Motherhood: Is There Some Place You'd Rather Be?

Ah, life choices. Take one path, and you're working in the Peace Corps in Morocco. Take another, and you're covered in baby throw up and breast milk... and loving it. And while you're enjoying mommyhood now, it's always fun to daydream about what life might be if you hadn't taken that path. So, Rebecca Woolf of Girl's Gone Child asks, "What would you be doing right now if you weren't a mom?"

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sarah.ann.perrone
1 years ago

WORKING! I would have a job if I did not have a baby. I would be aiming for a clerk job in a hospital to help me amp up what and accommodate my education. To get me into the health care world. Then once I finish my degree move on from there!

angiedocmac
2 yearss ago

I only found my husband later in my life, so I guess I had the "luxury" of having my twenties and most of my thirties to develop myself and my career(s). All I can say is that instead of the responsibility of being a mommy, I took on the responsibility of being as good as I could be at my job as a tax lawyer (pulling in 70 to 80 hour weeks), and then later, as a veterinarian (yes, I made a major career change!), the responsibility of my patients (pulling in fewer hours - I was working part-time - but was still taking the full load of being on call 7 days a week every second week). So being on call 24/7 for my baby wasn't that much of a shock. Having said that, nothing, NOTHING, prepared me for the fatigue of the first 3 months of my baby's life. What would I be doing, if I didn't have him now? Carrying on being a vet, loving it, but wishing I had a baby!! Which is why I had him :) And when he is all grown up and wanting less of me? Well, I hope that I will continue to develop aspects of myself throughout his (and my!) life, so that at that point I'll just carry on my journey, wherever it is going at that point (probably into retirement...lol!). Oh, that sounds so "Shoowaa", and sooooo that isn't who I am! If you are one of those mommies who are having little niggles about missing out on your twenties etc... you didn't really! You would have most likely been stuck in an office, late at night, pulling in those crazy hours (and yes, it can be fun, but then, so can being a mommy), feeling the weight of whatever responsibility you had chosen to pick up. And wondering what it would have been like to have children lol!

Carita
2 yearss ago

There have been times when I asked this question of myself more than was probably healthy. I consider myself a cosmopolitan, a mover and a shaker- someone who really knows how to grab life by the balls. Sometimes I think if I wasn't a mom, I'd have a different suitor for every month of the year, at least 3 apartments in different parts of the world- and like Rebecca, I've considered seeing Marakesh for myself. I love going abroad and have further to go, though now I have a child along for the ride. Rebecca- even the name of your blog resonated when I heard it- 'Girls Gone Child'. I thought, "yeah, exactly." I'm also a proud party girl from way back. I have been places, met people, and had experiences that damn near forced me into writing. I always considered motherhood, but not usually very seriously. When it happened I was floored. I actually took the 1st pregnancy test in the bathroom of a club with my drink nearby. Things were about to be WAY different. I know where you're coming from. After torturing myself with the 'what if's' repeatedly, I realized that before I was a mother, I wasn't nearly as confident, ambitious, or self assured as I am right now. Being a mother has given me the strength and the resources to go after what I want out of my life; to put all those experiences into action, because I want my daughter to know that she could and should do the same. Pre-baby, I was flailing along... but not anymore. Now I know exactly what I'm after, and if not for my daughter, I might still be searching. She's my motivation, my source of inspiration, my energy replenishment, and my hope for the future. Better than that, she sees things for what they really are because she's just a kid. She not only keeps me focused, but grounded. I can't lie to myself about what I do, how much I weigh, or what I said yesterday beacuse she's a barometer for EVERYTHING. She keeps me honest. Considering all the different things I might have done with my life, I can honestly say that the version of my life with her in it, is the one I not only value the most- but love the most. No regrets.

salsamite
2 yearss ago

Wow, what a loaded question. I was due to travel overseas in September of the year I fell pregnant. Instead, my baby was due in November, so I stopped saving for travel and started buying baby stuff. I have my diary from that year where I had written about how I had purchased the entire series of Sex and the City and excitedly wrote that this would be one of my top five most significant purchases of the year. Talk about tempting fate. The irony of this is that I was watching it non-stop, and it put me in a particular mindset, which I believe led to the night my son was conceived. That still makes me laugh and LAUGH. So then I start my diary entry about being With Child like this: So it turns out my top five most significant purchases of the year will actually be a cot, a change table, many nappies, a breast pump and an effing pram. And I think there may have been a few F-bombs in there after that. But what would I be doing? Well, I don't think it matters really, because my mind is focused, I have purpose, I want to be here. Do I sometimes think "What if I never had a baby?" Of course I do, but then I look at my son, and it becomes more of a point of, "But what if I didn't have HIM?" And that idea is unimaginable.

