even if you don't belong to any religion. As much as I was bullied in school, and as horrible as some of those memories are, I'm SO GLAD I was not on the other side. Those people now have worse memories than I do of terrorizing other children and they have to live with that. Your children don't have to cower to bullies, but they also don't have to resort to violence.

newdad
3 yearss ago

I can not claim to have watched every single video on this site, not even most of them. I basically watch the ones that my wife tells me to watch, so we can have launching pads for discussions between ourselves. I have read through (I think) all of the comments on this board. I find it interesting that despite the target market of this website, only women have commented on this. Perhaps a male perspective would be welcome? If not, then please feel free to ignore me. Otherwise, here is my full disclosure: I had no sisters growing up and very few girls lived near us. I hardly ever played or hung out with them until I was old enough to want to for a very different reason. Also, I was born and raised a smart-ass. Insults my way always got hurled back. OVER-GENERALIZATION ALERT: Boys and girls play differently. Different interests, different rules, and different methods of bullying. For me and in my time, there were playground fights at school all the time. The boys the started the fights were bullies. They were in the wrong. The boys that ran away when the bullies came at them were the victims. They got picked on all the time, but they would RUE THE DAY they ever tattled on somebody. The boys that stood up and fought back (even if it meant getting their asses kicked) got picked on far less. In this group is where most boys back then stood, myself included. Bullies, by definition, are not brave people. They are people who are looking for the easy win - making it difficult for them means that they're likely to try their crap with someone else. At the end of the fight, both participants would be marched by the playground attendant to the principals office where the explanations were heard and the punishments upheld. We always had to shake hands and look each other in the eye and say sorry. I didn't get into too many fights and I never fought the same person twice. That was a boy's life (25 or so years ago). It is a different world today, judging by the comments. Someone mentioned escalation of violence. A clean fight with a clean ending, in my opinion, does not escalate. But again, that's just my point of view. I have a lot of stories, but I'll just end it here. PS: This is for the elementary-age kid. Rules change in junior high and high school.

mommolly
3 yearss ago

Bravo to you, Giyen. It sounds like you handled the situation with your daughter (the 'bully") quite well. It shows that by having a discussion with her about her words and actions you were able to diffuse the situation without resorting to violence. -Molly

italysun
3 yearss ago

I think that some of the natural consequences that used to mold behavior have been lost. I think that is why the transition from childhood to adulthood is such a shock and when individuals makes this transition they expect that there are always exceptions to the rules that can be made for them. It is hard for them to accept the fact that when they do something wrong they have to deal with the aftermath. As a grownup, when I speed I should get a ticket and accept having to pay it for making that mistake, when I fail to pay taxes there should be consequences harsh enough to encourage me to pay them, when I fail to make payments on things they should be taken away. However, people do all of these things and then complain about the consequences and even fight for their right to get away with it. This might be a stretch, but maybe it is because we have taken away the natural consequences that should teach children how to behave. One of these natural consequences is a child fighting back when being bullied. Under normal circumstances (not some of the extreme ones listed in other comments) if a child is bullying another child, the natural consequence of that is that the other child should be able to defend themselves. I have absolutely no sympathy for children who need to feel power over other children by emotionally or physically attacking them. Maybe if children knew that instead of just holding it in, crying, or walking away that there was a good chance the other child would give back what they were given maybe the bully would not be so quick to hand it out. For some children it is better to tell a teacher or other adult because they do not feel capable of handling the situation (and in some cases it is dangerous to do so) but in simple cases doing that seems to give the power to the bully and the teacher instead of where it belongs, which is with the child being bullied. As a disclaimer, I do have a background that makes me more sensitive to this issue. I believe that no one has the right to physically or emotionally make you feel powerless, especially so that they can feel powerful. I believe that letting them get away with that by teaching kids to let it go and to suffer silently encourages bullies to bully and victims to continue being victims.

jennmdlc
3 yearss ago

I'm sorry But I would be proud of my son for standing up for himself and another person too. If he were a grown man and did the same thing I would not be so proud, but he's a little boy who is just learning how to deal with situations. I think I would rather teach my child how to defend himself, but at the same time teach him how to be kind to others. There has to be a balance and Dana, there was nothing wrong w/ being proud of that moment. There needs to be more kids who can stand up for themselves so that they can all overcome the 1 or 2 big bullies in their schools by teaming up and protecting one another. Isn't this how life should really be? Instead of mom's bashing other moms for being proud of their kids being strong~?~? The mom who should be getting a bad rap is the mom who doesn't do anything when her child is being mean just to be mean~!

latenac
3 yearss ago

How do you teach the little boy then to not become the the man you would not be so proud of then? If you're going to be proud of him standing up for himself and resorting to violence as a little boy then why wouldn't be proud of him when he did it as a grown man?

How Do You Deal With Bullies?

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