Carita
2 yearss ago

Oh Salsamite! I couldn't agree more. Sex and the City puts you in a specific mind set. I always say that if certain men use John Wayne as their fantasy role model, mine is Carria Bradshaw. That's a great story about where your mind was at when your son was conceived! So ironic. I love it. I felt EXACTLY the same way when I found out I was pregnant. Thanks for sharing that!

acm
2 yearss ago

I'd probably be a much more active political organizer -- that's what I was starting to do during the years before my daughter arrived, and home life (and exhaustion from it) is mostly what's keeping me from doing more and being a better member of the organizations I'm part of. I figure it will come back around. Eventually our child will be old enough that (a) we'll be less tired, and (b) she could even help with some things, and then perhaps I'll step up a bit more. Or maybe it will take a new direction at that point, like becoming more involved with church or school activities rather than over politics. But I suspect that serving the community will be a common thread. Heck, I gave up being a local political blogger and started a new blog with my Spouse reviewing city playgrounds! The energies find a way...

Sramosobriant
2 yearss ago

Two things strike me about the video and the commentary: 1. In the video the alternate choices are all nurturing ones, and 2. How much longing and boredom is revealed in the responses, even when the responder goes to great lengths to reaffirm their choices. Let's be honest, there is plenty of opportunity for boredom with childcare, especially as they get older. Plus, they get involved in their own lives, and your control and some of your day-to-day importance as the stalwart Mom lessens. Eventually they leave, and don't want you butting into their lives. Motherhood is great, and I don't regret a minute of it; it enriched my life immeasurably. I worked full time up until my youngest was 11, and I was exhausted. Would I have been a better Mom had I not continued my career? Patient maybe, better not so sure. It was what it was. One thing I always did while they were young was take classes: sailing, The Bible as Literature, Film classes. I needed to get out of the house at least one night a week. Later, I joined a book club. It put the responsibility for the boys on my husband. They played and he made sure they ate (McDonald's) and were bathed. A good time was had by all. So my point is that dreaming is important, but prepare now to meet yourself in the future.

bwankel
2 yearss ago

Wow. I don’t think about this very much. After a serious illness, I had a defining moment where I thought, what is it I’d like to be doing now that I’m not already doing, because life is short, let’s just do this. And I knew I wanted to be a mom. And, it’s hard to say what would have happened career-wise, because I was recently laid off, and I suspect it has something to do with me going part time after my son was born. If I had stayed on full time, there’s a possibility I’d still be there, plugging away. But I didn’t really enjoy it that much. So who knows what would have happened there. The only time I wonder how life sans kid might be different is, um, when I’m shopping. It would be nice to pop out and browse the boutiques or spend a day at the mall, without a grabby, screaming toddler in tow. But, really, that is it, and that’s certainly not a real issue LOL. He fits well into the rest of my life and I’m so glad to be a mom.

kristanhoffman
2 yearss ago

I'm not a mom, so I guess my answer is: What I'm doing now. Writing books and stories and trying to become a published author. But what I really wanted to say is that I love that this video didn't meet my expectations. Because what I expected (and perhaps this was silly of me - in retrospect it seems obvious) was that y'all would talk about all these cool things you could be doing, but instead you're at home being moms, and even though you love it, you look forward to doing XYZ, or you wish you could also do XYZ. Instead this video shows the pure joy of being a mom, OVER all other things. That really impressed me. And makes me look forward to maybe feeling that myself someday. :)

jacksmom
2 yearss ago

Wow. I just watched this and as I did the tears began to well up in my eyes. I always knew I would be a mom. Always. I wanted to be other things over the course of my lifetime. At one point I wanted to be a firewoman by day and ballet dancer by night. Then nurse entered into the picture. Oh, don't forget lawyer...I looooooved to argue. Somewhere in there I also wanted to be a librarian because we had the coolest library with a dragon that popped out of the wall. As I got older I settled on a career in education...which is where I am today. But no matter what my career path was mom was also on that path. No question. As an education major I switched between music education/elementary education/English education. Now I'm a school counselor who is married to a school administrator. But my most important job is mom. What I never anticipated in my entire realm of thinking (and when I say never I mean NEVER) was becoming a step-mom to Maddie, who is 10 years younger than me. My husband is older than me, and raised her as a single parent since she was two. It was them against the world when I came bursting onto the scene. Woah was that craziness on my part! But honestly, I wouldn't trade that relationship for anything in the world. Maddie is part daughter, part sister, part friend to me. She is the one who held my right leg as she sobbed while Jack came into this world. How many 18 year-old girls do that for their stepmothers? Where do I think I would be if I weren't a stepmom or a mom? I don't know, but I do know that the alternative makes me sad, because my life is so much richer, so much more full of love with Maddie and Jack in it.

Motherhood: Is There Some Place You'd Rather Be?

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